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Hi girls, thought I’d share my story on how I came out. Maybe return some of the help I have received. PS it’s a long one.
It was the day before my 31st birthday I wasn’t looking forward to it, started to feel old. I woke up at my friend house earlier than I usually did after not much sleep. Stressed and tied, worried about my thoughts on woman’s clothes. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I had to tell someone and my friend, who is also my ex and like my sister, was too close not to tell.
So when she woke up properly, we sat at her table and I told her I like CDing. I the premtited the question am I gay and assured her I’m not. She just took it and said she was fine with it. Told her I liked the way the feel on me. Rest of the day went by as if I hadn’t said a thing. It got to tea time and I tried to talk more about it. She just went upstairs and came down two minutes later, Dress In Hand. Said that it was mine. It’s loose, completly unflattering and not Trishs but was my first dress. Wore it for the remainder of the day.
Went my mum’s that night. Got there about 8 o’clock, tied from the ride and emotional day. Collapsed on the couch. My mum knew something was on my mind straight away. Tried to pretend I was just tied. Two agonising hours later, everyone had gone to bed apart from my mum. Knew I had to tell her, we’d always been close. I’m basically the male version of her. She was obviously shocked, but sopportive. Two weeks earlier I told her I felt less masculine than most men. I was cring and shaking as I told her. She was like why didn’t you tell me earlier, you knew I’d sopport you, you’re my son. It probably helped my sister had come out as gay few months earlier, not that we hadn’t known for years. I just said it’s only just reached crisis point and I couldn’t hold it in any more. We talked more for about another hour I think, want keeping track of time. She said why don’t you tell your sister.
So she went to get her whist I went the toilet. Knew my sister wouldn’t be bothered and she wasn’t. She was like, it’s nothing unusual. We talked about what clothes I like and she ordered me a pencil skirt. We then talked and I said I was scared how my dad would take it. He’s from Iran, thus has served and was on the front lines in the Iran Iraq wars. He has been asking if I was gay for years.
After some encouragement my mum decided that he’d probably take the news ok. So went upstairs and asked him to come down. Sat on the couch next to him shaking bmore than I thought possible. Said that this was the scariest thing I have ever done. Had a line in my head, you know you’ve always wanted to know if I’m gay, well I’m not but there is something. He’s like okay? I like womens clothing I said. He asked why, I explained. Two minutes later he was making a joke about it. We all finished off our cuppas and went bed. No one got any sleep apart from my sister, who has fatigue due to cancer meds. It’s stable and controlled.
Next day I felt more releived than ever before. My secret since I was 12 was out. I spent time talking to my femme self. She introduced herself. My sis was going Tesco for a few things, do I gave her my card and she got me some clothes. Wore them that night. Paranoid I’d wake me two young neices 10 and 14 yo and little bro, 10.
Thus Trisha Langdan was born, she didn’t want my mum’s maden name, don’t know why. Can’t decide if her birthday is the 20th or 19th. All I know is that my 31st went from being irrelevant to one of the most important days of my life and I couldn’t ask for a better family.
Well that’s my story, warned you it was long. Hope this helps some of my lovely sisters.
Love Trish
Trisha — what a touching story. Sharing this part of you with family can be the hardest. You did it with such courage! I have come out to 2 of my 4 brothers so far and wondering how to share this with my mother. Have no idea how she’ll react (positively I suspect). Unfortunately my father passed about 11 years ago ( I suspect that would have been the hardest), same as you suspected from you father.
I hope now you can let Trisha find her way more .
Best to you Sandy
Hi sandy, I know I’m lucky to have the family I have. Truth be told coming our was a necessity for for me as I’m a poor liar. They would always know I was having hiding something, especially my mum. I still do have to tell my boi dad, think I will when I move out of the flat I share with him In February time. Hope Ill still have a relationship with him after that. He’s religious.
Read your posts alot recently. You have been a big inspiration for me. Thank you for being you.
Love Trish
Thank you ladies. I Hope my story could help someone. The next test for me is in February when the I’m planning on telling my biology dad. It’s a none practicing Johovas Witness. Im 50/50 on how that one will go, but don’t want to hide due to fear. You ladies have give me this courage.
Love Trish.
Hi Gurlz
These replies are so supportive for all of us. Thank you.Kind Regards
Roxie.
Great and very touching story, I loved it. I’m so happy for you that everything turned out positive for you. I wish you nothing less than happiness and contentment for you and your family. Love, Kathleen
Wonderful story and no it wasn’t long at all. Much had to be said and it happily did go well especially when involving family. Pressures have certainly been released now bring out Trisha out and meet the world. Beautiful hearing your touching story and thankyou for sharing it to us..
