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*I apologize in advance for the length of this post*
Friends:
I have been together with my wife for 28 years. We are life partners and best friends. I love her dearly. While crossdressing was in the back of my mind when we met (we were 18yo). I had never done it. As I grew older my urge to acquire female attire and dress grew stronger and I began to dress on occasion. I did it in secrecy and never told my wife about it out of fear and shame. Honestly, while I thought about it a lot, dressing was just an occasional thing. I have been secrtetly dressing on and off for about the last 15 or so years. I never told her.
That said, being so close, I think she knew. Little things came up. I came clean, but there was no expected follow up from her. For example, about 12 years ago she found a receipt with a woman’s name on it (funny part was that she was not mad about the girls name…she was put out about me spending money we did not have…LOL) I told her I had a female makeover and that was the name of the wig. I told her I wanted to try it. She fumed, but not about the makeover and she never brought it up again. Later she found some women’s heels in my size in our closet. She asked me about them. She knows I have a shoe “thing” with her shoes, so she did not have much of a follow up with me when I told her they were for me and I liked to wear sexy shoes. She never brought up the topic again. And neither did I. Those are the two times when the topic of crossdressing was confronted. Surprisingly there was no follow up. I did not bring it up either out of fear and embarrassment.
About a year ago, we had an argument. As we were making up out of the blue she brought up her fear about me dressing. She asked me if I was gay. She asked me if I wanted to be a woman. She asked me if I wanted a sex change. I answered as honestly and we had a conversation about my crossdressing for the first time. The conversation came from a place of love and I think it was very relieving for both of us. It was out there… She said that she accepted it…
Now here is the hard part. I never followed up that conversation with her. I did not want to force anything on her. I know your husband telling you he is a CD is a lot to digest so I thought I would address it when she brought it up… That was a year ago and she never brought it up again. While over that year I was a bit more open (I did not hide my shoes) with my CDing. I was hoping the topic would come up in conversation and it did not.
Fast forward to about a month ago. Everyone was out of the house for a day, so I chose to dress and go out. It took all day to get ready and I went to the mall. I did not want to involve anyone in my dressing that day, but timing went bad and I made the choice to text my wife and tell her I was dressed and I wanted to stay dressed longer and for her to take the kids to dinner so I could have more time to stay out and then get home and get undressed. She agreed to take the kids to eat and come home later. Everything went as planned and when she and the kids came home, I was not dressed CD anymore and everything went on as normal.
The next couple of days she was acting different with me. I guess, I probably was acting different as well just in terms with the way we were interacting with each other. We were both probably on edge again about the CD topic being out there. Well, one evening when we were in bed, I asked her if she was acting different because I had dressed. She said no, but I pushed the topic further this time. I thanked her for understanding and allowing me to do it. She asked, what does it mean? I said that I honestly don’t know, but I told her it is something that has been inside me for years and probably will not go away. She asked me if I wanted to be a woman, and I told her I don’t think so… but I don’t know. I told her I love the feeling I get dressing. I told her that I was not attracted to men. I told her that I loved her. I told her that regardless of what is on the outside, it is still the same person on the inside. She said that she did not know how to deal with me dressing. She asked about the dressing being a turn on or sexual in nature. I was honest with her and said that on a certain level it was. I reassured her though that I was not getting dressed and going out to try and “get off.” Again I reassured her that I loved her and I wanted to get this out there because I did not want to hide or keep secrets from her. She cried… a lot. She said she is OK with it if it makes me feel good, but she does not know how to deal with it. She said it scared her knowing I was out. I can understand that. In the conversation, I reiterated that I needed to dress. Something inside me feels so good when I am female. I told her I go out sometimes (I have been out 5 times) because the act is very insular and lonely. Going out provides a level of validation. I then asked her if she would be willing to “walk the path” with me. She replied, what does that mean? I said, I don’t really know myself, but I am lonely in this and I want her to be a part of this. She said she does me and would help, but does not understand. At that moment, it was hard for me to find words to provide understanding for her. All that came out is that I would like her to dress up with me and accept a femme side of me into our lives. She said she would try. We both cried, hugged I told her I loved her and she told me she loved me.
So fast forward a month. Our relationship is solid. We had a great Christmas. She has not brought the subject of dressing up again and neither have I. I do not know what to do.
