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Hi ladies,
I have no SO or children, I’m 31. I’ve only had 1 major relationship in my life and that was with my current GG BF. I still occasionally sleep in the same bed as her and love to cuddle her in the mornings. No hanky panky we’re like brother and sister.
Like the title of my post says is having no SO a curse or blessing?
I’m free to dress freely enough, but I’m also lonely and also feel like I’m behind most people my age who are setup in relationships and life in general more than me.
What are your thoughts on this.
Hi Trisha, I voted a mix, but mainly a curse, but I realize thats only for the situation I am in, as compared to others.
While I am a solitary person, I do need someone in my life who understands my heart, my mind, my soul, and In my opinion, you can only have that with someone you share these things with, over time, hence, an SO.
I wish everyone could have the relationship I have,
Hugs, RegineAfternoon Trish, does your current GG BF know about your X dressing, if she does it sounds like you are already in a relationship, if she doesn’t, tell her now, what you got to loose?
Hi Trish, I had to vote mostly a curse. Living alone and in no relationship, like many others here. This has actually been hitting me the past couple of weeks after opening up to my family. Yes, I feel “free” and a weight has been lifted, but there’s a certain emptiness. It would be so much better with someone to share it with. Might just be a late mid life crisis, but I do envy you girls with supportive – or even grudgingly accepting – wives.
And Trish, at 31 you are not “behind”, you have so many years ahead of you hon!! I would love to hit the re-start button at 31!! 😅
Stevie
Interesting poll!
I say mix but mainly a blessing. I’ve had many relationships, some serious, most not so serious. Been single for a long while now and honestly never been happier. I’m really not sure that humans were constructed for long-term relationships. Being able to do what I want when I want is wonderful.
The only thing I miss is sex TBH. I’d love a regular BF or hubby who accepted my CD side. But in an average 24 hour day, those feelings are maybe one hour per day. Otherwise, very very happy without a SO the other 23 hours per day.
I live alone and never had a long term relationship.
I am selfish. I know.
I like my own company.
I am very girly/feminine and enjoy the company of men but they don’t stay for breakfast.
I find crossdressers that have SO has many layers to it. Those that know and don’t participate. Those that don’t know. Those that know and participate with dressing.
I cannot image the emotional toll it must take on someone that cannot express their femininity. I am not sure I would have that resolve/strength.
Jessica
No relationship is perfect, so I voted for mainly a blessing. And it is, but ONLY if you find the “right” one. I only had two serious relationships, and I made the second one permanent when I was almost 30. And she has proved to be almost a complete blessing.
Bettylou
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Trisha I would say being without my SO & family would be a true curse and the only upside would be the freedom to do anything I wanted without accountability. Yes I do have boundaries and limits to what/when I can do, but the love, comfort, support and belonging I feel are far and above what my selfishness and personal indulgence could give in return. Yes I have thought about being single and transitioning to full time but the losses would be too great and a price I would never want to pay. I love my wifey and in her protective way she accepts and loves me. As for my children, since that is not your question the only thing I will say is for them I would be, give or do anything!
🍷C It’s just me and my cat on this orb we live on. 99% of the time it’s a blessing. But it can make the holidays a bit lonely. It does allow me the freedom to be Amber most of the time. There are times I miss one on one interaction. OK, that’s a lie. I miss it a lot. Be safe all.
Love and Peace,
Amber
Not guna lie , sometimes my SO really does do my nut , and without her I would 100% dress so much more , i would also have more clothes , But I’m pretty sure I’d be in a lot deeper than maybe I would be comfortable with . By that I mean I may have experimented a lot more I love my wife , she say she loves me ( just not always the things I do . !!!! Sonia xxx
Sonia,
A wife’s job is to be a stabilizing influence, and keep us out of trouble. Mine is probably the reason I’m still alive. (Even if we don’t always like what they do).
Hugs,
Bettylou
I have been in a couple of serious relationships where I had to hide who I was. That part was very hard. Now that I am by myself I have more time to be Maria and that is the blessing. As others have said I feel lonely at times and feel the longing for a partner to share her with and that is the curse. Like a lot of girls I dream of having a SO that would not only be accepting but participate in helping Maria grow and not something I would have to hide or keep away from them. I envy you ladies in those relationships and hope you all cherish them.
