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    • #410433

      Good morning girls,

      I’m very new to this and need some advice from the more experienced among you. I started out , like most , with a fascination for lingerie. That love continues and I will admit that I’m happy as a man and will never be transitioning. The dressing is mostly sexual for me.

      That being said , after joining this site I find I want to develop the skills to try and “pass” in public which might be a tall order as I am not at all feminine in build. Pardon my long-windedness , I do have a point.

      Up to now my wardrobe has consisted of only lingerie and a couple cheap slutty dress/skirts from Jane’s Closet. After being an active participant here for a week I desire to acquire some street presentable clothes.

      However , I live in a very small hick town and have a very limited budget so my question is how do you rural girls shop discreetly at thrift shops for female clothing. Also how do I size myself? I’m six feet two inches tall and weigh about 165 pounds. I’m pretty skinny and have no hips or ass.

      Any help is most welcome.

      PS: Yesterday I did go to the local thrift store and bought several scarves and a necklace. That’s one nice thing about all this mask wearing business and also the holiday season but I still need tips on buying dresses and tops and shoes.

    • #410453

      Rikki, believe me when I say the cliché line “You are not alone.”

      I am definitely NOT a small person, being 6’1″, and the weight is a secret (any woman can tell you that, lol.).  So I know how hard it can be to find the things you are looking for.  Let’s just say that we are close to the same size.

      A good set of sizes to start with:  maybe a 14 or 14w in jeans and slacks.  Stretch tops maybe a 2x/14/16, but I always have to add a size for button down blouses because of our larger rib cages and their lack of stretch, in most cases.  I am guessing you wear a 10 or 10 1/2 men’s shoe, so you should start in open toe sandals/wedges/heels with 11 1/2w to 12, round toe maybe a 12 or 12w, and pointy toe, (though I stay away from these) definitely a 12w, firm.  Some say just add 2 sizes to your men’s shoe size.

      I do hope this has helped a little, but it will give you a starting point to work from.  I would also suggest finding the nearest Torrid store or another T/CD friendly store, like Lane Bryant before they close all of their doors.

      Another trick is to go to like a Target or Kohls or somewhere similar.  Pick a couple of items from women’s wear, then g to men’s wear and pick 2 pair of jeans or shirts, and make yourself a clothing sandwich with the ladies things in between your guy things.  The changing room clerk is more interested in your hanger count than what each item is as most only allow a certain amount of items in the changing room.  Check ahead before you do it, so you will know.  You don’t have to come out of the dressing room to see if it fits.  Then adjust your sizes from there.

      If you buy from a regular store on a guess in size and it doesn’t fit after getting home to try it on, simply take it back for a refund or in-store credit.  A cover story would be that it didn’t fit who you bought it for (which is the truth) and as long as you have the tags still in place or the receipt, most places won’t bat an eye.  If they do ask why ‘she’ didn’t bring it back, just say you work closer to them than ‘she ‘ does.  Most clerks and sales associates are too busy to really be bothered with a long explanation anyway.

      There are a lot of ‘covers’ and camouflage to make it easy to shop for yourself in public.  Thrift stores tend to be pretty busy and overloaded with donations during this time of year also.  Just use the hanger trick there too and ask where the changing rooms are.  No one will go in with you, so once the door is shut, you’re safe to try on what you want.  That first time can be nerve wracking a little, but just take a deep breath, step up and go for it.  It DOES become easier every time you go for it, and soon you won[t have a second thought about it.

      Good Luck hon.

      PaulaF

    • #410456

      Thank you , thank you , thank you.

      I knew I could count on the wisdom of this group. You’ve given me some great tips Paula and just so you know , you were spot on with my shoe size. I’m a 10 1/2 all day and an 11 in boots.

      Thanks again , Rikki

    • #410463
      Anonymous

      trift stores are great. i buy all my clothes from goodwill, savers or salvation army stores. salvation army stores are usually the cheapest. and goodwill always have a color tag that is 1/2 price. i buy girls clothes in guy or girl mode.. it doesnt really matter. in guy mode i could be buying for a wife, girlfriend or daughter, ect. they dont really care who your buying for, their job is to just sell it.

