• Creator
    Topic
  • #633961
    Tara Jeane
    Participant
    Registered On: December 12, 2020
    Topics: 21
    Replies: 346
    Has thanked: 2208 times
    Been thanked: 1880 times

    First, I want to re-introduce myself. I’m Tara Jeane and I’ve been a member here on CDH (the best place on the internet) since 12/16/20. It’s been a while since I’ve posted or hung out here much. Not really on purpose. Just busy and life gets in the way. But I feel what I did today needs to be posted just to let you know it can be done.

    Ladies, I can honestly tell you that I NEVER thought I’d be making this post in the forums. I just never thought I could do it. But, this morning, I did.

    I don’t know what it was about this morning. I was doing some stuff and needed to take out some trash and I always put on a skirt to take out the trash. It’s just one of those things that gives me a quick opportunity to dress, even if it’s just a little.

    So I took the trash out to the trash can and came back upstairs. I stood there for a second.  I knew my wife would be up any minute and I just decided…today is the day. I just can’t hide it any longer. I fed the dogs and when I was finished, I heard her come out of the bedroom. My flight instinct almost took over but I was like NO! It’s time.

    I called out good morning and she said it back and I walked around the corner in my skirt.

    She came out of the bedroom and she said, what are you wearing? Is it a long t-shirt?

    I said, No. It’s a skort.

    WHY are you wearing a skort?

    Because I like them….and I have to tell you something else. I also like dressing as a woman. (Some background, I’ve been wearing leggings around the house since I’ve been a member here. I just told her that I thought they were super comfy and it took a bit, but she became fine with me wearing them around the house. We also bought the same pair of ladies Skecher’s shoes cuz I said I really liked them. She said, but they have a pink logo and I colored mine blue, so she was good with that also.)

    She was (expectedly) a bit dumbfounded. We both sat down and I told her how I’ve wanted to and have worn women’s clothes starting as a kid. I’ve always thought women’s clothes were prettier, more fun and what I’ve wanted to wear, but I couldn’t unless I was alone. I told her that when I had the chance to do it through junior high and high school, I would transform into Tara. She asked, who is Tara? Me! I’m Tara. She said, really? You were actually a girl when you dressed? Absolutely. Did your parents know? NOBODY knew. The weird thing is when I went away to college, somehow I buried that part of myself until December of 2020 when I was putting my hair in a ponytail in the mirror and EVERYTHING came flooding back. She said, Oh my God. That part of yourself was gone for over 30 years? Yep. And I tried to stop after those first couple of months and I can’t. This is part of my being and truly who I am.

    She asked, you’re not going to BECOME a woman, are you? I said I had no plans to transition and that I’m a cross dresser and gender fluid. Sometimes I like projecting as male and sometimes female. She asked if it went beyond skirts. Do you wear a bra? Yes. Do you have women’s clothes hidden somewhere? Yes. Are they prettier than mine? (That was funny and we both laughed.) I said not necessarily. But I do really like tennis skirts. Where did you get your clothes? Mostly Goodwill. She knew I frequented thrift stores looking for shirts I could tie dye, but didn’t know about me buying women’s clothes (obviously, since I JUST told her) and I didn’t go into the EXTENT of my clothing collection (OR SHOES!) since I didn’t want to over burden the discussion, so there’s still some stuff there to review as time goes on.

    So far, she’s understanding, but she said she doesn’t want to see me dressed.  She said she’s fine with me wearing leggings, but doesn’t really want to see me wearing skirts.  I have a feeling that over time, she’ll let me, but we’ll see.  The ONLY way that I will do that is if she comes to ME and says you can wear your skirts. I will not bring it up again, unless prompted. I told her that I knew this was a lot to process and I’m sure she’d have questions. All you have to do is ask and I’ll be as honest as I can.