A mix but mostly a blessing.
My wife has been the only love in my life, and I wouldn’t trade all the challenges and hardships we’ve worked through for more free time to dress and do as I please.
There is a richness to be found in learning to compromise. Sure, no ones ever 100% happy with every situation or choice, but you really appreciate the good far more when it’s tempered with some bad.
Just my experience though……
Hello girls
Quick, start the car, I put blessing!!..
I have been in long term relationships and been married ( she never knew).I have dearly loved and I still dearly love women….but these last year’s of my life, I have never been happier. I have finally found myself, and I’m living the dream ( I may have mentioned that)…..no hiding, no lies, no stress, no ” stolen moments”…I am free to be me….
You girls with totally understanding partners/ wives are very very lucky, if I was in your position would I be happy, yes, I probably would….but there’s absolutely no way I am going to risk everything I have at this moment in time, to start that long search….grace is a happy girl ❤️❤️
Hi Trisha
I didn’t choose any of the options!
I didn’t meet my wife until I was 35. I’d kinda given up on the idea of getting married, as my father and mother married in their early 20s, and I reckoned, by 30, it probably wasn’t going to happen.
I got through plenty of girlfriends – but every time the cross dressing thing came up, I could tell they weren’t into it. I mean really weren’t into it.
If you feel like you need a single life partner, then never stop looking – but, as the song says, if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.
It’s certainly not a curse to be without a s/o, it can just feel that way, if that’s what you feel you need.
The girl I have now been with for more than 20 years was celebrating her 18th birthday when I met her, and planning to go off to Oxford university.
I figured that was going nowhere fast, so just decided to see where it went, because I really like her, and she likes me. Present tense!
It never seemed like the right time to mention the cross dressing thing – or even the right thing to do. I wore her clothes for a laugh and fun, and we went dressed up to parties – me in drag wherever possible. I felt actions spoke louder than words.
I am still not sure if “coming out” was the best thing to do – or, more accurately, that I did it in the best way.
It shouldn’t be a confession in any way!!!
A confession is for when you do something wrong.
Anyway, hindsight is 20/20 vision, and experience is like a comb to a bald man.
In plainer words, if there’s a wife out there for you, you’ll find her, and the best way is to go out and look, while being 100% yourself.
I guess it’s still not all that plain, but you’re definitely not cursed – and, by finding this site, you are blessed.
Love Laura
Hi Laura, Thankyou for your insight. I guess the toll of my decision to dress is just coming back to me as well as my existing loneliness. I know I will find the right woman for me. Just got more for her to get used to. A GG Bf who’s also my Ex, who’s not going anywhere, and the small matter of my choice of attire. Isn’t life interesting.
Love Trish.
This is a super hard question to answer. An SO that knows your inner woman and embraces her is a blessing. But an SO that doesnt support her is a curse. Finding that one person whom you can dine with as Mr and Mrs one night and get mani pedis with the next is obviously the goal here. Its also the proverbial unicorn. Good luck
Trisha
For us it’s like any topic between 2 people , politics , sports , religion , tv shows , films etc …. plenty of agreement but occasionally some disagreement .
She’s always got my back & I hers , we’re a team & look after each other. At the same time we do each other’s heads in 🤯🤯🤯🙄
We both have days when we’d no doubt rather be single , but those are days , not weeks , months or years .
So for me/us a blessing for both of us 🌹🌹
& I’ve no children either Trisha
Fantastic question Trisha 😊
Hi Trisha!
I voted for an even mix! It can certainly be both. Right during the Holidays it can be a curse in not having someone to talk to and interact with. Those that have are really blessed!
It can be a blessing too. To not have to be constrained just to make someone comfortable. Thats the tough part now because Robyn isn’t going back in the closet anytime soon. Not unless I got a better outfit in mind!! LOL!
