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    • #689262

      Hi everyone!  My name is Monica and I am a 51 year old married crossdresser.  I’m looking for friendship, support and acceptance.   My wife knows about Monica but does not approve, and it is a major stressor in our marriage.  She has never seen Monica in person, but I did show her two pictures I took of myself fully dressed and it did not go well.   Prior to that she was aware that I liked to crossdress in private “on occasion” and she was sort of OK with it.   It just wasn’t something we ever talked about.

      I envy the other members on this site whose partners accept them.   My wife is actually very accepting of LGBT people – just not me.  I did not tell her about Monica before we got married and I realize now what a mistake that was.   But at the time I felt like marriage would “cure” me.   I wasn’t dressing that often anymore and I had my one and only purge about a month before the wedding.  I got rid of absolutely everything.  It wasn’t too long before the urge came back.   But I’ll leave that part of the story for another post.

      With my family situation I have only been able to dress when I went alone on business trips which was only one or two times a year.   In between trips I would often wear panties under my male clothes.   Sometimes I was lucky to be able to be home alone for several hours while my wife was working and the kids were in school and I got to dress for least a few hours.   Then COVID hit and both my wife and I were working from home and the business travel ceased.  We’re both still working from home so I am rarely alone. The last time I got to spend time as Monica was March 2020.

      There’s a lot more to talk about but I need time to gather my thoughts.

    • #689266
      Anonymous

      Oh I hope you can come to terms with her. It is such a struggle to have such a dark secret to hold all your life. Especially if it is something that doesnt go away. It hasnt for me. Everyone has there own way to cope for sure, but I hope you find a way to be youre true self. Its amazing how much happier you are when you have nothing to hide!

      • #689329

        Hi Krista,

        It was a secret I held for so many years with the exception of one very supportive female friend who I knew long before I met my wife.  I know it will never go away; Monica is an integral part of who I am and I am now fine with that.

        • #689589
          Anonymous

          Thats great!

          And you have this amazing group of ladies here too❤️

    • #689269
      Anonymous

      It is a tough situation maybe things will get better. If you need to talk us we are here just a few clicks away. We are glad to have you welcome to the site

      • #689328

        Hi Christina,

        Thank you for the welcome.   The fact that she has not left me is a plus so there is hope.   As I have said many times all I ask for is for her to let me have occasional time to be Monica.  Even a few hours here and there would work.  I’m hoping now that COVID is  waning I’ll have the opportunity to travel to conferences for work and be able to dress for a few days.

        • #689508
          Anonymous

          One step at a time build from bottom up. You have to satisfy yourself you are who you are. I am lucky I was already Christina when I met my wife and she accepted it and was even buying me dresses she wanted me to wear places till she passed away. Have faith take it your steps with caution and remember who you are. We are glad to have you here and always ready to talk

    • #689270

      Hi Monica,

      Welcome to CDH.  So sorry to hear that your wife is unaccepting of your CDing.  Perhaps, in time you can reach a compromise.

      Alice

      • #689324

        Hi Alice,

        Thank you!   A compromise would be great.   All I ask for is to have time on occasion to be able to be me without any feelings of guilt.

    • #689272

      Hi Monika and welcome. I truly hope that things work out for you and your wife. Thank you for sharing with us all. We are here if you need us. I am in a situation where I share a house with four other people and they do not accept anything dealing with me as Allysa so I have to keep it on the lowside. I still wear my special clothes under my mens clothing. Hope this will help you and if you need to share we are all here for you. Hugs, Allysa

      • #689323

        Hi Allysa,

        Thank you.  I hope things work out too!  I feel so bad putting her through this…I too wear feminine undergarments under my male clothes as a way of dealing with the inability to fully dress.   It’s not a perfect solution but it does work to an extent.

    • #689273
      Mishi
      Lady

      Hi Monica, it’s tough trying to balance the whole reality of who we truely are with the expectations of the life we have built around ourselves. I’m sorry you are struggling to find space to express such an important part of your identity at the moment and I hope you can find a path through these times. It’s clear from your words and the fact that after two years in the wilderness you find yourself here that Monica can not simply be swept away.

