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    • #489484
      Katie Time
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 3, 2021
      Topics: 24
      Replies: 179
      Has thanked: 1213 times
      Been thanked: 981 times

      Sonia, Everyday I see another post on here that reflects my very moods, feelings, confusion, anger, frustration, you name it. And everyday I see all the support that pours out of all the folks on here that are or have in the past had these same issues. We’re all in this together and for the first time in my life I don’t feel alone, and neither are you.
      These feeling ebb and flow in us and I’ve had days that I just couldn’t deal with the whole thing. In the past this lead to purging my whole wardrobe, burning it actually. No more. I’m sure that my/our choice to live with who I/we are is right, it’s just not easy sometimes.💕💋 Katie

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #489480
      Regi Kelly
      Princess
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 36
      Replies: 1053
      Has thanked: 11175 times
      Been thanked: 4621 times

      Sonia, I’m so sorry you are feeling blue, I think we all have moments, if not the same, very similar.
      I am out to my wife, and quite happy , as I a dressed all the time at home, but in the house. The desire to just go out and be “me”, is almost overwhelming at times, I have all these beautiful things I wear, but no one gets to see them. Why??
      You are not alone, honey, there are more of us, that ask ourselves that question, than there are those who are “out”, I believe
      Hugs, Regi👩💕

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #489476
      Diane Rakers
      Lady
      Registered On: August 18, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 716
      Has thanked: 1256 times
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      I know the feeling Sonia, I know the feeling.

      Diane

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #489454
      stephanie plumb
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 17, 2018
      Topics: 157
      Replies: 2114
      Has thanked: 3378 times
      Been thanked: 9969 times

      Most of us experience this from time to time. I am long past the guilt stage but this still happens. Several things need to be in place, the most important of which is you have to be in the right mood. If opportunity occurs  but you are not really in the mood, then circumstances are not right, and your expectations take a dive.  Next time will be different!

      You are more than a proper man… you have a feminine side as a bonus… and can be either as you choose. A proper man ….. is …. just a man. You are a proper man + a girl …. Wow! how cool is that?

      Girls mow lawns too.

       

       

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #489425
      patty williams
      Lady
      Registered On: January 19, 2019
      Topics: 74
      Replies: 1400
      Has thanked: 2289 times
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      HI Sonia I feel that way a lot when you get the opportunity  you either dont have the energy or the guilt gets you .

      and those opportunities dont come that often.

      I totally understand

      Patty

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #489414
      Stephanie Bass
      Princess - Annual
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 1779
      Has thanked: 20801 times
      Been thanked: 5910 times

      Hi Sonia nice to meet you and girl sorry for your feelings as we all get them and they pass as the pink fog slips in and leaves again i know its not 100% but go mow the yard underdressed  these feelings will never go away you were born with them inbeded into your heart just take a deep breath and know Sonia is here and you have many friends here to give you support and love girlfriend ..

      Stephanie Bass

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #489409
      Bridgette VonSmirff
      Lady
      Registered On: October 18, 2020
      Topics: 32
      Replies: 1040
      Has thanked: 14557 times
      Been thanked: 3904 times

      Oh honey, you’re so not alone! Even those of us who have support feel some days “why bother, I mean who cares?” But the answer of course is that you care, and because you need to do it. Why do you need to? Who the heck knows? We’re all here for you though!

      Bridgette

    • #489357
      Sandy Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 23
      Replies: 531
      Has thanked: 1082 times
      Been thanked: 2436 times

      Hi Sonia. We have all had similar feelings at one time or another. I know last week I made an appt. with my therapist, I knew exactly what I wanted to talk about but when I got there I forgot the big things I wanted to say so we talked about a few smaller issues surrounding my CD. The following day at home in the evening suddenly I started crying, I am still not sure why, just in part I was depressed about my CD and not being able to share this part of me with any one face to face. So like I said we have all been there and are all here to listen to your ups and downs. I hope you start finding a lot more ups!!
      . Sandy

    • #489271
      Sonia Pink
      Lady
      Registered On: May 18, 2019
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 62
      Has thanked: 281 times
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      Thank you for your replys, it means a lot to know others go through the same feelings it can be such a lonely past time when your not out, we all go through so much every day.Maybe one day il be free to dress how I feel . Thank you all so much xxx

    • #489182
      Leah
      Baroness
      Registered On: June 13, 2018
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 246
      Has thanked: 3346 times
      Been thanked: 870 times

      I hear you and understand how you feel.  After reading one of the threads about how someone started dressing, it really gave me some thought provoking questions.  Are be born this way and have a deep down desire to dress up? , is it in part caused by our surroundings or upbringing?  or is it something else?

      There are times in which I wish I could flip a switch and no longer have desires to dress up and be a “typical ” guy. Yet I love shopping for lingerie and clothes, love the primping, the look and feel of lingerie.  The biggest down sides, is the hiding it and fear of getting caught. It also makes me wonder at what point will I be satisfied with my dressing or will it still evolve more?

      Makes one wonder….

