Would you stop and try to engage in conversation

What is the most polite thing to do?

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  • Stop and mention cute outfit
  • Stop and engage in conversation
  • Stop and just confirm your thoughts
  • Do not stop at all
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  • #359624
    Stephanie Kennedy
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    Registered On: March 15, 2019
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    I was out shopping over the weekend I was dressed very casually in a cute pair of wide leg linen pant with button down short sleeve top cute thong sandals. Just feeling cute. I noticed a younger fem image comming towards me while pushing my cart.She was dressed in a cute pair of white shorts not too short really pretty blue and white top cute wedge sandals . She just looked put together I loved the look as she got closer I noticed her small hips and her make up was a little much for the warmer weather and outfit. We just looked at each other with what seemed to be a very long couple of seconds. We immediatly knew each other we both offered a cute smile and walked be each other. I wanted to stop and say something but i didn’t. I do not want to discuss how we all know each other when we see another CD or trans.We just do. My question is what would you do if you identified another trans or Cd while out shopping. I

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    • #361019
      PY Marshall
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      Registered On: July 21, 2018
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      Hi ladies, over a span of 50 years as a plumber and heating engineer i have probably accessed  4 or 5 thousand homes and in this time ,to my knowledge i have only met 2 CD’s .Before i continue both my wife and her mum and i are aware of  my cross dressing. The first instance was in the west of Scotland there were 3 of us working in the house when one of my mates came through and said that is the guy of the house home, he is just going to get changed and then he is going to  make us a coffee before we head home !we had about an hours journey in front of us .He then came back and said ,coffee ready but what ever you do don’t stare,well what did i do,exactly,I stared he had denim skirt ,white top and make up . He opened the cupboard and laid two glasses on the table ,checked his watch poured the wine and in walked this lady who i found out later to be his wife. Kisses and cuddles and they sat down with their wine for a catch up.They thanked us for our work and we left with a gift of a tenner each for a beer.The second c d, i was informed  about prior to the house visit,for some reason i made a mild issue of the fact ,weather it was to cover my guilt and concealment i just don’t know. However i decided if i found him in c d mode on arrival at his home i would try to calm the complexity’s of the situation . He was a  captain on a large container ship,very well to do both him and his wife were so nice and kind to work for and i have had the pleasure of doing so ,probably seven or eight times to date .Sadly he passed very suddenly at Christmas . I am still his wife’s plumber but could never tell. Py xx.

    • #361000
      Araminta Purdy
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      Registered On: January 23, 2020
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      Okay!

      This has actually come up quite a few times in the past few years especially when most people were reticent to give up their ‘stealth’ patterns of self-protection. You might be surprised how much things have opened up in the past, two decades.

      It is (was) reasonable to expect that, when a secretive (and, by definition, lonely) cross-dresser sees an ‘obvious’ cross-dresser, they would want to rush over and state exuberantly that they were a cross-dresser too. Without even considering that they are confessing to an absolute stranger something that they have kept a deep, dark, submerged secret for a long, long time.

      But.

      There were two problems.

      First, most cross-dressers or persons in transition prefer to ‘pass’. That, of course, is a discussion in itself. By announcing that you recognize them as a cross-dresser, or by announcing your own membership in the sorority, or even by simply excitedly commenting favourably on their attire you are effectively saying, “You don’t ‘pass’!”. As might be expected the response is often a touch frosty, even arctic.

      Second, you are assuming that the feminine person you see is, in fact, male. What if you are wrong about that? I mean, how shame-making!

      Third (I just thought of a third) you may be witnessing a person who has fully transitioned and who is, legally anyway, female.

      So, the consensus was that if you recognize someone as transgender, approaching them with the manner without even a polite introduction is nether ladylike nor gentlemanly.

      On the other hand:

      If you are out-and-about in feminine mode and some person comes leaping over intervening barriers or persons to to announce aloud, or even in dulcet tones, that they are or love or whatever you-no-who’s, have pity on them. You too were once a naive and lonely neophyte.

      After all, in these days, we represent each other and we share the burden of educating others against the falsehoods and misconceptions of the past. The road to making athenising mornal is a long one of many small steps (usually in heels) but with many feet sharing the journey (preferably in Loboutin’s) we will get there.

