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  • #417006
    Trisha Lilly Hibbert
    Participant
    Registered On: December 8, 2020
    Topics: 23
    Replies: 441
    Has thanked: 2650 times
    Been thanked: 1565 times

    Hi girls, thought I’d share my story on how I came out. Maybe return some of the help I have received. PS it’s a long one.

    It was the day before my 31st birthday I wasn’t looking forward to it, started to feel old. I woke up at my friend house earlier than I usually did after not much sleep. Stressed and tied, worried about my thoughts on woman’s clothes. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I had to tell someone and my friend, who is also my ex and like my sister, was too close not to tell.

    So when she woke up properly, we sat at her table and I told her I like CDing. I the premtited the question am I gay and assured her I’m not. She just took it and said she was fine with it. Told her I liked the way the feel on me. Rest of the day went by as if I hadn’t said a thing. It got to tea time and I tried to talk more about it. She just went upstairs and came down two minutes later, Dress In Hand. Said that it was mine. It’s loose, completly unflattering and not Trishs but was my first dress. Wore it for the remainder of the day.

    Went my mum’s that night. Got there about 8 o’clock, tied from the ride and emotional day. Collapsed on the couch. My mum knew something was on my mind straight away. Tried to pretend I was just tied. Two agonising hours later, everyone had gone to bed apart from my mum. Knew I had to tell her, we’d always been close. I’m basically the male version of her. She was obviously shocked, but sopportive. Two weeks earlier I told her I felt less masculine than most men. I was cring and shaking as I told her. She was like why didn’t you tell me earlier, you knew I’d sopport you, you’re my son. It probably helped my sister had come out as gay few months earlier, not that we hadn’t known for years. I just said it’s only just reached crisis point and I couldn’t hold it in any more. We talked more for about another hour I think, want keeping track of time. She said why don’t you tell your sister.

    So she went to get her whist I went the toilet. Knew my sister wouldn’t be bothered and she wasn’t. She was like, it’s nothing unusual. We talked about what clothes I like and she ordered me a pencil skirt. We then talked and I said I was scared how my dad would take it. He’s from Iran, thus has served and was on the front lines in the Iran Iraq wars. He has been asking if I was gay for years.

    After some encouragement my mum decided that he’d probably take the news ok. So went upstairs and asked him to come down. Sat on the couch next to him shaking bmore than I thought possible. Said that this was the scariest thing I have ever done. Had a line in my head, you know you’ve always wanted to know if I’m gay, well I’m not but there is something. He’s like okay? I like womens clothing I said. He asked why, I explained. Two minutes later he was making a joke about it. We all finished off our cuppas and went bed. No one got any sleep apart from my sister, who has fatigue due to cancer meds. It’s stable and controlled.

    Next day I felt more releived than ever before. My secret since I was 12 was out. I spent time talking to my femme self. She introduced herself. My sis was going Tesco for a few things, do I gave her my card and she got me some clothes. Wore them that night. Paranoid I’d wake me two young neices 10 and 14 yo and little bro, 10.

    Thus Trisha Langdan was born, she didn’t want my mum’s maden name, don’t know why. Can’t decide if her birthday is the 20th or 19th. All I know is that my 31st went from being irrelevant to one of the most important days of my life and I couldn’t ask for a better family.

    Well that’s my story, warned you it was long. Hope this helps some of my lovely sisters.

    Love Trish

     

     

Viewing 13 reply threads
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    • #422911
      Cindy Lou
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 18, 2020
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 431
      Has thanked: 1852 times
      Been thanked: 2000 times

      Thanks for sharing Trisha, I think your thread idea is an excellent idea. A long detailed post about our coming out story helps us understand each other here.