    Overall, it was really positive and that is a HUGE WEIGHT lifted off of my shoulders!  I honestly thought I would take this to the grave unless she found out somehow. Now, I’ll be waiting for the ‘Whiplash Effect’ that we’ve heard so many times at CDH where the wife was initially understanding and then, not so much.  Hopefully, that doesn’t happen, but it’s one day at a time now. We hung out all day today and she didn’t bring it up again. Like I said, I’m giving her Grand Canyon kind of space with this. It’s possible she’ll bury it and it’ll be a ‘don’t ask/don’t tell’ kind of thing (which, based on my level of terror in coming out of the closet to begin with, I think I’d be fine with). Or, she’ll want to know more about it.  We’ll see. But you CAN come out of the closet girls. I want you to know that it IS possible!

    If you have questions, just ask!

    *kisses* tara 🙂

Viewing 15 reply threads
  • Author
    Replies
    • #663615
      Holly Morris
      Lady
      Registered On: April 15, 2022
      Topics: 64
      Replies: 151
      Has thanked: 1906 times
      Been thanked: 1671 times

      Hi Tara.

      Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. I know exactly what you mean, I kind of came out to my wife in a similar fashion (it wasn’t planned, it just happened and went went from there). I know you had to have been scared (I was), but there’s sooo much relief after you come out to her.

      Anyway, congratulations on taking that huge step!

      I just sent you a friend request, so anytime you’d like to chat, let me know.

      Hugs,

      Holly

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #663603
      Becka
      Lady
      Registered On: January 7, 2017
      Topics: 100
      Replies: 1159
      Has thanked: 750 times
      Been thanked: 3083 times

      Great story Tara and bravo for you!!!

      Love and hugs!

      Becka!

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #663589
      Amanda Woods
      Lady
      Registered On: November 26, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 100
      Has thanked: 174 times
      Been thanked: 424 times

      Good for you!!! I hope it all works out. I was able to come out to my wife and had the luxury of being able to be Amanda whenever I wanted. Yes i have an awesome,understanding wife. However since my elderly parents moved in with us,Amanda unfortunately went right back in the closet and this is horrible for me. I am working up the courage to tell at least my mother about Amanda and we will see how that turns out. Love to all you lovely ladies out there, keep living your true authentic lives.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #663325
      Tara Jeane
      Lady
      Registered On: December 12, 2020
      Topics: 21
      Replies: 346
      Has thanked: 2208 times
      Been thanked: 1880 times

      I just received a ‘thanks’ for this post from April and it reminded me that I should probably do a follow up since I’ve continued to move forward and my wife has continued to let me.  For about 2 months, I would dress and go out occasionally and we were in a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ kind of mode. She knew I was going out of the house dressed sometimes, but didn’t want to know about it or see me.

      About 3 weeks ago, I bought some women’s bikini tops and bottoms.  I tried them on that night and when I put one on in particular and went to the mirror, I just broke down. I mean BOOM and just started bawling. BAWLING! I just felt so right. It was like a switch went off in my head and my male self left and my female self took over. I knew then and there that I wanted to be a woman all the time. I wanted to transition.

      Over a week went by before I found the courage to tell my wife. To be honest, she said she expected that I would go this direction (I guess she knows me pretty well after 30 years). She’s not thrilled about it. But she has said, after reflection, that whether I’m a guy or a girl, she feels like she’s better off with me than without me.  That means a lot to me.  BUT, we still have A LOT of ground to cover.  She’s very sad.  That bothers me. It bothers me that in order for me to be happy, she is sad. She’s sad that the guy she fell in love with and married is going away and she’s not sure she’ll like this new person. I’ve tried to assure her that I’m the MOSTLY same person….the same soul….but in a different wrapper. It’s a transition for both of us.

      I’m not out at work yet but I have a plan and will be out before the end of the year (and likely a lot before that).  I told several of my really close friends at a party 2 weeks ago. They all say pretty much the same thing. I don’t understand, but I support you and that’s about all I can ask. One friend’s wife has even adopted me as her girlfriend, which is amazing!  Effie Jayne has become one of my best friends since I met her here on CDH and she has had a HUGE effect on my life as someone that is already over a year ahead of me on the transition scale and in a similar situation as me.  I have made an appointment in September with a transgender doc (endocrinologist) to start discussing HRT and I can’t wait to meet with her and start that part of my journey.