      If you see me, feel free to introduce yourself. Quietly, hmmm?

      Araminta.

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    • #360906
      Misha Monroe
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      Registered On: October 29, 2018
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      At my age, if I see a woman who has clearly made an effort in her look and style, I feel the need to acknowledge it, but that’s not always appropriate.  But when I’m in a women’s wear boutique or shop I definitely pass along comments to someone trying things on – whether its a CD or GG.  Nothing flirty or scary. If a woman is trying to decide about something she’s just tried on, and our eyes connect,  I’ll for sure offer a second opinion.  “That’s perfect on you”  and if it’s something that’s not working for them, I’ll say “Can’t decide?” And if they share their ambivalence, then I’ll give them a subtle unspoken “not so much”.    I think Cis women in particular value girls like us for a second opinion.   And sister CDs and Trans Women definitely appreciate it.  At least I do. Particularly if it’s complimentary!

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    • #360692
      Nick Lacroix
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      Registered On: February 3, 2020
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      I would of mentioned something about her outfit, how cute she looked. I like talking with other crossdressers. It just feels good to share with someone who experiences the same thing I am.

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    • #360259
      Stephanie Bass
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      Registered On: October 14, 2017
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      I always complement anyone dressed cute or when the makeup makes me wish I were that good at. I work at a retail store but being small town seldom do I see a CD shopping but I always try to say hello and complement them. There is one she is much younger that I see quite often we always speak to each other. One day I was buying lunch and she was in the checkout ahead of me buying hair color and ran short on funds.  I could tell she really wanted this so I told the cashier just add her purchase to mine.

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    • #360203
      Jannie Murry
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      Registered On: October 15, 2019
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      I consider myself a outgoing person. I’ll have a conversation with anyone. It doesn’t matter to me if its a gernetic girl or a CD. As long as I feel comfortable with whoever it is I’ll engage in conversations with them It’s a great way to make friends or have a lasting relationship

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    • #360110
      Paula F
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      Registered On: August 7, 2019
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      Molly,  the cards I give out are only meant for the ‘new’ girls that are out in public for their first or close to first times and are obviously a little intimidated by everything going on around them.  Regardless of their age, new girls are very easy to spot, even if they have been keeping the dressing only at home for ages and finally venturing out.

      PaulaF

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    • #360024
      Paula F
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      In this part of Texas, it doesn’t happen often that you run into another sister out and about.  I know how intimidated I used to feel for many years after first coming out.  At first, I always was with my bf.  After Vincent was transferred overseas, it took a lot of false starts to find my way out on my own to go shopping.  One day in JC Penney, I was walking towards the lingerie section and just knew that everyone on the 2d floor of the store was watching me.  I was looking at some sexy black panties when a voice moved behind me, from one side of me to the other as they passed, “Good Morning honey!” in a mixed female but masculine voice.

      I almost peed myself right then as I hadn’t noticed anyone even close to me.  I kept her in the corner of my eye as I shopped a bit more and watched her go down the escalator and disappear.   When I got to the 1st floor to go to the checkout, just as I hit the main floor, she appeared beside me and gave me a nice compliment on the casual outfit I had chosen, and then told me to have a good day before she moved on and away on her own business.

      Going home, I thought a lot about what had happened in Penney’s, and the more I thought, the better I felt about her speaking to me, but moving on before I could utter one syllable of probably the most nervous my voice would ever have sounded.  Before I got home, I had decided that I liked what she did, no pressure for a response or forced conversation with some one I had never met before, just a few words as she passed me and kept on moving.

      A while after the incident and I had grown more comfy in who I was and how I presented, and I found myself doing the exact same thing to a sister that was brave enough to shop in daytime, but had the ‘deer in the headlights’ look.  I did much the same as the Lady did me before and just kept moving, but listening for a reply from her.  But I understood why she kept quiet and I wasn’t offended at all, and it did make me smile and hope that she came close to the understanding that I did when it happened to me.

      And I did finally see and meet the girl who first did the same to me after a couple of months, and we became friends.  From then on, when I would see another CD out shopping I have always given them a smile and at least a good day or morning or a hello.  It has always been important to me in the sometimes predatory atmosphere of the gay clubs to let a new girl that I see know she isn’t alone and is more than welcome to join me and/or my friends for a bit until she is comfortable enough to relax and enjoy themselves, but now I am forward enough to give them a blank business card with my name and cell # on it, “just in case” written underneath for if they need to talk or something.

