I posted some of this as a comment under Deety DT’s article about being “just” a crossdresser but I should post here by way of introducing myself. I have just arrived at CDH and have one burning question in my baggage. It seems to be a tabu subject so I will try to tread softly.
I have never wanted to be a girl and have never felt trapped in the wrong body. I don’t feel I am on the transgender scale. I am a heterosexual man but from an early age lingerie has had a powerful erotic attraction and now I enjoy pink time whenever I get the chance. Perhaps I am more of a transvestic fetishist than a crossdresser though I do crossdress in private and for my own gratification. And that is the problem, there is always an element of sexual arousal, a „frisson of excitement“ as Jan Morris wrote in her book Conundrum where she describes her transition. Sometimes dressing is a red-hot erotic adventure, short but intense. Other times the excitement at dressing is not much less but I feel a sense of almost serenity overcome me and can enjoy hours of relaxation en femme. The first sensation you can probably call transvestic fetishism. Is the second sensation what crossdressers experience? I just don‘t know. Can both exist side by side in one person?
I underdress most of the time and have a drawer of my own lingerie. My wife and I are about the same size so I can borrow her clothes which means I don’t have to stash feminine clothing. She doesn’t know and I am very careful to put everything back as I found it. I’m not worried about passing. I love the feeling of the clothes on my skin and seeing myself in the mirror rather than trying to convince as a woman. Except in fantasies, I have no intention of leaving the house dressed though I fantasize about having a professional make-over. As I work from home I can dress while my wife is at work but there is always the fear of her returning when I am dressed. My dressing is usually just panties, thighhighs and heels with a t-shirt on top but sometimes I’ll wear a skirt and bra. I love the excitement of planning what to wear then dressing and letting things develop. I would like to move freely around the apartment when dressed but I fear the neighbors seeing me at the window so I’m trapped, if not in the closet then at least in the bedroom. So where does that put me? Am I truly a crossdresser or just playing at it, or a transvestite or a fetishist?
I don’t know if I’m in the right place, but who better to ask than you girls here?
I have regularly bought sexy lingerie for my wife but mostly these items remained unworn except when I borrowed them. A couple of years ago I thought it would be better to cut out the middle woman and buy for myself the stuff that I wanted to wear. That is when Juliette was created.
I look forward to hearing what you think.
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