      Today felt like my first full day of my transition. Getting ready to go out on my regular errands, but knowing I was going to do it as me and not that guy. My wife knew I was doing it and saw me for the first time dressed (she’s still a little freaked out, but is still here). I felt so normal, comfortable, relaxed. And to add a cherry topping to the day, a checker at Costco who I’d had a nice interaction with once before, said when she scanned my card and looked at my male picture and then at me, she said, I’ve helped you before, right?  I smiled and said yes. She said, you look GREAT! And so happy! I mean, I almost burst out of my skin I was so happy. I told her that I’d started coming out to more people and she smiled and said, well keep it going!  How freaking nice is that for someone to say? I wish she knew how much she lifted my spirits today!

      All I can say is that CDH has allowed me to finally become, well, ME!  Never in a million years would I have thought I’d be on this precipice and ready to take the leap.  But I’m 57 now. I have fewer years in front of me than are behind me and I want to live them as the me I was always meant to be!

      Love to all of you! You be you!

      kisses *tara* 🙂

      • #665676
        Davina
        Duchess - Annual
        Registered On: April 15, 2022
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 105
        Has thanked: 792 times
        Been thanked: 303 times

        Tara, thank you for sharing your stories. I am so very happy for you!

        1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #663821
        Raquel Smith
        Lady
        Registered On: August 26, 2021
        Topics: 19
        Replies: 912
        Has thanked: 3057 times
        Been thanked: 3004 times

        Tara,

        Thanks for the update.  Hope that your wife comes around a little more and can find joy in you, as Tara.

        1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #663619
        Holly Morris
        Lady
        Registered On: April 15, 2022
        Topics: 64
        Replies: 151
        Has thanked: 1906 times
        Been thanked: 1671 times

        Tara, thanks for the update. I’m so happy for you that you’ve made that decision and are able to move forward. Truth be told, I’m a little jealous as well, but I celebrate your happiness at discovering your true self and the fact that you will be able to live as the woman you long to be!

        Hugs,

        Holly

        1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #663544
        Lisa Leigh
        Lady
        Registered On: April 20, 2022
        Topics: 4
        Replies: 207
        Has thanked: 631 times
        Been thanked: 860 times

        Thanks for keeping us up to date, hope all goes well.
        I think you already know this, but it can’t be said enough.
        Don’t let your wife down! You will need to be there for her as much as she’s going to be there for you.

        Congratulations Tara, on coming out and to your upcoming transitioning.

        Lisa

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #663545
          Tara Jeane
          Lady
          Registered On: December 12, 2020
          Topics: 21
          Replies: 346
          Has thanked: 2208 times
          Been thanked: 1880 times

          I totally agree and that is my plan!  She DOES complete me and I plan to do everything I can to keep her!

          1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #663513
        Fiona Black
        Lady
        Registered On: November 23, 2019
        Topics: 0
        Replies: 185
        Has thanked: 86 times
        Been thanked: 699 times

        Tara,

        It took a lot of courage for you to come out and I commend you for taking such a big step. It is truly wonderful to read about someone who has finally come to understand who they really are and embrace it with their heart and soul.

        I wish you the best on your journey.

        Fiona

        1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #663542
          Tara Jeane
          Lady
          Registered On: December 12, 2020
          Topics: 21
          Replies: 346
          Has thanked: 2208 times
          Been thanked: 1880 times

          Thank you, Fiona! I appreciate your kind words!

          I’m still struggling with the fact that my happiness is tied to my wife’s sadness.  But there’s also no way I can go back in the box, so to speak.  If I tried to put my female side away again, it would eat at me for the rest of my life and I would be miserable. All I can do now is try to be the best spouse and partner I can be for my wife and hopefully, she will find that she likes Tara even better. Maybe even BECAUSE I’m happier and a more well rounded person than I ever was as my male self.