      I did choose “Don’t stop at all”  as I have broken the ice by greeting them, the next step is theirs and I don’t want to force a conversation if they are a little shy about it.  I fully understand why.

      PaulaF

      • This reply was modified 4 days ago by Paula F.
      • #360062
        Molly
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        Registered On: October 22, 2018
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        Wow, just beautiful!  I will remember this approach and I love the card with the “Just in case”.   I’d have to be doubly sure before I gave out on of those as I wouldn’t want to offend by accident.  This is truly inspiring!

        -Molly

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    • #360010
      Laura Lovett
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      Registered On: March 26, 2020
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      CD or not, if I like an outfit while out en femme, I will say so.

      Cis women have no qualms whatsoever about telling me that they like my outfit, or whatever I happen to be trying on – and I think it’s very lovely of them to say so!

      As a CD, it gives me a confidence boost, and no-one comments on the fact you’re a CD, unless they’ve had a drink or 2 – then they will happily talk to you about it for ages!

      So go ahead, make a sister CD’s day – you don’t want to out them, so let the conversation end there if that suits the situation.

      Me, I could care less about being outed – it’s pretty obvious, I think, so no harm done. My favourite riposte to any negative comment is “I’m not a real woman” – usually cracks a smile 😀

      Love Laura

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    • #360005
      Heather Jameson
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      Registered On: April 1, 2019
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      There are 2 other girls in my city that I have seen out and about, the one I see quite often as she doesn’t live to far from me. I’ve talked to them both and the one was very up tight about it, that’s the person I don’t see often. I don’t think she likes the attention of  2 CD’s talking, too easy to be made right. The other girl is 24/7, I’ve seen her in Walmart, the butcher shop and at the market on Saturdays. I was talking to her at the market one day and was introduced to her wife and daughter, nice girl but I do agree with Peggy Sue you have to be careful and know your boundaries at all times.

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    • #359915
      Valerie Greene
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      I am not sure. I would probably just smile back and regret on my way home that I said nothing.

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    • #359910
      Tammy Joseph
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      Registered On: December 4, 2018
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      I don’t believe in the adage don’t talk to strangers. So I’ll often say hello when I’m near someone in a store. I have no problem starting a conversation or whatnot. Or at least giving someone a smile.

      So if they were close enough, I’d say hello. After that it’s just a matter of how someone acts. Very seldom are people rude if you are being sincerely friendly.

      As for if they’re a CD or not does it matter? Why not just be friendly, share a smile and something nice to say? The world is cold enough and people are stressed and lacking enough kindness. If we all are a little nicer maybe we can make positive changes.  At the least we make someone’s day or their trip to the store a little nicer.

       

       

    • #359903
      Peggy Sue Williams
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      Registered On: June 26, 2019
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      Right off, I would be very careful who you believe is a CD.  You just could be totally wrong.

      Engage in conversation?  Be very cautious, and actually, I would say be extra very cautious.

      There are so many variables involved, that I would say lean strongly toward not engaging someone in conversation.  However, all that being said, I rely very much on my gut instinct, which means I carefully and thoroughly assess the situation, then ask myself do I really want to converse with this person?  Don’t know if any particular approach is safe, but hey, what girl does not like to be complemented about their clothing or appearance?  All things considered carefully, then make just a very brief comment, “Your top is so cute.”  Maybe, something like, “Your sandals are adorable.”   Be quick to pick up on the person’s reaction.  Non verbal language yields big clues as to whether this person is receptive to you.

      Overall?  When in doubt, or it just doesn’t feel right, then follow your gut and move on, without saying anything.

       

      Hugs,

       

      Peggy Sue

       

    • #359884
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      I would not stop. Some people are not OK with being identified and you never know who that would be…

    • #359836
      Lucinda Hawkns
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      i put down do not stop and talk,  it might be a good idea to just keep on going to what i was doing so i would not be approached by some one else i might know and see me dressed up talking.   plus i never went out to a store dressed up.