      Hopefully the wonderful community here can help you find some answers or at least a little peace. I’ve only been here for a day myself but have already found remarkable freedom in it as an outlet for feminine self expression. xx

      • #689321

        Hi Mishi,

        Thank you!  Yes, Monica has been such an integral part of me for so long….I was born well before the advent of ultrasound so my mother had no idea I was going to be a boy.   But she and everyone around her thought I was going to be a girl.  She told me this many many times growing up.  I wonder if this had anything to do with the “birth” of Monica.   That’s why I chose that name as my femme name – that would have been my name if I were born a girl.

    • #689275

      Hi Monica.  I understand your frustrations with only having limited time to dress.  While my SO is somewhat apprehensive about Requal, she does tolerate her appearance when the family situation allows her to appear (which is not very often).

      Nonetheless, welcome to this Heavenly address of wonderfu, supportive and friendly people.

      • #689320

        Hi Requal,

        Thank you for the welcome!  I have never dressed in front my my wife, and to be honest, I really wouldn’t want to.  It’s always been a solitary activity but I do have a female friend from way before I met my wife who was the first person I told and the only person who has seen me dressed.  She is totally supportive of me.

    • #689276
      Anonymous

      Hey Monica
      Welcome
      I just joined last week and CDH has been amazing for me
      It has given me confidence and self esteem to accept my crossdressing as well
      I too was crossdressing before getting married and it stopped when I got married but trouble hit my marriage and crossdressing was a stress reliever
      But I got careless one day and my wife found out about it
      Just like your wife mine is LGBTQ friendly but doesn’t like that I crossdress
      I’m waiting patiently to take the next step in my crossdressing
      I have never used make up but I have been dressing driving home from work and finding quiet places to dressed up

      • #689318

        Hi Jennifer,

        Thank you!  I’m so glad to be here.  I’m seeing a therapist for depression a lot of which is caused my my internal guilt over crossdressing and its effect on my marriage.   I did let my wife in on it to a degree early on.   She just thought it was more of a fetish that I liked to wear panties and lipstick.  But showing her pictures of  me fully dressed was what pushed her over the edge.

    • #689278

      Hi Monica welcome to CDH it’s nice to meet you, we are like one big happy family on here so don’t be shy come on in and join the family, I’m sorry i can’t meet up with you for a coffee ☕ I’m on the other side of the pond in the UK, I’m sure there are lots of girls near to where you live who will be happy to meet up with you for a coffee and a chat, I’m a mature crossdresser and I’m still in the closet to my wife like you i thought it would cure me if i got married and it did for awhile but i can’t get away from the pink mist, I didn’t tell my wife about my crossdressing life I’ve been dressing most of my life since i was about 8 or 9 years old when i tried my older sister’s lingerie on, I’m not sure how my wife would react to my coming out to her so I’m keeping it secret for now,

      Hugs Rozalyn X 💋

      • #689315

        Hi Rozalyn,

        It’s so nice to meet you and everyone else here.  I’ve held Monica as a closely guarded secret form most of my life.  Her genesis was when I was 13 years old and trying on my mothers panties and bras.  Like I said my wife was sort of OK with it in the beginning but showing her two pictures of me dressed and made up is what  caused her to essentially freak out.  Would she have married me knowing about Monica?  Probably not.   But this is something we just will have to work out somehow.  All I ask of her is not to hate or resent me and let me have some alone time that I can use to dress.

        • #689364

          Hi Monica i think that’s what most us want some time to dress up and be ourselves, I’m not sure my wife would have married me if i would have told her about Roz back in the 1970’s that i liked to wear women’s clothes, mind you back then it was a bit more taboo most of us back then kept it in the closet, I’m always here if you want to chat X

          Hugs Rozalyn X 🎀

          • #689518

            Hi Rozalyn,

            I honestly thought I was done with crossdressing when I married her, so I saw no point in bringing it up.   Although I did tell her while we were still dating about a transgender grad student in my department to gauge her response.   She actually sounded excited and said something about how she would love to talk about makeup with her.  So I took this to mean she was open minded.   And she generally is, just not with me.