I am going to be with her for the rest of my life and things are looking like I am going to have to play the long game on this. I am at a loss. I am also nervous as to how I should proceed. I know she is loving…but I think she is not accepting my femme side…she is dealing with it by ignoring it. I do begrudge her in the slightest though for her actions and the way she is dealing with it. I also do not want to “rub” her face in it either. I can tell by her actions and body language that even when I bring up something femme in the slightest, it makes her uncomfortable.
Whew… lots of info… If you have stayed with me this far, thank you. I really could use some advice from my friends here.
Thanks in advance for your anticipated help.
-Hugs, Tiffany
I am the wife of a CD. I know that it came as a shock for me. At first it was just the underwear then it became dressing. It was very hard to imagine my husband dressed and I had the same questions your wife asked. We read a wonderful book about crossdressing by Savannah ( sorry can’t remember her last name) but it helped both of us. We have boundaries with his dressing in public, live in an area that would be unaccepting of her. He dresses at home and wears undergarments under his male clothes. He encouraged me to help pick clothes that I was comfortable with at first and that I would feel okay seeing him wear. Now we are comfortable discussing his CD and I am accepting of his dressing when we are together and for Christmas I even bought a beautiful teddy and robe for him. Keep showing your wife how much you love her and don’t hide the person your are from her. That will only cause her anxiety and suspicion. I hope this helps.
Savannah Haulk , living with crossdressing , defining the new normal , fabulous book easy to read , 💐 Tiff
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Bobbi, thanks so much for your reply. I appreciate your advice. I do not know if I am personally ready to come out to her as Tiffany yet. I have dressed and I do not think I look too bad, I do not think I look good by any means. One thing I am certain of is that I do not want to look bad when I introduce her to Tiffany. Maybe I should take the plunge though and go forward anyways. I am not sure about that. Second, I would not know what to do if she did in fact say yes… have dinner, watch a movie, go for a drive, etc… Lots to think about.Your advice about reminding her her MAN is not going anywhere is good advice. I am going to take that for sure. One question of clarification though, when you say do things you used to to win her heart, do you mean to do it as Tiffany? Regardless, it is something should do anyways for sure.
Again, thanks for the advice.
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Donna, I really appreciate your response. Especially from a wife’s perspective. I know that my wife is emotionally fragile on the subject. Thoughts from a wife’s viewpoint are extremely helpful. At the present, I dress in no way around my wife. In fact I do not act feminine in any way around her either. I honestly do not think that if I did that outright with her she would accept it well. I think she likes her man. It would also be very awkward in our community if I acted or looked in any other way but myself. I think my wife takes a lot of pride and satisfaction in the position (for lack of a better term) that we have in the community and amongst friends. If I am going to change that I know it has to happen slowly. Do you have any advice with that? Sounds like you and your husband did it slowly as well.How did your husband nudge you from a place of not understanding to acceptance? Can you tell me more about your experiences and what you did together… or what he did to make you comfortable enough to find acceptance “walking down the path” with him? I am going to have to look that book up. I found a couple of articles I handed her, but I do not think she responded very well to them. In fact she pointed out one of the articles was written by an author about her ex-husband. Although the article was written as if they were together. That is the first thing she saw and pointed out. These are the little things that show to me that her emotions are raw on the subject.
I surely appreciate any advice you can give. and once again, thank you for responding to my post.
-Tiffany
Tiffany,
This CD thing is very difficult for most wives to understand, and many simply refuse to try. It seems that yours is not in that category; good for you both. When I told my wife about my need to wear women’s clothes, the first thing she said is : Are you getting gay in your old age?….because that is the most people think of CDs. I told her NO, and the topic was dropped until we had The Talk a couple of months later, when I assured her i loved her, wasn’t gay and wasn’t leaving and didn’t want to upset her in any way, but that I needed to express my feminine side. I also said she could set the boundaries for my dressing and I would accept them. It has worked out very well for us; she doesn’t want to see me in a dress (skirts are OK), and she even accepted me getting my ears pierced recently.Every wife is different, but if you are honest and don’t hold secrets, it should work out for you, also. I should add that we have been married for 50 years, my CD urge returned only about 3 years ago, and Bettylou has only been “out” since early this year. Be patient, and keep trying.
It sounds like you have a solid relationship and she is willing to explore this with you, but I also very apprehensive.
I am just finishing a book “living with crossdressing” it was written for partners dealing with crossdressing. I have found the book quite helpful, it puts my own situation into perspective and I think it would help my wife… If she’d read it! I think in your situation it would give you both something to discuss that isn’t directly you, the degree of separation may help her get her head around it.
