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  • #588657
    Cerys Burton
    Participant
    Registered On: February 2, 2021
    Topics: 64
    Replies: 208
    Has thanked: 209 times
    Been thanked: 1628 times

    My wife and I have been living with my crossdressing for over 30 years. You’d think by now that we’d have it sorted and that all would be great…. Well it is… It’s also hell.

    Most of the time we are happy and things are great. Recently, things have been accelerating. We have started telling more people, I venture out dressed a lot more. I buy clothes openly in the shops. I’ve had my ears pierced and the other day had my hair done in the hairdresser…. So Cerys has grown in confidence, and has been playing a very large part of our lives recently. I have been dressed 80% of the time, if not longer. I recently went 4 days without reverting to male mode at all. I have started wearing foundation and lipstick almost daily.
    Yesterday, my wife and I went into a local Boot (a large chemists) to buy hairspray and a few other bits and bobs. I saw a display of mascara and started to look at it. I saw one I liked, and asked my wife is she would be OK with me buying it. KABOOM! You’d think I’d told her I was having an affair with her dead mother! We got back to the car, and the tears started….. We argued all the way home and well into the next morning. Tons of tears…. This wasn’t the first time. In recent weeks we’ve bickered a lot, but also had great times. As Cerys has become a bigger part of me, my wife has changed to accommodate this growth. Whilst she is generally happy, she still has the worry that she is “losing her man”. She likes to see me happy, but sometimes she gets sad that I’m not the “man” I used to be. Many, if not all the recent major changes have been her suggestions. She has enabled Cerys to grow, yet at the same thime this is causing problems…. I don’t know what is going to trigger the trap door to doom. One day, she booking me into the hairdresser, the next she’s going ballistic if I ask to buy a mascara.
    Today, things are better. I’ve been putting back all my clothes, as they were in the back of my car ready to go to the charity shop, and during this process she helped me filter out studd that really doesn’t look good on me. As part of this process my wife now has one of my evening/party dresses hanging in her posh dress wardrobe.
    After 30+ years, I should see the signs. I should be able to read my wife and not try and push things.
    Every time we are going really well, I say or do something stupid to mess things up. I ask to do something or buy something. Why I cannot learn to just, in my wife’s words, “play with the toys I’ve got”, I don’t know, I hit self destruct. Yes, my wife’s variability doesn’t help, but we’ve been together since we were teenagers. I should be able to read her.
    I’ve discovered that I’m getting selfish. As Cerys grows, if she wants something, I fixate on it. It becomes all important. As her confidence grows, I think all is OK and I ask for something new. I hate this. I really hate this, but the need over rules any logic or thought for my wife. This is why, I loaded my car with every inch of Cerys yesterday. If it hadn’t been a Sunday, The local charity shops would have had some very nice donations. If I could be cured, I’d sign up in an instant.
    As it happens, today is much better. it’s still hard. Neither my wife nor I have great mental health at the moment, but we’re getting there. We still love one another, and we are working hard to make things better.
    I really need to learn to be more receptive.

    Anyone new to this…. My wife and I are long in the tooth, and we still have problems.
    There are no answers. Just do what you need to do but be aware at all times that there are others around you. Listen to their needs too. Listen to their concerns. Listen to the way they say “Yes” to your requests… Are they really happy or are they just saying yes to please you?

    Cerys being more prominent is causing issues. She’s going back in her box. She will be allowed out, but for the time being, her time will be limited, or what she can do will be limited. Not more dog walks. Not more trips to the supermarket. Shopping trips are stopping, besides she has far more than she needs. I need to take time to be the male me for a while. Cerys will get a couple of days a week to play, and then under strict supervision. This is my decision. It hasn’t been forced on me by my wife.
    Things are looking up. We’ll be Ok.

    Cerys.

Viewing 12 reply threads
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    Replies
    • #590941
      Catherine Dickson
      Lady
      Registered On: January 22, 2020
      Topics: 36
      Replies: 272
      Has thanked: 332 times
      Been thanked: 1645 times

      I sympathize with your feelings on this as my wife is also less than tolerant when it comes to my wanting to crossdress. I can only empathize with parts of this though, as I have never known the joy of dressing fully and I most certainly do not own a woman’s wardrobe. I have tons of panties and bralettes, but zero outerwear. I wish…

      We’ll all probably just keep on keeping on and we’ll make little steps of progress.

