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  • #677916
    Stevie Steiner
    Founder
    Registered On: June 11, 2020
    Topics: 88
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    Phrases of Acceptance. (?)

    As my mind has the habit of wanderer-ing and pondering things, I wanted to bounce these phrases off you all, my sisters, and get your opinions on it.

    “It doesn’t bother me”

    “Its Fine… whatever”

    “I don’t care about it”

    ” If it makes you happy…”

    I think many of us have heard some of these phrases of ‘acceptance’ by those in our lives, but just what the hell do they mean?  If you ask someone what their opinion is – how they feel – about your new “life” and they respond in such a way, are they actually answering?   Saying ‘I don’t care, as long as you are happy’ isn’t really answering the question, or really telling someone how you FEEL about something.

    Now, this is not going to change how I behave or affect my self esteem At All – I am still gonna be me, and happy with myself , but I wonder if these phrases are just a way for them to  avoid dealing with the issue on a personal level.   I wonder because I am always curious about what people are feeling, and whether we are getting a “real” answer from them with such phrases.   Is this non-accepting acceptance?  Or am I just overthinking things again, lol.  As I said, it doesn’t really matter or affect me, but I do wonder about it… 🤔

    Stevie

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    • #678943
      June (Rei) Durden
      Lady
      Registered On: October 11, 2020
      Topics: 29
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      If it’s a subject that someone’s never really had to deal with I think it could be seen as defence mechanism default response. If there’s room for further discussion down the road I’d see a comment like that as a sign of someone with an at least partially open mind.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #678214
      Aurora Borealis
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 25, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 157
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      Actually, I can say that these phrases are just excuses to cover-up the fact that you refuse to say what your true feelings are. Love, Aurora B.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #678182
      Ashley Konners
      Lady
      Registered On: August 15, 2020
      Topics: 42
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      Great question hun, In my case the whole acceptance road has been a bit of a roller coaster ride but like others have said I can appreciate the fact and don’t except her to be 100% perfect with everything.
      At times she is buying me lingerie , clothes , heels and makeup, telling me to dress, helping with makeup and hair( wig).  Then all of the sudden it’s …. You dress to much, eye rolling when entering the room dressed.
      Which I find confusing at times but again I understand. We have an agreement and i fellow it well. Anyway I look at it as she didn’t leave or ask me to after I came out to her and it’s an everyday experience for us to both work at. As we all know it’s not going away as it’s a big part of who we are.

      • #678195
        Eileen Bach
        Baroness
        Registered On: February 27, 2021
        Topics: 2
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        Ashley,

        Many GG partners might see this as a temporary fetish. It’s difficult to comprehend that their guy will enjoy dressing female like forever. It’s much like dressing him up for funsies one weekend, then the next weekend, and the next.

        All the phrases Stevie posted are a delaying tactic by a partner that is not sure of what is actually going on.

        5 users thanked author for this post.
        • #678211
          Ashley Konners
          Lady
          Registered On: August 15, 2020
          Topics: 42
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          Yes I understand that hun and my wife has said the “ if it makes you happy” line.

          3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #678162
      MelanieElizabeth
      Lady
      Registered On: January 9, 2021
      Topics: 19
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      Thanks for this post Stevie. It makes me think about things my s.o. has said. After making my wife aware of my dressing and  after she got over the initial shock she told me “I want you to be happy” and after I told her why I do it she swore “ it’s not weird”. I have to sadly admit that I don’t believe her. It is a little weird, in my opinion. I can’t blame loved ones for feeling that way. We are a little different than most folks. My dressing is a benign form of self expression but most men don’t need to indulge in such activities. We as cds do diverge from the norm, for better or for worse. All we can do is hope our closest loved ones accept us for what we are. Being a cd doesn’t have to change my life but I do need my wife to accept me for who I am. I wish her words weren’t just lip service but I’m not so sure. Thanks again Stevie for another thought provoking post

    • #678153
      Michelle
      Lady
      Registered On: April 18, 2022
      Topics: 8
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      I hear these phrases all the time. I believe in most cases they will never be 100 percent understanding because they will never 100 percent under stand what we do and why. So to me these comments are usually a means of brushing feelings under the rug, or the only way they know how to express themselves without being mean. With anything in life there are true moments of clarity and then we just try to get through what ever is thrown at us. Could you imagine if you wife wanted to be a man…. Try to find clarity in that. All we can hope for is they accept us for who we are even if they don’t understand us.

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    • #678092
      Cece X
      Lady
      Registered On: April 8, 2020
      Topics: 35
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      This is an interesting question to reflect on, Stevie. I started the “coming out” process about three or four years ago by telling some of my male buddies. I guess I got those kinds of remarks. They offered little response and engaged in no significant discussion because of their lack of interest or the awkwardness they felt about this matter. No problem, they will not see me fully dressed unless they visit my apartment. At least they will know what is up if we meet somewhere and they notice a couple of small and inconspicuous mounds under my sweatshirt; that is bound to happen someday.
      My new girlfriend, on the other hand, responded by buying me panties. I much preferred her response!

    • #677981
      Eileen Bach
      Baroness
      Registered On: February 27, 2021
      Topics: 2
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      Oh, I have just have to reply to this post!

      Besides dressing, guys might ask the missus about going camping, fishing, hunting, playing poker, hanging out at the bar, and get any one or all of the above responses. You know that’s trouble later on. Now you want to wear female clothing and get the same response and thinks she’s OK with it.

      The males in your life generally wouldn’t use those phrases. The average woman needs the right time to hash out her feelings as a couple.  Same with any other woman in your life, time and place.

      Morning coffee in the kitchen is not a way to address any important issues. Those mentioned responses are a signal to make the effort for a long conversation as soon as possible. It will be worth the effort in the long run.