Stephanie 🌹
Hi Stephanie. The weight of hiding my passion is off my shoulders. It’s slightly been replaced by worry especially for my mum. She had alot on her plate before, now I increased her load. She worries about how I’m gonna be treated, Trish taking over, how far I want to take it and finding a women to love. I think thqm my parents are always going to worry about things there worryiers. The more responsible I’m am on my side the less theyll feel I hope.
Love Trish
touching. good for you.
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Very touching and inspiring, my friend! I’m so glad Trisha Lilly doesn’t have to live in the shadows!
*kisses* tara 🙂
Well well now Gurlz
I have had an up and down stealth relationship with Roxanne over the last 47 years or so – I have written about this somewhere – I think in my profile…
I am a bit vague as my head is spinning my heart is going just short of the speed of sound and my knees are so weak, I don’t trust that I can walk to get a strong mug of coffee… I badly need to take something to recover!!!
My SO came home earlier than expected… a few hours ago she found a pile of ladies clothes in the shower where I undressed in like 3 minutes flat!! As I was acting a bit strange… she asked me first what was going on…
I lied saying all is good, she was not happy / convinced… soon after she noticed the pile that I could not pack away!!!
She asked me about it… I felt it was the end of the road, no more stealth, there was no value in juggling secrets any longer – perhaps 50 years or so, before I wanted to mention it to anybody – I told her it was mine!!!
She stormed off saying she must leave before she “loses her shit” common SA saying, meaning, before a person goes ballistic / gets angry… not sure how international that saying is…
I just fell on the bed… stunned, shocked, speechless terrified, yet strangely so calm and relieved- NO MORE SECRETS!!!!
About an hour later… she calmly said lets take the dogs for a walk…
I believe her career choice and clients she has seen over more than 10 years saved me from a harsh reaction…
We spoke for over an hour – dogs were getting quite tired!!!
I started at 4 years and ended 47 years later – she was real calm!!…
She is currently friendly… watching Netflix together…
Calm before the Storm? The Eye of the Storm???
She said she can accept my situation but will have to think about it before giving me some kind of answer…
I am so anxious for what the future holds but I have lied to her for 23 years of marriage- I will just have to ride it out and take it from there…!!!
Kind Regards
Roxie.
Hi Roxie, I hope everything goes well for you. Sounds like she is processing everything. Putting yourself in her situation is be shocked too, especially after 23 years vof marriage. I have my fingers crossed for you.
Love Trish
Hi Regine and Trisha
Yes the day has gone much better than expected but still some way to go!!We have spoken deep down, more than we have in years, she understands and accepts more than I could have wished for…
So many situations came up from the past where I lied, to either cover my CD activities or my anger and frustration for not being able to de-tune in my favourite outfit, all on my own, a very lonely experience!!!
Yes the dishonesty is a very big thing!!! Yet she says she understands why I did it – all the cover up of a dual lifestyle the career choices, non contact individual sport (cycling and tennis) where I was not part of the locker room jostling etc. My total abhorrence to bullies was another issue, I was bullied fortunately(??) not for CD activities but my shyness and independence in refusing to partake in the groups activities – from child-ish / boy pranks, drinking competions to racist attacks on others ( I grew up in the old South Africa, last century!).
Her only wish was that I should have shared this a long long time ago!!!
She was happy for me to allocate space in my wardrobe today for Roxanne!!! Wow what a wife!!??
As I did this she gave me some of her belts, a necklace belonging to her Gran. We discussed my likes and dislikes colours, lipstick and makeup and even thanked me for guiding her to dress more appropriately!! Wow x10 billion times!!! (STILL NOT ENOUGH TIMES)
The next hurdle is for me to demonstrate how I appreciate what she has done for me and our relationship going forward – no more macho / stupid reactions, no more lies, confiding in her as a normal human being etc…
So that is a mouth full of note from me!!
Any support on these things and anything else I have not mentioned, that other Gurlz have gone through would be highly appreciated!!
Thank you again for CDH and the opportunity to share – this place has become my safe journal – I never wrote this down before, for fear of someone finding my journal!!! Here I am writing to 1000’s but I feel so at peace.
Kind Regards
Roxanne.-
That’s just wonderful, Roxanne! What a fantastic and caring wife you have! Continued good luck to you both!!
*kisses* tara 🙂
Good for you, Roxie, the hardest part is over, and it sounds like she is already somewhat accepting. I think, from all of our stories, and from talking with my wife, the hardest part for our SO’s to get past is the secrecy/dishonesty aspect of it all, Hopefully she will understand and be ok with it.
my fingers and toes are crossed for you,( I had my eyes crossed too, but couldnt type,lol)
Huge hugs, RegiHi Regine – thank you please read my reply to Trisha.
Hugs Roxie
Thanks for sharing this Trisha! I’m so glad things turned out so well for you. It’s a wonderful story, and inspiring too! My dad is a bit like yours, and I’ve been super reluctant to come out to him, even though I’ve been out to my mom for a while now.
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