You could also tell her about CDH if you have not. There is a forum specifically for SOs.
However you do it, it is vital to keep communications open.Best of luck!
Hi Tiffany,
This is a whole lot for your wife to process and every wife is different .
However remember our wives were attracted to us for various reasons but our masculinity is a large portion of that.
As Bobbi said she needs her time with her masculine husband.
If you are committed to this marriage you need to talk to her and come up with some boundaries that can work.I know some people don’t like boundaries and some people have the luxury of not having to live within them.
But a marriage has compromises that have to be made at times.
These ladies have given you some wonderful and excellent advice I would listen to them.Patty
Tiffany,
I must agree with much of what the others have said, but want to share what have I learned in my journey with my wife.
I came out to my wife almost 9 years into our marriage. (We will celebrate our 13th anniversary this summer). I had decided to explore my feelings 3 months before telling my wife after having buried and ignored my feelings for 20 years.
My wife was angry, but with my dressing in womenswear, but for having kept it from her. Our relationship has always been built on being honest with each other. We have since the early days of our relationship regularly had a discussions of feelings and opinions on a multitude of topics from everyday to controversial.
My wife has given her consent, her love, and her acceptance from the beginning. She has a psychological and therapy background which gave her an intellectual understanding, but she had and still does have her struggles on the emotional level. Aa it has taken me 25 years to understand my own feelings as I do, it is logical and reasonable for anyone else to have struggles.
It took my wife about six weeks to stop asking me if I was gay, or if I was looking to be a woman. I answered my wife’s questions honestly, and reassured her that I do and would always love her. As my wife understands that my preference for womens wear, I also understand that my wife needs her husband to be the man whom she loves. And for these times, I am just that. (Sometimes it is a simple romantic gesture while other times, it is being her husband in the most traditional sense.)
Please understand that it has been 3.5 years since our first discuss. We still have our struggles and miscommunications. We love each other deeply, and are in this together for long haul.
MacKenzie Alexandra
Hi Tiffany, it sounds like we’re in similar places with our wives. Mine is not yet as open as yours has been. I’m in no position to give advice except perhaps for one thing. DO NOT let the subject go off the radar screen. Don’t ram it down her throat but do keep the discussion going. It may be the only way help increase her comfort level. It’s a delicate balancing act. All the best.
-Jen
Tiffany,
While we all have different dressing desires and what it means and does for us, I think we all would like for our partners to be Supportive, participate and encourage our dressing up. Far too many Cd’s do not share this with this S/O, which I understand why. But in the long run, keeping this a secret creates far more issues then it helps. Sad that far too many ladies cannot accept or tolerate, let alone participate with our dressing. The one that Are supportive, and participate are awesome and like Unicorns.
After all, we are still the same person inside, we just want to explore our needs and desires to dress up and would like for them to walk that path with us together. You need to have open and honest communication as to what your needs, desires and expectation are. She wants to know where is this going, to what extent are you going to dress? Do you want to be with a man or fully transition. All valid concerns. The more uncertainly she has…it will create issues between you.
Hopefully you can find some common ground and get on the same page and address the elephant in the room.
Good Luck
The biggest thing I’m hearing is avoiding the uncomfortable conversations. If you want her to understand you you have to try and explain why you want to dress and express your feminine side. Even if you dont have all the answers. You have to establish a dialogue and find answers for you and her. There will be ups and downs. To make it work you have to talk. Me and my wife have gone through me hiding and not being completely honest. The thing that has improved our relationship had been me opening up and explaining what I was feeling when I dressed and what it meant to me. She doesn’t understand everything. She doesn’t always know how to deal with me. But being able to talk and communicate allows you to find a happy medium and compromise to make both people feel like they are being heard. There is no perfect answer. There has to be give and take. But to make a relationship work you cant ignore the problem. Unfortunately you have to talk about it. Not argue. Not make demands. It has to be a conversation of love and understanding.
One thing I find very hard is that I have difficulty explaining something I truly don’t understand myself. Sometimes rather than answers, I provide confusion. When I don’t give her clarity and provide more confusion, it gives her fear. The fear will lead her to saying no…and I will respect her answer if it is no. So in a funny way, I know not bringing things up will not lead to a no.