            Monica

          • #689568

            Hi Monica i don’t think my wife is that open minded, she says she doesn’t understand how some men can dress up like that especially those that go on the TV like on Ru Paul’s drag show she won’t even entertain watching it, so i don’t see any point discussing it with her X

            Hugs Rozalyn X 🎀

        • #689402
          Anonymous
          Lady

          Hi Monica and welcome to the sisterhood of CDH.

          Its great that both of you are in therapy. If your wife truly loves you then there is hope for a compromise where Monica can breath. You say there are other issues and she seemed ok at first until you showed her the pics so crossdressing may just be leverage shes using to get her way…. idk. Just a thought and hope you can work things out.

          Hope to see you on the forums and please let us know how it goes.

          • #689517

            Hi Michelle,

            Thanks for the welcome!   Therapy has been an emotional roller coaster, but we are still together so there is hope.   But whatever caused her sudden change in attitude toward crossdressing makes her not want to talk about the subject at all.  It’s like she’s been traumatized which makes me feel really bad because it’s my fault. We’ve made zero progress with this issue in therapy   I am hoping for a compromise though- I would be fine with just being allowed time and privacy now and then  to dress.  Even a few hours would be OK.  I wouldn’t show her any more pictures or dress in front of her since it bothers her so much.   I am hoping to be able to start travelling again for work in 2023.  I went two a couple of conferences a year alone and was able to dress in my hotel room.  The two or three days I got to dress was heaven!

            Monica

    • #689281

      Hi Monica nice to meet you and so happy you found and joined us girls here so get settled in relax and enloy yourself here.. As a new sister and family member you are welcomed with open arms into our home as well as yours now also..  Ok girlfriend there is so much to see and do here from reading the forums and posts from many ladies telling there stories about there journeys down there femme path in life..  So when you get comfortable with us please join in with a story or two about the life and times of Monica as she travels down her own girly path in life..  Then girlfriend as for making friends here there are so many ladies from all over the world to build long lasting friendships with and best of all we are just a simple click away.. So again girlfriend nice to meet you and hope to see you around for a chat sometime..

      Stephanie Bass

      • #689313

        Hi Stephanie,

        Thank you for the warm welcome!   I will be posting more of my story soon.   It feels so good to be able to talk about Monica to someone other than my therapist.   I do have a close female friend who knows and is totally supportive.

        • #689406

          Well monica say hello anytime love to chat was kind of lonely before finding CDH now have many girlfriends and still crave more he he hugs girlfriend..

          Stephanie Bass

    • #689282

      WELCOME

      Hello Monica welcome to CDH glad you have shared a part of who you are and found us and made the step to become part of a family that is welcoming, understanding, compassionate, and supportive. While we are all similar and have many of the same desires we all differ on our goals or public expression and or level of personal experiences. I encourage you to explore the many forums, topics, polls and member biographies found here as there are a wide range of members all over the spectrum of feminine expression or those on the path to transition and those that have. There are also links to websites that have products and services that may help you on your own personal path of acceptance and self expression. Ultimately it is a place home or world were you can feel feel comfortable and confident in who you are as being who you truly are as your authentic self of you being a man, a woman, or expressing your feminine desires feelings and or qualities. Glad you are here and have made a choice to accept this part of yourself and you are sharing a part of your authentic self it ultimately lifts some of the burden that you may be feeling which many of us have carried what seems like a lifetime I am glad you have made the step. Welcome!

      Most all of us here have struggled in many similar aspects I hope you and your wife can find a happy medium that will work for you relationship.

      Feel free to ask anyone here questions privately if that is comfortable to you. We all want the best for you.

      Hugs April

      • #689311

        Hi April,

        Thank you so much!   We’re in marriage counseling for a host of issues, my crossdressing being probably the biggest one.  I guess the fact that she has not run away screaming from this relationship is a positive.   I really do hope we can come to some sort of agreement!

    • #689300
      Thea
      Lady

      Welcome Monica! As I hope you are beginning to see CDH is full of people in similar if not identical situations. Just knowing that has been great for me having joined just two months or so ago. The warmth and wisdom is great!  I too have a wife who now knows but finds it very difficult to come to terms, though I do feel things are improving little by little, day by day.  Thank you for sharing the first part of your story: I look forward to anything more you can post!