    • #422894
      Dawn Wyvern
      Ambassador
      Registered On: February 23, 2019
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 236
      Has thanked: 227 times
      Been thanked: 960 times

      Trisha

      many thanks for sharing your wonderful story – its heartwarming to see how accepting people can be ! lovely to see another UK girl having positive experiences when coming out !

      huge and happiness

      Dawn x

    • #422892
      Ashley
      Lady
      Registered On: May 25, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 188
      Has thanked: 530 times
      Been thanked: 623 times

      Thanks for sharing this Trisha! I’m so glad things turned out so well for you. It’s a wonderful story, and inspiring too! My dad is a bit like yours, and I’ve been super reluctant to come out to him, even though I’ve been out to my mom for a while now.

      • #423464
        Trisha Lilly Hibbert
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 8, 2020
        Topics: 23
        Replies: 441
        Has thanked: 2650 times
        Been thanked: 1565 times

        Hi Ashley, like I said it was the scariest thing I’ve ever done. I think because he’s the symbol of masculinity in my life. I wish you luck if you ever decide to tell him.

        Love Trish

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #422745
      Roxanne Korgi
      Lady
      Registered On: December 20, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 59
      Has thanked: 385 times
      Been thanked: 242 times

      Well well now Gurlz

      I have had an up and down stealth relationship with Roxanne over the last 47 years or so – I have written about this somewhere – I think in my profile…

      I am a bit vague as my head is spinningΒ  my heart is going just short of the speed of sound and my knees are so weak, I don’t trust that I can walk to get a strong mug of coffee… I badly need to take something to recover!!!

      My SO came home earlier than expected… a few hours ago she found a pile of ladies clothes in the shower where I undressed in like 3 minutes flat!! As I was acting a bit strange… she asked me first what was going on…

      I lied saying all is good, she was not happy / convinced… soon after she noticed the pile that I could not pack away!!!

      She asked me about it… I felt it was the end of the road, no more stealth, there was no value in juggling secrets any longer – perhaps 50 years or so, before I wanted to mention it to anybody – I told her it was mine!!!

      She stormed off saying she must leave before she “loses her shit” common SA saying, meaning, before a person goes ballistic / gets angry… not sure how international that saying is…

      I just fell on the bed… stunned, shocked, speechlessΒ  terrified, yet strangely so calm and relieved- NO MORE SECRETS!!!!

      About an hour later… she calmly said lets take the dogs for a walk…

      I believe her career choice and clients she has seen over more than 10 years saved me from a harsh reaction…

      We spoke for over an hour – dogs were getting quite tired!!!

      I started at 4 years and ended 47 years later – she was real calm!!…

      She is currently friendly… watching Netflix together…

      Calm before the Storm? The Eye of the Storm???

      She said she can accept my situation but will have to think about it before giving me some kind of answer…

      I am so anxious for what the future holds but I have lied to her for 23 years of marriage- I will just have to ride it out and take it from there…!!!

      Kind Regards

      Roxie.

       

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #422941
        Regine Rich
        Princess
        Registered On: October 9, 2020
        Topics: 21
        Replies: 600
        Has thanked: 6284 times
        Been thanked: 2588 times

        Good for you, Roxie, the hardest part is over, and it sounds like she is already somewhat accepting. I think, from all of our stories, and from talking with my wife, the hardest part for our SO’s to get past is the secrecy/dishonesty aspect of it all, Hopefully she will understand and be ok with it.
        my fingers and toes are crossed for you,( I had my eyes crossed too, but couldnt type,lol)
        Huge hugs, Regi

        3 users thanked author for this post.
        • #423042
          Roxanne Korgi
          Lady
          Registered On: December 20, 2020
          Topics: 2
          Replies: 59
          Has thanked: 385 times
          Been thanked: 242 times

          Hi Regine – thank you please read my reply to Trisha.

          Hugs Roxie

          1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #422784
        Trisha Lilly Hibbert
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 8, 2020
        Topics: 23
        Replies: 441
        Has thanked: 2650 times
        Been thanked: 1565 times

        Hi Roxie, I hope everything goes well for you. Sounds like she is processing everything. Putting yourself in her situation is be shocked too, especially after 23 years vof marriage. I have my fingers crossed for you.