Bad logic, I know…but that is why I personally avoid bringing things up. :-/. She does not like to hear the answer “I don’t know” from me. Unfortunately, it is an answer that I give her a lot as it is a truly honest answer. For example, one of her first questions she asked was, “why do you do it?” My truly honest answer through my tears was, “I don’t know.” That is a very hard struggle for me…and her…and us.
Tiff
You may not completely understand why but what I’ve found is if I dont know why tell her how it makes you feel. Even if you need to write her a letter. Text messaging is the pathway I have discovered to be able to have conversation without being face to face and being able to get the thoughts out of my head. It’s hard to express everything in one conversation. It has to be an ever evolving dialogue. Also you need to do some soul searching and try and figure out why you do what you do. Mine I feel goes back to being a middle child and wanting attention from my mom. I would cook and help her in the kitchen even go clothing shopping with her. My brothers wouldn’t volunteer to do these things so I was happy to have special time with her. I wanted to share more with her. I would try on her things and go through her stuff. I’m sure she notices but never asked me directly.
Dear Tiffany,
I think it’s great that you’ve come out to your wife and unwittingly gave her space and time to process this all. It seems like you both very much still have a lot to talk about and figure out. It’s a process and it takes time and I hope you both find a way to work on this together. It’s cool, that you asked for time to stayed dressed and she was willing to give it to you, even though it may have not been fully comfortable with it. It sounds to me, like you are always waiting for her to bring up the topic of your crossdressing, consider that maybe she is waiting for you to bring it up. I have found that my hubbie sometimes does the same. I kind of feel like I want him to open up and express himself to me on his own without me having to prompt him to do so. I want him to be in charge of his own femininity. AND I will be here to listen, try to understand, accept and support him. Does that make sense?
It’s nice to see that you are trying to be very reassuring to your wife, trust me, she needs that more than you can ever know. Go beyond words though, show her in other small ways. It’s so easy to slip into it’s all about your crossdressing and you. It’s about finding balance and having that part of you be present, but not take over everything either. Don’t lose sight of your wife and your relationship together. Do keep communicating with her and checking back in from time to time and talk about how all of this can work into the relationship. Know that she may or may not be ready for somethings right away. Ask her to setup some boundaries on what she is comfortable with for now. And then revisit that conversation again in a few months, then again and again. She may or may not change her mind about things, but you might not know if you don’t revisit the conversation.
Last thing, in fearing what her responses and reactions means that you are always holding things back from her. At some point you are going to need to really take a look at yourself and really come to terms with your own crossdressing and what it means to you. The more honest to yourself you are, the more honest and open you can be to your wife.
I recently replied to someone the other day in the Dear Genetic Girls Forum, the post title is “What do you really think now that you know?” Check out my response there, I think you may find it helpful too. I tried sharing the link here, but the site wouldn’t let me.
Feel free to reach out to me anytime, I find that in talk to others, it helps me too.
Best of Luck,
-Gwenn
Tiffany,
You are doing the right things, already; but base on my own experience, you might do better to not push your wife into going out with you. Mine is uncomfortable with the idea, and simply refuses. In the past, when I was asked if the shirt/shoes/leggings I was wearing were women’s clothes, and I replied “yes”, she ignored them thereafter. But when I mentioned my need to dress up, the first words out of her mouth were “Are you turning gay in your old age?” I assured her I was not, then offered to let her set boundaries on my dressing, in order to avoid upsetting her. I have requested (and received) permission to wear a skirt around the house, and a nightgown to bed; and I mentioned, but did not expressly ask) about getting my ears pierced. She has proved herself supportive, even giving me a nice pair of hers to wear. By letting her set the pace, I’m about to get (I think) approval to wear a wig, since I helped her choose a purchase for her from my newest catalog early this week. Keeping the conversation going, but not pushing, seems to be the key.
Hugs,
BettylouDear Tiffany
Let me start by saying that every marriage is different. I am married 48 yrs. We have 5 grown children and 6 grandchildren. I told my wife after 10 yrs of marriage. My wife is a very strong Irish catholic. My wife wants nothing to do with my femme side. Sometimes you have to realize that some things will not happen. I have accepted that my wife will never truly accept my femme side. My family is the most important thing in my life. She has only seen one picture of Terri. I have had her meet other wives. I hang some of my clothes in our bedroom closet. She sees them everyday. My keyword is balance. I have been to numerous places as Terri. When im Terri I am very happy. I love my family and could never lose them. I love my TG friends but my family will always come first. I dont judge anyone else.
