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  • #653869
    Val’sheril Starsong
    Participant
    Registered On: March 3, 2019
    Topics: 17
    Replies: 464
    Has thanked: 344 times
    Been thanked: 1171 times

    I’m honestly unsure where to post this, so apologies if this is the wrong place or if it would be better served in a private message to the administrators (which function I’ve not been able to locate).

    This has been on my mind for quite a while but honestly it’s such a small issue as to be effectively a non-issue for me, but enough of an issue at least in the theoretical sense that I thought it was worth addressing, as it’s stuck with me for three years or so.  Or rather a collection of issues but I’m getting ahead of myself.

    This concerns the way profiles are set up.  In particular the questions/answer options (in the case of drop-down menus) that are given.  And yes, I realize simply leaving fields blank, answering N/A, etc. are valid options, however, the very fact the questions are raised (and the assumptions inherent therein) are in my opinion noteworthy.

    Let me start with the biggest concern.  “My Transgender Journey”.  Now I’ve been labeled a transphobe by reactionary thinkers of many stripes but please allow me a bit of context here.  I love the trans community.  I regularly meet with a local group that is predominantly trans, have several online trans friends, and once dated a trans woman.  I’ve even recently begun revisiting the question of whether I myself am trans (though full disclosure the answer is still probably no).  But I think it’s worth raising the question on a site predominantly geared toward crossdressers, with a sister site geared toward the trans community, is this section helpful, or is it just leading the witness?  Never one to back down from specifics, the questions listed are:

    “Are you planning to go further in transitioning?”

    and

    “When did you first realize that you are transgender?”

    These questions (to me at least) seem to be making a gigantic assumption, or rather several, within a community that is by and large still feeling these issues out, and therefore vulnerable to the power of suggestion:

    1: that members are transgender

    2: that members have realized this

    3: that members have taken active steps to transition

    For many of us this is simply not the case, and I have personally brushed it off.  But it’s always kind of rubbed me the wrong way.  Isn’t part of being inclusive being, well, inclusive?

    Off to the other extreme, I look at the drop-down menu for “gender”.  And it’s like reading the dictionary.  I get it, you want to include everyone, and that is commendable.  But in that case, why bother with a finite menu with an (albeit dizzying) array of options, many of which are homonyms (ie. “Cis woman” and “Cisgender woman”) and not just do one of the following?:

    1: simply give a blank field for people to self-identify

    2: allow multiple selections to reflect the depth of a person’s deeply personal journey of gender identity

    3: narrow down the menu options to a more manageable and comprehensible list

    I guess while we’re on inclusion I should take a step back and take a second look at the “My Crossdressing Experience” section which frankly I’ve taken for granted up til now.  But since we’re specifically including SOs who may not have any crossdressing desires/experiences as well as professionals of unspecified gender/expression I suppose I should raise similar concerns to those in My Transgender Journey.

    I’m coming to realize there might not be an easy answer to this, though a start might be some staged dropdown menus which open up different profile options, ie:

    I am:
    – a crossdresser
    – transgender
    – a SO of a crossdresser/trans person
    – an interested third party

    Though I fully admit this can get clunky, not to mention being a glut on admin resources.  Alternately a more simplistic approach might work wherein we take away some of the more leading questions and simply encourage these things to be addressed through a more open-ended bio field.

    But yeah, I’ve rambled more than I wanted to.  Please don’t see this as any kind of manifesto.  I appreciate all of you ladies (and otherwise) that make this site run so smoothly.

    Just some things I’ve been thinking about that you may or may not also want to think about.

    Love and blessings,
    -Val

     

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    • #654008
      Mary Jane
      Lady
      Registered On: September 30, 2020
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 526
      Has thanked: 837 times
      Been thanked: 2643 times

      I actually like the term “transvestite.” I’ll take ownership of it.

      The increasing popularity of the Rocky Horror Show would suggest it is still a very valid term.

