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  • #520851
    Jess Secret
    Participant
    Registered On: February 18, 2021
    Topics: 7
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    I’m not out yet myself but I’m curious as to what your philosophy is when it comes to dressing out – are there certain clothes you would wear out but not others and/or is it largely based on whether you’re passable/not passable, how dolled up you actually like to get, and/or venue, will you be meeting friends, etc? Does the type of town you live in factor in? And are you passable in some clothes but not others?

    As someone who’s quite passable imo depending how dolled up I am (very passable in beautiful lingerie in my bedroom) I’m not sure I would go out unless I was fully dolled up and would very much depend on where I was going. In my case 99.9% of my wardrobe is lingerie/sleepwear so can’t wear that out anyway lol but I’m curious as to what your mindset and experiences are when it comes to dressing in public and how often % wise you do so.

    Thanks!

    – Jess

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    • #521609
      Stephanie Kennedy
      Princess
      Registered On: March 15, 2019
      Topics: 17
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      Hi Jess That’s a great question Most cross dressers do not pass  Of course there are those who do. But they are the exception not the rule. I think its more like i want feel like i fit in with the rest of the GG population. If you look closely most woman dress for the occasion the best they can depending what is in their wardrobe. There are those who just do not care or given them the benefit of doubt who just do not know what is appropriate for the occasion. We are not unlike our GG population we want to learn how to dress appropriately how to apply make up ect ect . All those y tube video’s are not just for cross dressers believe it or not. They are for everyday GGs who want to learn how best to present them selves and help them feel better about themselves as every day woman. We want the same thing. That is what we have in common with our GG counter parts. We want to feel good about how we look and how we present our selves when we decide to go out and about. We know we have not been given the bodies so all we can do is work with what we were given and go from there. Like our GGs sisters we have to learn as they did growing up, trying to fit in the best they could.We are trying to learn it part time and when we can, the whole time we still have to learn what is expected from us because we were born with a penis[ to put it bluntly]. Our bodies are not cooperating with our brain. So begins that question we all have WHY?What happened to all of us? Sorry for rambling Just do the best you can. Learn how best to present your self in a way that makes you feel good. Just take the time to learn what is appropriate to wear at any given situation shopping, out for a walk, dinner at restaurant, going to the movies. out for a drive or what ever. We all have great teachers all around us and does not cost you anything just to pay attention and learn as all woman have done through out the ages. You may not have the body but you do have the brain that wants learn how best to feel good. Isn’t that what we all want Just to feel good about who we are as a person.

      Luv Stephanie

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      • #521672
        Jess Secret
        Lady
        Registered On: February 18, 2021
        Topics: 7
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        Great points Stephanie!

    • #521589
      Sarah Kanter
      Lady
      Registered On: April 25, 2019
      Topics: 3
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      When I first started dressing up, I wanted to pass because I didn’t want anyone to recognize me. I was worried about what people might think or whatever. As time has gone on , however, I have come to accept the fact that although I can look really nice, true passing is probably not a reality, but I dont care too much anymore. When I finally went to work dressed up, I decided that I was just going to own it and not worry about passing, though looking good is important and part of the fun.

      As for outfit choice, here are a few tips that work for me. Dressing for the occasion is key. It seems to me that the closer your outfit fits the situation, the closer you can get to passing.

      Secondly, while I love a short skirt and a tank , I find that I look much better when my clothes are more modest. A knee length pencil skirt with a proffessional blouse makes me much more passable than a flaring mini dress.

      Third, be patient so that you can be confident. This is especially true when shopping and choosing what to wear. It can be tempting to splurge and buy tons of stuff at once, but I find if I take the time to get outfits that I love, rather than just like, I am more confident and comfortable. Confidence is really the key to success. One outfit you really love and that really works for you is way more inspiring and emboldening than a closet full of clothes that look better on someone else. Try on lots of stuff. Some of the things I have had that look the best, came as surprises when I tried them on and put them together in an outfit.

      I know that some ladies here desperately want to transition. Or wish they were GGs.  I dont feel that way so know this last bit may not work for everyone, but when I was able to accept myself as a guy dressing up as a woman rather than a guy pretending to be a woman , it somehow made it easier to go out. I dont know if that makes any sense and I know it doesn’t work like that for everyone, but it makes it easier for me.

