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  • #640082
    Jasmine Secrét
    Participant
    Registered On: August 5, 2020
    Topics: 12
    Replies: 47
    Has thanked: 46 times
    Been thanked: 302 times

    So..i came out to my wife as a crossdresser on Easter. That was not the moment I was looking for though.  She went snooping in my nightstand and found my breast enlargement pills and creams. She asked me after she starting looking online for info on them. Then she asked me what’s going on. I told her I was a CD and the one thing I wanted to change was that I wanted breasts. That pissed her off. She said I had destroyed the family. I don’t do it around the kids, I told her. We haven’t had sex in so long..but that’s not what did it. Like many of you, I’ve been carrying a se ret burden of wanting to dress as a woman. And I do when I’m alone or out at night on biz. travel. She couldn’t handle it. Asked her if she wanted to know my feminine name..she said no. Cried and went upstairs. We’ve not spoken since Sunday. 

    There is this air of relief but.. she said I’d have to tell our grown daughters. I thought why? What does it matter (they most likely wouldn’t care anyway given the LGBT friends they had growing up).   I mean..it’s like having anak with your partner in the bedroom..no one has to know that..but it happens between 2 consenting adults.

    She knew I wore panties, as we shop at VS together. She knows I paint my nails, as I go to the salon with her and my daughters. And she knows I shave all my body hair. She has found my wig in the past too. So..really? She reacts likes this?

    Anyway, a weight has-been lifted

Viewing 13 reply threads
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    • #640460
      Kim Dahlenbergen
      Lady
      Registered On: November 18, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 121
      Has thanked: 78 times
      Been thanked: 375 times

      For a moment, think about this from your wife’s perspective. She tolerated those other things…the panties, the nail polish. It would be reasonable to suggest that the absence of intimacy, a lack of interest on her part, reflects a direct response to those. This latest discover lets her know you are interested in making physiological changes. Obviously she finds that distressing. And on top of that, she found out by accident. You went behind her back.

      One cannot predict the future, but you need to be honest with yourself, accepting that you have violated her trust with this latest discovery, and perhaps this isn’t the first such violation. Then you have to accept that the damage done may not be reparable. At best, you can come clean to yourself, and having done that, come completely clean with her. You may not regain her trust, but at least you can bring an end to the deception.

      Good luck. You’re gonna need it.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #640441
      BobbiJo C
      Lady
      Registered On: March 29, 2022
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 20
      Has thanked: 75 times
      Been thanked: 83 times

      Jasmine,

      Here’s my 2 cents.

      All relationships are built and sustained with honesty and trust. Once that breaks down it’s nearly impossible to regain. Whether through deceit and or secrets the relationship will falter.

      My recommendations are:

      1. Come clean with your spouse  and ask forgiveness for your not being open with her.

      2. Open up to the children before that relationship breaks down.

      Honesty  and trust  will lead to some hard decisions on everyone’s part, but it can improve the situation.

      Good luck.

      BobbiJo

      • This reply was modified 2 months ago by BobbiJo C. Reason: grammar
      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #640438
      Jasmine Secrét
      Lady
      Registered On: August 5, 2020
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 47
      Has thanked: 46 times
      Been thanked: 302 times

      Maybe I didn’t go about it the right way.  I casually mentioned it once in VS about getting a Teddy for me..she said, “please don’t be a crossdresser”.  So, to reply back to the comments above about talking about it first with her…I don’t think your spouse is the same as mine.  Close minded does explain her well.  Though I don’t wish any ill will towards her, I know our relationship will not be the same.  I will give her time to sort things out.  As for the boobs, my family has a history of man boobs, so, it’s not like they are any different than my dad’s and uncle’s.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #640172
      Betty Rockwell
      Baroness
      Registered On: March 9, 2022
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 76
      Has thanked: 226 times
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      I’m sorry this happened this way and I don’t think telling the kids is the right thing to do unless you choose to tell them yourself. Anyway, as the wife of a CD, I feel like your words are placing the blame on your wife. You say she was “snooping.” Was she really snooping or just looking for something? Also, just because she is aware of some things does not mean she should have filled in the rest with her imagination. She isn’t a mind reader and you can’t expect her to be. Permenantly altering your appearance is a world of difference from dressing. It is your body and your choice but as a married couple, you did a real disservice to your relationship without at least talking to your wife first. How would you feel if she had a mastectomy behind your back? You come across as though her reaction is over the top and it isn’t. I think this is one of those situations where you need to take a hard look at your actions and try to imagine things from her perspective. I’m sure she is feeling that you are holding back, her trust in you is broken, and that she has no idea who you really are. These are normal reactions even under the best of circumstances. Your best move now is to pause all of your dressing and anything else that you are doing to give her time to digest this. She deserves, time, space, and honesty and if you love her, you will do that.

      Wishing you all the best,
      Betty

      • #640892
        Jasmine Secrét
        Lady
        Registered On: August 5, 2020
        Topics: 12
        Replies: 47
        Has thanked: 46 times
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        @Betty she was clearly invading my personal space. I never go through her purse, her nightstand, her phone, etc. Those are her personal things. I expected the same level of respect. We all have some secrets. So to those who say I should have never hid this from her…I don’t think those are valid considering our broken relationship anyway. It wasn’t just this. Maybe this will heal over..I don’t know. Please..no more comments!