      Hugs Gabby Xx

      Ps your picture looks great!

       

       

       

      • #689310

        Hi Gabby,

        Thanks for the welcome!   I’m really glad to be here.   I will be posting more of my story soon.

    • #689354

      Hi Monica

      Welcome to CDH, a large and welcoming family. It is a pleasure to meet you here.
      Here you can exchange opinions and information and find support to move forward in your enfemme adventure.
      Have fun participating in the forums and questionnaires.
      Here no one is judged, but always welcomed with a warm embrace.

      XOXOX from Italy 🇮🇹
      Greta ❤️

      • #689375

        Hi Greta,

        I’m looking forward to participating in the forums.   Just posting my introduction has been such a positive and uplifting experience with all the responses I have gotten.   I don’t feel so alone anymore.

        Thank you for welcoming me!

    • #689363

      Hi Monica,

      Sorry you have such a tough row to hoe but if there’s love in the marriage you have hope.

      Meanwhile, as others have said, we’re here and Monica can be herself with us.

      Hugs & kisses,
      W.

      • #689374

        Hi Wanda,

        I do think we love each other so you’re right in saying there is hope for the marriage.   There has to be some sort of compromise about me.   She just had major surgery so now’s not the time to bring anything up but once she’s better and we go back to counseling I’ll have a better opportunity.

    • #689399

      Welcome Monica!  Glad your here! Being able to share and discuss here is therapy too.  Especially for those of us that have been living in secret. My wife knows and has seen me dressed but does not approve so its a kind of dont ask/dont tell thing. I should have told her earlier, but cant go back and change things.  Take your time and do things when you feel its right for you.  Accepting that this facet of you is just one more complex component of whom you are is a big step.  Use this place to start and have conversations that you cannot have in your day to day life and it helps take some of that pressure off.

       

      R.

      • #689411

        Hi Rachel!  Thank you for the welcome.  I am so happy to be here.   This is something I should have done a long time ago.  I’m old enough to remember a time before the web and internet as we know it and there really was no information about crossdressing let alone support groups that was easily found.   It really feels great to be able to talk to someone like me.

        Monica

    • #689405

      OMG Monica I feel your pain and frustration and my heart goes out and with you. I am new at this and only here 5 days now but Sara is completely taking over my mind and feelings which I can’t and won’t fight and just waiting for my online purchases to arrive. I am lucky in that I am divorced and single but I still can only dress in the privacy of my own home and yard (I live in the country). As you can see I live on the prairies which is the Canadian version of Redneck country so our style of living usually means getting beaten up although I can take care of myself. It would be my women’s clothes I feel would get hurt LOL.
      I wear my bra and panties all the time under my man clothes as Sara insists that I at least do that for us which I do quite willingly
      PS: this is the best site ever and whether it was luck or destiny that I found it I am so glad I did
      Welcome here Monica
      Sara xoxo

      • #689410

        Hi Sara,

        I go through periods where Monica seems to take over my mind too- I call it being in Monica mode.   I really like being here.  The members are so warm and welcoming!   It is frustrating that it’s been so long since Monica was able to fully express herself.  I’m hoping to be able to have some business travel this coming year so there’s hope.   I live in a rural area of Pennsylvania which is definitely not very accepting.

        Monica

    • #689425
      Anonymous

      hello Monica,   dear welcome to this wonderful site for women like us, the truth is there are very few sites where we can express ourselves so freely and respectfully about our feelings, emotions and experiences with our female identity, any questions or concerns, here surely any of the girls  can collaborate with you, welcome again and enjoy reading our opinions and sharing yours with all of us, surely we will have a lot to learn from you too, hugs,  abrasos,    felicity

      • #689466

        Hi Felicity,

        Thank you for the warm welcome!  I am really enjoying being here and look forward to interacting with everyone.  I’m still so new I don’t know where to start!

        Monica

        • #690353
          Anonymous

          hello dear thank you for your beautiful words, the only thing I can suggest is that you start by reading the posts and commenting on them, that is a good way for Monica to express herself as she has always wanted to do and has not been able to, then write a post about  a subject that you are curious and here we will give you our opinion, hugs felicity

    • #689538
      Lara Muir
      Baroness - Annual

      Hello Monica

      Welcome to CDH!
      I wish you the best in working things out with your wife, and I hope you can find a way to express your true self more often.