If they cant love me for who I am, ALL of who I am, then I’d rather be single.
xo Robyn 🤗❤️
I doubt I’ll ever fully let anyone be my SO. I just don’t ‘need’ anyone… That probably sounds really cold. But I just like my life the way it is. When I come home I can close the door and the time is all *mine* I don’t mind it one bit. I’ve never been ‘needy’ never craved to be in a deep relationship, ever. I’m not sure I even understand that tendency. I’ve had gf’s in the past who have seemed boastful about not being ‘alone’ for more than a couple of weeks, me? I’ve never understood the need to be with somebody else every-other-week… My god, that sounds frustratingly exhausting. And quite honestly, I also found those people the absolute worst to be with and or around. I’m pretty sure there’s a correlation there…
I don’t want kids, I don’t a wife, I don’t need a partner. I have no use for one, nor would one benefit me. I’ve been fiercely independent all my adult life, had I been involved with *someone* I honestly doubt I would have become as successful in what I do as I have done on my own. Everything I have become, built and achieved I’ve done from my own motivation and perseverance. Yes, there’s lonely times, but the advent of the internet, honestly removes that melancholy …in an instant. It’s not like it ‘was’ There was once a time not so long ago you would or could be ‘alone’ …You still could, but it would be by design now, deliberately. It’s a choice now, not like before.
It would be nice sometimes to ‘come home to someone’ but …then they are *there* !! That would be odd for me, having come this far. I’m a bit of a loner, but …I really prefer it that way.
Thanks!! 🙂
Hi Trisha,
Wow, what I really like about this community. I’ve never thought so hard about my crossdressing tendencies before finding my way here. And it’s deceptively simply questions like this and the wealth and variety of responses which are so thought provoking. So thanks to all for your musings.
I’d need to vote twice.
Trisha, your singleness is still way behind what mine was. I only came together with my SO in my early 40s. Prior to that I’d lived a single and uncluttered life, admittedly with some u envy when I saw couples who were deeply in love (and exactly the opposite when I saw couples falling apart). When I met my SO to be, it really was a case of finding someone, and something I didn’t realise I was looking for. I never discussed with her what I rather condescendingly thought was my secret but manageable CD foible. I often wore ‘ethnic’ clothes from my ingrained hippy trail travelling days which covered a multitude of sins anyway. But yes, an CD itch was there that wasn’t really addressed. And I accepted it, because I just wanted my SO in my life.
So, with all that in mind, I’d vote that not having a SO was more a curse than a blessing
Fast forward. My wife died relatively early on and I still miss her. My step daughters are loved but have long been living their own lives. and now I live alone, my second vote would be:
more a blessing than a curse, because:
– I’m my own person, my femme clothes and bits and pieces only need tidying away when I have visitors – which in these covid times are non existent – and I can pretty much slip on something to wear around the house or do a bit of underdressing going out whenever it takes my fancy. I’m feeling quite comfortable in my own space, and would be reluctant to let go.
But guess what? It’s never that simple, now I have a different type of itch. I miss a bit of intimacy, I miss the warm contentment of just being with someone I love.
Will I do anything about it? Go looking for another SO? Not intentionally, I would definitely say. BUT, if I was to lucky enough to cross paths with a potential SO, I wouldn’t go forward unless that person understood and accepted my CD-ness. If not I’d stay on my own.
Hi ladies, I think I’m falling in love, with this community. I love all of your insights and responses. I think I’m going to to use the remaining lockdown time to rediscover myself, figure out what I want and who I am. After that probably another six months in the UK I’m guessing, I will probably start trying to find a partner.
Got a plan that’ll show any potential SOs about my X dressing before we even talk.
Can’t remember who gave me the advice but I love it, my apologies if it was you. Gonna go Latin dancing man on top woman under lower. See who will still dance with me or even if she’ll come to me. Well that’s the dream anyhow.
Please keep replying I love all the knowledge that is pouring though.
Love Tish
I find it can be both
I wasn’t looking to find anyone when we met, I had settled on the idea of being on my own moving forward after a long marriage and some time alone. We were introduced by a mutual acquaintance and we both felt an almost instant bond. I was relatively new to the dressing compulsion at the time we met and discussed it with her before moving in together, knowing even then that I would rather live alone than not be accepted for all of who I’d discovered myself to be. She amazingly accepted, supported and even encouraged me, because she could see the positive change in my general disposition and outlook on life.
