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My wife and I have been living with my crossdressing for over 30 years. You’d think by now that we’d have it sorted and that all would be great…. Well it is… It’s also hell.
Most of the time we are happy and things are great. Recently, things have been accelerating. We have started telling more people, I venture out dressed a lot more. I buy clothes openly in the shops. I’ve had my ears pierced and the other day had my hair done in the hairdresser…. So Cerys has grown in confidence, and has been playing a very large part of our lives recently. I have been dressed 80% of the time, if not longer. I recently went 4 days without reverting to male mode at all. I have started wearing foundation and lipstick almost daily.
Yesterday, my wife and I went into a local Boot (a large chemists) to buy hairspray and a few other bits and bobs. I saw a display of mascara and started to look at it. I saw one I liked, and asked my wife is she would be OK with me buying it. KABOOM! You’d think I’d told her I was having an affair with her dead mother! We got back to the car, and the tears started….. We argued all the way home and well into the next morning. Tons of tears…. This wasn’t the first time. In recent weeks we’ve bickered a lot, but also had great times. As Cerys has become a bigger part of me, my wife has changed to accommodate this growth. Whilst she is generally happy, she still has the worry that she is “losing her man”. She likes to see me happy, but sometimes she gets sad that I’m not the “man” I used to be. Many, if not all the recent major changes have been her suggestions. She has enabled Cerys to grow, yet at the same thime this is causing problems…. I don’t know what is going to trigger the trap door to doom. One day, she booking me into the hairdresser, the next she’s going ballistic if I ask to buy a mascara.
Today, things are better. I’ve been putting back all my clothes, as they were in the back of my car ready to go to the charity shop, and during this process she helped me filter out studd that really doesn’t look good on me. As part of this process my wife now has one of my evening/party dresses hanging in her posh dress wardrobe.
After 30+ years, I should see the signs. I should be able to read my wife and not try and push things.
Every time we are going really well, I say or do something stupid to mess things up. I ask to do something or buy something. Why I cannot learn to just, in my wife’s words, “play with the toys I’ve got”, I don’t know, I hit self destruct. Yes, my wife’s variability doesn’t help, but we’ve been together since we were teenagers. I should be able to read her.
I’ve discovered that I’m getting selfish. As Cerys grows, if she wants something, I fixate on it. It becomes all important. As her confidence grows, I think all is OK and I ask for something new. I hate this. I really hate this, but the need over rules any logic or thought for my wife. This is why, I loaded my car with every inch of Cerys yesterday. If it hadn’t been a Sunday, The local charity shops would have had some very nice donations. If I could be cured, I’d sign up in an instant.
As it happens, today is much better. it’s still hard. Neither my wife nor I have great mental health at the moment, but we’re getting there. We still love one another, and we are working hard to make things better.
I really need to learn to be more receptive.
Anyone new to this…. My wife and I are long in the tooth, and we still have problems.
There are no answers. Just do what you need to do but be aware at all times that there are others around you. Listen to their needs too. Listen to their concerns. Listen to the way they say “Yes” to your requests… Are they really happy or are they just saying yes to please you?
Cerys being more prominent is causing issues. She’s going back in her box. She will be allowed out, but for the time being, her time will be limited, or what she can do will be limited. Not more dog walks. Not more trips to the supermarket. Shopping trips are stopping, besides she has far more than she needs. I need to take time to be the male me for a while. Cerys will get a couple of days a week to play, and then under strict supervision. This is my decision. It hasn’t been forced on me by my wife.
Things are looking up. We’ll be Ok.
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