      It’s good to meet you,

      💕Lara

      • #689586

        Hi Lara,

        Thank you.   Sadly we have not made any progress in marriage counselling on this topic.   On other topics, yes, but not at all on this.   She can’t talk about it without crying and making me feel bad.  As far as expressing my true self I am hoping I will be able to travel for business again in 2023.  COVID shut it down for the past few years and it was really the only time I could fully dress.

        Monica

    • #689564
      Davina
      Lady

      Welcome your CD. You will find the members to caring and loving. So happy you are sharing your journey with all of us.

      • #689585

        Hi Davina,

         

        Thank you – I am happy to be sharing Monica with all of you.  Here I feel I can be the real me.

        Monica

    • #689565

      Monica –

      Welcome to CDH, you will find this to be a lovely place where we share our journey’s and offer support to each other.  Each if us have our own story but I think you will find there are similarities in many of them.  When I first came out to my wife she felt betrayed and lied to which I could understand.  One of her earlier statements was that if it was someone else she could accept it but she didn’t like it for me.  Since that time we have had many discussions ranging from having my dressing be the elephant in the room to her accepting my dressing to a point.  She will help me buy things online and a couple times in a store, having me try on clothes so she can make sure they fit right, helping me apply make up the first time and being ablet o have discussions regarding Suzanne.  It has not been an easy road and we are still working on it, one ting I have come to realize is that like many things in marriage it takes discussion, honesty and compromise to get where you wnat to be.

      I hope you are able to spend time here to share, get advice and make friends who understand.

      XOXO
      Suzanne

      • #689584

        Hi Suzanne,

        Thank you for the welcome!  I know exactly what you mean about the elephant in the room.   That’s how I describe it too.  We simply do not talk about it…I’m the one who will bring it up and she will avoid the  topic, even at counselling.   The few times she has brought it uo is when she tells me she wants me to get rid of anything so that no one will ever find it.  I keep all my clothes and accessories locked up in a cabinet and only I know where the key is so there is no chance the kids would find it.   The funny thing was that she was sort of OK with it before I showed her pictures of me.   In fact she one time helped my buy a pair of boots at Target.   I think she thought it was just a fetish that I liked to put on SOME women’s things, not get fully dressed and made up like one let alone go by a femme name.  I guess time will tell whether she comes around and is willing to compromise.   I actually feel she loves me but hates Monica.

        Monica

    • #689637
      J J
      Lady

      [postquote quote=689586]
      I am sorry to hear this, but at least it is out in the open. Time may help and maybe she will read and learn a bit about the topic on her own and come to a point of acceptance, but not support. There are many good articles out there written for our spouses that explain a lot of what drives us, what we are, and what we are not.

      Good luck

      • #689843

        Hi JJ,

        Yes the secret is fully out so I do feel some relief.  I just wish there wasn’t this major tension between us.   I tried sending her links to online articles but she doesn’t want to look at them.  Even our marriage counselor has tried explaining it to her and tried to reassure that there’s nothing “wrong” with me but it has gotten nowhere.   We’ve taken a break from counselling as she just had major surgery and is still recuperating.   When we do restart I feel like we will be back in exactly the same place again as we are making no progress at all.

        Monica

    • #689785

      New returning member here also.Some days can’t get enough of being and being seen as Bridget,and other times its on the back burner for a few months.I am in heaven when getting to go out to a bar or restaurant and not getting “cross eyed” looks.I am still somewhat uncomfortable going out but where we go no one gives me a second look.I have gotten better over the years with dressing and makeup and fell like I look pretty good.I’ve never tried changing my voice but I have been thinking about it lately.So we have a couple of days coming up soon where Bridget will be out and about.Can’t wait.Hopefully I will get some good pics to post.