For all of that, I still crave, cherish and get my alone time. After years of being responsible and answerable to others, having small periods of time unfettered gives me a re-charge. I guess I live a little on both sides.
And Sam, we all get the ‘chore’ part. For all their talk about not wanting gender descriptions placed on things that need doing in the house, when its trash day or there is an errant rodent, we’re ‘it’ lol
Olivia
I’m such a dumbass, I voted the wrong way round.
Now I’m lucky enough to be in the blessing club. But for years I would have said mixed, or even a curse sometimes. Until March my dressing was always in secret, and I’d tie myself in knots keeping my stash hidden, and worrying about getting caught.
My wife and I are still working through this but so far, she’s been amazing. Like Regine, I now can’t imagine doing it alone.Stay safe girls
Seren xx
Seems like we’re in similar situations Trisha. I voted even mix. I do love having the freedom to explore this side of myself without having to worry about a girlfriend discovering it or being scared of telling her about it. But the fact that most of my friends in my age group are in relationships does leave me feeling left out at times. I think I’m happy being single at the moment, but I also sometimes think how great it would be to have a girlfriend who likes both sides of me… although from reading people’s experiences on here the chance of that seems low and that’s kind of scary. I know I’ll never be able to stop dressing, but I haven’t been in a serious relationship since before my CDing started and I’m really not sure how to handle it.
There are two ways as I see it: the “normal” way of meeting someone and waiting to tell her once a relationship is established (but not too long in case she handles is badly) or the “bold” way of being upfront about everything from the start. Both ways have their issues, but also advantages. At least the pandemic is giving me an excuse to just keep thinking about it for the time being!
Trisha,
There are no easy answers for your question.
Here is an impression I have. Note that I have been a member since August of 2019, and again, this is an impression.
Those sisters who are now single because of a divorce or maybe a passing of a wife have found a home in being a CD.
IF, IF, something happened to Susan I would be grief stricken. There will never be another woman living in this house. This Susan’s home, she designed it.
Under those circumstances I would have the freedom to be Lee Ann 100% of my time in private. I would embrace my feminine side with gusto.
Trisha, you are awfully young. Do you want to be in a committed relationship?
Lee Ann
Hi Trisha!
I put an even mix.
My first wife was a curse. No doubt about that. CDing wasn’t an issue. She’s the mother of my children, and grandmother to my grandchildren. She will always be at least on the periphery of my life.
My current wife, a total blessing. She doesn’t know. I’m in the closet. Not sure how it’s going to go CD wise in the future. We will see.
My daughter, who is a year older than you, said to me 3 years ago that she didn’t want to have to wait until she’s 50 to find and be with “the one” like I did. I will tell you the same thing I told her.
No one knows what the future holds or if the whole concept of “soul mates” is true or not. I feel like I have found mine. Whether or not you will find that special of a someone, doesn’t change the fact that you should live life to the fullest each day. You won’t find the person who will “make you happy”. It doesn’t work that way. First be happy. That makes it more possible that the special person will come into your life and join you.
Not long afterwards someone from her past came back into her life from out of the blue. He wasn’t one of her exes, just a brother of one of her high school friends. Here it is a few short years later and they are living happily together with their 5 children. IMHO – He’s “the” guy.
I used to associate with some business type people who had the following philosophy. Success is when preparedness and opportunity meet. There’s some good logic in that. If you aren’t getting the opportunity it’s probably because you aren’t ready. At 31, you don’t have to be ready. Please know that comparing your life situation to the life situations of those around you isn’t a fair comparison, ever. You aren’t them and they aren’t you.
Make the most of what you have and be as happy as you can. All of this is temporary after all.
Hugs
Autumn
My Ex wife was and still is to a lesser extent now a curse, She was supportive for the most part I went through a couple of years of Gender Dysphoria, and was in talks with my doctor about hormone treatments and such, that my ex was not supportive of in the least. In a way I am glad she was able to talk me out of it, because I don’t think I want to go through with that now. The curse part was when I found out she was sleeping around, and then she got arrested for position of Meth, It almost cost me my daughter, I was told point blank to leave her or I would lose my kid so I did what any parent would do, I choose my kid.