      Along with this, mental preparation helps. I think most of us worry about “what might happen” when out and dressed up, but focusing on the fear usually doesn’t help. Focus rather, on what you need to do. So, for example, if I was at the store and a bunch of teenagers started laughing or whatever, what would I do? If someone asked me directly if I was a man or a woman, what would I say? I think focusing on your own actions, rather than worrying about others actions, is much better and very empowering. After all, I only control myself. When I think about it this way, I usually realize that there’s little to nothing to be afraid of.

      • #521671
        Jess Secret
        Lady
        Registered On: February 18, 2021
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        Excellent post Sarah, great points and advice!!

    • #521181
      Candace Baci
      Lady
      Registered On: October 19, 2020
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      Jess

      Great question my wife is going away in a few days and I have a post “9 more days to go” where I give a detailed outline of my plans for outfit and venues I’m going to visit. Hopefully that post answers lots of your questions.

       

      Hugs and Kisses

      Candace

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    • #521168
      Nancy Gamms
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: March 1, 2017
      Topics: 13
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      If I am going out I am fully dressed and trying to “pass” but as others have said I think I’m good at a distance but up close for any time not so much but I just stopped caring.  I try to make sure I go to safe places that I am comfortable with or have been recommended ie lgbt bars/restaurants.  I don’t go with others so I dress just to try to blend which could be casual or work type attire.  I don’t tend to go out in some of the clothes you see in my pics like the lbd or other things that might draw attention to me.

      When you go into a store or restaurant, their job is to serve the customer no matter who it is and will in general be polite at a minimum.  In general if you keep to yourself people leave you alone.  At worst someone may make small talk with you which can be awkward at first but you get use to it.  Believe me it was many years of just doing things casually like getting gas or the drive through before I started having more interactions with people.

    • #521162
      stephanie plumb
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 17, 2018
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      As Gandalf said to the Balrog – “You shall not pass!”

      And neither will we close up.  A long glance (more than a second or two) up close and personal and Eve is revealed as Adam, no matter how good your bone structure, wig and makeup.

      “Passing” is a myth. Wishful thinking.  Being “accepted as female” IS achievable with the required effort.

      At a distance  – say 15 yards – it is easy to be accepted as female as long as you are totally femme and your body language is also femme, and you are going about your day with confidence.  I do it all the time, several times a week.  The only times I have been made is when meeting face to face, when unfortunately, Adam makes his presence known.

       

      • #521527
        Amanda Burton
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: January 15, 2020
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        At a distance of 100yards Stephanie I look interesting, anything closer and the interest has evaporated, just don’t understand it. xx

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        • #521570
          stephanie plumb
          Baroness - Annual
          Registered On: November 17, 2018
          Topics: 166
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          ?????   I’m having a blonde moment.  I dinna ken what you mean.

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          • #521577
            Amanda Burton
            Baroness - Annual
            Registered On: January 15, 2020
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            100yards I look inquisitively feminine, closer than that the battleaxe. Is that a help my sweetie? xx

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          • #521605
            stephanie plumb
            Baroness - Annual
            Registered On: November 17, 2018
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            Surely not!   I think you are just being modest or being far too hard on yourself. Or is a teeny weeny confidence thing?  You appear just as feminine as anyone on this site. Especially those legs!

            Do what I do. Switch on your neural faceapp and see yourself as the gorgeous woman you really are in your soul.

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          • #521657
            Amanda Burton
            Baroness - Annual
            Registered On: January 15, 2020
            Topics: 38
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            I am what I am Stephanie my sweetie, Bless you xx

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    • #521132
      Amelia Lawrence
      Lady
      Registered On: January 4, 2021
      Topics: 3
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      I think at a casual glance I can usually pass. But I’m sure that anyone who has more than a 5 second interaction with me knows. Honestly, I’m past caring or worrying about it most times. I would say that I almost always go out when I am having a femme day, at least if I’m putting any effort into it. I don’t get done up to sit around the house, it just seems like a waste of time.

      As for style, I’d say for the most part I’m pretty casual. I own a lot of dresses, but also some jeans/shorts and tshirts/blouses. I have a few slightly fancier outfits, a couple little black dresses, etc for special occasions, but I’m not out clubbing or anything like that. I own exactly 1 lingerie set and 1 swimsuit, obviously the lingerie is for home only, and the swimsuit, I just haven’t found a good day to hit the beach yet…

    • #521129
      Patty Phose
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 7, 2016
      Topics: 0
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      I was 17 when I first dressed in public. I wanted to dress like, look like and be like Daisy Duke. Wearing that outfit out took quite a bit of nerve and a lot of chickening out before I did it.

