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Would love to have and make friends in the same position, love the feeling when I dress but not sure how I should feel sexually.
I still, after all these years, feel ashamed about the thoughts I have and my fantasies, so much so, I bin all my clothes just to feel normal, it’s the fear of being found out by family, then it starts all over again, wardrobe should put Madona to shame but it’s I who feels the shame.
I do love being dressed, I do love my fantasies, I just don’t think in want to be outed until I’m sure it’s right for me, relationship or not, I’m still open
Your desire to dress and the fantasies of sexuality are two seperate items to be dealt with. As far as how you should feel about that sexuality? How DO you feel? Only you know the answer to that, if you’re asking for societies rules or a general consensus, you’re likely in for a long and bumpy ride. Do what makes you feel good about yourself, with a mindset on emotional And physical, and be careful and safe…please.
Yes I do know that sexuality and cross dressing are separate issues but when I dress, it’s like I’ve crossed over and the feelings become like, strong
Yes it’s fantasies or ( wishes ) ill have to work on my desires and be happy dressing at home then if at some point other changes come to being, I’ll deal with that I hope in the right manner .
Thanks for the reply, oh and you look great xo
I have very similar feelings when I dress. Its hard to explain to anyone, even to me. I feel so sexy as a woman, although I do not dress like Madonna. I have a very sexy side and flare too.
I enjoy dressing at home as sexy as I can be. Sometimes my outer wear hinds my sexy coreset and matching bra. sometimes it doesn’t. Love to hear from you,”
Hugs Nancy
I think there are a lot of us here on CDH who don’t make a point of identifying themselves as bisexual, but who nevertheless have experienced the same feeling of sexual attraction to males (or other CD’s). I feel that way a lot, both when I’m putting on the panties and bra to underdress that day (almost every day) as well as the few occasions when I’m dressed, made up and out presenting as a woman. IMHO, it’s perfectly normal for us as crossdressers to have an attraction to men and other CD’s.
I’m attracted to men weather dressed or not.But everyone has their own preference of who they want to sleep with.
I have several replies on this matter and I have listened to allot of the girls on here speak of this real scenario. As I have repeated myself more times than I can count here at CDH I continue to be true to myself. At the risk of sounding like a little tramp or being too loose I gave away my virginity at the early age of 14. Somehow I knew it was what I desired and opportunity knocked. I guess you could say shame on him for he was 20 something and I only just into my second year of jr high school. I wasn’t dressed up nor did I think of being dressed up, the moment just unexpectedly happened. I really didn’t yet consider myself gay even though many people thought I was. We are led to believe in this hypocritical world that it’s a bad thing to be gay or for a boy to wear a dress when in all actuality. I am here to say I’m proud to be and do both. Yes some guys are disgusting and not attractive, you stay away from them. Let you choose who you want to be with. I have found that many married men are attracted to us and want to fulfill fantasies and that’s okay, I just avoid having any real feelings towards them. And finally yes most gay men are not attracted to you and I. Gay men want other gay men that simple. What I’ve said here is based on my own experiences not for certain or fact that it applies to you. Let your heart be your guide!
I have posted other forums of a similar concern When I dress it is like a switch turned on and I am sexually attracted to men in addition to my normal attraction tho women of all sorts. It is intertwined with my hope to be desired as a woman, and the ultimate expression would be the attraction of a man.
Hello girls
I think a post like this shows why CDH is the wonderful place it is….even though we all dress, we don’t t all do it for the same reason…which makes for wonderful discussion.