We were married for 8 years before we split, do I think there is someone out there for me. Yes but If they can’t accept this lifestyle there not for me.
I had to pick that it is pretty even really. Those girls here that have read my posts know I would be considered a gay male, if it wasn’t for the the blessing of my femininity. I feel normal, not gay.
I have been involved in two very intense, and for the most part, loving relationships over the years. The first was my ‘bad’ experience. When we moved in together and started what I thought was a normal relationship, for two men to be together as a couple anyway. After several months, he began to try and change how I was, encouraging me to go out with our friends as a couple, but with me dressed less and less femme. He tried to reinforce my maleness, which was long gone by then. He caught me dressed at our home a few times and then gave me an ultimatum, be the male I was born to be, or stay femme without him. That was probably the biggest slap in the face I had ever gotten from someone I was so serious about. I found that those closest to us are the ones who can hit us the hardest and turn our world upside down.
The second man I was so in love with was a wonderful person and man. He accepted and even encouraged me to be as femme as I wished and to be the ‘wife’ in the home we stared together. I was blessed to have a man like him to be with me and to share life with. We made it well over a year together, until his two sons came to visit from up north. They knew he was gay and they could handle that, but when they met me and he and I explained our life together, they would have nothing to do with it. After that visit, they began to leverage his grandchildren as a weapon to force us apart. Besides losing my mother, that was the greatest loss I have ever felt, so I stepped back and away for his happiness. There was no animosity between him and I at all and we still write and email and talk on the phone, mostly as very deep and true friends. We do still have some times together when we can prearrange to meet somewhere for a week or two on a vacation, which would really piss his sons off to no end if they found out.
I do enjoy being single very much, and have the freedom to come and go as I wish. Both good and bad relationships can be so hard on us. I doubt I will ever give my heart to anyone that intensely again, as much as I miss it. I don’t want to discourage you from committing to another person, it is our nature for most people to be with another, but some of us are not meant to be the same way.
Be open and honest and totally upfront with whoever you feel yourself falling for, but remember, YOU need your happiness as much as your partner does also.
PaulaF
Hi Paula, thank you for being so open. It’s a shame his sons are so ignorant. Wishing you happiness.
Love Trish
I am only thankful that I have a wonderful, supportive wife (SO) that helps me understand being a woman and also is excited to be with me when we go out together.
To have that sort of affirmation is the best! I wish you all to find an SO that can be this affirming.
She also enjoys the same fetishes as I!I have been married twice, first lasted 5 years and she cheated with the youth minister of our church, the second 15 years and she cheated with someone she met at work. There will never be a third marriage because at my age I have no desire to try and integrate in someone else’s family and their issues plus I don’t want my two kids to fight over anything I own after I die with someone that is not their blood family. I enjoy being single but there are times I wish I had a relationship that I could share things with but after saying that I love being Carla anytime I want and being the master of my remote is wonderful. I wish relationships could be easier and more accepting but most are difficult and has a high chance of failing. I do know my bank account is healthier and I’m not stressed being a single girl. So for me at this point it is a blessing to not have a SO.
Hugs,
Carla
Hi Carla, sounds like you’ve been though some though times relationship wise. Being cheated on not once but twice. I’m glad you are happy now life is less complex.
Love Trish
Im a total disaster zone as a man as im far too femme to be a proper man whatever that is? Im so happy being me and me at this present moment is being a female as much as possible. Especially since i joining this site as its made me more determined to be who i want to be hugs and kisses 😘
i put A mix but mainly blessing. for the reason my wife knows and lets me dressed up when no other adult child is home. i feel at ease, happy, relaxed, stress free, less panic attacks and mostly feeling feminine and sexy, feeling more female like i should of been born a female. being trapped in a man’s body and a female figure. wife does not dress up pretty no more so i will dress up pretty. plus i have my moms blouses to wear and remember her by. i lost my mom and dad 68 days apart from each other in 2013
I have been single for many years. Divorced for about 12 years, haven’t dated in 5-6 years. It’s somewhere between a mix and a blessing for me. I’m basically fed up with dating/relationships. Fed up with the drama, judgement, control, lies, and sometimes cheating. I do sometimes feel lonely but my time is my own and I do as I please whenever I please. I enjoy being able to dress 100% of the time (when I’m not at work).