    • #489176
      Clara Cross
      Lady
      Registered On: December 7, 2020
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 327
      Has thanked: 927 times
      Been thanked: 1521 times

      Sonia, that is such a heartbreaking story. I have hope that you will find the balance and perspective you need. I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know when I say this, but it’s not always going to feel this bad. And for heaven’s sake, don’t worry about being a “ proper man”. There is not one thing improper about you. You still have to mow the lawn though 🙂

      Best to you,
      Clara

    • #489168
      Tara Jeane
      Lady
      Registered On: December 12, 2020
      Topics: 8
      Replies: 214
      Has thanked: 1487 times
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      Totally get it. I had a moment recently where I actually poked my head out and breached the subject with my wife (who doesn’t know I dress). I won’t go into the whole story, because this is your thread, but the subject came up and I said, ‘What if I like to wear women’s clothes?’  She looked at me, smiled because she thought I was joking, and then as she was turning away, she said, ‘Yuk’.

      Since then, I’ve had no desire to dress and have had the ‘what the hell am I doing’ thoughts. I don’t like keeping this secret and I’ve only been keeping it since December, but I don’t see her accepting this side of me. My backordered breast plate is supposed to be here early next week though, so I’m sure that the Pink Fog will roll in heavy at that time and I’ll be happy again.  At least for a while.

      But, yeah.  You are not alone, Girlfriend!  We are all here for you too!

      *kisses* tara 🙂

    • #489124
      Stephanie Kennedy
      Princess
      Registered On: March 15, 2019
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 862
      Has thanked: 5586 times
      Been thanked: 3453 times

      Hi Sonia We all have days like that. Wishing, hoping, praying that those feelings will go away does not work. Why our brain works the way it does is still very much a mystery. Some days i wish i could take a pill and all these feminine feelings would just go away. I was under the care of  a psychiatrist for years she recommended a medicine that I did take . It did help with my dysphoria but the drug was very addictive and the effects of the drugs were only temporary meaning when the drug wore off anxiety and depression kicked back in. I just did not want to be tied to a drug. I went to see another psychiatrist, she recommended therapy to help me with acceptance. I learned that some of us can satisfy our hidden desire to express our feminine side in private and alone. Then there are others that said the hell with it I want to be me full time all the time. That part is up to you. I found that CDH allows you to connect with others that have the same feelings but the real work still has to be done by you. There are so many of us that will to assist when you are having days like this. Sonia you are not alone, these feelings will not go away, you can deny them for many years has many have done here but they always come back.  This is just apart of you not the whole of you. You have to accept this part of you so that you can allow yourself to be whole. Finish getting dressed when you have the opportunity. She will surprise you. It will make you feel better as a person.

      Luv Stephanie

    • #489106
      Michelle Trott
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 7, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 206
      Has thanked: 374 times
      Been thanked: 877 times

      I wonder sometimes if some of us deep down somewhere we can’t touch want to get caught. I don’t want to ever be caught but I take so many  chances with my dressing where I could be exposed. Seems like I always push the limit. Can’t stop myself.

    • #489104
      Anonymous
      Registered On:
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 67
      Has thanked: 247 times
      Been thanked: 347 times

      Sonia,

      First and foremost, you are not alone.  I spent a LONG time being the only one that knew my Kate side existed, and yeah, there came points where I’d say, why am I still doing this?  it’s the proverbial tree falling in the woods with no one there to hear it.  just know that whether you dress or don’t, you are you.  And that Sonia is there whether you are mowing the lawn or putting on eye shadow. The guilt is crushing sometimes.  Because secrets do that to you.  Just try to remember to love all of what makes you who you are and hopefully the rest will follow.

      Xoxo, Kate

      • #489439
        Jamie Machell
        Lady
        Registered On: April 20, 2021
        Topics: 0
        Replies: 19
        Has thanked: 92 times
        Been thanked: 45 times

        Sonia I feel for you I have been there many times. So many I can’t count. See when I was young it was like I took more risk wishing I would b caught. An at the same time I was scared to death. My heart would b pounding I would b trembling. Many times I would go out side n walk in the porch knowing that living in the country it would b somewhat safe. When I left the safety of my family I put my feelings on hold. It didn’t stop me Cause deep inside I was fighting what I now know is a truth. I’m a woman. No matter what I can’t stop that feeling. So in my one little way I have to sneak as much as possible releasing this woman. Little steps. The feelings ar so strong that I have to do something. Today I went to town by myself. I pulled away from the house, pulled in a parking lot n put lipstick on Didn’t care if someone saw. Then drove to the first store. Put on mask n went inside like I was a queen. I went to serveral stores all warring lipsticks. I bought nail polish makeup wipes finger polish remover n a new lipstick. That gave me a feeling like I needed if onlyto b feminine n buying makeup makes me feel feminine It’s the little things that have given me new thoughts of taking the next step. Cut your grass then do something feminine. Do little things n it gets easier every time you do. And having friends like the lady’s I’ve meet on this site has given me hope that I might one day break out. B free no more asking myself what is wrong with me. Little steps n cdh friends I can maybe soon break out. Love all your feelings you put out on this site n please don’t stop. Sorry I got carried away. Hugs kisses n little steps 💋💋💋

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #489102
      Eva Kelly
      Lady
      Registered On: March 1, 2021
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 317
      Has thanked: 3711 times
      Been thanked: 1575 times

      Hi Sonia,

      We all have times of feeling down. So much can affect our moods like the news, weather, society / family accepting us. There are times when I need to have a good cry by myself.

      Hugs,

      Eva

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