      Stay strong!
      Catherine

    • #590843
      Barb Wire
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: September 16, 2021
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 677
      Has thanked: 3920 times
      Been thanked: 3283 times

      “Are they really happy or are they just saying yes to please you?” (2nd last paragraph).

      Brilliant!

      A “yes” from “She who must be obeyed” is not always a “yes”. Especially if that she is me!

      I’m always assessing how my dressing is impacting my family. They all still have “skin in the game”, like careers and social networks, and I just can’t mess with that for my own needs, even if it means suppressing my gender expression.

      Such a pity really… my own federal laws protect my right to express my gender, but in reality it’s not really possible… yet. One day… πŸ™‚

      Merry Christmas, Cerys!

      Love, Barb

      • This reply was modified 5 months ago by Barb Wire. Reason: Scotty! Fix those formating issues, will ya?
      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #590822
      Anonymous
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 0
      Has thanked: 0 times
      Been thanked: 0 times

      Cerys

      You’re lucky to have a supportive SO, so you should cherish her.Β  She’s clearly scared that she’s losing her man to Cerys.

      You posted another thread where you said you have over 70 skirts and 40 dresses.Β  I can see why she’s worried!Β  She feels she’s being sidelined.

      Please pull back a bit. What you have is precious. Please don’t let it get broken.

       

      Connie

      xxx

       

       

       

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #590810
      Regine Kelly
      Lady
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 44
      Replies: 1464
      Has thanked: 20371 times
      Been thanked: 6973 times

      I am so sorry, for your troubles, Cerys.
      I am one of the truly blessed, ones.
      When I read your post, I wasn’t sure of my own position, my wife seems to be fully onboard, but, do I really know? So, I asked her, if it has ever bothered her at all, honestly.
      Her reply? the only times it bothers her, is if I dress as “him”, she would prefer to see, and have, Regine, 100% of the time.
      I, am, Blessed. I wish all my sisters, could enjoy the same
      Hugs, Regi

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #590512
      Katie Plowright
      Lady
      Registered On: October 15, 2021
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 183
      Has thanked: 922 times
      Been thanked: 941 times

      Cerys, you’re right, ease off and give your wife time and space. if you went four days en femme, you can see her point of view. I have to be really careful myself having fallen fowl of being Katie too often and at inappropriate times. Albeit I’m talking hours not days. But now compromises have been found and work. Good luck and remember she still need her man.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #589217
      BigBangtheory
      Lady
      Registered On: January 14, 2020
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 193
      Has thanked: 54 times
      Been thanked: 791 times

      Hi Ceyrs,

      Although my wife is fully supportive, we also occasionally have β€œthose” moments. Just today here on CDH someone’s had a little different take on the β€œhappy wife,happy life” cliche’. It was β€œhappy spouse, happy house”. There’s been times when she REALLY hurt my feelings. On the flip side I have pushed past one of those invisible boundaries. She loved when I had a beard but Stephanie can’t be seen with one so selfishly I choose not to have one. On the flip side, I wanted to (and did) shave everything and that was totally unacceptable to her. Because it’s that important to her, I have grown everything back except on my breasts and pubic area. I am once again having those STRONG urges to feel that silky smooth feeling again and don’t know if I can deny them much longer. What is wrong with me??? I also had a period of uncontrollable pink fog and had to reign it in. I will not sacrifice her happiness for mine. I can not give any advice on this matter since it is sooo unpredictable! She has accepted ALL of me and I feel complete for the first time in my life. Any concessions I might make I will gladly do, so that she can be as happy as she has made me. Stephanie

      • This reply was modified 5 months ago by BigBangtheory. Reason: Spellcheck put in the wrong word
      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #588966
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 1007
      Has thanked: 3745 times
      Been thanked: 4686 times

      You’re getting there Cerys. I admire you and your good lady.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #588902
      Amy Oxley
      Lady
      Registered On: September 20, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 52
      Has thanked: 16 times
      Been thanked: 268 times

      From time to time I find myself in the same situation. Although my wife new about Amy from the moment we met and is very supportive, there are days when she seems to backtrack and can seem quite annoyed. It can be very confusing. If she is tired or had a bad day at work, this is not the time for Amy. And yet most of the time she is totally supportive and encouraging.