          2 users thanked author for this post.
          • #663625
            Michelle McQueen
            Lady
            Registered On: June 14, 2021
            Topics: 28
            Replies: 1512
            Has thanked: 9808 times
            Been thanked: 7403 times

            Hi Tara.

            The cat is out of the bag and can never be put back… I understand.

            Hope the wife can find some compromise and be able to live with Tara but she was right about losing her man. I don’t think things look good for her but everything changes no matter how hard we try to hold onto life. I hope you will keep us posted. Good luck on your journey.

          • #663786
            Tara Jeane
            Lady
            Registered On: December 12, 2020
            Topics: 21
            Replies: 346
            Has thanked: 2208 times
            Been thanked: 1880 times

            Thanks Michelle. She’s already told me that her life is better with me than without me, whether I’m a guy or a girl. She’s just sad that she’s losing her husband.  And I get that completely.  She’s also worried that I’m going to suddenly be interested in other people and want to leave. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am TOTALLY and 100% committed to her. I’m not going anywhere.

            I’ve come out to several of my closest friends and although they don’t understand, they have offered their support. It’s been amazing.

            1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #639275
      Ashley Konners
      Lady
      Registered On: August 15, 2020
      Topics: 40
      Replies: 571
      Has thanked: 2064 times
      Been thanked: 2738 times

      Congratulations hun, such a big step out of the way now.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #634256
      Katie Plowright
      Lady
      Registered On: October 15, 2021
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 195
      Has thanked: 1065 times
      Been thanked: 988 times

      Congrats Tara, time and lots of it, pamper her and be honest. I’ve been through three whiplashes and now we are in a good place. I thank mine everyday. Katie

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #634249
      Raquel Smith
      Lady
      Registered On: August 26, 2021
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 912
      Has thanked: 3057 times
      Been thanked: 3004 times

      Congratulations, Tara Jeane!  I’m so happy for you.  It’s very exciting to hear how well it has gone thus far and I wish you and you wife the very best.

      Much love,

      Raquel

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #634154
      Gabriela Romani
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 11, 2021
      Topics: 990
      Replies: 463
      Has thanked: 406 times
      Been thanked: 2297 times

      Tara,

      I’m very happy for you, in particular because of your wife’s initial reaction and I hope you both will be able to keep the communication flowing.
      I haven’t read other replies, but one thing I can advise you is that now that you told her, and even though maybe a couple days have gone by, you are still on time to come out totally clean to her about anything and everything related to your CDing/gender issues. Whatever you don’t disclose now, will likely be found out later, and will result in her wondering what else you may be keeping secret… (yes, personal experience)

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #634147
      Mika Malone
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: November 11, 2020
      Topics: 61
      Replies: 982
      Has thanked: 2273 times
      Been thanked: 3893 times

      I’m so happy for you, Tara. I remember you saying that you would never come out to her and I remember the comments that she had made that made you feel that way. This is such a good thing for both of you because now you aren’t keeps a secret from her.

      The funniest part was when she asked if your clothes were prettier than hers. I remember how my wife was about me having so much more stylish clothes than she has. Now, as you know, she brings me some great stuff that she finds because she knows my style.

      Lots of hugs!

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #634070
      Jerri Newman
      Lady
      Registered On: April 6, 2022
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 29
      Has thanked: 367 times
      Been thanked: 112 times

      Yay Tara!

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #634061
      Cassie Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 58
      Replies: 1021
      Has thanked: 2395 times
      Been thanked: 4673 times

      Tara, it is such a huge relief to be out and not to have to hide Tara, isn’t it!!
      Glad you are leaving her some space to prossess all of this. Don’t know how much you need to let Tara out giving yourself more Tara time.
      For each of us it is different, some NEED to transition ( go all the way) , some here are OK to just underdress or dress in private. We are everywhere in between!
      Similarly our SO’s are all over the place, anywhere from not accepting (wanting a divorce) to fully accepting and even participating in our CD.
      One of the biggest problems is each of our situations changes our own desires/needs? changes and our SO outlook changes
      The key — COMMUNICATION!!!!!!

