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Hi Girls!!
Heads up! This a little more serious subject so just be aware.
This is about “Hiding.” So many of us know about it, many of us like myself have done it, or like many others, are currently doing it now.
The BIG, HUGE question is this:
How many lives, or how much time do you think you have left before your caught or discovered?
Now HOLD ON…before you respond. Some rules before react and respond to this.
1. This is NOT to upset or disrespect ANYBODY!
2. This is NOT personal. I’m not pointing a finger at, or calling anyone out. I did it too. I know how it feels.
3. This is supposed to be food for thought. Not a come defend you how or whys for why you hide and Im certainly not wanting to chase someone off. To be on my own like myself, or to have a supportive SO, or wife is a gift! A blessing! Were lucky.
Im bringing up the hard question because despite only being here a short time, the amazing compassion, love and support that I have gotten is something that I wish to give back to all of you. That’s why I make it a point to greet the new girls who come here. Some of which seem very nervous, scared, and dont quite know where to start. And being I care, I dont want someone’s life to end up in shambles either.
Ready? On with the discussion. 😊🤗❤️
getting found out could end anytime. forgetting to put away or take something off. going for a ride dressed and getting in an accident or just walking around your house in heels and trip. fall and break a leg. its probably going to happen sometime when you least expect it. its the chance most of us take. but we have a drive that is greater than our fears. so enjoy it while it last.
I can certainly agree on all of it. I could be walking thru my house, trip and split my head, and wake up in the ER.
I cant edit my original post, but what I was getting at is how much longer can you hide from your SO, fiance, or wife?
When do decide to be honest with them, more importantly, when do decide to be honest with yourself and finally have…”The talk”
And some people are OK with it staying a secret. But the urge never goes away no matter how much you try and bottle it up. No matter how times you purge, your feminine side only gets louder…and louder.
When do you decide to make yourself and your feminine side as top priority. Its not a selfish thing.
When do you sit down and say…Hun…we need to talk.
Okay, this doesn’t apply to me, but hey, I’m a nosey cow so I thought I would stick my nose in………… if nobody minds.
I think the longer you go on hiding, grabbing stolen moments and living day to day, obviously you have more and more chance of being discovered.
Whether you “borrow” your wives clothes ( and believe me, I would notice straight away if my panties were ” stretched” ), or you have an ever growing secret wardrobe….it will probably only eventually end one way.
As Rachel says, imagine having an “accident”!!!!
Waking up in hospital in just a gown, lacy panties with red toenails…..and your wife and/ or family gathered round your bed..explain that!!!!
I will not and can not pretend that coming out is going to be easy and there’s a million things to consider….but I honestly think that the “Hun, we need to talk….” chat is better sooner than later
BUT….. that’s just my opinion….
Love, grace 💋💋
Mmmmmm, I have done this for a long time, as a child, teen at home with my family, at uni with my g/f, then in my g/fs apartment, our home, our apartment…. out of my nine lives 🐈⬛ I reckon I used at least half. But the fear of being caught wasn’t the primary reason for telling my (now) wife. Something shifted in how I viewed my dressing. That said, there’s a huge relief in not having to worry about her discovering my secret either by finding my stash, or catching me.
I know that this isn’t something we choose, anymore than one might choose to be gay; similarly I don’t think it’s possible to just stop. Only you can decide how you square this circle.hugs
Seren xx
I often wonder the same thing. If I passed away in my sleep while enfem, would my wife have to change my clothing on my dead body. That would be something to put her through. As for my family were close, but not close enough for coming out to them. They’d probably would say WTF. No intentions there, as for getting found out I haven’t been out yet. If I do, I’m probably ready for it.
Polly
i always think about this and i know it is a possibility. i would not want anyone else to find out in my fake life but if it happened i think i would just have to be brave and deal with it. Something that i do and hope for more acceptance than i expect. i am sure it would cost me more than i want to lose but i might be surprised – i try not to associate with many that are very intolerant but i am sure that there would be more than a few. It is a little painful to think about but i guess i am used to thinking what would happen and hoping that i never have to deal with it.
suzette
So I rode out hurricane zeta in a tent in the woods (yeah I know pretty stupid) to honor a fallen friend because he would have. I’m sitting in the tent wearing dress, panties,thigh highs etc when this big tree snaps and falls inches I mean less than 3 inches from me limbs came through the door of my tent. There is only 1 person who knows exactly where I am a friend who would totally freak out to see what I was wearing. I’m thinking that would just be lovely getting my squished body found in nylons and an evening gown. My next thought was this damn guy is dead and still talking me in to doing stupid things. Pretty sure I used up 3 or 4 lives that night.