      The first outing was just get in the car and drive around some, getting out in a few carefully chosen spots. Gradually, with lots of chickening out I managed to get out of the car and walk around among people. Then I began going into stores and walked around. That’s when I got the idea I should buy some pantyhose dressed like Daisy. Once again it took a while and a lot of nerve building before i did it. I was very nervous but so excited. It turned out to be a non event. I just paid for the pantyhose and left.

      I began doing most of my pantyhose and other clothes shopping dressed that way. I got a few reactions, compliments and questions along the way but they usually were positive.

      Then at 18 I got my own place and began dressing everyday. I really began growing my wardrobe and went out often. I imagined myself as Daisy in a dress, or Daisy dressed up. I loved how I looked and felt. Even though going out was always quite scary at first, it was pretty much always exciting, and a thrill and rush I could not get from anything else. That’s why I did it.

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    • #521086
      Fiona Simpson
      Lady
      Registered On: January 10, 2019
      Topics: 6
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      When going out I try to look as passable as possible. I always wear makeup, but more low key during the day. A wig is a must as I haven’t much hair. So far I have always worn a dress or skirt as I want to feel as feminine as possible, but keep the style appropriate to the situation so that hopefully I blend in. The first few times I was very nervous, but I am much more relaxed now.

    • #521083
      Grace Scarlett
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: February 16, 2021
      Topics: 102
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      Hi.

      I Love Laura Lovett’s reply….she’s so right….

      I dress totally depending where I am going and what I am doing.

      If you don’t mind catching the eye, maybe taking some flak and to hell with it in general…..wear what you like.

      If you really want to blend in, just be one of the girls, and go about your business unhindered….take a look at what the GG’s are wearing where you are going….and dress in a similar vein….it’s really not rocket science…..

      a ball gown and heels while doing the weekly shop WILL attract attention….it just depends if you want it or not.

      Best wishes, grace xx

      • #521750
        Laura Lovett
        Lady
        Registered On: March 26, 2020
        Topics: 22
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        Awww… I love your reply too, Grace, and I am not just saying that…

        However, I would like to point out that I am half left.

        Which is better than fully being left out of the girls hockey team at school. Grrr.

        What am I talking about?

        I have no idea.

        It’s Friday night and I am positively drunk with adrenaline (no alcohol yet, but the night is young).

        Femme day tomorrow and I am buzzing off that!!! 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

        Once more out of the breeches, dear friends.

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    • #521074
      Beth Green
      Lady
      Registered On: February 24, 2021
      Topics: 22
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      Dressing one notch up from what the GG’s are wearing is the best way to go. If it’s grocery shopping it’s a simple dress or skirt and top. I prefer jean skirts and even jean tops. Sometimes leggings with a tunic top. If it’s clothes shopping I wear a nice but simple dress. My goal is to look like a late middle age housewife but one with a sense of style and taste. Jewelry and makeup should also be matched to the destination, day time simple, evening more complete.

      Definitely not overly casual, no sweatpants or t-shirts with printing. Those are for yard work at home only. Skimpy short skirts or crop tops are fun but I only wear those when out for my evening walk. I have half a closet full of naughty Halloween costumes and lingerie, which is how I first started fulltime cross dressing, but those are not for public display, only for private home wear.

      I haven’t had the opportunity to really dress up for an evening out, very single and no prospects. However I will be dressing up soon. I have a freinds wedding coming up and I will be the DJ. I’m thinking a nice mid calf flowery dress with wedge sandals for the ceremony and dinner and then a LBD with heels for the dance. I’m eager to show off but stay within tasteful boundaries.

      👗❤

      Beth

    • #521002
      Bettylou Cox
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 21
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      Hi Jess,

      I’m Dressed most of the time, now, and do all of my grocery shopping and other chores as Bettylou. Most of my clothes are age-appropriate, but I have a few short skirts and pleather leggings I won’t wear in public. I like them, but they are not “right” for an elderly lady. When out alone, I’m never quite sure I pass but I don’t worry about being tagged. Only when with my wife am I sure we are seen as two elderly ladies having a nice day together. Can’t travel, and I always dress conservatively, with moderate makeup, padding and jewelry (and my own hair). I own a few “formal” outfits and heels, but have yet to find a suitable place to wear them. Someday….