    • #653989
      Lauren Mugnaia
      Registered On: November 1, 2021
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 165
      Has thanked: 1602 times
      Been thanked: 842 times

      Interesting topic, it’s a question of quantifying where we’re at on this journey. Terminology has changed over the years, best examples are: transvestite, transsexual, cross dresser and transgender.  I knew I was supposed to be a girl at a very young age and was putting my mom’s clothes on when I was 5 years old. I had no idea or concept of any words to describe myself, I just knew I was very different than most boys.  I actually stumbled on a headline in a newspaper I saw at the drug store when I was probably 10 years old, it was about Christine Jorgensen, the first transsexual. I was awe struck!  Was this possible? Could I ever actually become a real girl? That thought has never really left my brain through the years.

      Then I came across something talking about female impersonators, or transvestites, and realized I must be a transvestite. That was just too weird and unacceptable for a boy in that current culture, so my life now featured having a fear of being found out and I knew I had to hide my feminine side and created and entered my closet.

      So a few years pass and I became very good at dressing when the opportunity was there, but there was never any sexual overtone for me, dressing gave me a sense of calm and peace, these were the clothes I was meant to wear! And I became familiar with a new word to describe what I was considered, out with transvestite and in with cross dresser. But, all along I still knew I was supposed to be a female, and finally, the term transgender came into being and I started to seriously question where I stood on my life’s journey.

      So I think one must ask themselves, just where are you at? As I said above, I have always been feminine and known I was supposed to be a girl, so that puts me firmly in the transgender category. If you are a person who simply enjoys and gets a bit of a thrill from dressing up in feminine attire, then I would place you firmly in the cross dressing category.  I would, personally, place a girl like Barbie in another category, I’d refer to her as a Shemale. If a person has gone for the entire SRS, then I would definitely refer to them as, and place them in the category of being a transsexual.

      It is a question that can only be answered by each one of us.  It is safe to say that all of us have cross dressed through the years, but being a transgendered person, and coming to that realization, and acceptance, is significantly different. Do you remain in your closet or do you finally come to the reality of who you truly are, and transition to living as your authentic self?

      Lots of hugs girls,

      Lauren M

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #653982
      Robyn Drake
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: March 19, 2019
      Topics: 55
      Replies: 728
      Has thanked: 1205 times
      Been thanked: 2212 times

      Hi Val,

      The profile issues that you raised are “site owner” issues and not manager or ambassador issues. The support staff here has no power or authority to restructure anything on the site. If you feel strongly about these issues I would encourage you to contact the site owner Vanessa Law. At the very bottom of this page there is a Contact Vanessa button that brings you to a form where you can notify her of your concerns.

      I also would like to remind you about the prohibition we have against political topics. In my experience here, political discussion almost always leaves someone rankled. We discourage political discussion because we are trying to maintain a safe environment where all girls feel welcomed.

      – Robyn

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #653902
      Barbie Satin
      Lady
      Registered On: May 15, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 167
      Has thanked: 392 times
      Been thanked: 516 times

      A lot of people over the years have asked me how my transition is going. I am a CD and not a TS so there is no transition. I don’t know why people assume that because you went for breast implants it means you want to go for SRS surgery or whatever ridiculous PC term they changed it to?

      I was going for the beauty of a woman with the sex drive of a male. To me that means using plastic surgery and not hormones to achieve it. I never met a CD in transition. I met many TS’s in transition.

       

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #653911
        Val’sheril Starsong
        Lady
        Registered On: March 3, 2019
        Topics: 17
        Replies: 464
        Has thanked: 344 times
        Been thanked: 1171 times

        Honestly, Barbie, I have a lot of questions for you that probably aren’t relevant to the original topic, except that you perhaps present the “middle ground” in a sense I haven’t been exposed to in a personal sense.  That said, the fact that you qualify yourself as CD rather than TS is telling.

        And I mean honestly what male of any stripe can honestly say he hasn’t wanted breasts at some point?  Just sayin’. 😉

        1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #653914
          Barbie Satin
          Lady
          Registered On: May 15, 2022
          Topics: 1
          Replies: 167
          Has thanked: 392 times
          Been thanked: 516 times

           

          Not many go get them. They sure made life more interesting,

           

          • #653925
            Val’sheril Starsong
            Lady
            Registered On: March 3, 2019
            Topics: 17
            Replies: 464
            Has thanked: 344 times
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            Of this I have no doubt.  But again, questions not necessarily for this thread.