        Love Trish

        4 users thanked author for this post.
        • #423059
          Roxanne Korgi
          Lady
          Registered On: December 20, 2020
          Topics: 2
          Replies: 59
          Has thanked: 385 times
          Been thanked: 242 times

          Hi Regine and Trisha
          Yes the day has gone much better than expected but still some way to go!!

          We have spoken deep down, more than we have in years, she understands and accepts more than I could have wished for…

          So many situations came up from the past where I lied, to either cover my CD activities or my anger and frustration for not being able to de-tune in my favourite outfit, all on my own, a very lonely experience!!!

          Yes the dishonesty is a very big thing!!! Yet she says she understands why I did it – all the cover up of a dual lifestyle the career choices, non contact individual sport (cycling and tennis) where I was not part of the locker room jostling etc. My total abhorrence to bullies was another issue, I was bullied fortunately(??) not for CD activities but my shyness and independence in refusing to partake in the groups activities – from child-ish / boy pranks, drinking competions to racist attacks on others ( I grew up in the old South Africa, last century!).

          Her only wish was that I should have shared this a long long time ago!!!

          She was happy for me to allocate space in my wardrobe today for Roxanne!!! Wow what a wife!!??

          As I did this she gave me some of her belts, a necklace belonging to her Gran. We discussed my likes and dislikes colours, lipstick and makeup and even thanked me for guiding her to dress more appropriately!! Wow x10 billion times!!! (STILL NOT ENOUGH TIMES)

          The next hurdle is for me to demonstrate how I appreciate what she has done for me and our relationship going forward – no more macho / stupid reactions, no more lies, confiding in her as a normal human being etc…

          So that is a mouth full of note from me!!

          Any support on these things and anything else I have not mentioned, that other Gurlz have gone through would be highly appreciated!!

          Thank you again for CDH and the opportunity to share – this place has become my safe journal – I never wrote this down before, for fear of someone finding my journal!!! Here I am writing to 1000’s but I feel so at peace.

          Kind Regards
          Roxanne.

          • #423140
            Tara Jeane
            Lady
            Registered On: December 12, 2020
            Topics: 2
            Replies: 84
            Has thanked: 778 times
            Been thanked: 396 times

            That’s just wonderful, Roxanne! What a fantastic and caring wife you have! Continued good luck to you both!!

            *kisses* tara πŸ™‚

            2 users thanked author for this post.
          • #423077
            Trisha Lilly Hibbert
            Baroness
            Registered On: December 8, 2020
            Topics: 23
            Replies: 441
            Has thanked: 2650 times
            Been thanked: 1565 times

            Hi honey, I’m sooo happy it went well for you. Your wife sounds amazing!! The first clothes you receive mean so much don’t they. I hope you have a fantastic time with her and your wife enjoys her time with Roxanne!

            Love Trish

            3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #420737
      Tara Jeane
      Lady
      Registered On: December 12, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 84
      Has thanked: 778 times
      Been thanked: 396 times

      Very touching and inspiring, my friend! I’m so glad Trisha Lilly doesn’t have to live in the shadows!

      *kisses* tara πŸ™‚

    • #419612
      Rachel McFadden
      Lady
      Registered On: November 13, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 61
      Has thanked: 112 times
      Been thanked: 380 times

      A wonderful story with a great ending. I’m happy that you found acceptance from those closest to you. I hope that continues in all aspects of your life.

      Rachel xx

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #418897
      Rachel Cross
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 13, 2020
      Topics: 29
      Replies: 241
      Has thanked: 1430 times
      Been thanked: 1404 times

      touching. good for you.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #417855
      Stephanie Flowers
      Ambassador
      Registered On: June 26, 2017
      Topics: 26
      Replies: 4809
      Has thanked: 8319 times
      Been thanked: 8338 times

      Wonderful story and no it wasn’t long at all. Much had to be said and it happily did go well especially when involving family. Pressures have certainly been released now bring out Trisha out and meet the world. Beautiful hearing your touching story and thankyou for sharing it to us..