      Hugs,
      Bettylou

    • #520999
      Celeste Starre
      Lady
      Registered On: June 26, 2018
      Topics: 41
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      Hi Jess,     I go out dressed but only because I have no male clothing. I don’t try to pass in public and what I wear is fairly close to what men wear anyway. Still,in my part of the world what I’m wearing is more feminine than probably 75% of the women I see.  Now at home is quite another story. There I have a huge collection of most everything with vintage ultra feminine peignoir sets being my favs.

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    • #520998
      Amy Myers
      Baroness
      Registered On: February 11, 2019
      Topics: 17
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      I do go out as often as I can, and as things are opening up I expect to be going out quite a bit more.

      So, that said, I am passable, and I get few people who “make me”. I always dress for where I’m going. By that I mean I try to be at the better dressed end of the given spectrum, but still blending in. For instance during the long lockdowns the only place I could go was one of the local grocery stores. I live in a farming area, and most women dress fairly casual to get groceries, though there are a few which dress better. So that’s my target. Sometimes it was nice jeans, top and jacket or coat depending on the weather, along with makeup and jewelery. Shoes might be boots with a modest heel, or sandals in the nicer weather. No 3 or 4 inch heels there!

      If I was going out for a dinner I’d dress up a bit more, maybe a lot more!

      Then if it was a private party, out come the super short skirts and dresses. Ones I love to wear, but wouldn’t ever where out to a public venue.

       

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    • #520991
      Michelle Lynn
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 27, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 39
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      I will start by saying, I am 56 yrs old, I have smile lines around my mouth and eyes that no make-up will fix. When I go out on my weekend adventures, I go for the middle-aged lady that is well put together look. My hair is always done nicely, I use a modest amount of make-up, and dress for the occasion. When going shopping in the higher class stores, dressier top and slacks, when going to the salon, skinny jeans and a casual shirt. No dresses yet because I have ugly knees. Lol. So like the other ladies have said, i dress the way i feel comfortable and confident.
      Just have fun and be proud
      Michelle

    • #520943
      Michelle Trott
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 7, 2021
      Topics: 1
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      I always dress up I guess. The most casual thing I wear would be tight jeans. I like how they look. And a tee. But it’s always full makeup and nice hair with heels. I almost never blend in this conservative atmosphere and I don’t care. I was nervous the first few times but you get over that. When I am dressed I am Michelle and hardly think about it. your confidence will grow and then you realize hardly anyone notices you. Just guys and that’s OK with me.

       

    • #520908
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 22
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      Well it’s a large handbag full of “It depends”, honey!

      If I was just going out for a walk, or a quick trip to the shop, I wouldn’t bother with makeup – too much faff getting it off again.

      I like to dress to how I feel, if I haven’t got to return to the family home immediately – and makeup too.

      I like a natural look for the day – maybe a little short and skimpy on a hot day, nice woollens when it’s on the fresh side.

      Going out means making an effort, and getting a good glow on is really fun, with plenty of sequins for the tackier clubs, and almost ballgowns with sparkly jewels for more upmarket venues.

      Dialling up a bit is fun, and a great reason to cross dress. I don’t mean full on drag queen, unless that’s what you’re into!

      Passing is totally overrated, but it’s a lovely goal, as long as you understand you’ll probably never fully “pass”.

      People like cross dressers, at least, they definitely do in good towns, so why be anything else?

      I’ve met plenty of trans and CDs, and it’s easy to tell, even with fantastic makeup and perfect upholstery.

      Have fun with it, dress to the occasion and never, ever worry about what others think.

      If they have a problem, it’s theirs to deal with, not yours.

      Choose a good town to go out in, and it’ll be fine.

      It’ll be better than fine 😍😍😍😍😍

      Love Laura

       

       

      • #520972
        Denise Little
        Duchess - Annual
        Registered On: August 10, 2019
        Topics: 1
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        Well said Laura, just experienced a full day in public today. As you mentioned, little makeup around eyes to travel to cottage and full makeup for an evening walk in a busy tourist town. We still wear masks here. I made several stops in my travel and was addressed by madam at a grocery store with a second look. You are right, n general people do not care, so be yourself.

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      • #520912
        Jess Secret
        Lady
        Registered On: February 18, 2021
        Topics: 7
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        Excellent points and advice Laura!

