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Finally, I am out of hospital. Still quite poorly. I get out of breath quite quickly, but I’m mobile and can do stuff….Within reason.
Cerys has returned, but some things are a little difficult. Bending over to pull tights (PHs) on makes me breathless. Likewise trying to do straps up on shoes…. So it’s boots and slip ons for a while.
It’s long sleeves for a few days as my arms are covered in bruises from canulas and blood extractions…. Made worse by blood thinning meds.A few interesting things… Thanks to the final CT scan…
1) I have an Hiatus Hernia… My stomach has broke through my diaphragm. It’s quite a large one, but not one large enough to require surgery. This explains why I can no longer eat large meals, why I get indigestion quite easily, and why my chest sometimes makes odd gurgling noises.
I’m treating it a natural gastric band 🙂2) I have a 15mm (5/8ths) section of scarring on my right kidney…. This might be nothing, it usually is, but it might be cancer!!!!!!… So I’m booking in for more detailed scans.
My heart rate is still high, but no where near as high as it was over the weekend. My O2 levels have improved. I’m not hovering around 97 to 98% as opposed to 94 to 95%.
For the past 25 years I have had the fear of pulmonary fibrosis hanging over me as both my eldest brother and my mother had it…. The scans have shown that I DO NOT have it. This is a huge weight off me!!!!! What I have is curable. PF isn’t without a lung transplant!
So a mixed bag of news.
Not being able to be Cerys has caused me to forget how to put lipstick on! I made a right mess of it this morning.
Not being able to be Cerys made me forget how to do my hair after a shower…. It was OK, but nowhere near to how I like it to be.
Not being able to be Cerys meant I forgot my “muscle memory” I use when swapping earrings. I’ve worn the same studs for 5 days, not removing them. I went to put new earrings in today and I couldn’t find the hole. I had to look in the mirror to do it!
Not being able to be Cerys made me forget how wonderful it is pulling on a tight, short skirt!!!!!!! Oh how I missed that!!!!!!It was only four days in hospital, but it’s had a huge affect on me. It has also made me make a few decisions that will cause a little hassle with my wife…. I want be be called Cerys when dressed. I’m only very Cerys on here. My wife has never been keen on my having a name. I intend to have this conversation soon.
I want to go out more often as Cerys. I do go out, but it’s usually on my own, and it’s controlled.
I want to tell family and friends…. Most do not know, though a few do.
I want to wear false nails and nail varnish. This is something my wife has never been keen on.I nearly died! I’m nearly 56 years of age. Who knows how long I have left. When this clot goes, another could form again in a few years. This time I might not be so lucky. My heart has been under a lot of pressure trying to pump blood past the clot. This has caused a small amount of damage. This might get worse, and it could stop beating the next time I get stressed…. It probably wont, but it’s still a worry. The scarring on my kidney might be cancer… It will be treatable if it is, and one can live with only one kidney, but what if it is cancer and it has spread elsewhere?
I don’t want to live as Cerys, I am not transgender, but I do want to Cerys to be more free. I want her to be able to go to the shops without having to get changed. I came close. I don’t want to die unhappy. Cerys needs and deserves to be free!
I would like to thank all those that passed on good wishes. I was reading them an 3AM in my hospital bed most nights. British hospitals are noisy places and are not great for sleep (the staff are amazing though!). The messages helped keep the demons at bay, and for this I thank you!
Cerys.
So glad you are out of hospital and recovering. I hate hospitals! You say UK hospitals are noisy, well, so are those in the USA. Beeping alarms not switched off; beeping monitors; noisy equipment with clacking relays that could have been made with quiet ones. But the staff are wonderful.
Again, here’s to a swift, full recover. Best, Marlene.
Cerys
This may be my last post, as I said would go into hibernation May 1st. See forum Ginger snap into hibernation. I believe you are the reason I delayed to the 1st. I too have lived with many health issues. Neck fusion, lower back fusion, 48 spinal nerve burns, toe surgery and fusion, left/right thumb joint replacement, 2 partial knee replacements, knuckle joint replacement/fusion, and kidney cancer. Luckily contained, so cancer gone when kidney removed. Sounds like we have lengthy health issues. Prayers for your recovery and kidney diagnosis. Be positive, maybe I’ll be back to CDH, we can discuss being medical miracles. Love you allGinger
Cerys, so glad you are doing better. I hope the other health things found are cleared up quickly and painlessly.
I can understand your need/desire to be Cerys more of the time. I realized a couple of years ago, after I turned 65, I found more and more I needed/wanted to explore where all this CD/trans thing was going. I keep telling myself at my age I might have 28 days left or 28 years (my current health is good). Cassie SO MUCH wants to be out and see where this all leads.. Best of luck to you Cassie
Cerys –
Glad to hear you’re home and recovering. Being in the hospital is never fun whatever the reason.
Sounds like you have a plan, good luck with it. For a long time my wife didn’t know my femme name. Once she knew she would use it on occasion. Now she uses it pretty frequently – when she lets me know it is okay to spend some time dressed, doing online shopping and a couple times we’ve been clothes shopping and she asked me if Suzanne would like a particular item of clothing. It is nice to hear her use it. I hope your wife is accepting of doing that for you.
Continued speedy recovery.
XOXO
SuzanneVery pleased that you are out of hospital, and good luck with the kidney problem. Best, Marlene.
PS US hospitals are noisy also, mostly unnecessary noise. I cannot sleep when in hospital and my blood pressure skyrockets. But the staff are wonderful here also.
Good idea I had thought of using some kind of ear covering for next time; hope there is not one though! Thought of using not small but large ear muffs that you use around noisy machinery. I don’t care how they look. May be a problem with sleeping though, though I often sleep propped up on my back, usually when I fall asleep when reading in bed.
Should get some small ones just in case. Thanks! Best, Marlene.I was trying to read in bed while my wife watched YouTube videos. It was impossible to concentrate, so I got out my ear protectors, trying to make a point. It didn’t work for her, but I was able to get back to my reading. 🥰
They aren’t uncomfortable and in a hospital setting would, again, be trying to make a statement.
That’s funny! I was kept awake by a loud “beep, beep, beep” some beds away. In he morning I asked the nurse what the sound was a sit was on all night. She replied it was an emergency patient alarm!! There was no emergency but they don’t even hear it they are so used to it so did not turn it off. I should have asked much sooner Best, Marlene.
Cerys, so glad you are on the road to recovery.. prayers and I wish you healing energy..
About 3 years ago I went through a 4 hour spinal surgery (11 titanium screws to relieve the stenosis) with 9 weeks of inpatient physical and occupational therapy with a neck brace which added more discomfort…a few experiences to share ..during the winter I take liberty to polish my toenails (ruby red). Before my surgery I was placed in ICU and was examined by two very professional nurses…they were very complimentary and they mentioned the toenails would be our “little secret”… when I finally got home from inpatient therapy, I continued my own therapy with donning leggings (PH)and overhead dresses… so fortunate that the surgery did not short circuit my feminine alter ego lol
thank you all for listening… Warmest regards, Leonara
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