      Stephanie 🌹

       

      • #417942
        Trisha Lilly Hibbert
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 8, 2020
        Topics: 23
        Replies: 441
        Has thanked: 2650 times
        Been thanked: 1565 times

        Hi Stephanie. The weight of hiding my passion is off my shoulders. It’s slightly been replaced by worry especially for my mum. She had alot on her plate before, now I increased her load. She worries about how I’m gonna be treated, Trish taking over, how far I want to take it and finding a women to love.Β  I think thqm my parents are always going to worry about things there worryiers. The more responsible I’m am on my side the less theyll feel I hope.

        Love Trish

         

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #417846
      Kathleen 60454
      Lady
      Registered On: January 8, 2020
      Topics: 38
      Replies: 329
      Has thanked: 1832 times
      Been thanked: 1172 times

      Great and very touching story, I loved it. I’m so happy for you that everything turned out positive for you. I wish you nothing less than happiness and contentment for you and your family. Love, Kathleen

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #417836
      Trisha Lilly Hibbert
      Baroness
      Registered On: December 8, 2020
      Topics: 23
      Replies: 441
      Has thanked: 2650 times
      Been thanked: 1565 times

      Thank you ladies. I Hope my story could help someone. The next test for me is in February when the I’m planning on telling my biology dad. It’s a none practicing Johovas Witness. Im 50/50 on how that one will go, but don’t want to hide due to fear. You ladies have give me this courage.

      Love Trish.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #422787
        Roxanne Korgi
        Lady
        Registered On: December 20, 2020
        Topics: 2
        Replies: 59
        Has thanked: 385 times
        Been thanked: 242 times

        Hi Gurlz
        These replies are so supportive for all of us. Thank you.

        Kind Regards
        Roxie.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #417782
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 878
      Has thanked: 2811 times
      Been thanked: 4224 times

      Omigosh, I love real life stories like this, thank you so much for sharing!

      New box of Kleenex needed, oh! The tears of joy!

      Love Laura

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #417742
      Mika Malone
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: November 11, 2020
      Topics: 30
      Replies: 592
      Has thanked: 1739 times
      Been thanked: 2282 times

      That’s wonderful, Trish. Thanks for sharing it with us and I’m happy it turned out well for you.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #417106
      Emily
      Lady
      Registered On: April 30, 2016
      Topics: 21
      Replies: 782
      Has thanked: 4443 times
      Been thanked: 2522 times

      Great story with a happy ending! Love it! Thanks for sharing it.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #417026
      Sandy Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 17
      Replies: 395
      Has thanked: 817 times
      Been thanked: 1731 times

      Trisha — what a touching story.Β  Sharing this part of you with family can be the hardest.Β  You did it with such courage!Β  I have come out to 2 of my 4 brothers so far and wondering how to share this with my mother. Have no idea how she’ll react (positively I suspect).Β  Unfortunately my father passed about 11 years ago ( I suspect that would have been the hardest), same as you suspected from you father.

      I hope now you can let Trisha find her way more .

      Best to youΒ  Β  Sandy

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #417104
        Trisha Lilly Hibbert
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 8, 2020
        Topics: 23
        Replies: 441
        Has thanked: 2650 times
        Been thanked: 1565 times

        Hi sandy, I know I’m lucky to have the family I have. Truth be told coming our was a necessity for for me as I’m a poor liar. They would always know I was having hiding something, especially my mum. I still do have to tell my boi dad, think I will when I move out of the flat I share with him In February time. Hope Ill still have a relationship with him after that. He’s religious.

        Read your posts alot recently. You have been a big inspiration for me. Thank you for being you.

        Love Trish

        5 users thanked author for this post.
        • #421434
          Cissy D
          Lady
          Registered On: March 18, 2016
          Topics: 1
          Replies: 13
          Has thanked: 0 times
          Been thanked: 31 times

          What a wonderful story. You are a lucky girl to have such an understanding and supportive family. I hope you will be able to continue to grow as Trisha. Perhaps you can have some mother/daughter experiences with your mum.

          4 users thanked author for this post.
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