Sorry Shana,
but my warped sense of humour and you mentioned “squished in a tent”, I immediately saw your epitaph…..
” She died with her boobs on”
I do apologise sister, grace xx
Interesting Robyn, many many of the CDs in life as you say hide, I tend to call it shelter in the shadows. Obviously there are many valid reasons why. Fear of the repercussions socially and family loss which is extremely sad. Yes I agree the more you dress the more the odds are you are going to be found out eventually. What would be interesting would be to find out how many SOs realised their suspicions but keep quiet, before being told, or indeed know but can’t find the courage to ask their partner.
You can be found out without any warning what-so-ever, for you and the person making the discovery.
I had moved back to live in my mom’s house after she passed away. My sister kept things in the ‘storage’ room that once was my bedroom when I was in growing up. I had lived there for about 2 months and got a rare day off from work mid-week. Since I didn’t have to get up to leave, my car was tucked away in the garage. My sis still had a key to the house and not seeing my car, just unlocked the door and came on in.
I was in the back bedroom (her old room) running the vacuum, which got her curious about who was in the house. I was fully enfemme, as I usually was when at home, and she came up behind me, tapped me on the shoulder. With the big Kirby vacuum screaming, I never heard her come in, and her tapping my shoulder to see who this strange woman was that was cleaning her mom’s house, absolutely scared the c**p out of me. I almost screamed, she looked totally terrified when I turned around, then the most confused expression I have ever seen covered her face when she realized who ‘that woman’ was.
That turned out to be a very long day of confessions from both of us. A lot of tears were shed, both sad and happy ones. It did turn out for the best though, even if took her a bit still to be comfortable around her ‘new sister’. It lifted a huge burden from me, and opened her eyes to many of the things I had said and done over the years that now finally made sense to her.
It did take some serious convincing to make her see that dressing me so long ago was NOT the cause of my dressing, but that it had helped me see who I was supposed to be. There have been a few rough places from it all, but we have survived it as sisters should. I am Aunt Paula to her girls, and even her husband is tolerant of me more than now than when he thought I was some wild gay person.
I only had to really hide from my mom and sister growing up, which wasn’t too difficult as mom worked all the time it seemed, and sis was always off with her friends and then her boyfriends. Once I graduated high school, I was out on my own, for better or worse, living in another town, so it wasn’t that hard to keep it all from family, and my friends were ones I had made in this lifestyle anyway, so that didn’t matter. Mom never did know more than that I was gay, but we really never talked about it, and that is about all that sis knew, until that fateful day she encountered the ‘cleaning lady’.
PaulaF
My current wife knows all about my dressing and where I keep everything. I don’t think she looks in my female drawers but it does not matter of she does. She has seen me fully dressed many times and does my makeup when I ask and we haev gone shopping together. My ex-wife on the other hand during the divorce, spewed about my dressing to our kids and anyone she could bend their ear on.
My step-daughters asked their mom if I dress, in which she totally denied it. If they ever decide to snoop through my drawers, they will certainly get conformation I dress. I am not going to hid the things I have. If they do snoop…well careful what you find when you are doing something you should not be doing.
I do not need our friends or others to know, as it does not concern them nor do I plan to go out dressed in public.
Before I came out to my wife, I think I was running on fumes with lives.
There was a long strong of time where I was in and out of the hospital, and one of my thoughts as I was laying in the hospital bed was “what happens if my wife found out about Wendy’s clothing stash ?” Being vulnerable at the time, there would have been nothing I could do.
I was always fearful that one day she would not show up in the hospital to visit me, or I would go home and she would have packed up all her stuff because she found Wendy’s clothes.
Another instance is when she took evening courses, yes that was a golden opportunity to dress up, but I was always paranoid that her class would end early and she would come home early (one time it did happen, and I changed so fast that I barely made it).