I am so feminine you would not believe, as soon as I even start to think of dressing…my thoughts are just so ” girl”… everything is enveloped in ” pink fog”…but when I am out, I still look at women…prob 50% lovingly and 50%….golly, love the outfit. I just treat men as people who would probably despise me if the caught me, rather than cor!!!….love the six pack…but this is just grace….of course, I respect all your different views….each to their own……smiles, grace xx
As some of the other girls have said we all have had the same dilemma ?!?!? The way we handle it differently?!?!?! I can only tell you how I did. In my man mode I don’t look at a man and think cor- I fancy him or look at naked pictures of men with their manhood standing to attention and think I like that and if a man hit on me I would put there lights out. Now Amanda is a completely different story ?!?! She has two side’s 1/ lady Amanda, dress for going shopping. out for lunch etc etc you know skirts just above the knee. tops that don’t show to much shoes with 1-1-1/2 inch hills not a lot of makeup so you blend in (boring). 2/ Good time girl Amanda lots of makeup. Nice deep red💄lips 💋 Tight Low cut top miniskirt showing stocking tops. 4-5 inch Seletto’s a right tart saying Here I am boy’s come and get me. Like you for years I just had my dreams, my thoughts. Wishful thinking. One day I thought if I don’t do it now I might regret it for the rest of my life, i went on line and found out about a place where you can meet people who are into the same thing you are?!?!?? (Gays) (dogin) (wife swoop) (Voyeurism ? ) (men to pick up women) you name it your find it here? One night I thought forget my Scruples and just do it. I put on new Bra suspender belt panties black lace stockings High heels and a new minidress I had my Falses on wig on and lots of perfume I was ready to go and loose my virginity so to speak. I got told just drive to this place and park up and wait and anyone interested in you will let you know. That’s what I did ?after about 20 minutes a man come by had a look and then went to the car in front of me then walked away. Not long after another man come straight up to me and ask if he could get in with me. I of course told him yes. I have gone on a bit so I’ll tell you the rest next time I come online??just to say. Yes I did loose my virginity we spent four hours there then we went back to his place and I did not leave him till the next night The only regret I had that I did not do it years ago. So I say to you Bite the bullet and go for it you won’t be disappointed . Amanda X
Being a crossdresser from an early age i had little to no CD role models to guide me on or off television, But my first sexual thought arose very young from an old uk tv program “are you being served” were Mr Humphries “the very much gay character” is asked to see to a customer, he replies i’m far to busy right now and gets a reply of the gentleman in question would like to try on a dress, Mr Humphries then shouts I’M FREE and bolts for the changing rooms. This to me at a young age all sorts of things went through my mind thinking of myself as the customer of the kind gay man wanting to help a man into a dress and how exciting it would be.
Now growing up thinking god knows what being attracted to girls only if they were dressed in skirts or dresses and such yet not really attracted to men in any core look at him way i wound up a late bloomer in the sex department.
My first encounter was when i was 17 I went with a friend on some errands and went to see a man to pick some things up leaving me and the man to chat or more to the point for me to get chatted up lol
Now i was not attracted to him but his attention and flirting stird something in me not wanting it to stop tho my straight friend had left his straight friend with a gay man for 5 and i didnt want him coming back to find two gay men lol. On the way out tho I felt his hand on mine as he thrust his number in it on a piece of paper.
This was it my Mr Humphries moment do i dare ring him he knows my friend that I don’t want to no anything about this side of me, but i so want to dress up and tell someone i do this and oww what a feeling.
I ring him fully intent on dropping hints or just coming out with it im a crossdresser!!! but i lose my bottle, instead I accept his invite to pick me up and go to his house in the countryside.
I run round shower and change throw on some panyhose mini skirt blouse then my jeans jacket and shoes put a pair of heels in my jacket just in time for him picking me up.
once in the car there was no going back if I took my jacket of i was wearing a black frilly blouse, I was in no doubt going to be exposed to this man as a CD. We got to his I made a beeline for the bathroom throw of my jeans jacket and shoes slipped into my heels and looked at myself in the mirror I was a state no makeup wig or breasts but I was here it was going to happen.
I went into the front room where he was waiting he looked and said ow you’re into that are you? We talked a little, He made a move I let him and he couldn’t get me out of my cloths fast enough
Afterwards we talked a while he asked about me dressing and so on tho was not really into it.
Pondering on whether to go back my dressing thoughts were always going to the time I spent with him so decided to ring him up said Id go back to his again if he wanted and asked if it was ok to dress up he was like well if you really have to? Realising now gay men don’t fall over themselves to see a man in a dress I went in drab male cloths far from my original thoughts of dressing up, a little more comfortable this time but drab, We talked some including dressing up then a little flirty and id been undressed as quick as the first time it was still exciting too me and I wound up meeting him a fair bit over a couple of years. Tho i will still state i didn’t fancy him but I loved the feeling i got from him flirting with me
I then went out and had relations with women ahhh quit boring women lol.
Now whoever i date they start dating a Crossdresser not a man that turns out to be one and i’m determined that any first date will be en fem so take me as I am.
My Point in this long post if you got down here good on you, is be true to yourself I too have thrown everything away lots of times. I too struggled with the idea of sexuality.Family and friends finding out was terrifying but your talking about clothes and a sexual partner you chose in YOUR LIFE not theirs have fun no one need no what your upto till you figure things out, there’s no shame in being gay or bi and no need to rush to tell the world ever. explore your feelings don’t hide from them, there the same feelings so many others have too why should YOU be the one that isnt aloud, But whatever you do don’t keep trying to change the way you feel it will never truly go away and as such you will never truly be happy if you don’t embrace who you are.
Whatever you do hun stay safe xxxx
Hi, so lovely your comment to Jenifer Lowans and helping her to see more clearly her issues etc. Totally agree with you. Lots of love to you lovely lady , Christina xx
Hi Jenifer,
Gurl I know the feeling. I have (I’m sure many of us have) purged many times in the past, and lost some wonderful things because of that.