    • #410475
      Anonymous

      Hi Rikki,

      My first thought is that if you must shop in stealth mode, shop in another town, as some other girls here do.  Now about sizes:  Based on height and weight alone, I’m estimating you as an XL, or 14 top/dress, and a 14 in jeans; either a Medium or Large skirt/slacks, depending on the brand.  For actual measurements, please consider that shoulder width, not bust size determines tops, moving you up one size from the measurement listings.  For bottoms, it is waist, not hips, which determines the fit.  Use waist measurement, and you may find you need to go down one size.  Again, it varies with differeent brands.  And expect some trial and error, because there will be some.  Good luck.

      Bettylou

       

       

       

       

       

       

    • #410490

      Hi Rikki,

      at 6’2″ and skinny I can’t imagine what sizes you would need, go to the crossdressers photo page where you will see CDs of all shapes and sizes, if you see anyone you think is remotely your build send ’em a private message. All of them will be pleased to advise you.

       

    • #410491

      Dressing rooms have been a victim of the current pandemic. Even at the stores where they have one open it’s often only one, or in a multi story department store one per floor, that’s available and the items that are left behind have to be steam cleaned or otherwise quarantined before they’re returned to the racks, a time consuming process. Kohl’s and Savers, my two go to places, presently don’t have their fitting rooms open but they have liberalized their return policies so that if something doesn’t fit when you get home it can be refunded or in Savers’ case exchanged, provided that the tags are still in place and you’ve saved your receipt. Fortunately for my hobby the fitting rooms at the Goodwill stores in Northern New England are open, but again it’s limited to one per store. As for the other mainline department stores it’s rather hit or miss depending on the local situation, but I have tried on dresses at some JC Penney and Macy’s locations as well as the two Lord and Taylor stores near me.

       

      Christine

    • #410505

      After the lockdown go to a goodwill store in a bigger city away from home. If you are a big guy take two or three dresses into the fitting room and see what fits best on you. Once you find a size youre comfy with you can go online. If one item only is allowed start with a size and repeat to a smaller or larger one.

    • #410539

      Rikki

      Dont worry about being long winded hun, the more info you give, the more we can try to help.  We love that you want to pass.

      I can very much relate to you on size.  Im 6ft flat footed, and about 165 too.  I kind of have a slender swimmers build.

      The best thing for sizing is to really measure yourself first.  I have a seamstress/tailor measuring tape to take any and all measurements for clothes.  Not sure where you can find one, but if you do…get it! The crucial measurements are your hips and your bust/chest.  You already know your waist and inseam, once you have hips and bust, you can start going to town.

      Being budget is a concern…AMAZON!  You can find anything from dresses to shoes, etc. for sometimes pretty cheap compared to in a big brand store.  Its discreet and you can almost always return things without much issue.  There will always be trial and error but on Amazon, a lot will have size charts available.  Also look in reviews and see if people say “true to size” or “runs small/large”

      xo – Robyn 👠💃

    • #410547
      Stevie Steiner
      Managing Ambassador

      Hi Rikki!  In my opinion thrift stores are great places to pick up things.  First place I ever went into in drab shopping for dresses, skirts, etc. and feeling pretty at ease.  They are always so sweet and remind me of the return policy in case it does not fit.   My local one is very tg friendly, which certainly helps.

      ” I’m pretty skinny and have no ass “.  Oh sister, I can so relate to that.  At 6’4” and about 175 I’m the tall version of skinny and no ass, or hips….  But it’s surprising what you will find if you look tho, I’ve found a couple of very nice jeans that fit nice and are plenty long!

      Stevie

       

    • #410556
      Natalie
      Lady

      Rikki,

      try to go to dept. stores like Macy’s or something similar depending on where you live. I’ve got some incredible deals at dept. stores Try to find clearance racks and find coupons online, sometimes the sales clerks are cool and hook you up with a coupon. I also found that shopping for winter clothing in summer and visa Versa seem to have some great deals because these stores want to Clear out stock. Have fun treasure hunting.

      btw I’m nearly six feet tall and I weigh over 300 pds  I don’t let my body stop me from going out in the world dressed the way i want to.

      take care!
      Natalie

    • #410617

      Hi Rikki,

      Sizing, that can be quite a problem. It just depends on how the clothes are made. Sometimes I fit into a 14 dress, sometimes it’s an 18. I usually wear a 14 in jeans but have 12’s and 16’s that fit great. Skirts, I always buy elastic waist now, they always fit.