Yours TerriHi Tiffany,
Thanks for sharing your story; my story over the last three months has been very similar! So I don’t have any advice for myself (and I’m very grateful for the other ladies who have shared their advice too), except to say that you’re not alone.
I hope things work out for you and your wife.
Best wishes,
Rachel.Hey Tiffany, thanks for sharing your story. I’m in a similar position, after only a couple of conversations and a few weeks tho. This current semi-lockdown means we’re spending pretty much all of our time together which has been great, and I don’t want to rock the boat. But then I’m understanding more and more about myself and how this is part of what I am that can’t be changed.
I can’t offer any profound advice except to say that you’re not alone.
S x
I have a very accepting wife and even though to dress as much as I try is mine she accepts.
We haven’t had a normal marriage if there is a normal marriage. For 12 years I was rarely home. One deployment was 14 months. We did move to Little Va Beach for security for our 2 kids and lived on base. My wife was the husband and wife. I barely knew my kids!
Fast forward I am home now and retired! It was stressful for a year because now she isnt in charge of everything. Our romantic life had to be restarted and we did ok. We slowly became BFF s and knew it would be forever! I took a job in law enforcement but that wasnt me! So a year later I started at fire academy and a firefighter since. Love it!
My wife began to notice changes down there. Foreskin was growing back and things were decreasing in size but slowly. My wife being a nurse told me she wasn’t complaining but I needed hormones checked. Testosterone was panic low of 13. How can that be as much time at gym. T-shot time and after 2 years my T-level got a little better but my progesterone and estrogen were out of site. The more T the more female hormones. We assumed it was from chemical I was exposed to in military! Then from one my mom’s stories ( she has no clue of my condition) she told my wife she had to take testosterone shots for last trimester before my birth since she had very little female hormones…now I got answer. Mild androgen insufficiency!
It only affected male parts and breasts! My wife and I decided to change our romance to a more intimate approach. I started with panties and they seemed normal as mine fit in them well. We gave up on docs! I just accept my inability to have even decent intercourse allowed me to be a girl from nipples to knees..we had our problems though! I adjusted to clothing better than how could this happen to me..I guess I felt I was trapped as a man wearing women’s intimates or was I a girl.
It took a few years and a counselor who only made it worse! Then I threatened to work as a security contractor overseas and my wife told me hell no! She was through with that doing it by herself and screw the good money you make! We spent a week by ourselves in the Ozarks and decided that labels were BS! Be who I am! I married you and I love you. I told her i would never pass totally but despite mostly masculine image i am a chic!
I decided all of us spend too much time trying to label ourselves. All that matters is who we are mentally! My feminine side has helped my PTSD some, helped me nurse my wife through cancer and helped me enjoy things I missed while spending some years of my life doing the things Seals do!
I apologize for length..I had to make 2 calls in between writing. So probably rambling also!
Enjoy your day ladies!
Hi Tiffany,
My wife was very encouraging and supportive, buys me clothes and tells me I should go ‘get comfortable’ frequently. However, being home on Covid-tine, I was en femme a lot and she admitted to me that it was too much. She needed to know that I didn’t want to become a woman, that I simply enjoyed CD. “I’m not attracted to women,” she said. “I like men.” She was happy to know I had no plans to transition, and that I was still very much attached to my hetero-male side. Your story seems to resonate a bit with my wife’s fear that she was losing something she was not willing to lose. I don’t know if you can make the same assurances to her, but it may be a place to start.
Tj
I am not qualified to give advice however you are not alone. I am in a similar situation but you are way ahead of me, congratulations.
We are simply human, want (all stress in life originates with want) to be happy. Sounds like you two are great people. Suggest you proceed on her schedule given you want her to be happy.
Good luck.
Tommie
Hi Tiffany, i am a single person, so maybe my advise is not the best qualified, but i am going to tell you my opinion, just in case it could help you… i agree with another sister here, that your wife is facing the fear about to loss something she love and she doesn ´t want to loss, that is her husband, the man she has been married with, she is thinking that maybe she has to share her life with a woman instead of her husband and man, just make her feel, that the man is still in her marriage and will be always with her and in her intimancy, just think about it, and ask God for guidance, HE always respond, i tell you for self experience
hugs and kisses a lot sweetie, Felicity
Tiffany,
Although I am single, I think you should schedule a girl date with her. Share your feminine side with her and show her that she is not losing you. Maybe when she sees you as Tiffany, she just might be more accepting. If she isn’t, then you can talk about it and set some limits you can both live with. In any case, we’re here for you, and wish you the best.
