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Well, for me anyway, it’s a several step process:
1. Find a very trans friendly person who would help pick out stylish current clothes, and how to wear them including practicing walking in LOW heels (or maybe medium?)
2. Go to a makeover salon and a have complete makeover, face, nails, a fitted wig or extensions
3. Get a voice coach to help me with my voice
4. Find a group who would accompany me out somewhere in public (safety in numbers)
5. Find a way to not be absolutely terrified.
Not asking much, is it?
Hugs, ChloëC
Hi Donna, Let’s see what some of the other girls have to say, but, I’ll start off with my thoughts and observations.
The first very important thing is looking in the mirror and being brutally honest. Do you have facial features that can easily be made up to appear feminine? How about your actual physical build, again, be brutally honest. It’s one thing to say heck with it, you don’t care what anyone thinks, get yourself all dolled up and head out. Go for it! You will find out very quickly if you pass or not. As others will probably point out, it’s best to try and blend in with surrounding people instead of sticking out in the crowd.
If you are heavy set, very tall, have a very deep voice, very masculine and craggy appearing facial features, and huge hands and feet, you are facing a lot of work in order to have people around you accept you as a woman.
I am blessed to have inherited most of my mother’s physical and facial features, have a naturally high voice and learned to speak with a feminine voice, and I only stand at 5’6″, so I have been able to pass through the years. I am transgender and have now actually transitioned to living as a woman full time, legally a female.Let’s see what the others have to offer.
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
I know that I could never pass. Male facial features would stop that right away. Then there are the large hands that have done lots of physical work all my adult life. Big feet as well would be a giveaway. And of course the voice is not at all feminine.
There is a short list for not passing.I guess if you can take an honest look at yourself, and you don’t see most of these things, you might “pass”.
I think if you are thinking of going out dressed, it is probably best to dress so you look like other women. Wearing similar style clothes, and shoes. Not caring so much if you pass may go a long way to help you feel more comfortable.
But this is all coming from a closet girl so, here is a grain of salt 🧂💕Lara
Hi Donna
Passing is all about blending in to where you are and how others around you are for the surroundings. Most women don’t go about their daily stuff not looking like a model they tend to dress down and are quite chilled, so when I want to venture out I dress accordingly. Now most women are quite chilled when out, so when out your body must be relaxed and loose not stiff and alert looking. Most people when out tend not to focus on any one thing and just get on unnoticed
so that’s what I do and never get any strange looks or comments. Just Relax people are not out there for spot the crossdresser.
Love Sarah xxDonna,
Unless someone calls you “sir” when you’re out en femme or unless you feel there are an inordinate number of people staring at you then it’s difficult to know for sure. The best things to do are:
1. Dress to blend in & dress age appropriate. Don’t dress like a hooker.
2. Make sure your hair looks as feminine as possible. If that means getting a wig or getting a better wig, do it.
3. Make sure your walk is more female than male. Practice walking at home.
4. Learn some female mannerisms like how they sit or bend down to pick something up.
5. Add bracelets, necklaces, scarves … etc to your outfits.After you are out en femme enough times you just sorta can feel if you’re passing by the way people look at you and/or interact with you. Are you called “Miss” or “Ma’am” a lot?
I pass fairly easily in many casual situations but I’ve been clocked as well so you never know. And remember, many CD’s pass until they open their mouth, then most do not. I try and cut down on how often that happens by using a feminine voice if the verbal interaction is very quick, such as saying “Thank you” to a cashier or asking “where is the bathroom”. My femme voice is not great at all but if it’s only a quick few words then I’ll use it.
Remember, you will get clocked. It happens to all of us.
When I look in the mirror in an honest, un-fantasizing way, I know I do not pass. My wife has seen me on a number of occasions, she says I look “female” albeit not particularly good looking – I appreciate the honesty, and it keeps me grounded in reality. I’ve only been out a few times so far, but each time my goal was to blend – with fashion, mannerisms, attempting to be confident and nonchalant, etc. So far so good. My only slip-up was getting a bit too comfortable, forgetting and using my natural voice to a cashier. She was young, barely out of HS I’d say. The look on her face was classic! So maybe that’s good, I had blended, maybe even passed, until that moment. I’ll try to do better, and continue to refine my presentation.
Don’t know, past caring.
But one thing I’ve learned…
The more you worry about it when you are out, the more nervous you are, the more likely it is that people will notice you. Things like not making polite conversation, avoiding eye contact, acting erratically will make people more ‘guarded’ around you.