While not related to CDing, I am also into zentais. One evening she was in an evening course so I thought “perfect time to put on my zentai suit and chill out”. Well, her class let out early and she came home early. I was caught red handed. We had a discussion about it and the only thing she didn’t like was me keeping that secret from her, and coming home to me wearing that suit. Since then, it got thinking would have happened if she caught me as Wendy ?
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Great addition Wendy! Thank you!The level of anxiety, fear, and outright paranoia can paralyze you into not ever dressing up. The constant “What if..?”
And dont get me wrong, I can respect and understand many reasons why someone doesn’t come out, and that fear of hurting those you love. I did it too!
Yet at the same time, you ARE hurting those you love, including yourself. The anxiety can make you literally sick. The stashing and shuffling of your girl stuff, that takes a toll.
Trust me, I dont advocate creating chaos in your life, or breaking up families, far from it. We’ve all read other posts and many a profile of the “woulda, coulda, shoulda 20 years sooner.”
In part this is to share and help newer girls who’ve recently arrived her at CDH. The sooner you can achieve “freedom” the sooner your heart and soul can enjoy peace, love and happiness.
❤️❤️ Robyn ❤️❤️
I have been close to being caught dressed numerous times and it can be nerve wracking. It has taken me many years to balance my femme and male sides. To the public, my family, most friends, work, and clients, I am my male self. To everyone here, I am my female self and feel comfortable being that self whether dressed or not. And, I have a couple of very good friends who are also CD’s that I can spend time with when the opportunity arises and allows me that freedom. One of those friends is out to his wife who protects my secret and his as she is a retired judge that could create issues for her. The other friend is closeted like me and dresses when she can.
It is not the most perfect situation, but I have been able to make it work for a long time now. But, there was a time when I was trying to hide about 30 different outfits, 20 pairs of shoes, lots of panties, bras, wigs, etc. That was when it was most stressful. I have learned that I can keep up with a few items and dress when I can and not be so stressed about it.
This works for me, but may not work for everyone.
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Great addition Janice! Thank you!Thats one part for me, that is amazing and mind boggling itself. To use you as an example Janice –
How do you even hide all that stuff? Being married I know that GG’s can be relentless bloodhounds if they smell something is up! Especially finding a pair of heels or panties that arent theirs? UH-OH!
Its like letting the hounds loose on a fox hunt! They’ll poke their nose into anything and everything!
The combined stress and nerves is that – nerve wracking!
Robyn;
I no longer have to fear being discovered, but the results of coming out are still coming in.
My dearest wife seemed to have been surprised (I was not caught per se, I confessed, or had the talk). It was a bit of a shock, but looking back she agrees the signs were there…. Hmmmm… All it seemed to have needed was a trigger for her to know, and I provided it.
Now, the interesting bit… I came out to my adult daughters. All expressed surprise at the time and pretended that they hadn’t any idea…. Well recently my youngest suddenly gave me a liquid magnetic eyeliner out of the blue and told me that her friend knew about me…. Why? (Panic levels 10!… Warning! … Warning! …. ) Arrgghhh!
Turns out she had some suspicions previously and had discussed her ideas with her friend, so I had been caught (after I’d come out to my wife, but not to my daughters).
The moral of the story: Even if you’ve been caught, it may be sometime before you are made aware of being caught, during which you may be blissfully ignorant of this.
-Molly
Reading through all the great responses here made me curious as to how honest we all are in other aspects of our lives?
For me, I’ve been an intensely private and secretive person as long as I can remember.
I’ve also lied and deceived even when I didn’t need to.
Sometimes is seems like those are symptoms of a greater malady. Lack of self acceptance was a huge issue for me and something I suspect will require a lifetime to correct.
Not sure I answered the question at all, but I gave this some reflection after reading the thread early this morning before heading to work.
I did hide, for a short time after I admitted things to myself, But could not bear the dishonesty between my SO and myself, or the fear that she would discover it, So I took the chance and the leap, and changed my life( for the better)
Just my opinion, but I could not honestly live a life in hiding from her, it would be against everything I am.
I am still hiding from the rest of the world, except my sisters here, lol
sidenote, though, she is already talking about us going out, in another town, so, who knows?
