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So for those of you who see this as more than a hobby, or see it as who you really are and have hidden behind an overly masculine facade, does it hurt having people bring up your failed attempts at hiding yourself? For me, I hate having people bring up my past. I did everything possible to try to hide Skyler from the world. I tried the military, biker club, car clubs, construction, basically every stereotypical male activity to leave zero notion in anyone’s mind that I’m 100% male. Where the truth of the matter is, all of those things were just horrid attempts at trying to hide. Not only from everyone else but myself included.
So back to the question. Does it bother you when people seem to know you for what you did and not who you really are? For me, it sucks. And it’s one of my biggest triggers for my depression and anxiety. It’s exhausting trying to put on a masculine show and be who I am definitely not. Maybe I’m just over reacting..
Skyler, honey, an insult is only an insult if you accept it. Ignore the idiots and fools of the world….they are not worth listening to. A Chinese Philosopher call Confuscious said……….A wise man speaks when he has something to say…..a fool speaks because he has to say something! Don’t even reply to them, look them up and down and walk away. You are expressing yourself, be proud. Others express themselves as fools and court jesters…..unworthy of your glance, never mind a reply.
You must accept yourself, hold your head high and be proud of who you are.
Hugs……..
Dame Veronica
Skyler, I can feel your pain. I can’t pretend to truly emphasise as I’ve always been a private dresser and never tried to pass. I’ve been through the rollercoaster of ‘why do I do it?’ So many times. I’ve never had criticism other than lighthearted from my sis in law; a confidante. Hugs x
Hi Skylar, words do have power but do not let them have power over you. Some people are unable to see a person grow and change, it is easier for many to keep their image of someone the same. When I was a teenager, my family had an issue that made a lot of people in the town I grew up in talk. It was not a major thing but an embarrassment all the same. A few years ago, I went to a party a friend still living in the town was having. And sure enough even after almost 25 years or more it was brought up. I felt embarrassed and angry but then I realized what does this matter, she had no clue the reasons for it and I had no need to explain it. I hope this helps,, hugs, Michelle
Hi Skylar,
You are a darling, and your feelings are valid! That said, I think your depression and anxiety is actually (and feelings many of us feel) are actually those of others, that are projected on to us.
People who speak out negatively do so because they don’t have the courage to do what we do, to what ever level. Whether your goal is to pass, or just dress in femme clothing et al.
So feel fabulous about what you do, what you decide to wear and how you go about living your extraordinary life!
You’re beautiful, darling and have a lot of friends here who support you!
Love and hugs!
R
I work with engineers, too—conservatism keeps the lawsuits away, so it must be good, right? 😉
AFAIK, everyone gets the Hit Parade of Painful Moments from their brains, usually at the worst possible times. (Sleep? Nah, remember THIS?). I hate that! You aren’t alone there.
As for your old hobbies, there had to’ve been Good Bits, right? Focus on any of those you can still admire and enjoy, and just say you don’t have enough energy for everything, but you keep up a bit with X. Hobbies and people change; you’re allowed, if that’s the way to put it.
Also, OT, the pics you posted don’t look like a guy in drag, so hang in there.
Hugs,
Donna
Skyler, the girls have pretty much said it al. The main thing is, you have to love yourself. Once you accept yourself all that anguish goes away and from what I’ve seen of you and heard from you, your are a beautiful person on the inside and the outside. All of the greatest and smartest people in this world have been criticized at one point, don’t let negative people bring you down. My favourite line now is, if you don’t like it, don’t look.
Take care sweetheart, Heather.
hi Skyler. I think this topic is a winner. I could not have put it into better words myself.
my answer is yes but really in my case it is largely self inflicted. by that I mean only my wife knows. I am aching inside to tell my sons so I can lead my femme life to the full. but fear has a hold on me, so I am reluctant to act. this in turn leads to a viscious circle where if I do say something, what will they say? but if I dont, then I will never know.
in a strange sort of way, people see me as a man, going to the gym, male hobbies, having a pint at the pub etc but what I really want is for people to see me dressed up as an attractive girl and pass nice comments. in reality though if I never go out dressed femme (which I have not yet), obviously it would never happen, plus with my current level of dressing femme, I am 100 percent sure I would not pass. great topic Skyler! take care hun.
fiona xxx
Everyone’s cinemas on this have been great to read. I really appreciate hearing everyone’s experiences and tips for overcoming this.
Fir me, I live my day life in male mode. It sucks looking in the mirror and seeing a feminine face but knowing I wouldn’t be accepted with makeup. The only reason I’m living life as a guy (kinda) is for my fiancé. She’s not ready for me to be Skyler full time. She knows that’s who I am but she asked that we take baby steps. I respect her views so I’m not rushing her into it. I hope that one day she is comfortable with me as Skyler 100% of the time. Until then, I have to look in the mirror and see a pretty girl with short hair and so many imperfections in her complexion. Not to mention the baggy unflattering clothes I cover my tiny bra and panty clad frame with. It makes it harder when people don’t know who I am because I am too afraid to tell anyone but you ladies, my fiancé and my therapist. Everyone knows me as the mechanic, the military guy, the biker, whatever… they’ll know soon. I’m more confident in my look now. I know now that I truely An a gorgeous young lady who happens to be her own worst enemy. Hopefully therapy will help give me the security to just go out and be me. I can do it when I’m alone but I can’t with my family and friends. I want so badly for them to forget what my past was and to know who I really Am and have always been.
Thanks girls. Your the best
💕Skyler
It’s the painful past that keeps me hiding, that and the difficulties my SO has with accepting me.
On-topic, I really don’t recall when the pain started – when the need/desire to dress really got so strong that I felt I couldn’t take it.
At 6, I knew I wanted to wear girls clothes – and sometimes did, from my sisters dressing up box. We’d both dress up and laugh – until my mother stopped me from doing that.
At 13, a few triggers made it feel too much – I had been brought up to believe in binary – tough guys (which I most definitely was not!) and females. Non-tough guys were segregated into small groups and routinely bullied at our school.
Anyone who was a bit different – vegetarian (me), artistic or musical (me again), didn’t get much peace.
Still, us dorks had it easier than coloured or disabled children.
Yes, it was that awful – and something that tells me that how I dress is completely inconsequential to anyone else – unless they want to admire it, of course!
It was so bad that I tried to kill myself.
Aged 13?
Is the way someone chooses to dress so important that it trumps their mental health?
Right now, I feel anger at a society that did that to me – that would do things like that to anyone. That would single out people for their differences and attempt to destroy them, rather than celebrate the differences.
But I am Laura – I forgive. The anger is at people a long time ago, who knew not what they did, but acted with a pack mind, not the free, accepting thoughts of a rational individual.
My man still lives in abject fear of discovery, lest his wife and family are hurt – but I am oh-so-gently pushing him to let me be as free as he would like to be.
Free me, and we are both free.
Ooh, I’m a bit like Dr Jeckyll and Sister Hide, ain’t I? (giggles!)
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