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #640169
      Julie Shaw
      Lady
      Registered On: September 3, 2015
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 114
      Has thanked: 535 times
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      A man who sometimes wears women’s clothing is one thing, but when you are making permanent changes to your body without her knowing — that is something totally different.  Many women are more accepting of their man wanting to express their feminine side occasionally than having their man transition into womanhood. This kind of topic is difficult to approach, and even more so when she “discovers” it.  But saying “You should have” or “If only you had” is not helpful now. I wish you all the best with this, Sweetie.

    • #640148
      Mary Jane
      Lady
      Registered On: September 30, 2020
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 527
      Has thanked: 841 times
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      I think if your going to grow boobs, you should be talking to your wife about it firstly.

      We gotta start taking ownership of the ways we drive our partners away.

    • #640140
      Anonymous
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 0
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      Oh no!  Having to come out like that is certainly not the way most of us would want to do it.  I hope that you and your wife can work things out.  I wish you all the best.

      8 users thanked author for this post.
    • #640129
      Stephanie Bass
      Hostess
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 22
      Replies: 3601
      Has thanked: 51906 times
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      Hi Jasmine so sorry for the wifes reluctance to underfstand that she has a wonderful new girlfriend to shop or play dressup with .. So like othere have said comunication is key here listen to her ask her questions like what about this makes you so upset then give her a good answer dont give her a i dont know answer good luck girl ..

      Stephanie Bass

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #640126
      Gabriela Romani
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 11, 2021
      Topics: 954
      Replies: 454
      Has thanked: 393 times
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      You do realize that wearing women’s clothes and taking supplements to grow your breasts are two different things, right?

      You said that you have worn panties for a while with her knowledge, wore nail polish, knew about your wig, etc. So, she has know about your crossdressing even if you say you just told her.

      In any case, I hope you will be able to start talking again.

    • #640122
      Liara Wolfe
      Duchess
      Registered On: August 14, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 1539
      Has thanked: 2985 times
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      I am afraid that is what would happen to me if I told my wife….again. I say again because I have brought it up twice in the past and she chooses  to deny it. Sorry for your troubles Jasmine, I hope things work out.

      Hugs, Liara

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #640103
      Jane Mansfield
      Lady
      Registered On: December 27, 2020
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 267
      Has thanked: 439 times
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      Hi Jasmine sorrry to read about your problems with your wife., and courage to come out.
      Hopefully with time and talking things may improve. And yes other oeople do not need to know, but in my case recently I came out at work, and for some people its hard. So I just say good day, smile and walk on.
      Best wishes
      Jane

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #640099
      Anonymous
      Topics: 0
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      You sound a lot like me. I crossdress but my wife knows nothing about it. Even though I am not as advanced as some of the ladies here but I love dressing up and I don’t know if it has become an obsession because it just keeps growing and snowballing, pushing the envelope more and more. I have actually tried stopping before but it didn’t take and I wasn’t happy not doing it. I feel amazing and feminine when I do it and I want to show off to the world and do more feminization. I know my wife will eventually find out and I know she will not take it well. She is old fashion and conservative and religious that I know she will not accept it and I know she will leave me and I don’t want to lose her. So I have that dilemma over my head. She is actually the dominant partner and does most of the earning and I clean the house. I don’t know what I would do if I would lose her. If she ever found out, there is no way she would come back to me and the hardest part would be seeing her with another man. She is very beautiful and curvy and guys are always hitting on her. I often think that I would just lve as a woman if that ever happened and be absolutely happy, but I don’t really knows until it happens and it will happen eventually. On another note, I went out and bout some women’s high heel shoes yesterday. I was so excited and my heart was thumping and I didn’t even tell the clerk they were for my wife!

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #640091
      Trish White
      Baroness
      Registered On: December 2, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 237
      Has thanked: 840 times
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      Wow, she sounds a lot like my wife in that you never know what to expect from them. I told my wife before we were even married that I was a crossdresser so she had the chance to cut and run but she didn’t and one night when she was all over me I asked her why she married me. She said I thought I could change you. I think Amethyst is right in maybe coming out to your daughters. I just recently came out to my two sons and they were amazingly very accepting and supportive. I sure you wife would talk to your daughters if you did and I think they would be a big help in easing any fears your wife may have. It really looks to me like you have nothing to lose and a lot to gain. Good luck what ever you decide on Jasmine.

      Love,

      Trish

    • #640086
      Anonymous
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 0
      Has thanked: 0 times
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      Hi Jasmine,

      I am sorry that you have to go through this with her reactions. It could just be a shock to her and fear that she could get abandon. Try to keep the communication open and listen to her. Maybe your daughters could be on your side and might calm things down. Good luck going forward.

      <3

      Amethyst

       

       

      6 users thanked author for this post.
Viewing 13 reply threads
  • The topic ‘Out to Wife..not good’ is closed to new replies.
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