This topic contains 24 replies, has 22 voices, and was last updated by  Jessica Love 5 months ago.

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  • #127318

    Anonymous
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    Hello all. This is one of the most nerve racking yet at the same time everything things I’ve ever done. I’ve never asked this side of me to anyone, no not a single person, and I’m actually terrified now to even post this intro. I am a closet crossdresser and have been for at least 15 years now. My parents never found out when I was living with them, no girlfriends have ever found out and now I’m married and she doesn’t know. I thought the feelings and desires would eventually be suppressed but I’m realizing now they will never go away. I’m happy married and live my wife but I’m terrified of her reaction when I tell her  I know I need to but can’t muster up the courage and am afraid of her reaction. For now, I’ll keep doing it in secret. I’m here to get support and help from anyone that is willing. I’m tired of living this crossdressing life alone and want others that I can share it with. Please be kind and forgive me as I’m very new to his community. I feel like this is my first step in the coming out process and am nervous and excited as to where this will take me. If you’ve made it this far please say hi. I’m very shy at first but do want some new friends.

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  • #129021
     Jessica Love 
    Registered On: October 16, 2018
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    Right there with you girl! Hang in there. Wish I could give you some good advice about telling your spouse but I’m scared too. You have kindred spirits here though, hope that helps!

    Hugs,

    Jessica

  • #129016
     Kayla C 
    Founder
    Registered On: February 8, 2018
    Topics: 19
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    Hi Bekki,

    Welcome to CDH!  This is an awesome supportive community.  I hope you will look around as there is so much information and support.  If you have a chance feel free to pop in chat if you haven’t already.

    Please feel free to message me if you have any questions.

    Hugs,

    Kayla

  • #129015
     Kayla C 
    Founder
    Registered On: February 8, 2018
    Topics: 19
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    Hi Bekki,

    Welcome to CDH!  This is an awesome supportive community.  I hope you will look around as there is so much information and support.  If you have a chance feel free to pop in chat if you haven’t already.

    Please feel free to message me if you have any questions.

    Hugs,

    Kayla

  • #128867
     Anonymous
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    Welcome.  I am new here as well. I have liked having this forum as an outlet to explore the woman in me. It is nice to be referred to as Amber and one of the girls.

  • #128859
     Ellen ThePrettyOne 
    Participant
    Registered On: July 23, 2018
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    Welcome you are not alone in this and the Internet makes this so much easier to find others to share this with. To learn you are not a freak and how to learn to feel comfortable with who we are. Falling in love is the strongest suppressor of the urges to dress, so not telling the wife is typical – you thought you were over this. But it returns, often when a child takes her attention partly away from you. My wife found out after 2 years and has now known for 28 years. She is tolerant but not supportive most of the time. I do not recall someone being outed by others from these CD-focused websites. But be careful to use private browsing. I am on other CD websites and even have a Facebook page using the same name as here. There is a lot to learn but sharing here is quite safe.
    Hugs, Ellen

  • #128848
     Samantha Church 
    Participant
    Registered On: June 7, 2018
    Topics: 3
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    Has thanked: 98 times
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    Hi Bekki, don’t be scared about coming onto CDH these are a great bunch of girls and they are always there for each other and their doors are always open for a chat mine included 🙂 feel free to give me a message at anytime if you need to talk 🙂

    Samantha x

  • #128816
     Roxanne Lanyon 
    Participant
    Registered On: November 11, 2018
    Topics: 2
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    Bekki,

    Hello, honey.  I just want you to know, I am happy to talk to you anytime you like.  So many of us grew up in an earlier, different time, and have experienced many fears and uncomfortableness.  Now things seem to be getting just a little bit better!  Let’s hope this trend continues!

     

    Your Sweet, gentle Roxanne

  • #128728
     Paulette Smith 
    Registered On: November 16, 2018
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    I can understand your feelings. I only wear thongs and pantyhose, for years when traveling on business but threw them away when I got home. I agree that you should not tell her yet. Just because you joined this site is no reason to tell her now. You will get support here then you can decide

  • #128725
     Natalie Rogers 
    Participant
    Registered On: October 21, 2018
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    I am so glad I am not the only one. No way I can come out, but thankfully have a very supportive spouse. So very hard to hold back who I really am. Hoping some day that I’ll be able to be out and fabulous!!