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    • #359825
      Alison Anderson
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      Registered On: October 15, 2018
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      I’ve been told that you don’t say anything.  You don’t know how it would make them feel, even if they were read by another crossdresser.  You can’t look at someone and tell if they are a crossdresser vs. a transgender.  And they may not feel comfortable enough using their voice in public.

    • #359805
      Stephanie Kennedy
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      I agree with you Dana I was noticing the outfit and how cute it looked on her. Then she got closer she caught me off guard Next time do the girl thing for sure. I wished i did say something now She did look cute in that outfit. Luv Stephanie

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    • #359804
      Falecia McGuire
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      Registered On: January 11, 2019
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      I did not respond because my truthful answer was not among the choices; I would watch discretely until they acknowledged me!  I have not been out truly en femme in years.  When I did so, I never encountered anyone.  I do, however, frequently go out-and-about androgynously or dress entirely in women’s clothing items, shoes, and accessories while presenting as a male.  I have grown quite comfortable mostly with this presentation, although I sometimes get nervous if I think I might meet a family friend who could mention an encounter, and my unique attire, to my wife at some later time.  Nevertheless, when I’m out that way, I’m often engaged by women, mostly young, who approve of my choices and I assume my courage to wear them.  When that happens, I’m thrilled and am eager to talk about my outfit.

      One of my recent encounters was at the KC (Missouri) vehicle registrar.  I was wearing low-rise, flared jeans with a wide fashion belt.  My top was a light weight sleeveless blouse with a v-neck.  My shoes were open-toed suede booties with a fringe and 3-inch Spanish heels.  The clerk helping me discovered that I did not have the personal property tax verification that was needed.  While I was trying to locate the information, she was looking me over.  When I got off my cell phone she asked, “Where did you get those boots?”  I told her that I got them at Off Broadway Shoes.  I added that they had sizes for men and women (which was a kind of fib).  As we chatted we kind of connected and she figured out how to complete the process without any further trouble.  I think some women like men with feminine interests!

      FAM

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    • #359700
      Stephanie York
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      It really depends on her demeanor . If she appears confident and smiling I would compliment her. If she appears nervous or shy I would just smile.

    • #359674
      Amy Myers
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      I find I just cannot do this poll.

      That’s because there are too many variables in that situation. In some cases I would simply smile and walk on by, but in another I might very well stop and chat. Part of it would be how busy the location was at the time. I wouldn’t want to make it obvious to others nearby that we weren’t average GG’s out shopping. Then it would be the reaction of the other person, if they seemed nervous or embarrassed I wouldn’t want to upset them even more, but if they seemed to be interested I certainly would make an effort to chat.

      I very nearly had a something similar happen to me, but missed it by a few seconds.

      Last year I was in a store en femme where the owner knows me, and she is a chatty lady, so we were talking away, and just before I left a noticed a couple of women come in. I mentally pegged them as a same sex female couple. They went around an aisle past me, so I didn’t get a really good look at them, and were coming back to the front when I said goodbye, and took my leave. Well, the next time I was in there, she tells me that the couple was a woman, and crossdressed man. Very cool! I wish that I had been able to interact with them.

      Amy

    • #359670
      Dana
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      CD or GG I will compliment on items people are looking at. I would never assume or let them know I know. Just be girl’s it’s who we are. 💋❤️💗💕💋

    • #359649
      April May
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      Depends. If I was attracted to her, I would definitely engage. Always looking for a date!

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    • #359642
      Deborah Sullivan
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      On those rare occasions when I see another cd I would smile and say cute top or something but only if I am in girl mode as well

    • #359630
      Kay Anderson
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      I was at Costco and was near the underwear section. I have looked at the camisoles a few times with thoughts of buying but did not, so I am familiar with the section. I saw a middle aged man walk up, look around to make sure no one was watching, altho he did not spot me. He looked at the women’s stretch tank tops, picked out a package and walked away. He was thin and I thought they would look nice on him! I didn’t say anything, he appeared to be a bit nervous and I didn’t want to rattle the poor guy. I hope he enjoyed his purchase!

    • #359628
      Stevie Steiner
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      A few years ago I probably would have just moved on ( after admiring ).
      Complete 360 now. Would definitely stop and compliment/chat. It would be a very positive experience.
      To borrow a phrase from X-File, ” we are not alone “. ” the truth is out there “.
      Stevie

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