New and scared

This topic contains 15 replies, has 15 voices, and was last updated by  Roxanne Lanyon 2 days, 20 hours ago.

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  • #127318

    Anonymous
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    Hello all. This is one of the most nerve racking yet at the same time everything things I’ve ever done. I’ve never asked this side of me to anyone, no not a single person, and I’m actually terrified now to even post this intro. I am a closet crossdresser and have been for at least 15 years now. My parents never found out when I was living with them, no girlfriends have ever found out and now I’m married and she doesn’t know. I thought the feelings and desires would eventually be suppressed but I’m realizing now they will never go away. I’m happy married and live my wife but I’m terrified of her reaction when I tell her  I know I need to but can’t muster up the courage and am afraid of her reaction. For now, I’ll keep doing it in secret. I’m here to get support and help from anyone that is willing. I’m tired of living this crossdressing life alone and want others that I can share it with. Please be kind and forgive me as I’m very new to his community. I feel like this is my first step in the coming out process and am nervous and excited as to where this will take me. If you’ve made it this far please say hi. I’m very shy at first but do want some new friends.

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  • #128094
     Roxanne Lanyon 
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    Registered On: November 11, 2018
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 17

    Bekki,

    We are here for you.  I am Roxanne Lanyon, and, until recently, I too have been in the closet, all alone.  I have slowly, at least partially, begun to come out, and, let me tell you, honey, life can be grand!  Please feel free to contact me anytime you need to talk, or anything.  Roxanne is here!

     

    #127965
     Leonara 
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    Registered On: October 13, 2015
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 170

    Hi Bekki,
    Welcome to CDH…as others before me .. You have come to the right place for support and understanding…. I have been crossdressing for 20 years … When I retired 10 years ago (wife Kathy was still working at the time) I embraced my need to express my feminine self with a vengeance… I ordered clothes, lingerie, etc. and have the opportunity to accept packages without worry… I dressed when the opportunity presents itself. Kathy was out and came home early… Leonara was dressed to the “nines” head to red polished toenails. I was like a “deer caught in the lights” I decided to change before I sat down to explaine my “needs”. In our discussion she confessed that she saw previously lipstick on a coffee cup and thought I was having an affair… OMG. However Kathy is still trying to understand my “Choices” rather than my
    needs… After 47 years of marriage we have a compromise “don’t ask don’t tell” and she plans outings with her friends to give me the opportunity express my alter ego…
    I just thought my experience my be worth sharing.
    Bekki, you may be the best judge for the moment to tell your wife about your alter ego. If I can be of help please personal message (PM) at anytime…Leonara

    #127955
     Olivia Livin 
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    Registered On: October 22, 2018
    Topics: 2
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    Hi. Welcome to a friendly place. I too was scared, as most of us were. I looked at this site repeatadly for almost a year before i joined and posted anything. Take it step by step. Enjoy the times you can for now until you get more courage.

    #127874
     Victoria Egger 
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    Registered On: December 25, 2017
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    Hi, You are as welcome as you can be.
    You are in the right place. We are all here to be helpful and most of us have been in the same place you are in now. Stay with us and make friends.
    Love,
    Vicke E.

    #127868
     rebekka moore 
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    Registered On: January 7, 2017
    Topics: 16
    Replies: 188

    Hello,

    Let’s start by saying, please don’t ask for forgiveness.  You have done nothing wrong.  You have felt nothing that you should be ashamed of, or have any regret over.

    What has occurred is, you’ve come to a realization that there is another part of you.  That other part (in all of us), is what has been suppressed.  Suppressed by society and it’s “norms”, and what we are all taught what a being a “man” is.

    I would say, don’t come out to your wife until you have come to terms with yourself.  Accept yourself, don’t try to suppress your feelings or desires, because it all feels too wonderful.  You probably have or will, go through periods where you don’t even think about this, but then there is a trigger of some sort, that brings out the desires and passions to dress, or otherwise do things that make you feel fabulous.  That is okay, that is normal, and these are things everyone on CDH (I dare say) have felt.

    Be careful, be cautious and do consider your wife’s feelings.  It is the right thing to do, but not at the expense of your on well being.  You being and feeling good, will make her feel good too.