      I guess we just need to be thankful for all our wonderful partners and accept that some days are not pink and fluffy.

      Amy. xx

    • #588901
      Lara Tucker
      Lady
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 788
      Has thanked: 17408 times
      Been thanked: 2831 times

      Best of luck to you both Cerys! It sounds like you are on the right path.

      Hugs, Lara

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #588848
      Wendy Swift
      Lady
      Registered On: May 11, 2020
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 775
      Has thanked: 834 times
      Been thanked: 3494 times

      Cerys,

      Glad to hear things are looking up; and equally happy to hear things will be ok with you 2.

      I can sort of relate.Β  My wife is ok with Wendy, but I have crossed the line a few times and it is with regards to my purchases for Wendy.Β  I’ve over binged on alot of stuff and that has caused some friction.Β  I’ve learned to pull back on alot of purchases, and not go nuts when buying items for Wendy.

      Like what your wife said, mine also has hinted why can’t you just wear what you have as you have alot ?

       

       

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #588839
      Stevie Steiner
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
      Topics: 77
      Replies: 1826
      Has thanked: 8178 times
      Been thanked: 9389 times

      Hi Cerys, I was happy to read that last line – that things were looking up.Β  I hope that continues.Β  Though I do not have a wife to deal with in this respect, I have noticed that sometimes friends arent always as comfortable with it as they are at other times.Β  As if the “acceptance” has become mere “acknowledgement” instead.Β  I guess, just like we all have good days and bad days, they also have good and bad times in their dealing with it all.Β  Not that they ever reverse their opinion of it, but that they just dont feel like interacting with it.

      It can be difficult turning off the “shopping therapy” valve however.Β  With so many wonderful fashion and beauty products out there, it is hard not to want to pick up something every now and then!

      Haha, I do like the “play with the toys you have” line.Β  ButΒ  Β we all want more toys!!Β  However sometimes we have to work with what we have.Β  Maybe not as much fun, but still enjoyable! 😁

      Stevie

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #588816
      Wendy Me
      Lady
      Registered On: July 20, 2020
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 70
      Has thanked: 19 times
      Been thanked: 321 times

      Having been married for 47 years, my wife knew about my my cross dressing before hand and she was fine with it. But she married me not Wendy, she doesn’t want to see me in a dress all day. Push to hard and she will push back. Pick a time to dress up that she is comfortable with and count your blessings. I would just say “I’m going upstairs to change” often she would say okay, every once in a while she would just shake her head no, you know what I can deal with that.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
      • #588866
        Anonymous
        Topics: 0
        Replies: 0
        Has thanked: 0 times
        Been thanked: 0 times

        Wise words

        Connie

        xxx

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #588671
      Mary Jane
      Lady
      Registered On: September 30, 2020
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 503
      Has thanked: 816 times
      Been thanked: 2566 times

      I suspect some reverse psychology is happening.

      While your wife may indeed “suggest” movements forward (which are forward for you) perhaps they are backward movements for her, and each one causes the loss of her man a little bit more.

      Perhaps you can say to your wife,”lets hold back a bit.” Which may be what she really wants to hear from you.

      • #588681
        Cerys Burton
        Lady
        Registered On: February 2, 2021
        Topics: 64
        Replies: 208
        Has thanked: 209 times
        Been thanked: 1628 times

        That is what we are doing now. In slowing things down. I’m giving us space to heal. My wife is happy to see Cerys grow, but sometimes, my wife isn’t at the same speed, or in the same place. I need to look out for this.Β  I will be playing with the toys I have for a while πŸ™‚

        Cerys.

Viewing 12 reply threads
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