      • #678278
        Stevie Steiner
        Managing Ambassador
        Registered On: June 11, 2020
        Topics: 88
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        Lol, your first sentence made me laugh Eileen.  Thought you might respond…. 😄.

        In fact it was the males who responded with ” I don’t care” – my two roommates, lol.  I realize they accept me for my good heart and just being a decent person, but I would like to know more on how they feel about it.  ( or maybe best that I don’t, lol )

        I think it may come down to – even though they don’t “get it” , they accept that is who I am.

        Judge ( if you must ) someone on their actions, not their wardrobe.   I think that attitude would make the world a better place.🙂

        Stevie

         

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      • #678146
        Cassie Jayson
        Duchess
        Registered On: September 29, 2019
        Topics: 69
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        Thanks, Eileen. That is exactly what I was trying to say in my response. After the initial reaction the SO is trying to process this information may change her mind several times and I would not blame her. If she shares this with one of her friends that friend is likely to change her mine one way or another. Blessed in the one who can be confident in the answer to this and stay the course..

        . Cassie

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    • #677974
      Cassie Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
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      Interesting question, Stevie. If this is the response when you first come out to someone I think often they say this to get to avoid confrontation so they can prossess the information. We don’t always see from our friend, co-worker, or relative point of view. Once hey have a little time to think about the you they never knew about they may change there mind about how they feel

      . Cassie

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    • #677971
      Bianca Everdene
      Lady
      Registered On: April 11, 2017
      Topics: 31
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      In my opinion these answer’s don’t mean much at all, and I love deciphering a persons true feelings, stranger or friend. This thing we do has just made me acutely aware of non verbal as well as verbal cues as to a persons true feelings.
      Sometimes I just know the comments are genuine, sometimes reflect true apathy, and sometimes barely veiled hostility to what we do.

      Truly accepting people are easy to spot, usually totally comfortable in Biancas presence, interested, inquisitive, empathetic and engaged in conversation about the pros and cons of  being a cross dresser/trans.

      Those who probably most accurately reflect the ‘I don’t care’ comments, usually just ‘don’t care’. Not very interested in how you look but still comfortable in your presence.

      Then there are those for whom a man in womens clothing is a big problem, but they don’t want to get into an argument, upset me, or try to defend their feelings on the matter. They are usually signs they are uncomfortable in your presence, don’t know what to say, move away from you,

      Obviously I love the first group, the friendly inquisitive totally accepting group, but I totally get the reasons why some people just can’t handle it, and I respect their boundaries. Just like I wouldn’t try to force religion or politics down someone’s throat, I will treat the non accepting group with respect.
      I have luckily never had outright hostility, but hope I would choose to stay calm and walk away from the situation,  unless in the company of girl friends who I know would tear a strip off anybody who is abusive to me, girls together really are a force to be reckoned with, especially after a few cocktails.
      B x

      • #678164
        Fiona Black
        Lady
        Registered On: November 23, 2019
        Topics: 0
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        Bianca,

        A very thoughtful answer and this comment of yours is one I readily agree with – “I totally get the reasons why some people just can’t handle it, and I respect their boundaries. Just like I wouldn’t try to force religion or politics down someone’s throat, I will treat the non accepting group with respect.”

        I have come out to a handful of people so far but I have good friends who I will never tell about Fiona because I know they would have great difficulty accepting it and it would fundamentally change our relationship. And I don’t want that to happen, I value their friendship & our relationship too much. I mentioned this once online and a few CD’s responded something like “well then they are not really a friend”. To me that is total bull. There’s no reason to force cross dressing down a friend’s throat just like there’s no reason to force religion or politics down their throat.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #677968
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 9
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      It depends on who you are telling which courts those answers. Those stand alone quotes suggest a non committal and guarded answer which appear to have a background inference that all is not well with the recipient of your news. I have had some replies of that nature and the person has got issues with acceptance. With an S.O. , family or friends those comments are warning signs.

      For the most of those that I have told the reactions are really positive and acceptance is proven by actions. The ‘Whatever makes you happy’ is replaced by ‘You look really happy’ and ‘It doesn’t bother me’ are said in a sincere way. No warning signals there.

      Sometimes you’ll get those answers and they are exactly as they mean. It’s what they do after which can tell you if it is good or bad. If the person treats you the same as before then all is well. Feelings can be seen in body language and changes in attitude.

       

       

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    • #677956
      Michelle Brown
      Registered On: August 23, 2015
      Topics: 3
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      I can tell by the way some people interact with me as Michelle when they realize I am not a woman and that steel door drops{imaginary} behind their eyes and an incomplete answer is given.At that point I try to out ladylike them and try to be the best part time lady I can be.Its nothing to be bothered about,sooner or later they will come around.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #677949
      Fiona Black
      Lady
      Registered On: November 23, 2019
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 275
      Has thanked: 147 times
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      Stevie,

      I’ve gotten both the “It doesn’t bother me” and the ” If it makes you happy…” responses but they were part of an overall response and discussion that was extremely positive and accepting of my cross dressing. One lady I met answered with “No, not at all, why should it” when I asked if my CD’ing made her uncomfortable. She & I have become friends. A few responses from others included the statements that “It is just you being your real self” and “you are still you”. Most responses from people would not be limited to a quick phrase but would entail some level of discussion which should leave no doubt in your mind how they really felt. I’ve told 7 people so far about Fiona and I understand exactly how each one feels about it.

      People that would just give you a quick answer like “Its Fine… whatever” or “I don’t care about it” are the type of people I would never open up to in the first place.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #677929
      Peta Mari
      Lady
      Registered On: September 30, 2020
      Topics: 30
      Replies: 580
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      Its fine / whatever is not acceptance… its a warning that everything is not fine.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
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