Perception?

[Anonymous]

Hey ladies.

Came across an interesting feeling the other day, just wondering how others feel about it. Bear with me as this may take a while, and could sound a bit vain and egotistical (which I’m not I hope!)

brief bit about me, I’m a relative newbie and closeted. Although I’ve dressed when younger it was always a mish mash of clothing that didn’t quite match/fit etc, it’s only been this year that I accepted that I’m Rachel and she is me and so only recently started dressing properly so to speak. I havnt even considered make up and hair yet, and my current ‘style’ is a bit of a ‘plain jane’ while I figure out what sizes and styles suit me. Working within quite a tight budget so doing things on the cheap.

So, I was dressing the other night after work, just simple skinny jeans, 3” ankle boots, black cami top. The top was new that day. I recently got hip padding and breast forms (and bras that fit after some trial and error) so had those on too. I try not to see myself in the mirror when dressing until I’m dressed, although I love every aspect of Rachel appearing….

So fully dressed from the neck down I looked at myself in the mirror and was in total shock (vain bit, sorry!) looking back at me was was a mans head with a perfect female body, nice legs and hips, a waist and nice sized boobs, everything in proportion etc. To a point that I thought if I saw that body with a female head walking down the street she would definitely get a second appreciative look from me! I read about people with anorexia who no matter how thin they get, they always think they look fat (body dysmorphia?) Do I think I look good no matter how daft I may actually look? Have I managed to actually look that good? (I feel good when dressed, that’s all that actually matters to me tbh) How would I look to someone else? I know if my wife saw me she would laugh and say I look weird (in a nice way) but then she only knows me in man mode although aware  I dress, would a stranger throw me that second appreciative look?

Rambled on enough now, hopefully the above makes some sort of sense, would love to hear your thoughts on how you see yourself or others may see you

Thanks!! Xx

[Leah Santini]

Rachel,

Doesn’t sound odd to me at all.  Sounds like you’ve done your homework, did your dressing with care and attention, and are now appreciating what you see in the mirror.

I’ve had that same experience; it’s a shocker with the Man head on the nicely dressed and curved woman’s body.  Most everyone has had that “Wow I look Great” moment, CD or not.

That just spurs me on to finish the last part so I can feel complete.  I understand about your limitations though; I went through that until I finally got up the courage to talk to my wife about what I wanted to do.  She doesn’t really like it but doesn’t put up a fuss.  (until she sees the bill for $100 boots! 🙂

Leah

[ANDREA RAVEN]

Hi Rachel

Well done, you are progressing and obviously enjoying it. If you can, take some photos of yourself, then take a long look, as you you may find areas you can improve. I have looked at myself in a mirror and then seen the same image in a photo later on and found myself being a bit disappointed as I didn’t look quite as good as I had thought. I am not being negative here, so please don’t be annoyed at my response, you, and indeed I, am on a journey, I am not there yet in my opinion and possibly never will, so if your photo image is not what you were hoping for, don’t be disappointed, as I say we’re on a journey and improvements can always be made, it depends what you are striving for. Either way enjoy your journey and do what ever suits you, enjoy it as you progress, don’t wait for the perfect image.

Andrea xx

[Cynthia Dubois]

I think a lot of it has to do with you “dressing properly,” which is something a lot of us go through.  Our problem is that, unlike cisgender girls, who have their mothers, friends, aunts, grandmothers, etc. to show them how to put on make-up, walk in heels, coordinate outfits properly, find clothes that flatter them, and so on, we are relying on a lot of trial and error.  I remember some of my first efforts, and shudder to think of what someone would have thought if they had of seen me.

 

When I got older and started buying clothes that fit, watching make-up tutorials on YouTube and reading girly magazines and such, the difference was amazing.  Like you, I remember looking in the mirror when I had on clothes that fit, make-up done right, hair done right, and thinking that I looked as good as any cisgendered girl could look.  Sure, I may not have looked perfect, but it was a far cry from wearing clothes a size too small, with smeared makeup, boy hair, and stumbling in ill fitting heels.

 

[cdheaven]

Hi Rachel

I think all of us in the beginning really struggled with our appearance.  When I was a teenager, I was thin, with feminine facial features, slender legs, and a feminine backside.  Even so, because I only dressed when the opportunity presented itself it took some covert studying from women’s magazines and some help from my sister and her roommate to get a basic knowledge of hair styling and makeup and hours of watching girls walk to get some feminine movements down. It took great effort to develop a feminine voice.  It was only because of my youth and features that I passed rather well then.  As I matured, it became harder to pull off.  It has taken years to get comfortable with my appearance and fashion sense and now that I am a full time crossdresser I see myself as an attractive middle aged woman, and have received much support from real women who have confirmed I pass well.  Still, I’m no beauty but I feel comfortable in my female persona.  I think with time and effort the confidence that develops helps the woman within to come out.

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