- This topic has 31 replies, 23 voices, and was last updated 3 years ago by
.
- Posts
I’m a fairly private person. And I don’t do online friendships that often, and rarely accept them. Even rarer for me to request one.
I have recently recieved a few friendship requests from people I haven’t seen engage on the forums. When I check out their wall, I discover they haven’t engaged in the forums at all.
Today I discovered 5 friendship requests. 1 accompanied by a friendly message. A lady who has been a long time member, and whose engagement on the forums is encouraging. Another from a long term member who has written many articles, posts, and frequently engages on the forums. ( both have a well developed profile.)
And 4 other requests which offer no explanation as to why they want a friendship. They have no history of engagement on the forums. And seem to be collecting friends for the sake of it.
Anyways. I thought I would throw in my 2 cents worth about online friendships.
What’s your general requirement in making online friends?
You will probably be inundated with requests now!
Personally I pretty much accept all requests. I think some people may be ‘collecting; friends, but if someone is willing to reach out I am willing to ‘listen’ to them.
So, far, nothing of a close nature has developed and I tend to respond to respond rather than initiate conversation.
Araminta.
Hello MJ,
Pleased to meet you.
I’d suggest that you got lucky. Two solid sounding friend requests from girls that have an established presence.
The other ones, if they don’t understand that you would prefer to get to know them before accepting friend status, it’s not your problem. It’s for them to sort out, not you.
Marti x
Mary Jane…
You and me both! I’m sure it’s a hangover from the evil empire of Facebook! It’s a different sort of thing from the message lamp on one’s old fax machine… no blinking light = no friends!
I’d far rather answer a PM rather than reject a request but sometimes I just click accept so as not to offend.
Though… in saying that, there are folk out there with whom I have had good, productive conversations with and have grown to like them!
Polly xxx
Unless the people making requests are obviously not who or what they claim to be, I accept all friend requests. (It’s easy enough to cancel friendships if problems arise.) When it comes to making requests myself, I generally limit them to people with whom I have something in common.
Mixed bag for me. Good news: CDH has led to some lovely on line and in one case personal friendships. (Refer Dani’s Debut under my “article” heading).
Not so good news. I define the word “friend” as someone whom I share mutual interests and respect… Now given I’m “way down south” in Australia and CDH by nature and definition is largely “up north”, if I receive a “friend request”, the first thing I do is check the profile of the initiator. Thus geography is an important part of it all.
Plus, unless there’s a good dollop of profile and at least one photo, reflecting the above parameters, I’m highly unlikely to accept the request.
So I just let it sit there…
I fail to see how anyone on the planet can accumulate 40-50 “friends”…. But that’s how many I’ve ended up with and I would only regularly be in contact with about 10% of those..
Thus with the exception of the above, its all a bit shallow…
Caty.
I try to be open minded about friend requests. I’ve gotten a few requests from girls that didn’t have much activity and their profile page was empty. But it was apparent they were struggling. I’ll always accept those. For most requests, I like to see something on their profile page or activity. If there’s nothing, I’ll sit on the request and see what happens. If there’s still nothing after a few days I usually decline the request. For requests that I accept, I always send a short message to the sender.
As far as I am concerned, all my sisters are already friends. A stranger is a friend you haven’t met yet.
Obviously, it pays to be wary.
An online friend is someone I’ll chat with – usually in the forums. I don’t use the chat, but I do reply to all PMs and comments… eventually 😍😍😍
I’m very, very selective about who I choose to meet up with as an offline friend – I don’t do “hook ups”, and I’m not an escort – but I definitely do shopping, meals and evenings out.
Love Laura
It’s a very interesting topic, Mary Jane, there’s a lot of nuance to the world of online friendships, whether here or elsewhere.
Generally, I react to friendship requests based on the feeling I get from them at the time, which can be based on their profile, what they’ve said in posts and also down to how I’m feeling at the time! I have had one or two requests from people who clearly were looking for something more than this site is for, one was accepted but very quickly cancelled. I do tend to view a request from someone with no content in their profile with a degree of suspicion especially if the request is made the day they join.I have made some great friendships here – some I chat with very regularly, some more sporadically. Just like in ‘real’ life. The overall friendliness is one of the reasons I love this site so much. It is a safe environment to be in and the structure of it works well. Yes, there is the odd squabble or disagreement, but that’s what friends and family do!
Isabel x
I like to see a reasonably complete profile. I definitely want to see some indication of age.
Lee Ann
A lady never reveals her age, Lee Ann; and for some of us, it’s a painful reminder. LOL
Hugs,
Bettylou
I have a couple of friends here on CDH, but I’ve only had requests every so often, never so many at one time.
I always check out the requestors wall, and all of the ones I’ve accepted have stuff on their wall, and they have also logged in recently too.
On another forum I go to, I’ve known a few of the people on there for at least 10 years, so even though we have never seen one another in person, we have gotten to know each other well thru our posts.