      In the beginning, I would travel to stores outside my local stomping grounds but as the years passed, it didn’t matter anymore. One piece of advice that was a very expensive lesson for me, make sure you absolutely love what your buying and will wear it. Even dropping only $20 at Goodwill a couple of times a month will fill your closets and drawers in no time. I have re-donated so much without ever wearing it.

      I shop both in Femme and Drab and don’t care. It is not uncommon to try on a nice pair of heels when drab, but that is just me. I have had a lot of strange looks though. It took many years to get to this point.

    • #410620

      [postquote quote=410617]
      You’re much more courageous than I , my dear.

      • #410623

        Not in the Beginning Rikki, I have been at this over 50 years and it took decades to get to where I am now. It helps that all my family and friends know so I don’t have much to hide. It will all come in time dear.

    • #410667
      Becka
      Lady

      Hi Rikki!

      Yes!  I shop almost exclusively at thrift shops, all be it harder with covid and stores being closed.  🙁

      For jeans it was easy!  I went to the mens section and picked out a pair in my size.  Then took those to the womens section and measured them against lady’s jeans, and found my size.  10 – 11 depending on the style!  Tops were easy, xlarge.

      The best thing about thrift stores is, it is easy to try things on!  They only have one set of gender neutral dressing rooms!  That is the best!  For shoes, your size will be 2 sizes larger than your male size.  I’m lucky and wear a size 8 mens, 10 in womens.  That said, womens shoes are narrow, so you really have to try them on.  I love doing this (in stocking feet) at any store!  It is exciting and a turn on! 🙂

      Hope that helps, and no one has ever seemed to look twice when shopping in thrift stores.  Where are you located?

      Love and hugs,

      Rebecka!

      • #410678

        Thanks Rebekka , I’m in South Carolina.

    • #410680

      I aam lucky and live in a big city with lots of thrift stores and some great vintage stores. My wife and I go a fair bit to shop together. In the beginning I was very shy and wouldn’t go near the women clothes unless my wife was at my side but now I wander around and look at everything. Still respectful if a GG is looking nearby as I am dressed in my male stuff but not nervous. Nobody seems to even notice. Not at the trying it on stage but at least at the holding up against me to see if it might fit. Shop so much on Kijiji and Facebook marketplace and find some amazing stuff and no problem picking it up in person and sometimes especially with larger boots and shoes it has been a TG/CD or gay guy selling it and thats fun. Sizing is the hardest bit and I am learning what my size is in different brands that I like

    • #410711
      Cassie Jayson
      Duchess

      Last year about this time I went shopping at Target in drab and picked up a couple pair of leggings,a LBD and  another dress.  If any one is around I would say I’m looking for leggings for my grand daughter’s Christmas  present ( witch was the truth).  As far as sizing goes you have already gotten a lot of here!!

      Good luck   Sndy

    • #410716
      Peggy Sue Williams
      Duchess - Annual

      Rikki,

      Your profile says you are in Aiken, SC.

      Depending on your budget, there is a Torrid store in Augusta, Georgia,  about 18 miles from you, in Augusta Mall.  Torrid stores are for big girls, like us and are noted for being -very- transgender/CD friendly.  I believe it may be a corporate policy.  You could go to a Torrid store, explain how you are unsure of your sizes, and they will measure you.  Of course, they do sell new clothing, and it might be nice to buy something.  I do sometimes buy clothing from them, especially their shoes.  Their shoes are the only true wide shoes I have found for big girls like us, and they sell up to woman’s size 13 or 14 shoes.

      I buy many things from Goodwill.  Here in Atlanta, Goodwill dressing rooms are still closed, but they allow a seven day return policy on clothing.

       

       

      • #410719

        If you go to torrid get yourself properly measured for bra size, at least band size also. They’ll do that. It’s not a really cheap store, but they do frequent buyer thing, I forget what they call it, but you’ll get all their sale adds, and that’s when I shop for stuff there, like 40% or more off. And great shoes in sizes you can be comfortable in. Also, there are a few on line size comparisons, and Amazon usually has decent ways to size yourself for womens clothing. From on line shopping initially, I learned in size 18-20, or 1xl, wear 11 shoes (so does my wife: look, I got us a new pair of…). Thrift store are great, especially if they let you try on, but that can be daunting in the beginning. I learned my sizes on line first, but got shoe sized at torrid.

