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Man, I feel like a Woman 🙂
I’ve been wanting to tell my story for so long now. So, here it is. You have all been so great in your advice that I feel I owe it to you. Like many of you, I am pushing 50, so there is allot to tell! I hope you are sitting back dressed in something comfy with a glass of wine. Here goes!
I am Crystalline, or, Chris, my given name. Its also the name of one of favorite songs from a favorite band of mine – The Midnight. Go ahead, Ill wait ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-II-NwKHeM )
If I dig back into my deepest memories, I think I was probably in middle school when I discovered I enjoyed wearing woman’s panties. I know, it sounds so cliche but it really did start with my Moms’ stash! They sure don’t make them like that anymore. I would “borrow” them as often as I could, and then try to put them back like I found them. I remember I even used to mark on a desk calendar which ones I wore that day.
As one can imagine, I was not very good at hiding the fact that I took them. My Mother never confronted me about it – but my Dad did…many times. He would always tell me my Mother knew about it and to stop taking her stuff. Right, sure. That worked! When I got older, I at some point started buying my own. Probably cheap “Granny Panties” from the local cheapo store. I would keep them under my mattress. And guess what, my parents would always find them! Again, it was Dad that would bring it up. But, strangely I was never in trouble. He would always advise “Just don’t let your Mother find them again”.
When I went away to school, that’s when my dressing flourished. I had many pairs panties and I always loved satin camisoles to sleep in. The slipperier the better! I would not wear anything 24/7 or if I had roommates around, but I was nice to have some freedom. Then I met, Laura.
She was a classmate and to say the least, she was very open minded. I don’t recall how long it took me to tell her about the real ME, but for the rest of our relationship I was free to wear whatever I wanted, whenever. It was great!
OK, Ill pause here. Yes, all of my romantic relationships have been with ( and are with ) women. If I had to classify myself – RIGHT NOW, I would say that I have always been a Bi-Curious Cross Dresser. More on that later!
Anyway, Laura and I lasted about 5 years, so things were good for a long time. But my dressing never went beyond panties or a camisole. At that point, I had no desire to transition or live as a girl. I’d be lying if I said I never THOUGHT about it though.
After Laura I met my first wife, Angela. We were a pretty match. We had a lot of fun. Again, I did not let her know about me right away. Foolishly, I kept it from her until we were married. That did not turn out the way I planned. There were times when she was OK with my dressing, and sometimes she would despise it. I really wished she would have made up her mind. It was an off and on battle. Finally, a few years later, she snooped on my computer, printed out a bunch of CD related sights I had been on, and “presented them” to me as a tool to justify a divorce. It back-fired on her though, as I was re leaved to end it. There was a lot more going on then just my underwear choice! We ended on good terms. One of the last things she told me, was don’t ever hide your “thing” to your next relationship again. She was right!
This brings me to my wife, Linda. We met online and instantly hit it off. We have so much fun, we are like best friends. This time I took my Ex-wife’s advise. I told her about my cross dressing quite quickly, probably about a month in! I pretty much told her this is Me, I will never change. Take ME or leave ME. Well, we have been married 8 years now and I have not worn “boy” underwear since that day! We even have the perfect beautiful 6 year old daughter.
It was Linda that I finally admitted to that I have the curiosity. We have spent many a night talking about how It’s my ultimate fantasy to be dressed up all pretty, and be with a man that will satisfy my curiosity. She has never said, “NO you cannot do that it will ruin us”. But on the other hand, she has said that she understands my situation and it’s something I would have to come to terms with. As a couple, we have decided its not really cheating. I have never gone outside the marriage for another woman, and never will. In all this time though, I have never acted on my fantasy. There is still a tiny bit of me that rejects the idea. But, more of me wants to find that perfect guy. I guess MOST of me is just afraid of it in reality!
Within the last few years, my dressing has become more of a part of my life. I have even gone so far as to purchase 2 full satin wedding gowns! My wife and I went to a CD Halloween party – as Bride and Groom. You can guess which one of us was the bride! That was really the first time I had ever been out in public and it was amazing.
As I approach 50 years old, I am not sure if its just the testosterone failing to regenerate itself, or if I have finally, somehow come to terms of who I really am, but my desires to dress are more powerful than they have ever been. A few months ago I decided I wanted to drop some weight so I would look better dressed. That motivation, along with diet and excersize has gotten me into size 14 jeans!
I have gotten a lot more daring lately too. Except for work, I hardly wear men’s jeans out anymore! My wife makes little remarks about how I should choose less “feminine” ones, but I think she really knows why I do 🙂 Around the house, I am in women’s’ jeans and a nice feminine T shirt or Top. I am getting more daring out of the house. I love to drive my car around wearing cute tops! Only to put on a man’s sweatshirt when I get out of the car. But, I think that’s not going to last long! The only concern from the wife is that I did not spend too much. I had to explain that it all came from thrift stores. And its always panties and a cammi to bed!
So, where do I want to go now? Well, again, I would be lying if I said that I did not have any thoughts deep in the back of my mind that I would transition. I go to bed some nights wishing I could just completely come out, and start HRT. But, then there are other nights where I admit to myself that its pretty fun being ME – and getting to “play girl” whenever I want.
I think though, what I really want to do is I want to get to a point that we can go out as a family and I can dress how I really want. Along side my wonderful family. And if I ever do find that perfect guy, maybe I will act on my fantasy and be the girl I want to be and satisfy my curiosity!
thanks for reading!
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