There was a similar forum on this in the life as it goes section(something like fake profiles)a week or two ago . It was about accepting Freind requests and how to avoid trolls. There was a lot of good advise in it as well as here. I can remember when I joined I was intimidated to say anything in the forums and was looking for friends. The silly thing I did was I sent out blind requests to anyone listed in my geographic area. I didn’t even look at there profiles or their activity. I was lucky in hind sight because most are cool people who I’ve chatted with but some haven’t even logged in for over a month. I think it would be rude to cancel the friendships of those inactive members, so there they sit. Like Emily said some of those newer members are struggling and could use a little help. I can definitely identify with those new members with a blank page. No friends and maybe a little intimidated to post there thoughts in the forums because I was there too. At the end of the day it’s blurry line between new members looking for support and a troll.
I alway check the profile of requests, and I send requests as well, but I look at the persons profile to whom I have sent a request. 🌺🧚♀️
Something that disheartens me is the amount of girls who live this life, that are into it for, well, ulterior motives if you know what I mean ( not necessarily on CDH, although I have had some requests that turn into that nature here, but Facebook for sure). I guess I’m naive, I know that side of this type of life exists, and I think that is part of what gives girls like us a bad name. 😢
I just wish it wasn’t like that or that people didn’t expect that of us.🧚🏼🎀
I agree Effie. I must be naive as well. I’m reading through the lines on your meaning of ulterior motivations but I’ve had a few messages sent to me that seemed inappropriate. Nothing that warranted getting admin involved in, but you would think that they would read your profile before sending such a message(if it says married in a profile that individual might not be looking for a certain kind of Freind). It’s a shame that some people aren’t here for what I think are the right reasons.
I ignore most of the trolls but always open to accept anyone I consider a serious cd that wants to share feelings and outings together. I adore my girlfriends from CDH
Hi Deborah! What are the signs that someone is a troll? I haven’t run into any yet that I know of, thankfully, just a lot of amazing ladies.
I count every girl that i interact with in the forums as a friend. Friendship requests sent or received and accepted, are only really valid if it goes further with private chats. Otherwise what’s the point?, its just a number, and you may as well not bother and just communicate through the forums…
Just my opinion, grace xx
Hi Mary Jane,
Online friendships have been a lifesaver for me, since all the in-person venues have been closed for more than a year. But I understand and agree with your comments. I have many unanswered friend requests; almost all from new members who provide no biographical data or photo, and who seem to have made en-masse friend requests. And if I revisit that request a month or two later, I will see that they were last online the same week as that request. I suspect they are all long-gone, never to be heard from again.
Bettylou
when it comes to on line friends and social media accounts I handle them fairly simple, you want to be a friend, I am open to accepting them but there will always be parameters to them…language=foul-mouth I don’t accept (I understand cussing-i am talking Eddie Murphy where every other word is f, constant negative-those are the ones that are alway comparing their own superiority, or constant can’t do’s, hustlers or trolls=hehehehe omg I have no idea about these but they are really easy to spot=most will tip their hand within 24 hrs, they are the ones that will ask too many or wrong personal questions…
now I have been very reserved when it comes to my private life in the past and I have spent the past 3 years doing everything o can to reverse this, but I am a highly mistrustive or suspecious of the motives of people, my background has offered me the opportunity to meet people that had ulterior motives and that comes out quickly…the hardest for me are the in person friends…I want them, I want to be an encouragement to them, but there I have tougher guage for me, I look at the eyes-those seldom lie, body language- there are little expressions and postures that are dead give aways for me, then there is the questions and delivery of the questions-ask the wrong questions or continue pushing when I am hesitant to answer…red flag…as said here, I can unfriend someone but I usually make an attempt to first to define the my hesitancy with someone before I unfriend them…in person,,,well lets just say I may not come back, but I will do my best to explain as much as I can, but most important are my senses (that quiet voice in my heart). If that voice starts talking, I pay close attention to it…the only time I can think of that voice being wrong is when I don’t listen to it…and it is in those times I have learned my lessons best…loves.When it comes to friends on CDH, fill out your profile. That is a must.
I don’t mind accepting friendships, I think it can help the new people feel a part of this. I was there not too long ago.
when I first started CDHmy profile was bare bones, I was unsure of this site ( try a few of the other CD sites), once registered at a sight it is hard to disconnect and my experiences there caused me to be very reluctant to share much about myself. I actually spent about 3 weeks in the background watching and listening…there was only one incident that almost made me leave, and that was when I was requested to adopt a femme name by Billie (thank you Billie), it was difficult as I don’t identify as trans or female, but with changes of name, I have actually grown and lost friends, (I now use Stephanie or Steph in my real day to day living and it really messes with others head, (not in a bad way) but it does spark their curiosity and opens the door to more in-depth conversations around biases, discrimination and understanding that this is more than the perception the general public has, especially the Christian community (which I am still a part of).
So even if the profile is bare, it might be because they are new and have had negative experiences. Thank you for pushing me to grow in ways I never anticipated coming here.Thanks Eva. Not sure when you are no longer the “new girl in town,” but as someone who’s not quite “three months old,” I appreciate the friendships I’ve struck.
Girls have a right to refuse is the way I look @ it. I’m just here to explore my inner girl and chat with those who are in the same journey as me. 💋💋
- The forum ‘Relationship Advice’ is closed to new topics and replies.
Recent Comments