💕
Dear Tiffany,
I think it’s great that you’ve come out to your wife and unwittingly gave her space and time to process this all. It seems like you both very much still have a lot to talk about and figure out. It’s a process and it takes time and I hope you both find a way to work on this together. It’s cool, that you asked for time to stayed dressed and she was willing to give it to you, even though it may have not been fully comfortable with it. It sounds to me, like you are always waiting for her to bring up the topic of your crossdressing, consider that maybe she is waiting for you to bring it up. I have found that my hubbie sometimes does the same. I kind of feel like I want him to open up and express himself to me on his own without me having to prompt him to do so. I want him to be in charge of his own femininity. AND I will be here to listen, try to understand, accept and support him. Does that make sense?
It’s nice to see that you are trying to be very reassuring to your wife, trust me, she needs that more than you can ever know. Go beyond words though, show her in other small ways. It’s so easy to slip into it’s all about your crossdressing and you. It’s about finding balance and having that part of you be present, but not take over everything either. Don’t lose sight of your wife and your relationship together. Do keep communicating with her and checking back in from time to time and talk about how all of this can work into the relationship. Know that she may or may not be ready for somethings right away. Ask her to setup some boundaries on what she is comfortable with for now. And then revisit that conversation again in a few months, then again and again. She may or may not change her mind about things, but you might not know if you don’t revisit the conversation.
Last thing, in fearing what her responses and reactions means that you are always holding things back from her. At some point you are going to need to really take a look at yourself and really come to terms with your own crossdressing and what it means to you. The more honest to yourself you are, the more honest and open you can be to your wife.
I am going to share a link to another post I’ve answered, because I think it might be helpful to you too.
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/forums/topic/what-do-you-really-think-now-that-you-know/
Feel free to reach out to me anytime, I find that in talk to others, it helps me too.
Best of Luck,
-Gwenn
Dear Tiffany
I think the best thing to do is educate her about the CD , take this forum as educative instrument and show her what does it mean to be a CD ,,,go online for different examples of CD nature and show her ….She is scared to loose you to the other side ,,,thinking that you might be a gay fellow or you are interested being a a homo …..prove to her that CD only means love to wear women stuff like any stylish market …the only difference is the feeling of being a woman ….Tell her that your female hormones are slight more than males …and you are interested in the beauty of women ,,,the idea is simple …your duty is to assure her about yourself in crossdressing ,,do not be shy …you are obliged to communicate and discuss with her in order for her to accept your new identity…patience is a virtue
Hi Tiffany,
This is an old post so the situation mey have changed.
However,from my experience not all women can embrace our feminine side.
You may have to compromise some.
Most woman Marry us to some degree for our masculinity.
It may make her feel gay to be with you as a woman and she may not like that.
Also I found out my wife was worried I would be outed dressing locally so out of respect for her I go out of the area.
Being outed could lose our friends and could risk my job.
Many may dissagree with these points but please consider them if you haven’t.
Patty
This is an old post but it raises an issue I have been harping about for some time. The conversations you described and the questions raised are so common as to indicate a standard. The difficulty in making responses derives from the uncritical acceptance of those standards. In particular, you wrote:
“She asked me if I wanted to be a woman, and I told her I don’t think so… but I don’t know.”
Once again there is the fallacy of conflating sex and gender in the misconstruction of terminology. Even over 70-years after de Beauvoir pointed out comprehensibly that simply being female does not make you a woman.
The thing is that you do want to be a woman, obviously. To say you ‘don’t know’ when you make such efforts to be feminine (i.e., the defining characteristics of being a woman) is puzzling. How could you not know?
The thing is that you both meant ‘woman’ (gender) to mean ‘female (sex) and the point of concern is that standardized values, concepts and conventions state that a male (sex) cannot be a woman (gender) which is also absurd because thousands, perhaps hundreds of thousands, of males show their ability to be very feminine and to be women in all respects excepting their sex which I assume, in your case, is immaterial as although you want to be a woman (gender) you aren’t necessarily keen on being a female (sex) which you can’t do anyway.
Some people like to be feminine.
Some are male and some are female.
Some people like to be feminine all of the time, some like to be feminine part of the time.
Some are male and some are female.
There is no contradiction, crime or catastrophe in that.
The question here should not be, “What do we do about this problem?”, but rather, “Why is this a problem?”
Araminta.
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