When I was younger but much less now there are times when I can dress and pleasure myself. Again more so when I was younger, I would feel this intense guilt for having done something “wrong”. It was at those times that I would purge, vowing never to do it again. Of course that does not last.
I don’t know how I feel sexually. Honestly I’m “open”. But remember you are doing nothing wrong, don’t feel guilty about how you feel or what you do. Enjoy those feelings and nurture them. You do not want to have regret for not having followed your true path.
Love and hugs,
Rebekka
WOMEN, Women, Only attracted to women.
I would like to seduce a woman thinking I’m a lesbian.
Hi Joan……….I’m the opposite and want to be a woman seduced by another woman……………………….I would like to be ………..her girl……………..karley
Hi Karley,
To be a woman seduced by another woman and be her girl sounds beautiful to me too, Joan
So very true girl!
Guilt !! It’s not a great feeling and it’s cost me a small fortune over the years (throwing clothes I really wanted to keep ) . Trying to decide my sexuality!! Really don’t know as my male ego I would never fantasize about other men . However Sonia on the other hand seems less than fussy about who she spends her fun time with ?!, Only ever in my/ her head .Yet more guilt .
Sonia xxx
Hi Jenifer,
I know how you feel about the purging as I have done that many times over the years. As far as sexuality goes, I am bi and have known that for many years. I am mainly attracted to women but I have had my bi experiences but unfortunately never dressed. I feel more strongly for guys when dressed and it is one of my fantasies to be seduced while dressed. For me it’s like a switch and I think at any time when you explore your feminine side that these feelings can emerge as part of it. It’s not wrong and in time you will figure out if it’s right for you.
Maria
So true. I periodically purge and then return to my closetted dressing. I do also feel attracted to other dressers when I am dressed or in a heightened sexual state, but I am basically heterosexual.
I would love to have a few friends who feel the same-possibly dress together but nothing more.
In the past I have found that fantasies should probably stay that way. for about 80% of the time I am happy as I am.
As I embark on a journey of rediscovering my life as a woman, I’ve been quite shocked at how my attitudes towards my own sexuality have changed. Honestly, I’m not sure quite how to process the idea of being excited by being with man having spent my early years being repulsed by the idea. Right now, I guess I can’t reconcile my emotional response from the years of upbringing and culture that continually reinforced the idea that any thought of me being with a man was unimaginably wrong.
In my case, I’m simply going to take things slowly – get used to living as a woman once more and get fully comfortable in that role. Exactly where it’ll lead me isn’t knowable by me right now, just as your future isn’t knowable by you.
I would, however, urge you to continue along your path of exploration. The purging of clothes and other feminine aspects from your life is something I suspect a lot of us have done. But ultimately, in addition to being expensive, it doesn’t get you any closer to an answer; it’s just postponing the exploration you need to have in order to reach a place where you can be happy. Provided you untake that exploration carefully (in all aspects), at your own rate and respect yourself and others, there really isn’t any harm that can be done and no shame can be attached to wherever you end up.
Rachel xx
So, for 30 years I was a married straight male that really only dressed in secret and on Halloween. But all those years I always wondered what it would be like to be with another man. I am a very sensual, sexual and sexually active individual and love every aspect of human contact now that I have been divorced for 8 years. I found that I am bi-gender bi-sexual but have to be with the right man or woman to feel comfortable. Six months after “The Breakup” I ran into a very dear friend from the past that I had not seen for years. I was recently single and he had just lost his partner of 10 years to brain cancer. We were both in a really dark, scarey, and lonely place. I knew he was gay from the first second I met him years ago. We hit it off as friends and he was actually the photographer at my wedding ! Such a dear sweet soul ! So i invited him over to catch up on things and have a couple of drinks. As it started to get late in the evening and we were both a little buzzed, I went into the bathroom and changed into a very sexy revealing nightie and some pumps. I was terrified as this was the first time anyone had seen me dressed, but I thought that if he was okay with it, then I would be also. WOW…what a night…. I was so at ease and fulfilled all my fantasies and had a blast doing it. We saw each other on a regular basis on and off for about 5 years until he took his life. I was devastated and cried for days. Such a waste of a beautiful human ! Since losing him, I have refined my men to a couple of types. I’m not going down to the docks with a dress on looking for a dick to suck…although….the looks and the whistles would probably drive me over the edge and I would definitely be sure to make one more pass…! I detest body hair and need my men to be smooooth ! This brings some CD’s and trans girls into play. But sexy is sexy even sometimes with body hair. I frequent this great gay bar near home and go home with both men and women if the timing and person is right. To make a long story even longer, it doesn’t matter the gender of the person that you find attractive, just that you find them attractive. Flesh is flesh, body parts are body parts, if you feel a connection to another human being and you can pursue a relationship, “JUST DO IT”! Don’t go to the grave with any regrets. If you try it and it’s not your thing, so be it, at least now you’ll know that it’s not your thing. People just need to love other people without any gender bias and/or shame in doing what you feel. If you rule out a certain type of person, you are limiting yourself. EXPLORE YOURSELF !!!!!! I’m soooooo glad that I did….I’ve met so many wonderful people that I would not have if I lived with a closed mind. But, please, please, please be careful and be safe or you will go to the grave with “one” regret ! Alexis Rene
A few years ago I was seeing this older married guy who would come into town periodically to visit with me. I had never dressed for a guy before and was extremely nervous about doing so. He was not into CDs at all, so I had to slowly ease him into the idea.
