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Hi All,
My wife knows that I am a crossdresser and have been talking about this with her on and off for about an year or so now. She is very supportive and has given me space to keep my girl clothes in our bedroom closet. She also lets me dress alone when I get the urge to dress up. Off late I have strong urges to dress up when i am around her. I am not really sure how to bring this up with her. I dont want her to feel that i am pushing. She has been very accomodative. She is also ok with me wearing panties on days when I feel like wearing them.
I am not able to focus much and I want to dress up more. It just feels good, I am much more confident, calmer when I dress. I want to start slowly and rush. I just dont know how to talk with her.
Any advice will really help me. Please help me.
Hugs,
Jaime
Hi Jamie!
First, be very grateful that she is as accepting as she is, because that in itself is awesome. While I am blessed with my accepting wife, many in the CD world, especially older CDs would fall down on their knees to have what you have right now. So be very grateful for her acceptance.
That said, respect her feelings, as this is all new for her, and probably scary as well. Although I haven’t truly explored CDH, I believe there is much material and help available for HER here. I shared a beautiful book with my wife called My Husband Betty by Helen Boyle. We read it together and talked about it. There are many other fine resources for SOs to help them both understand and accept our CD. I believe your path should be to slowly explain to her that this is a true and authentic part of you, of course if it really is.
Anyway, love her and do nothing to lose her trust. Once lost in a relationship trust is the most difficult thing to restore, if it ever can be.
So I wish you all the best!
Hugs,
Jules
🥰🌈👩Hi Jules,
Thank you for your advice. I will see if I can get that book and read it first and then will give it to my wife.
Yes I am really greatful that she lets me to dress. I will always respect her feelings. Will remember your advice.
Hugs,
Jaime
You are welcome, Jamie!
Just be advised that I believe her husband eventually transitioned to a woman.
There is an old CD joke: “What’s the difference between a CD and a trans women? About three years.”
Now I certainly do not believe that, but many do, possibly your wife. That. An be her deep fear.
Hugs,
Jules
❤️🌈👩
Hi Jamie, the conversation can be hard sometimes, but it is oh so necessary. Especially as your dressing and the urges evolve and change. Do try to keep her up to speed on how you’re feeling.
Something that has worked for me is adopting more androgynous looking clothes for everyday. It’s very satisfying to wear leggings or skinny jeans and a less than masculine looking shirt or blouse. Remember, bio-women usually don’t dress as if they’re going clubbing everyday. They dress for comfort like anyone would. And the stuff made for women’s everyday wear is much more wonderful than anything for men. That’s kind of the sweet spot that works for me. It feels more natural and in balance.
Now of course, Clara in all her glory comes to visit once in a while and my spouse is fine with that. I like to think it’s first of all because of the openness and communication, and second because me wearing “ladies clothes” has become normalized. I think my wife actually likes Clara.
It takes time, love and trust though. All good relationships do.
Best to you,
Clara
Thank you Clara, for such a great advice. I will try to talk with my wife and tell her how I am feeling. I dont want to push her. She has given me space and i am greatful for that. It would have been really difficult if I could not dress at all.
I am really happy for you to have such an amazing wife.
Hugs,
Jaime
Jaime, I totally agree with Jules, trust and time are of the essence. My SO is now accepting of my dressing, see my profile for the full story and for that I am blessed. The one thing I have noticed as time goes on and you respect their limits, the limits seem to soften. Give your SO time to process, ask her where and when it would be acceptable to dress. It’s a conversation but the one conclusion I have come to, it is time, respect and do not force the conversation. The conversation will happen until then enjoy. I hope my incoherent ramblings make sense, as only recently has my wife come to accept Katie.
Katie 💋
Speaking as someone whose SO is very anti, I can’t give you any advice beyond not risking what you already have. I live in hope that my situation will one day improve, so all I can say is to take it slow and steady. Sorry.
Have fun
Connie
xxx
Oh I do hope so.
Thanks
Connie
xxx
I’m pulling for you Connie.
Steph
Thanks, Steph! That’s really nice of you.
Connie
xxx
Jaime,
Sound like we are in the near same type of position with our wife. She knows and 2 years ago when i started to get more active. With some engorgement from her. I to have my own closet that I have filled up to the point I had to remove some to make room.
Lately she has been more focused with her job, and adult children, and video games. (Pokémon)
So I will do or say little things to try to get her involved again. Such as after laundry, I asked her if she gets confused of separating for hers, mine, hers 🙂 I also asked her if she had one my jeans. ( She did and giggled). Lately I have order a few things on line, and will occasionally show her the picture. (cute Halloween Dress I hope to get in tomorrow night.) So mostly I am trying to tell you my approach has been keep it lite, honest, opened, and always trying to make her smile, but I do not push hard. I do my thing, and she dose her thing.
xxx’s & ooo’s
Tina
Hi Jamie!
