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  • #395287
    Claire McKay
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    Registered On: October 7, 2020
    Topics: 4
    Replies: 2
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    Ok ladies, this doesnt really jave anything to do with why we are all here (ourselves) but i need some parenting help. My oldest daughter just turned 13 earlier this year and i swear is more disgusting then i was as a teeneage boy. She will go without showering until she is told to and her finger nails are to the point they are curling. I know peoplw like long nails but when the pinky finger(and nail) are the same leinght as the middle finger(with nail) then there is something wrong there… its just grose to me.

    Another thing i am having trouble with is the computer. Supposively the school is giving so mich homework and stuff that my kids has to be on the computer 24/7. If my SO or i tell her to do something around the house we get told that she has to do school work.  Now i may not be the smartest girl on the planet but i kjow that there shouldnt be that much homework or anything loke that. Even with “online learning”.

    So if anyone has sujestions to help me i am open ears.

    Thanks

    Claire♡

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Viewing 7 reply threads
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    • #395450
      Sa•man•tha
      Founder
      Registered On: January 21, 2018
      Topics: 304
      Replies: 1442
      Has thanked: 6279 times
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      Hi Claire!  Not sure I can offer specific advice or anything, but I have a 12 y/o son who’s doing the distance learning thing.  He also used to bathe usually daily, and now seems to think more like monthly should be fine lol.  So here’s how I handle these:

      Shower: “Dude, you stink!!  Go get in the shower.  No, do it now I’ve already told you four times!!”  Sometimes they just need reminded firmly lol I wasnt the best at keeping up with that either at that age tbh 🙄

      Homework: Like I said, distance learning.  The school sent home a tablet for him to do it on, and their guidance is that it should take about 5 hours per day.  I leave it mostly to him as to when he starts on that, as long as he doesnt wait til evening.  And once he starts he dont do nothing else til its done, with an occasional 15-20 minute break here & there.  And I’ll hang out & help him some if he’s having trouble with something on there.

      So, maybe your daughter has a tablet or something, or you can get her one, or the school can provide that if you ask?

      Anyway…they’re fun at this age ain’t they?  Good luck dear ❤

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    • #395433
      Amanda Burton
      Participant
      Registered On: January 15, 2020
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 351
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      Claire if the behaviour looks like it is spinning out of total control, have you thought of seeking help of a child Psychologist, if she’s going to school like this they may recommend or indeed inform child welfare. Have you spoken with her school?

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #395383
      Jill Marshall
      Participant
      Registered On: June 28, 2020
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 31
      Has thanked: 37 times
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      I have a 6th grader turning 12 this november and a 3rd grader turning 9 in december.  I will just say, its scary to watch!  My body has a strict time limit of 18 hours without showering, after which my skin starts to crawl and my hair can be sculpted into almost any shape.  Yet our kids hang their heads and stomp up the stairs when they find out its shower night:  every TWO DAYS.  Whats even worse is they will come home from a sports practice or game, and go about their lives like nothing else has happened.  For me, I sweat, I shower, it is that simple.  My son kept his soccer shinguards on until bedtime last night.  Who would want those things touching them beyond the instant practice is over??? They have no issue with mounds of dirty clothes or a floor with no path.  It is maddening.

      My wife is a teacher and believes in incentives and positive reinforcement.  I am sicilian and my behaviors were corrected mostly with precision targeted shouting, and sometimes spanking, whether you knew what you were doing was wrong or not.  As a parent myself its all been tried except spanking, which is the only thing I’ve ever been threatened with divorce over, crossdressing included.  When I was their age I was a mess too though, I liked clothes that were two sizes too big, hated dressing nicely and I remember my dad arguing with my mom, when we would go places where I was supposed to look nice and instead I was wearing a mets t shirt because that was the only thing I’d leave the house in.  I eventually came around, now I don’t even own a pair of jeans, and I’m just like he was:  how do they go out looking like that???

      As you find words, keep at it, with respect for their feelings.  My daughter has my same silent defensiveness when it comes to processing someone telling her that she isnt going about things the right way, and when I see she is done listening  I make my point once more and stop talking.  I actually wish someone had been more straightforward with me. I had just enough true friends that the social/interpersonal cost of my backwardness was higher than I realized while I was going through it, and I didnt fundamentally change my ways until my 20’s.  I realize now I missed out on a lot of experiences, but too late to do me any good!  Starting to think about all the ways other people perceive you, is something that just has to click on it’s own.

       

       

       

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    • #395361
      James Brine
      Participant
      Registered On: October 13, 2020
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 13
      Has thanked: 8 times
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      With the hygiene issue it may be at a point where a therapist, school counselor, or pediatrician need to get involved. Have you asked her why she prefers poor hygiene? What is she gaining from it? As with everything being non-judgemental is always better (I’m not assuming you are, its just your post didn’t really mention your approach).

       

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #395348
      Carolyne Sherman
      Participant
      Registered On: February 20, 2018
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 254
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      Claire I can say with complete certainty that teachers are supposed to post their assignments for online work (my SO is a teacher). Many schools are required this year to make their curriculum online based in case of schools requiring to close again, making the transition to distance or at home learning quick and simple. That being said….  we have our kids do their homework at the dining room table and show us their work. We have both jr high and hs age kids. By being involved in their homework we can see how their grades are and what they are learning. Most teachers have online grades posted so you can keep up yourself as opposed to waiting until it’s to late. This will allow you to see what they are doing “in addition” to homework and be actively involved. The other option is checking the browser history?
      As for the other…. had one go through a slob stage but it ONLY lasted about a year. Maybe you or your SO could take her for a mani/pedi?  Try to make the personal care aspect fun. I still have to tell the jr high one to shower or it doesn’t get done. Also have to ride them both about laundry. This one I can’t offer much other than good luck!

      hang in!

      🍷C

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    • #395336
      Genevïéve
      Participant
      Registered On: July 28, 2020
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 243
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      When I was in high school (many moons ago), we had lots of homework… which I disagreed with. School time should be for learning, and home time should be leisure time or doing a few chores.

      We had lots of homework but not 24/7. As Amanda has suggested, check with the school Principal or Teachers to find out if your daughter being computer bound with homework 24/7 is warranted. Maybe she is pulling the wool over your eyes and is on Farcebook and in chat rooms.

      Teachers nowadays are glorified child sitters. Kids are self taught… especially with having the Internet. Limitless information at your fingertips…

      Gen💋

       

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #395332
      Genevïéve
      Participant
      Registered On: July 28, 2020
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 243
      Has thanked: 2863 times
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      Hi Claire….

      How many days will she go without showering?

      Gen 💋

    • #395317
      Amanda Burton
      Participant
      Registered On: January 15, 2020
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 351
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      Hi Claire, I know where you are coming from, I had two girls the eldest was so feminine, just like her mum. My youngest was a tomboy, and wow  everything was wrong, our fault, the world’s fault, even the cat. She went through that rebellious period, God the rows, the talks, endless. Solution gave  up nagging, got street wise, once she realised she couldn’t push the buttons, and friends where  not inviting her  round, the penny dropped, a few well placed comments now and then by us, soon gets the message home. As for homework you can check with the schools, they will inform you of the amount and when. Computers have a look around local to you, there is some great courses you can do.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #395331
        Claire McKay
        Participant
        Registered On: October 7, 2020
        Topics: 4
        Replies: 2
        Has thanked: 0 times
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        We tried that and her friends dont invite her out or want to come over eithwr. But she doesnt care. She would rather look like a homeless person and make her mom and i look bad then take care of herself

        2 users thanked author for this post.
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