if you scroll up a fair amount you’ll see autumn‘s response to this question which I thought was very well-balanced. If you are in a relationship where there’s not true love which to me means that you except each other for who they are, then I think it’s a curse if you stay in it. It can then move to a blessing when you break away from it. The sad part is that I believe everything is better if you have someone to share it with. But I’m a people person so I like to have that. I don’t necessarily need somebody to complete me but it’s great to have someone where are we enhance each other there y having a fuller life. It doesn’t mean you can’t have a full life alone you surely can. But in the end I think it’s always more fun when you have somebody to share it with. You in the end control whether your spouse is a curse or a blessing. If it’s a curse you can change that by leaving.
Hi Girls! I voted even mix.
My ex wife and I lived separate lives out of the same house for the last five years of our marriage. By then we had been married almost 30 yrs. She was totally against any type of crossdressing even panties. This always created a lot of friction between us. Those last five years together did give me more opportunities to dress. I wore panties every day and slept in nighties. I would often dream about being divorced and living single with all the freedom and privacy to explore all of my crossdressing desires. But it was also a lonely existence. I missed the affection, closeness and intimacy a good relationship can create. I would do many activities like skiing and boating with other couples and friends. At the end of the day they would go off together and I’d be alone, it was difficult and I found myself envious.
when I finally decided to get divorced I realized I had a major decision to make. Would I stay single and have the whole crossdressing world available or would I seek out a companion. I had time to think because my divorce was ugly and took 4 plus years. In that time my ex outted my to family , friends and even customers of my business. It was a difficult time but made easier when I meet my now wife. We meet casually but things soon took off . She was accepting of me wearing panties and that sealed the deal . We’ve been together 9 yrs now and they have been the best years of my life.
I often wonder how and where I’d be crossdressing wise if I had chosen to stay single , hence the mixed bag vote.Natalie 💋💋💋
I voted mixed I miss having someone to do things with, I live alone so I can dress anytime I want and do so, I do under dress in public. But I do miss having someone to talk to take rides and just talk and of course the touch of a girl. No way would I ever get married again, once was enough, I do have two wonderful daughters and a granddaughter on the way!!!!!!!!! The last girl I dated there was so much drama that part I don’t miss……
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I am alone now after being married 36 years. It sometimes gets lonely in a big mostly empty house, but my alter ego Kerri can dress up whenever she wants. She has her own room for her clothes an lingerie and even a makeup table. When my spouse was living here Kerri’s stuff was in a couple gym bags hidden in the attic and didn’t come down very often. The other fortunate thing is now i can cook and eat what I want. My wife hated fish so we never had it. Now I can eat fish. I’ve always been mostly a loner so living alone is OK. You just have to have something to do every day so you don’t get bored.Kerri
I voted “Even Mix” because having a SO involved would be a blessing, but if she wasn’t into it like you hope, then it could be a curse. I wish I could share Heather with my SO, but I’d also have expectations of what I hope the relationship would be. Any time I’ve had expectations, I’m always disappointed, so keeping Heather to myself is safer.
As Obi-Wan pointed out once to Luke Skywalker, perspective matters. It depends on you and how you view it. If you see it as a curse, perhaps it’s because you want to be able to be yourself with another person. If a blessing, then it’s likely due to you being able to be yourself as often as you wish. Either way, it’s how you view the situation.
It’s so hard to really answer this because it definitely depends on your life perspective, relationship history, past experiences, etc. In my case I have a great boyfriend who has been accepting, supportive and encouraging in my journey from day one that we’ve been together, so I feel extremely lucky to have him. If I was single would I consider it a blessing or curse to not be in a relationship? Hard to say since I wouldn’t have the perspective of being with someone as great as the guy I’m with. I don’t think I’d consider it to be either to be honest.
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