          • #653962
            Barbie Satin
            Lady
            Registered On: May 15, 2022
            Topics: 1
            Replies: 167
            Has thanked: 392 times
            Been thanked: 516 times

            Actually it does since that is what part of this was about. “3: that members have taken active steps to transition”.

            I am pointing out CD’s are not in transition even if they get implants there fore I am ergo this fits the topic.

             

    • #653901
      Raquel Smith
      Lady
      Registered On: August 26, 2021
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 805
      Has thanked: 2873 times
      Been thanked: 2668 times

      Val,

      I think you’ve raised some valid points. Occasional posts/discussions here that center around transgenderism have gotten a tad tense in the past.

      And about that “journey”.  Many girls on CDH believe that being a crossdresser is their final destination, and that’s okay.  But for the rest of us, the road map is not in “black & white”.

      That’s what CDH is all about in my humble opinion.

      I have found myself revisiting my profile and considering new options.  Who knows where I’ll end up.  To paraphrase the famous Bugs Bunny, “I knew I should have taken that left turn in Albuquerque!”

      1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #653905
        Val’sheril Starsong
        Lady
        Registered On: March 3, 2019
        Topics: 17
        Replies: 464
        Has thanked: 344 times
        Been thanked: 1171 times

        Who better than Bugs to comment on gender dysphoria? 😉

        I kid (mostly; damn I’m jealous of dat wabbit) but recently Transgender Heaven has become a thing, I think there’s a comfortable middle ground with promoting that site without potentially leading genuinely non-trans CDs down the wrong path.

        1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #653920
          Raquel Smith
          Lady
          Registered On: August 26, 2021
          Topics: 16
          Replies: 805
          Has thanked: 2873 times
          Been thanked: 2668 times

          Most “conservatives” would choke, if they rewatched the cartoons of our youth with that crossdressing, gender fluid wascally wabbit. Maybe that’s where I got the ideas that fill my feminine brain. 😆

          1 user thanked author for this post.
          • #654094
            Amy Catrelle
            Lady
            Registered On: January 2, 2022
            Topics: 10
            Replies: 162
            Has thanked: 458 times
            Been thanked: 758 times

            Personally, I found Jessica Rabbit to be a bigger influence. x

          • #653929
            Val’sheril Starsong
            Lady
            Registered On: March 3, 2019
            Topics: 17
            Replies: 464
            Has thanked: 344 times
            Been thanked: 1171 times

            It’s fascinating how cartoons (and to a lesser extent entertainment media in general) have become a “safe zone” since the early 20th century and arguably far before.  Honestly most of the mention of crossdressing in history has to do with the entertainment industry.  This can be and I think has been both a blessing and a curse.

            Small side note: while perhaps notoriously independent, many of my political ideals could be counted as conservative.  Doesn’t mean I don’t want to look fabulous though. <3

            1 user thanked author for this post.
          • #653934
            Raquel Smith
            Lady
            Registered On: August 26, 2021
            Topics: 16
            Replies: 805
            Has thanked: 2873 times
            Been thanked: 2668 times

            I hesitated to attribute a particular set of opinions to conservatives.  But that’s what fit best in my mind.

            Maybe because people who call themselves conservative nowadays seem to be less accepting of things like crossdressing.

            They’ve ruined conservatism for the rest of us.

             

            Much love,

            Raquel

            2 users thanked author for this post.
          • #653935
            Val’sheril Starsong
            Lady
            Registered On: March 3, 2019
            Topics: 17
            Replies: 464
            Has thanked: 344 times
            Been thanked: 1171 times

            Conservative and liberal are historically interchangeable, much like (gasp) democrat and republican.  Really all one means in the literal context is to hold on to the values of the past and all the other means is to preserve the freedom to pave one’s own future.  Reminds me of the old “one is silver and the other gold” idiom.  Anything else in my opinion is posturing and/or window dressing. ;P

            1 user thanked author for this post.
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