Hi all! I’m super new here, but I would love if you wonderful ladies would be able to give me some advice. I’ll try to get you up to speed on my situation. About 5months ago I told my wife of 2 years (together for 9years total) the truth about my CDing. How I started when I was very young, how my past experiences have been both sexual and non-sexual in nature, how I don’t want to transition but do want to be able to freely express myself present as female on occasion, etc… I’ve never had a chance to try makeup, shave, be in public, etc; I’ve been in the closet completely my whole life until now.
Her response has been less than enthusiastic. She has been suffering from deep anxiety and sadness ever since I told her. She is currently in therapy to help her dealdwith this situation. She struggling less these days with the fact that I held this secret for so long (of which I’m extremely regretful of), but is still struggling greatly with the thought of me looking feminine. She has said multiple times “I don’t want a feminine husband”, ” I want to to look masculine all the time”. I completely understand if you his thinking though, don’t get me wrong, I understand this is a huge curve ball to throw at her. I have never been the most masculine guy however, and she has said before that’s one of the things she loves about me; that I’m not some manly macho guy who likes sports and power tools.
We have tried progressing slowly, and I have had the chance to minimally dress in front of her a few times since I told her, but she is still (understandably) very uncomfortable with the situation. Although she has said “I support you”, she has also admitted that she is constantly bombarded with the thought of me crossdressing, and get incredibly anxious and sad at the thought of it, and has to distract herself to get away from the bad thoughts. I guess I’m confused what she means by she supports me when she so clearly (actions and words) wishes that she didn’t have a husband who wants to crossdress, present as feminine and female occasionally, etc.
I love my wife more than anything in the world and it pains me to think that this part of me causes her so much discomfort. I would do anything for her, but I fear that doing anything for her would also mean I have to give up something about myself that makes me who I am. I know she loves to to the moon and back too, and would never leave me over such a thing (unless I came out as trans which I’m definitely not).
Sorry if this post was long and rambling, I just have so much to get off my chest. She isn’t to fond of the idea of me going on to websites and chatting with others about this, but I feel like I’m entitled to have some sort of peronal freedom for this matter. She’s even gone on this website to see if forums would help, but she was ultimately turned off when she saw people talking “badly” about their SOs.
Anyways, if you’ve made it this far I appreciate it so so much. If anybody has any words of wisdom, etc, I would be so thankful. Shoot me a PM if you want to know more, or just let me know if you have anything that could help my situation.
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