    She may accept it, and be prepared if she does not.  That is okay for her not to.  My wife does not, so I’ve found ways to workaround things.  She notices I’m sure and will say things I know, but I believe she also knows this is something that does not go away.  It is a party of me, like it is a part of you.

    I feel a poem coming on.

    🙂

    Let loose and be free!

    2 users thanked author for this post.
    #127409
     Charmagne Stewart 
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    Registered On: September 30, 2018
    Topics: 5
    Replies: 106

    Welcome, Miss Bekki.  You’ll never have to be scared here.  Opening up to our sisters here has been one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done.  Whatever you are comfortable sharing, we’re happy to listen.  Add me if you’d like.

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    #127377
     Stephanie Flowers 
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    Registered On: June 26, 2017
    Topics: 7
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    Bekki ,  it’s  certainly is  nerve racking  as many of us here now quite know . Being closeted and alone can be hard on anyone but here you have many to talk with, to share stories with and make friends with. Hopefully in time you will open up to your wife only you will know when that time will happen but she should know lost of trust is a big deal  in any relationship. Get comfortable with us and learn more about you and soon a clearer picture will show why you are who you are.    The best to as you move forward .

    Stephanie 🌹

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    #127359
     Rachel Wells 
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    Registered On: October 29, 2018
    Topics: 2
    Replies: 8

    Hi Bekki, I am in exactly the same boat. You are not alone!

    Rachel.

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    #127355
     Michelle Liefde 
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    Registered On: May 27, 2018
    Topics: 11
    Replies: 252

    Hi Bekki and welcome to CDH! Your story is so familiar to so many of us.  Please know you are not alone in your feelings and please read other members stories and feel free to reach out via message or chat to me or others. I am happy to share my own experience with you, especially how I told my wife and the support she has given since. Hugs, Michelle

     

    #127354
     Jasmine Fletcher 
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    Registered On: September 7, 2018
    Topics: 2
    Replies: 32

    Hello Bekki,

    I can remember the nerves upon first signing up.  After all those years of secrecy and hiding myself away,  it is good to share, so you have made a great start in reaching out here.  Read, ask questions, make friends, and hopefully you’ll get answers and feel more confident in being this part of yourself.

    Take care,

    Jasmine

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    #127347
     Anonymous
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    Thanks Michelle!

    #127338
     Michelle Newman 
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    Registered On: June 22, 2017
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    Replies: 147

    Welcome Bekki!

    #127325
     Catarina 
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    Registered On: September 27, 2018
    Topics: 0
    Replies: 107

    Hello Bekki,

    I don’t think there is anyone of our sisterhood that doesn’t understand and sympathise with your agony. You have entered an oasis of understanding and support. Add the ladies you would like to befriend, and ask us whatever is on your mind.

    Welcome honey, Catarina

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    #127321
     Gabriela Romani 
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    Registered On: October 7, 2018
    Topics: 11
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    Hello Bekki.

    Many of us can identify with your situation almost to 100%.

    You can be sure that we will welcome you with open arms and an open mind.

    Having said that, I have to say that when wives find out about their husband’s dressing, there are two huge issues for them:

    the obvious, the dressing itself. Depending in their education, culture, age, religion, if you have kids, etc. They may be more or less tolerant, accepting or even supporting of the cd partner.

    The second is the one that in my opinion and after talking to many significant others of a crossdresser, may be harder to overcome for them. The deception, the fact you had a secret like that and you didn’t trust her with it. And I want you to please consider… the longer you wait to bring the subject up, chances are that there will be more things that you would have been hidding. (Been there…)

    now, this unrequested piece of advice is worth what you paid for it ok? I wish you the best, and if I (we) can help, we will.

    Gaby

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    #127320
     TAMI 
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    Registered On: December 6, 2016
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    Hi Bekki!! You will find as I did this is a great place to make connection with other ladies That are in the same situation or have been there! I myself have been a closet dresser since I was 13! Now I am 71!! My wife passed away about a year ago and now I am building my wardrobe and still afraid I might be caught. I will be happy to answer any questions you may have and would be honored to be your friend! You can send me a private message and I will get back to you!

    Love Tami♥♥♥

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