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #520896
      Donna
      Lady
      Registered On: January 17, 2021
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      depending on where going out in public can be from casual to dolled up to the t.

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    • #520886
      Bianca Everdene
      Lady
      Registered On: April 11, 2017
      Topics: 26
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      Hi Jess

      For me it has been an evolution.

      At the start I made some errors, overdressing grocery shopping, acting overly uptight, not making eye contact etc.

      The more I do it the easier it becomes. Now I just relax, nothing bad is going to happen, and I’m doing nothing wrong. Watch what others wear in particular situations. I try to dress on the smart side of blending in.  Now buy women’s jeans, tees, sneakers, flats etc. Try to buy better quality fabrics and fits if I can afford it. Also learning it’s the little accessories that make a big difference, how much jewellery to wear, what type of bag(purse), a scarf, belt, how I smell!

      Becoming more adept at make up and hairstyling also helps a lot with confidence. I relax more if I feel I am not attracting attention to myself so no stilettos or short skirts/dresses, garish make up out in the daytime, maybe for a Christmas night out☺️

      In essence I think it’s just as important how you act, as well as how you look. I now realise how much confidence in yourself puts others at ease. If you come across as nervous and uptight it will come across that way. But chill, relax, make eye contact, shows interest in others or what they are selling and you will be treated in a friendly and respectful manner.

      Sure there are probably still some old fuddy  duddies out there but if someone disrespects you, walk on bye, it’s there problem, not yours.

      ❤️Bianca

      • #520978
        Denise Little
        Duchess - Annual
        Registered On: August 10, 2019
        Topics: 1
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        Has thanked: 44 times
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        Good comments Bianca, you can blend without standing out. There are many GG’s out there that appear to have no interest in presenting themselves nicely in public. Feel good of your efforts to look good so you can enjoy your feminine side.

        4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #520938
        Robyn Devine
        Duchess
        Registered On: October 24, 2020
        Topics: 16
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        Bianca

        You totally hit the nail on the head!!

        YES…your confidence is the key to everything.  The more confidence you have, the taller you walk, the more relaxed you are, …your comfortable in your own skin AND your femme persona.

        Being I mainly go to the LGBT bars during the week/weekend, I do get a little more dressed up…but thats me.

        At the same time dont be afraid to wear what you love.  If you wanna overdress a bit…or a lot depending on where you go…DO IT!!  Be your TRUE and AUTHENTIC self!!  And if that means a little overdressing…so what….its your confidence and how you interact with people.  Thats where they will respect you.  Walk tall and be you!!

        XO – Robyn 💃❤️

         

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      • #520906
        Jess Secret
        Lady
        Registered On: February 18, 2021
        Topics: 7
        Replies: 93
        Has thanked: 286 times
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        Great post Bianca and excellent advice!

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #520876
      Bridgette VonSmirff
      Lady
      Registered On: October 18, 2020
      Topics: 36
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      I mostly do casual, it blends well. I’ll do like one degree up, like Robyn, but still I’m usually casual. If I don’t feel like makeup, I just go with an androgynous look. If it’s a night out with my wife, I’ll dress up according to venue. Just a step up.

      Bridgette

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    • #520869
      Janice Emory
      Duchess
      Registered On: August 14, 2019
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 50
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      Hello Jess. My first time in public was when I went to a makeover artist. She made me look fabulous and gave me the confidence to go shopping when I left her. I have been going out in public for 4 years now and how I dress depends on the occasion. Having watched CIS women I find that upscale casual is my favorite daytime attire. Daytime makeup, a skirt, skort, slacks or crops with a patterned top, understated jewelry and flats or sandals. I play golf so I have several golf outfits with sneakers. For evening wear I love a knee length dress with the proper foundation garments(usually lacy and feminine), bra, waist cincher or girdle, full makeup, 3 inch heels or dressy sandals. I have different hair pieces for different looks. I usually prefer a mid-length bob cut That frames my face.
      I think, like everyone else it just depends on what you’re doing. So observe CIS women and do what feels best for you.
      Enjoy being the girl you are.
      Janus

    • #520864
      Robyn Drake
      Ambassador
      Registered On: March 19, 2019
      Topics: 52
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      I ask myself what would be appropriate for GGs my age going to a similar event/venue…then I dial it up just a bit 😉

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