      All the best to you, hope you can both find a good place for the 2 of you.
      . . .Cassie

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #634052
      Betty Rockwell
      Baroness
      Registered On: March 9, 2022
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 97
      Has thanked: 229 times
      Been thanked: 814 times

      Hi Tara,
      Good for you for telling your wife, I’m the wife who has recently been told and I really loved your emphasis on time and caution. I also suffered (as well as my husband) what I now know (thanks to you) is called “the dreaded whiplash.” I think a period to just pause things and let her digest everything is paramount to success. Wives are complicated creatures and can be unpredictable. It is easy to first be fine with everything because you truly do feel fine with it, even supportive as well. Then out of seemingly nowhere, feelings of anger and resentment pop up and are not even understood by the wife who feels them. I don’t know why it made me angry that he shaved his legs and used my razor. I’m not sure why panties disgusted me after many days in a row. I don’t know why it made me angry when I was doing the laundry and found things that he was underdressing with. I do know why some of his spending made me angry and resentful and that is because the spending was too much at once and I resent him having better things than I buy for myself. We have since learned that we didn’t take the time needed to fully digest all this and any couple that has successfully been through this would have seen our mistakes a mile away. Needless to say, we are finding our way. A few helpful pointers (after communication and honesty) are to make your wife feel special during this process. My husband took the time to learn what sort of lingerie I would like to wear and ordered me a few things to feel special. We spent time picking out new nail polish colors to share and he springs for the really good stuff so it is a win for us both. He wants to get good enough at painting nails so that we can do each other’s toes. What woman wouldn’t want her nails painted? We have a spa retreat booked for later this month to celebrate our anniversary and being able to do that together is a benefit of having a husband and a girlfriend all wrapped up in one!

      Best wishes,
      Betty

      • #634221
        Tara Jeane
        Lady
        Registered On: December 12, 2020
        Topics: 21
        Replies: 346
        Has thanked: 2208 times
        Been thanked: 1880 times

        Betty, I couldn’t have said it any better than Michelle just did. I want to thank you for taking the time to post such a thoughtful message! You have no idea (or maybe you do) how special and meaningful it is for us to hear from spouses that are going through this with us. Kudos to you and I hope things continue on down a great path for you!!

        *kisses* tara 🙂

        4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #634063
        Michelle McQueen
        Lady
        Registered On: June 14, 2021
        Topics: 28
        Replies: 1512
        Has thanked: 9808 times
        Been thanked: 7403 times

        Thank you Betty for your valuable insight and your great attitude. Its good to see that you are realizing the benefits of having a CD husband. I hope he continues to honor you with gifts and girlfriend interactions. You have discovered two in one… a husband and a new girlfriend which will only bond you two more closely.

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #634034
      Michelle McQueen
      Lady
      Registered On: June 14, 2021
      Topics: 28
      Replies: 1512
      Has thanked: 9808 times
      Been thanked: 7403 times

      Congratulations Tara!

      I know its freeing just to know that she knows now no matter how things work out. Getting older somehow puts a lot of pressure on us to come out and live like we need to and I wish the best of luck to you and your wife.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #634030
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 1155
      Has thanked: 4368 times
      Been thanked: 5166 times

      Wow Tara, that was really brave  and went as well as could of hoped for. Now is the time to let it all settle and see where it leads and, hopefully, to a very Tara orientated world for you. Well done you!

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #633974
      Lara Tucker
      Lady
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 1075
      Has thanked: 23739 times
      Been thanked: 3819 times

      Congratulations Tara! That took some guts!

      I hope the rest of the process stays as smooth.

      Hugs,

      Lara

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #633966
      Alice Underwire
      Lady
      Registered On: September 16, 2019
      Topics: 95
      Replies: 5400
      Has thanked: 7469 times
      Been thanked: 13900 times

      Hi Tara,

       

      Congratulations on having the conversation with your wife and with your success

      Alice

      2 users thanked author for this post.
Viewing 15 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Crossdresser Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

If you don't see the captcha above please disable ad and tracking blockers and reload the page.