At first, I convinced him to let me wear garters/hose while together. That got him very excited and we had a great experience together.
Sadly, he wouldn’t let me take it farther than stockings and garters, but it gave me the confidence to start dressing fully for other men eventually….which I did always with fun results 🙂
I agree completely with what’s said below…don’t go to the grave with regrets, especially on this topic.
I know that, when I am dressed, AND when I’m not, I find myself thinking romantically and sexually about men, and how I would love to be just held in a man’s arms, or lie on the floor watching television, and have “my guy” softly caress my ass and then cuddle in to spoon me from behind. Additionally, of course, to being fully feminine in bed with him.
My own little opinion is that some degree of wanting that kind of thing is what puts someone on the trans spectrum somewhere, as opposed to the person who simply enjoys crossdressing in and of itself.
Just my opinion, as I say…
I know EXACTLY what is in your head. We could share a brain. When you’re dressed you’re more of a whore than any one woman you’ve ever known and you can’t even find anything on the internet too perverse for your mind while in that zone but once you come down off that high you almost wonder how you got there. This is just a PG explanation of the real deal but trust me when I say I understand where your head is at. Would love to chat sometime. Its nice to know I’m not the only one out there. I feel so twisted sometimes and alone.
I don’t know how to express my sexuality when I am dressed up
my wife is terrific when it comes to supporting me as Jill and even is a good sport when it comes to kissing and some cuddling. I am so lucky and I realize this but dressing up also is very sexual in nature fir me, at least partially. I really struggle with how to find an outlet that is both respectful to my marriage yet allows Jill to realize these intense feelings. I guess this is my continuing battle of understanding how Jill’s sexual being fits in with the rest of Jill.
Jenifer,
In guy mode, I am 100% heterosexual – love everything about women, desire them, want to emulate them. No interest in men.
When dressed up, the object of my desire remains female. That object of desire is myself, as a woman. In other words, I identify 100% as an autogynephile. It’s a sexual orientation that I believe is the root of cross dressing for many of us, although many do not want to acknowledge it. And I accept that. It’s a concept or theory that I believe applies to me. Many dismiss it as insulting, inaccurate, biased and what-have-you. To each his own.
Coincidentally, I have written a CDH article that touches on issues of sexuality as it relates to my own cross dressing. It has just been published here at CDH in the “Hodge Podge” section. Check it out:
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/my-season-of-doubt-and-shame-part-1/
Hugs,
Mona
I love women and am married to one, but in the past have met a few guys while dressed, sometimes only partially dressed en femme. Got with one guy a couple dozen times, he even videoed a couple encounters and gave me a dvd of them. Still a “virgin” in the main way though. . Seems I only like to do one specific thing with men. :/
Stop beating yourself up. Sexual curiosity is natural in any shape or form and since we’re crossdressers it must be natural to think about being with a man as you are presenting as a woman. I started exploring my sexuality years ago when I was around 14. I’d been dressing since I was 10 then good old puberty kicked in and that was it. Come on, who remembers puberty, I had way more sexual thoughts go through my head than anything else combined, my god a warm humid breeze would set me off. So being a crossdresser I figured I must be gay and started trying to figure things out. Well after years of intense research I’ve discovered I’m bisexual but since I’m transexual I consider myself heterosexual when I’m with a man and a lesbian when I’m with a woman and I enjoy every minute of both. Take it slow, calm down and explore this side of you. You may try being with a man even just to make out a bit and quickly find, no this isn’t for me or you may try it and think yes, I’d like to take this further, but try it lifts to short for regrets and the what if’s. You and the other person are the only ones who have to know, well except us, we’re bored sitting at home so we want all the dirt. Just kidding.
How interesting to see the variety of replies in this discussion! For me it would be a guy or another CD. I’ve played the straight male to the outside world my whole life but in my mind there’s another whole universe. Realizing I was gay and loved to dress as a female hit me like a ton of bricks a couple of years back. I’d managed to craft an entire world of walls and denials just to fit in.
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