It’s such a hard thing to do, but try to act as you have all your life, be yourself.B x
I agree 100% with all the comments thus far especially about blending in.
Especially “dress your age”. This old girl wears “sensible skirts”plus the rest of clothing to match the above, a wig to hide most of my facial features. Low block heels, (Cant fall off those…) Also these make it easier to walk like a female…
Accessories such as handbags and scarves shout “woman”. So if you have long hair and “two bumps out front”, plus the above, “IMHO”!!! you are half way there
Most people these days are too busy in their own little world to take notice of anyone else.
OK my voice will always give me away, so I dont talk to anyone unless I really have to. I only sip water when I’m out in public and carry a “suitable receptacle” in my car. This to “avoid chit chat in the ladies”.
And in this Covid day and age, no one is gunna blink an eye if you are wearing a mask.
Happy (outside) dressing
Caty.
Girls,
I may not pass but when I dress up and put on my makeup, I feel like a woman. Going out in public feels like a right. Of passage. If people give me strange looks, I can take it. I think we should embrace our femininity,
hugs,
Kerri
Having lived and worked for the past five years as a woman that I believe that I can pass as in my work I have had to deal with a lot of people and my work involved some quite intimate discussion about womens issues with clients. On meeting a client, for this example a female, I would have to be introduced as their support worker and progress from there. This example involves working with a female parent as well. I worked with them for about a year and my manager would check in monthly. The manager reported that there was no feedback that they thought I was anything other than the lady that attended and they were really pleased with ‘her’ work! So a pass. This was the case with all my clients.
I also have new friends, colleagues and acquaintances who have never asked anything I would consider as expected and all is well. I may pass or maybe not but I am not ever made to feel uncomfortable nor been stared at.
I am quite passable and very confident but do have my male face and a masculine voice which to me is a giveaway but I am assured by friends that I have a soft voice and I look very passable.
I am also lucky that I am an average female size and dress conservatively so aim to blend in with the crowd. I make the best of what I have, enhance and pad proportionally and be natural.
I am by no means perfect but after years of development I pass more than not.
Hi Donna, I know what I see in the Mirror
can be fueled by the sheer Happiness of who I see when ready to go and as Long
as I’m Happy, I think I’m more then half way there!! And, I’m sorry but I don’t know
how to dress age appropriate.. I dress according to how I feel, I’m sitting here right now
with My New Thigh High Boots, Over the top Of Skinny Jeans & Dress Top in hope of going to
a show tomorrow for the first time.. I Feel Great right now.. I have not heard anything negative from people that
have seen me, especially the Guys I Know But I take it all with a grain of salt! I
guess we just have to believe in who we are.. and I Know, Easier said then done…. XOXO Jill💖The truth is, you never know.
Early on in my public outings I was leaving a restaurant at a table mostly of CDs/TG’s (there may have been few GG’s still remaining). As I was leaving, I overheard a woman tell her friend, “You see that table of women down there? I don’t think they’re women. I think they’re men.” The tone was a “how curious” one. So I overheard, and knew that to at least one person (and whoever may have heard and checked the group out) that we didn’t pass. Nothing bad happened, the group was just noticed. Now the rest of the people never heard this. In their minds, did they pass?
If someone doesn’t giggle, point, take out their phone to take a picture, or say anything until they are well out of earshot and eyesight, then you will never know if they know, suspect, or have no idea.
Luckily my wife helps with that. She has no problem telling me if my look is too dudely or over the top. Being passable as a woman depends a lot on the situation too. Dance club or other close quarters is a lot different than passing while going to the grocery store. Don’t worry about it too much most people are too self involved to look closely at others. Of course all the clothes and make up in the world won’t stop me from being made once I open my mouth.
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Try as we may with all the clothes, makeup, silicone padding, wigs, trying to learn how to move, speak, like a female, we look in the mirror and if we are honest with ourselves we know if we “pass” or not.
In reality only about 1% of us really “pass” while the rest of us just have to have the confidence to be ourselves regardless of who is judging which is not an easy thing to do.
I don’t pass for several reasons but when I do get to go out I have to first buck up the courage to face what ever comes and own my space.
Drunks and children will tell you if you “pass” or not.
You don’t always know whether you will pass or not. Depends on the level of scrutiny directed your way. At a casual glance, I am “passable”, but under closer examination I am pretty sure I do not. That will never change, and I have acknowledged that. And thats fine, because this is one of those greedy things in life – it’s all about ME, not them!
