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I feel there is a distinction to be made from crossdressers and those who feel they were born in the wrong body entirely.
What V is to me is a band aid I put in place long ago, a band aid to cover wounds I’ll never fully understand. There is a need for her, even when I wish there wasn’t.
At times when I’ve put her on and prepare to unzip, I have a full head of clarity. I can be okay without her. I can be okay.
But I’m not okay. Not in the long run at least. She is part of a cycle. Upon research it seems I have transvestic fetishism, which simply means she comes with arousal.
When in the middle of wearing V, she convinces me that I would be happy to be her permanently. With such a liberating experience available, the idea is tantalizing in the moment. But then relief inevitably comes and the idea of being V disappears. I wash off the makeup, take off my clothes, and reapply the plastic to my self adhesive forms, successfully putting her away once again. I always think I can reach a point where she isn’t needed. It isn’t like I am in a sexless marriage; not by any stretch of the imagination. Irregardless V still comes back again and again. Many times she lets me have the stage entirely; other times she would like the stage to herself.
I have read some posts on here and find that many find your persona to be tied into your identity; V is mostly tied into my sexuality.
My hope is that a few people on here can relate to the sexual component of crossdressing and that I am not alone.
Thanks friends.
I understand what you’re saying, Valorie. However, in my case, Stephanie is not linked only to my sexuality. I can get dressed up and just enjoy being feminine without any sexual activity.
Valorie,
Many of us at some point or another have been through a fetish dressing stage. For some, that’s it. For some others it is part of a self descovery process.
I give a lot of credit to the members of CDH for not falling for the same disfunctional approach as many other CD related sites where there is an established “pecking order” in which those who are “fetish dressers” are not even considered authentic CDs, and those who are in process to transition and/or living Full tile as females tend to believe that everybody else is just “playing pretend”.
So, if for you it is a fetish, and you can be ok with it, well, more power to you! For some of us it allow us to express part of who we are. Are any of us “transgendered”? Depends on who you ask. Does it matter? To me, it doesn’t. I’m not into collecting labels. After all labels mostly explain a small part of what I do but can’t never fully explain who I am.
Gaby 💜
Valorie, I have the exact same experience. Very much tied to sexuality. But I have reached a point, over time, where I feel JaiymeLynne is really who I am. Sometimes. It goes back and forth. Both parts of me exist at the same time currently. I feel I need to remove all my body hair, so she can be more comfortable. And to meet and interact and make friends with other cd/tv/trans people. To be able to feel comfortable, with friends, to go out as JaiymeLynne shopping or the the movies. To be supported in my journey, if that’s what will bring me happiness and joy in my life. Because at the end of the day, isn’t that what we all desire?
Thanks for your post.
JaiymeLynne
Hi Jaiyme Lynne,
I can definitely relate to the split nature. At times V wants me to do just a little something, such as shave my chest. It’s never gone beyond the chest simply because explaining why my hairy legs are suddenly shaved is not something I can do in a believable way haha
The idea for me to have some friends that dress just like me is more and more desirable, simply because we would know a very private part of each other’s lives, not having to pretend to fit the norm. On the flipside, I do wonder if it would lead to a broader place where I dressed in public as V. And that’s not something I really want to do. I worry it would open Pandora’s box.
Thank you for taking the time,
V
As I have said on other threads, I see myself as a guy who has a feminine side. A side that needs an outlet. I sleep better in a nightie, for example, and like to underdress.
I too don’t like labels, if you adopt a label, the risk is you try to match the label, rather than be you.
As for fetish dressing – so what if someone does that – its their body and their clothes, and who are they affecting if done privately or with due respect for others like their SO?
If it is an outlet, them maybe the more or longer the need is suppressed, the stronger is the medicine of outlet? Maybe a little each night or a cosplay session monthly adds up to the same amount of outlet.
I don’t know, I am still struggling to find the answers for myself, and I certainly don’t have the answers for all the variations on the CD theme.Hi Candy,
It is definitely an outlet. I sometimes feel like I have multiple personality disorder (well 2 personalities haha) but with full awareness of it.
It’s definitely a 50/50 kind of thing. I’ll never fully understand it. And I know a day is going to come where my wife and I plan on telling our daughters.
My hope is that since I’ve been there for every moment and dedicated my life to them by being the stay at home parent that they will not feel it changes who they’ve known me to be. V being in me, even if it is more sexuality based, still makes me a gentler and more understanding person.
Thanks,
V
I meant to add in my post – I think you hit the nail on the head with the title;
“Our Band Aids All Look Different”
It is different for all of us.
I guess for me it started out as a fetish then started heading into the more discovery stage. I really love dressing! I feel so much better as a person, mind body and soul. I am even considering trans.
Sasha,
It’s easy to see how it could go beyond a sexual component. There is something truly invigorating with pulling the woman from within out. Some people find she is the majority of who they are and decide she deserves to live the life in place of the male persona. Others are at peace with the male persona and are just trying to find a good balance. I fall more in the lattee category.
Thanks for the reply,
V
You are definitely not alone Srephanie. You have done a wondeful job of explaining the feeling and urge to dress. I believe, and I am still trying to totally understand why I dress, the CD’s have different needs. I have found out that I just love to look at pretty women, and admire those who try to and do stay in shape. I try to get that by dressing.
When I’m dressed I certainly feel like a different person, energy wise, personality wise, sexual feelings wise also. And it keeps evolving. As it does, I am happy to say I feel more confortable going out, and mingling with people, it just feels more natural trying to be a lady.
Then when the day or hour is over I go back to drab, and I can enjoy that also, untiul the urge comes to dress. And it comes much more now either because of age, or perhaps because of time available.
Do what you have to, be you, enjoy it. If out in public. Ill quote a book I read–“Dressing with Dignity”. Make it a better world for the next generation, and this generation.
Valorie, your comments, feelings and observations mirror mine completely! X
Hi Celeste,
I am nearly 28. I know that’s young when compared to many of the journeys on here. Being a husband and a father, even though ‘man’ is a role I haven’t found to come naturally to me, I can’t let V overtake me. She can have a room and I can give her some time, but my duty is greater than what will make me happy. Could I be happy as V fulltime? I believe I could be but I would also miss the man I am. And I simply couldn’t do that to my daughters and wife.
Thanks for the reply,
V
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