  • #128094
     Roxanne Lanyon 
    Participant
    Registered On: November 11, 2018
    Topics: 2
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    Bekki,

    We are here for you.  I am Roxanne Lanyon, and, until recently, I too have been in the closet, all alone.  I have slowly, at least partially, begun to come out, and, let me tell you, honey, life can be grand!  Please feel free to contact me anytime you need to talk, or anything.  Roxanne is here!

     

  • #127965
     Leonara 
    Ambassador
    Registered On: October 13, 2015
    Topics: 1
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    Hi Bekki,
    Welcome to CDH…as others before me .. You have come to the right place for support and understanding…. I have been crossdressing for 20 years … When I retired 10 years ago (wife Kathy was still working at the time) I embraced my need to express my feminine self with a vengeance… I ordered clothes, lingerie, etc. and have the opportunity to accept packages without worry… I dressed when the opportunity presents itself. Kathy was out and came home early… Leonara was dressed to the “nines” head to red polished toenails. I was like a “deer caught in the lights” I decided to change before I sat down to explaine my “needs”. In our discussion she confessed that she saw previously lipstick on a coffee cup and thought I was having an affair… OMG. However Kathy is still trying to understand my “Choices” rather than my
    needs… After 47 years of marriage we have a compromise “don’t ask don’t tell” and she plans outings with her friends to give me the opportunity express my alter ego…
    I just thought my experience my be worth sharing.
    Bekki, you may be the best judge for the moment to tell your wife about your alter ego. If I can be of help please personal message (PM) at anytime…Leonara

  • #127955
     Olivia Livin 
    Participant
    Registered On: October 22, 2018
    Topics: 10
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    Hi. Welcome to a friendly place. I too was scared, as most of us were. I looked at this site repeatadly for almost a year before i joined and posted anything. Take it step by step. Enjoy the times you can for now until you get more courage.

  • #127874
     Victoria Egger 
    Participant
    Registered On: December 25, 2017
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    Replies: 85
    Has thanked: 298 times
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    Hi, You are as welcome as you can be.
    You are in the right place. We are all here to be helpful and most of us have been in the same place you are in now. Stay with us and make friends.
    Love,
    Vicke E.

  • #127868
     rebekka moore 
    Participant
    Registered On: January 7, 2017
    Topics: 47
    Replies: 547
    Has thanked: 240 times
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    Hello,

    Let’s start by saying, please don’t ask for forgiveness.  You have done nothing wrong.  You have felt nothing that you should be ashamed of, or have any regret over.

    What has occurred is, you’ve come to a realization that there is another part of you.  That other part (in all of us), is what has been suppressed.  Suppressed by society and it’s “norms”, and what we are all taught what a being a “man” is.

    I would say, don’t come out to your wife until you have come to terms with yourself.  Accept yourself, don’t try to suppress your feelings or desires, because it all feels too wonderful.  You probably have or will, go through periods where you don’t even think about this, but then there is a trigger of some sort, that brings out the desires and passions to dress, or otherwise do things that make you feel fabulous.  That is okay, that is normal, and these are things everyone on CDH (I dare say) have felt.

    Be careful, be cautious and do consider your wife’s feelings.  It is the right thing to do, but not at the expense of your on well being.  You being and feeling good, will make her feel good too.

    She may accept it, and be prepared if she does not.  That is okay for her not to.  My wife does not, so I’ve found ways to workaround things.  She notices I’m sure and will say things I know, but I believe she also knows this is something that does not go away.  It is a party of me, like it is a part of you.

    I feel a poem coming on.

    🙂

    Let loose and be free!

    2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #127409
     Charmagne Stewart 
    Participant
    Registered On: September 30, 2018
    Topics: 6
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    Welcome, Miss Bekki.  You’ll never have to be scared here.  Opening up to our sisters here has been one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done.  Whatever you are comfortable sharing, we’re happy to listen.  Add me if you’d like.