Oooo… can’t focus much, eh? Yeah, me too along with so many others!
I’m at home getting some chores done before I head out to my cottage alone (plus spending too much time here, LOL). I just got a notice that my new winter tights and winter long-line cardigan has been delivered to my hideout. Very femme. I am now very efficient with my chores. I’m super-hyper now, but once I’m fully dressed I… just….calm…..down……! Ah………!! (Got ADHD too, so that doesn’t help!).
Here’s a thought: I love wearing tights. I wear them as much as I can and in front of my SO, usually with a long T-shirt for some discretion. I’ve lately introduced one of my Lycra LBDs that is plain, simple and very wonderfully comfortable to match my black tights (sheer pantyhose in the summer).
I think my SO likes that “Baryshnikov” look. Trust me, I am NO Mikhail Baryshnikov, but at least I can wear my favourite things on the planet without grief. Is there a particular item you’re additionally fond of that your SO can accept and then talk from there?
Just a thought…
xo Barb
Julie, hello, I’m Anya. I have no advice for you- just questions.
Given you have an accepting SO you are fortunate. This is not a common situation but one that we all seek. Would you say you are a patient person?
If so, I encourage tact and plenty of space for your partner. It could appear to your partner that they are doing the giving and you are just taking. You have shown that you are caring and you want to be open in your relationship. I would say you are well placed to maintain and sustain the trust you share. You said I don’t want to push-‘which may imply a little frustration?
Just keep sharing your gratitude and care. Keep your sims targeted towards your partner. Be sure you express your interest for you both.
In time I think you will discover a blending of views and desires. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
Take it slowly, easy and be grateful for every small step.
I wish you every blessing.
Just my view, Julie, I’m just adding a thought.Asnya
As other girls have posted, this is a common issue. When it came my time, I just asked her: Can I wear a nightie to bed?; Can I stay dressed around the house?; and finally “Can I wear a dress at home?” (She had a specific “thing” about men in dresses). I’m happy to say that permission was always given.
Hi Jaime cant add much to what these other girls have said as my wife is very supportive and i never dress with out asking first she allways says i domt have to ask and i tell her that i will never take her for grantit .. So i ask she sometimes prempts me and says go find Stephanie which is a wow in my heart good luck girlfriend time and patience is a key to getting there been married 38 years would never trade her in on 2 20s as she says im not wired for 220 he he hugs girlfriend..
Stephanie Bass
All you can do is talk to your wife and see how she feels. Go slowly though, I wouldn’t recommend being in femme mode 24/7 instantly.
Your wife may not have a clue that you want more than you have just now (I certainly didn’t) or she may be expecting it but you will never know unless you ask.
Set some time aside and talk. Even if it means you have to give her some time to digest and then come back to the conversation in a day or a week, remember you have had time to think about what you are comfortable, she hasn’t so she needs that time as well and then try and involve her, if she wants to be involved.
Having just come out to my wife three weeks ago we are still figuring out what her comfort level. She does accept my crossdressing but isn’t sure how involved she wants to be. She has a very positive attitude and is hopeful but in essence doesn’t want me counting my chickens before they are hatched.
Based upon it goes well and behind my expectations I asked my wife what did I do that helped her accept this. There’s other factors but what she said what that I always said our marriage and relationship with her as a man was number 1. That we must always talk and not shut down. When you shut down the the walls start getting built. Lastly you have you put yourself in Her shoes not literally 😁 but that figuring this out is 50-50 not 90 percent me and 10 her. I know we are hurting but it’s important that you take her perspective as much as your own.
Not sure if this makes any sense but it’s working for us
best of luck. Always think positive. Good thoughts attract more good thoughts 🌻🌻
Go slowly and in stages.
I decided a little more than 2 years ago I was going to start dressing the way I wanted, wearing what I wanted. I started with wearing womans jeans. I know where them exclusively. Then migrated to wearing womans boots, (booties, the short stylish boots). I always wear womans underwear, which she does not see. Tights or some sort of hose.I always wear mens shirts, although I would love to wear blouses. My wife has “accepted” this, realizing she can’t do a lot about it. It has had an affect on our intimate relationship. There is none. Oh, and I have removed all of my body hair.
Your wife may come to accept this more, if you take it slow.
Good luck!
Rebecka!
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