      • #689842

        Hi Bridget,

        I’m definitely not out and about as Monica, but I envy you!  I’m looking forward to seeing pics of you. The past 10 years or so I only got to be fully dressed a few times a year when I went on business trips.  I stayed alone in my hotel room but on a few occasions got brave and walked out into the hallway.   It was scary and exciting at the same time.  Back in the mid 90s I was single and living alone.  I dressed every night and all day on weekends except when I had to go out.  Sometimes late at night I’d leave my apartment and walk around outside.  I never ran into anyone and I think I would have been scared if I did.   The funny thing is I often have dreams about being out in public dressed especially going shopping.   They are always pleasant dreams and I wake up sad that they were only dreams.

        Monica

    • #689871
      Lola Caprice
      Baroness

      We LOVE you Monica!  I know that doesn’t replace the acceptance you wish to have from your SO and I hope you can figure something out.  Until then let us be your sisterhood, we are here for you sweetie.  I love how open and honest you are and I can’t wait to get to know you better!

      Hugs
      💖Lola

      • #689899

        Hi Lola,

        Thank you for the love and support!  It’s very appreciated.  Everyone here has been so warm and supportive.   I don’t doubt that my wife doesn’t love me as her husband, it’s just that she doesn’t love the WHOLE me.  Given how generally accepting and open minded she is I didn’t expect this much animosity from her.   Monica has been such an integral part of me for so long.  For many years I was confused about her but for a good 5 or six year period before I got married I embraced her and dressed as often as practical.   I miss that so much.

        Monica

        • #690031
          Lola Caprice
          Baroness

          I completely understand sweetie.  Once we accept and embrace our feminine selves there’s no going back.  I’ve tried and I thought I had left Lola behind but she came back stronger than ever.  Sadly due to forces in my life other than my wife, I can’t find time to be fully Lola and it’s killing me.

          Lola

          • #690466

            Other than my wife COVID is/was the thing that prevents me from dressing.   For the past several years I got to dress when I travelled for work.   COVID put an end to travelling and with both of us still working from home there just isn’t any way I can get fully dressed.   I really miss it.

            Monica

    • #689910

      Hey Monica

      Let me add my welcome to you also. I am one of the fortunate ladies who has an accepting and very understanding SO, and so I feel for you. I think the other ladies have all given good advice and I cannot really add anything except to say that you should try to take the process of acceptance slowly. It is hard for the SO’s. So take small steps and let her get used to each stage, try to find compromises that she can/is willing to accept – maybe you can arrange for her to take the kids out on regular (monthly) basis for a few hours, or you can start underdressing more often. I know its hard and very difficult for some to accept, understand her position and use what you know about change management from work – include her in the process, do things gradually, let her dictate the pace…
      Good luck and remember, we are all here behind you.
      Hugs
      Christine

      • #690144

        Hi Christine,

        I am trying to take it slowly.   It is a subject she just doesn’t want to talk about or deal with so she avoids it.   We’re in marriage counselling and even the counsellor cannot get her to open up about Monica.  She is angry, hurt, and sad which makes me feel pretty crappy.  She doesn’t know I underdress let alone how often I do.  One of her biggest concerns is that “someone” will find out I crossdress.   She knows that when I travel for business a few times a year (which has stopped due to COVID) I dress in the hotel room.  I don’t ever envision dressing in front of her.  I’m hoping that as you suggested she give me some time, even just a few hours, to dress once in a while.  I’d be happy with that!

        Monica

         

    • #689947
      Anonymous

      Hello Monica,

      It is great that you have found this site. I have found it very helpful. I’m sorry to hear about the how this have not been accepted by your wife. Hang in there. As long as you are honest and she understands that you still love her, hopefully things will change in time.

      Best of Luck, Jessica

      • #690136

        Hi Jessica,

        I’m happy to be here!  I don’t know if my wife will ever accept my dressing. I think it was the shock of seeing me fully dressed in the two pictures I showed her (one of which was my profile picture) that really did it.   Prior to that she was aware that I like to dress but wasn’t aware of the extent.  We are in marriage counselling and Monica is the major issue.  Unfortunately we really have made no progress.

        Monica

        • #690237
          Anonymous

          Hang in there. At least you are still talking.

          • #690464

            It’s funny how the two of us go about our lives and seem to ignore the major issue affecting us.

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