Dance like nobodys watching.
Sing like nobodys listening.
Dress like nobody cares. 🙂
Stevie
That’s a difficult question to answer. I have been told by some GG friends that I pass, and they insist they would tell me if I did not. On a few occasions women (young and more mature) have clearly believed me to be a woman, based on their comments to me. In one case recently, I was drawn into a bachelorette party. I assumed I had been read, but in talking with the girl who first struck up conversation with me, she was quite adamant that she thought I was an attractive (her words) older woman.
For all the times that has happened, I am sure there have been an equal or greater number of times when I have read instantaneously.
Your best bet is to assume you will be read and be comfortable with that reality. Mark those experiences like the ones I shared above as a little extra bonus.
Donna
I think passing is a matter of positive attitude in yourself. You may get looks but who cares. Just be yourself and enjoy. We understand. “Be positive” Loved that show, sad was canceled.
Hugs Luvs GingerI’m working on my self-acceptance so that hopefully I’ll stop caring that I don’t pass. I know I don’t pass. My wife tells me I’m pretty and she’s super helpful with pointers on clothing and makeup, but she doesn’t care if I pass or not, she just wants me to feel confident and strong. She’s the only person whose opinion matters to me so when she tells me I’m pretty, I positively GLOW.
Passing… ugh. It’s such a mental knot. I wish we could all just let it go. Dare to dream!
I use to be really concerned about “ passing “ but I find that no matter how good I look I still have a man’s voice and hands are hard to hide. Of course I’d love to be totally passable but I find now that it’s more about how I feel when I’m out dressed. I use the “ this is me “ and don’t really care what strangers think. Yes I try to look my best and when I’m out I just try to give off an I own this attitude and be happy with who I am and show confidence.
I think to one degree we all pass and then again we don’t. There are some exceptions on here with us. Many that seem truly beautiful. I can pass and even attract some attention but I have large scared hands and a worn face that I can’t hide all the time. And I am a 66 year old guy or girl. But I think it doesn’t matter so much what others think. I dress for myself. I pass really well when people drive by on the street. That’s enough for me.
I would not pass …………Halloween is around the corner ……………people may say who’s the short girl with the scary mask?? A girl here and I exchange stories and adventures together . She wrote I would be a terrific woman ……………………………………..So only in writing ………..and just come out once a year for Halloween…………………………….karley
Well, I quit worrying about it. The way I see it; No one is their prettiest every single day. There will be bad hair days.
However, I do enjoy trying to make myself as feminine as I can. I enjoy the mannerisms and the general feeling that I get when Roberta comes out. I just love the clothes and all of the accessories that go with it. It gives me the opportunity to let every ounce of femininity out when I’m Roberta.
I think we pass when we can accept ourselves as the women we want to be. Its a mental thing, confidence has to start before you leave the locker room.
I’m with you Roberta. I’m just me and I don’t really care about it. I only became aware of passing when people started misgendering me. I’m Marg all the time.
Hi Marg,
Like you, I’m just me, all the time as well. Even though I have transitioned and am legally considered a female in Canada, I still get misgendered at times. I’m not sure why because most of the time I pass and am treated as a woman. My toughest times are riding the bus home in the afternoon after work. You’re stuck in your seat and, unless they’re staring at their phones they’re staring at other riders, including me, LOL. It’s the young teen girls that seem to figure me out, they’ll stare at me, whisper to their friends, who will also stare at me.
Oh well, let them wonder, LOLBig hugs girlfriend,
Ms. Lauren M
I try to present myself the best I can everytime. I always make an effort with hair removal and makeup. And I always try to puck clothes that are slightly nicer than the norm for the occasion. I think I look very ladylike when I do this and that is how I consider myself.
Now here is what I find always give a CD away. The walk. Hips sway slightly and arms don’t move much. When I walk i try to walk from the hips instead of my knees. Men stride with purpose. Women glide with ease. I can pick out a CD quicker with the walk than any other thing.
Believe it or not, most women don’t have great makeup skills. Or if they do they don’t utilize it because it’s a pain.
THE WALK
Trisha
An interesting question; but not one I’m going to be able to answer properly as I’m never going to be “passable”: seriously – how may girls have you ever seen who are 6′ 4″ before they pull on a pair of heels? I imagine the answer would be “If a genetic male were to look me in the eye and still say something slightly sexist” – that tells me that they haven’t got a clue about me… Good luck to all you “passable” ladies out there – I’m sure you really look gorgeous… Holly XXX
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