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Im posting on my wifes behalf and shes having some difficulties with our future and how she is supposed to raise children with me if i crossdress. How her life during pregnancy that she would cope with my crossdressing. Shes barely coping as it is and wants to be with me. shes having a lot of problems and feels guilty about not just being able to accept me. This is uncharted for her and me.
Hi Nadia its nice to meet you and hope you can work out things for you and the new kids on the way . Yours i presume just lots of conversations my dear girlfriend a lot of kids have two moms Ha Ha not Had that problems as my wife of 37 years was accepting from the start and still supports Stephanie i know im a lucky one . Not trying to rub it in but im so happy your wife at least will talk to you and Nadia about this thats a big plus to start with good luck dear and remember Baby steps slow and easy . again nice to meet you
Stephanie Bass
Hi Nadia’s wife. Let me start by saying you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You haven’t caused this, it isn’t something you should pressure yourself to accept, just one thing at the time. Are children on the immediate agenda? If they are not, put the thought aside for a bit. The issue of how to raise them in a relationship like yours can be as simple or as complicated as the couple decide it will be. Or do you already have children? If that is the case, then your children don’t need to know about it if you don’t want them to. It can be a private thing between your husband and yourself, I am sure you don’t share your sexual practices with them either. Or it can just be a private thing for your husband alone. You really can make the decisions that suit your personality.
I am assuming this is not something your husband was upfront about before you got married. If that’s so, you are part of the majority, unfortunately. So it’s normal to feel unsettled, anxious, or even angry. When it comes to the nitty gritty of life with a crossdresser, there is a section here dedicated and cordoned off just for SOs which you are welcome to join. The relevant people can give you access to that part of the website, where you can ask all the questions swimming around your head at the moment in confidence.
The important part to remember is that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. For now, just take it a day at a time and join the rest of us in the private SO section.
Nadia, since your post was written on behalf of your wife, I was addressing her. If you can pass it on to her, that would be helpful. Thank you.
Hi Nadias wife, I’m so sorry, I know what you’re going through and it is awful especially if this was sprung on you years into your partnership like a lot of S/Os here. I can also relate to the pressure you’d be feeling to accept cross dressing into your life and the shame you might feel because sometimes it’s easier said than done. There is absolutely nothing I can say to ease your pain and uncertainty but I can recommend couples therapy with a sex therapist. Keep communicating with each other don’t push your own boundaries as this will just lead to resentment and if you can’t come around to accepting cross dressing then that’s okay, remember this is your life too and you deserve happiness and to be your authentic self just as much as your husband.
Hi Nadia’s wife.
Can I recommend you sign up for your own account as a SO and then you will have access so the wives/partners & SOs area on here which is our own little self contained space, as CathN has said and its OK to admit you are struggling / unsure and want some reassurance or help.
One day at a time, our kids don’t know about hubby’s dressing, and not to make other partners or family members so it can be done, if that’s what you decide you are happy with but it’s a fluid situation with no “one size fits all” solution.
Thank you to everyone who has commented. I am the wife in question. I’m having a really hard time right now. We are both in our mid thirties and just now trying to start our family. I knew he was interested in the kinky side of CDing and although hesitant in the earlier part of our relationship, I have more recently opened up to the idea and actually started to enjoy it.
Unfortunately, that’s when he started shopping and wanting to wear clothes around the house and I was not prepared for that, thinking this was all just a kink for the last ten years. I am an extremely heterosexual woman to the point where I don’t even feel comfortable changing in locker rooms with other women, so this is all extremely hard for me. I’ve been waiting so long for us to get to a point where we can start our lives and have a family and just as we begin the process of trying for a baby, this meteor lands on me.
I am sympathetic to the struggles you all face, trying to be the person you feel you are inside, but I just don’t know how to navigate these waters. He doesn’t seem comfortable with me not having a relationship with his femme side. He tries, but I can still tell he feels an extreme need to bond with me in femme form. I want a husband. For ten years I have stuck by his side and helped him through all of his depressions, anxieties, hard times. I just feel like I deserve to be happy too. We are absolute soul mates and this is the only thing that has ever made me fearful of our success as a couple.
For clarity, I’m a big girl. I’m about a foot taller than most other women with broad shoulders and an imposing presence. Many of you may know what it’s like to have masculine features hold you back from feeling fully feminine. I’m a gg who has never felt like I could be fully feminine because I dwarf a lot of men. Dating has always been super hard and I just want that one person that makes me feel like a girl. I want the house and kids and minivan and all of that. He has told me that he can hide this side of himself for our kids, but then makes comments about “but if they find out when they’re older…” and that scares me. I have no desire to be public about any of this ever and though he says he is trying to be supportive, it still feels like the cross dressing comes before me or our eventual family.
I have requested to be accepted into the spouse forum, but it hasn’t been approved yet so I’m sorry if this is uncomfortable to any of you out there. I just want my needs to be met if I am going to be expected to be okay with all this. I will stick by him, but I need to know that I can still feel fulfilled in my life too. I need to still feel like the woman in this relationship. And now this is mixed with the fear of never having a family of my own if I were to leave. I’m not planning on leaving because I love him so much, but if he cannot work with me on all of this, I’m not sure I can mentally cope. All I’ve ever wanted is to be a wife and a mother. Please tell me it’s possible to achieve happiness for everyone.
Sorry to hear your problems, Both of you Nicole and Melanie. Between my own experience and everything Iv’e read on CDH you are not alone. Many here have had similar experiences and from what I hear the SO forum here is just packed with valuable wisdom.
The only other great piece of wisdom I can pass along is my response after a counseling session with my now X. I told her ‘ if I win WE loose if you win WE loose, the only way WE win is each of us have to give of ourselves so WE will win.
It seems to me you both love each other deeply and that is a good start. It is good to see that you Nicole, are at least somewhat accepting. Melanie , please don’t push to hard, I know how you feel, give me the ok to CD here and there then you want more ( I know , it seems I can’t get enough – seems like the only thing I can think of is going out again ). I am sure that your feelings and thoughts, Nicole, are all over the pace so please Melanie be sensitive to her. KEY — communicate – communicate -communicate.
Sandy
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