Hugs, RegineHi Robyn,
First off, great topic!
Second to (try) and answer your question from my perspective.
– Initially hiding for me was because I really did not want anyone to know. I hid from family members, girl friends and now my wife (although she knows I like to dress at times) and kids. My kids however are all grown, 2 do not live with us, 1 does.
– When I told my wife my collection of things was not very big, I did not own much. That has changed in the last 2 years. Got to the point I could not hide certain things, shoes/boots primarily. Now I “hide in plain sight” if you will. Sometimes I am not certain if my wife really does not notice, she is not clueless, or just decides to look the other way.
– “Hiding in plain sight involves this……(IMHO)……doing so allows me to “come out” without me actually having to say anything. I’m not courageous enough to say it myself. So at times I think I purposely leave some items in relatively plain sight where they could be seen by her at times. Then she would be the one to say something. I know, that is awful and a sign of weakness. I don’t want to lose what I (we) have.
– When I do dress in my hybrid mode, I do have to do so in private. What is equally difficult is getting undressed in the evening. I have to be sure I do it quickly, and at a time where I am fairly confident I will not be interrupted, and caught by my SO. Again, cowardliness on my part.
I guess in short the “hiding thing” is more complicated than it may seem on the surface.
Love and hugs,
Rebecka
I would love to have ‘the talk’ with my wife, however, past comments, and her reaction (negative) to when her sister stated that she was a lesbian, my secret will follow me to the grave-until caught.
I was always VERY careful to hide my other life. Early on in our marriage, after a dressing session, I did not notice that one of my garters had fallen off my girdle. She found it and confronted me. During the brutal interrogation, I denied any knowledge of the garter, and the whole time, debated whether to confess to her accusation of cheating, or to reveal my CD secret. I was about to confess to CD, when she suddenly just gave up and walked away. She knows I would never cheat on her, but, to this day, she still questions that day.
I love my feminine side! Its more than me in intimates on a day off or skinny jeans and blouse doing remodeling Yes! Clothes help me be me but I’m some days if wife is off, I will clean house and laundry or we may shop..still can’t pass but we have fun!
For me my feminine side is a kinder gentler personality! I am starting on make up..lol ways to go! My wife has only asked me to be as feminine as I want but if I need my former spec ops ,firefighter husband in am emergency, don’t lose that ability! I don’t care to be exposed because I work for public for 1.5 more years..we have several friends who know but at least to my face respect me! Our DIL stays with us at times and she is used to me being me! Just be happy!Almost 30 years ago, and many years before I met my wife, I was in a serious relationship and was engaged. Some of my mistakes were not being honest with her about a few things that are unrelated to crossdressing or my feelings of being a girl inside. That relationship ended before we got married and, in hindsight, I am grateful it did. I decided not to hide things about myself after that. I haven’t hidden any of my crossdressing desires from my wife and she has been accepting so far. Outside my home, yeah, that’s totally different. I am fairly well known among certain circles where I live and don’t ever plan to be en femme in my city (except for Pride Fest where I would probably blend right in). I am often in the public eye and make appearances on television. So, my drab mug is out there often and I don’t want anyone to recognize me. Luckily, I live close to a large metropolitan area and can get out there without a lot of fear of discovery.
My SO knows I have enjoyed wearing panties in the past but that’s as far as her knowledge goes for now.
I may decide to let her in on my dressing but I don’t feel the need to rush the conversation as I’m still exploring it all myself at this point. I don’t feel as though I’m “hiding” anything so to speak because, even though we are together, I firmly believe that we are both entitled to our own sexuality and/or privacy on things we want to keep private. Dressing doesn’t affect our relationship, it doesn’t violate our promise of monogamy and the money I’ve spent is out of my own discretionary funds. I think dressing relaxes and de-stresses me at a time when life is very stressful and it makes me more attentive to her and her needs, IMO. If anything, I think it makes me a better partner.
I know she would be surprised and maybe have a strong opinion on me dressing up but I wouldn’t feel ashamed or feel as though I had done something “wrong” were I to get “caught”. I am getting to the point where I think dressing has become important enough to me that I want to share it with her, though.
She is also entitled to those same considerations and I fully respect her privacy when it comes to things she decides do not include me.
Just the way I look at things
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