    1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #127377
     Stephanie Flowers 
    Ambassador
    Registered On: June 26, 2017
    Topics: 9
    Replies: 2011
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    Bekki ,  it’s  certainly is  nerve racking  as many of us here now quite know . Being closeted and alone can be hard on anyone but here you have many to talk with, to share stories with and make friends with. Hopefully in time you will open up to your wife only you will know when that time will happen but she should know lost of trust is a big deal  in any relationship. Get comfortable with us and learn more about you and soon a clearer picture will show why you are who you are.    The best to as you move forward .

    Stephanie 🌹

    2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #127359
     Rachel Wells 
    Participant
    Registered On: October 29, 2018
    Topics: 4
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    Has thanked: 124 times
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    Hi Bekki, I am in exactly the same boat. You are not alone!

    Rachel.

    1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #127355
     Michelle Liefde 
    Ambassador
    Registered On: May 27, 2018
    Topics: 34
    Replies: 765
    Has thanked: 923 times
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    Hi Bekki and welcome to CDH! Your story is so familiar to so many of us.  Please know you are not alone in your feelings and please read other members stories and feel free to reach out via message or chat to me or others. I am happy to share my own experience with you, especially how I told my wife and the support she has given since. Hugs, Michelle

     

  • #127354
     Jasmine Fletcher 
    Participant
    Registered On: September 7, 2018
    Topics: 7
    Replies: 231
    Has thanked: 118 times
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    Hello Bekki,

    I can remember the nerves upon first signing up.  After all those years of secrecy and hiding myself away,  it is good to share, so you have made a great start in reaching out here.  Read, ask questions, make friends, and hopefully you’ll get answers and feel more confident in being this part of yourself.

    Take care,

    Jasmine

    1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #127338
     Michelle Newman 
    Participant
    Registered On: June 22, 2017
    Topics: 2
    Replies: 562
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    Welcome Bekki!

    • #127347
       Anonymous
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      Thanks Michelle!

  • #127325
     Catarina 
    Participant
    Registered On: September 27, 2018
    Topics: 0
    Replies: 167
    Has thanked: 177 times
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    Hello Bekki,

    I don’t think there is anyone of our sisterhood that doesn’t understand and sympathise with your agony. You have entered an oasis of understanding and support. Add the ladies you would like to befriend, and ask us whatever is on your mind.

    Welcome honey, Catarina

    2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #127321
     Gabriela Romani 
    Ambassador
    Registered On: October 7, 2018
    Topics: 28
    Replies: 365
    Has thanked: 239 times
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    Hello Bekki.

    Many of us can identify with your situation almost to 100%.

    You can be sure that we will welcome you with open arms and an open mind.

    Having said that, I have to say that when wives find out about their husband’s dressing, there are two huge issues for them:

    the obvious, the dressing itself. Depending in their education, culture, age, religion, if you have kids, etc. They may be more or less tolerant, accepting or even supporting of the cd partner.

    The second is the one that in my opinion and after talking to many significant others of a crossdresser, may be harder to overcome for them. The deception, the fact you had a secret like that and you didn’t trust her with it. And I want you to please consider… the longer you wait to bring the subject up, chances are that there will be more things that you would have been hidding. (Been there…)

    now, this unrequested piece of advice is worth what you paid for it ok? I wish you the best, and if I (we) can help, we will.

    Gaby

    6 users thanked author for this post.
  • #127320
     TAMI 
    Participant
    Registered On: December 6, 2016
    Topics: 0
    Replies: 41
    Has thanked: 87 times
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    Hi Bekki!! You will find as I did this is a great place to make connection with other ladies That are in the same situation or have been there! I myself have been a closet dresser since I was 13! Now I am 71!! My wife passed away about a year ago and now I am building my wardrobe and still afraid I might be caught. I will be happy to answer any questions you may have and would be honored to be your friend! You can send me a private message and I will get back to you!

    Love Tami♥♥♥

    1 user thanked author for this post.

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