        • #410723
          Peggy Sue Williams
          Duchess - Annual

          Bridgette,

          I think it is Torrid Rewards or Torrid Dollars.  I know it is a pretty good frequent shopper program, and the points add up fast.  I watch their sales, then use my Torrid rewards to buy things.

          Also, Torrid has their own size system, but the girls in the store will explain it to customers.  I am a size 20, so that makes me a Torrid size 2, I think.

          For Rikki:   The Torrid sales staff is not pushy at all, but they are very helpful, when you need them to be.  To me, their clothing is of high quality and looks beautiful but can be on the pricey side.  Watch for the sales!   The shoes look great AND fit so well!

          Torrid is just one of many stores I shop, but they are one of my favorite.

    • #410800
      Emily
      Lady

      Thrift stores are my go to for bargains. I have bought some really lovely things, some name brands, at very good prices. There is a Salvation Army store very near me that has a sale everyday on items with a certain color tag. I bought a lovely jacket/dress ensemble for $1 one time! That store is also (so far) the only one I have been to shopping while dressed. Totally fun experience. They currently have a no return policy so I have to be careful choosing things. The beauty of thrift stores is even if you can’t take something back, you haven’t spent a lot and can re-donate it.
      i have been to many different thrift stores and have only had one less than positive experience. I was looking at a sale rack and the clerk told me “those are women’s clothes” I thanked her and moved to another aisle. She came to me again and pointed out that the men’s section was in a different area. I just left without buying anything.

      • #410970
        Peggy Sue Williams
        Duchess - Annual

        Emily,

        I am surprised you would be treated this way in any thrift store in 2020 in the USA!  You don’t say when or where this happened?  However, that is an unacceptable customer experience.  This is NOT the 1950s any longer, and in the rare event that happens, and it is very rare these days, I never back away.  I would have immediately asked to speak to the store general manager.  Employees and hired help are free to keep their own personal beliefs to themselves, but they may never express bigotry in public toward customers!  I confront those attitudes head on.  Last time I did it was in a Belk department store a few years ago, and that sales clerk was almost fired, because Belk has a corporate non discriminatory policy for transgendered and CD persons.  Even private thrift stores can be exposed on line and will not like the negative publicity.

         

    • #410803

      When I was younger I bought most of my clothes from charity shops and, in the beginning, I had to go ‘in drab’ mode. While that was a touch awkward and while I had to endure a few comments from staff and other shoppers about my choice of outfits, it wasn’t a huge deal (subsequent trips en femme felt a fair bit more comfortable though).

      Certainly charity shops can be a good way of exploring clothes and in particular sizes for very little money and if you feel uncomfortable shopping locally, there are normally plenty around.

      However, these days shopping online surely has to be the choice for a girl who’s nervous of being seen. Amazon is the obvious choice here – their returns and refunds policy is amazingly good (at least here in the UK) and they have a range of delivery options allowing you to receive the parcel somewhere other than your home (should such a delivery run the risk of generating difficult questions that you’re not ready to answer).

      And finally, enjoy exploring what suits you and what you feel good in. ‘Passing’ may seem difficult but I honestly believe a huge part of passing isn’t what you look like but your attitude and confidence – finding your style plays a massive part in that.

      Good luck,

      Rachel xx

    • #412020

      Clothes shopping is not hard, but it requires some homework first.

      • Regardless of what people may think, there is no such thing as standard sizes for women’s clothing. Anyone who thinks that is kidding themselves. For example, I have 5 dresses by Sharagano, same style and fit, but their labels say 16, 16W and 18. Now, if this is the kind of inconsistency within a company, what would you think about consistency BETWEEN companies?
      • The web sites for departments stores and clothing stores will have a link on the page for a given item, for example a dress, that will take you to a Size Chart. Usually there will also be instructions and diagrams on how to measure yourself. Buy a CLOTH tape measure and use that.
      • Even if there was standard sizing of women’s clothing, how an item is intended to fit would mess it up. The designer of the clothing item may intend it to fit in a traditional way, body conforming (aka bodycon) or oversize. There may be other variations, but I think these are the main ones. Typically my size for tops is 16 and sometimes 18. Several years ago I was given a tank and blouse set. The label was size 8. In theory, I should not be able to even put it on. However, I could put the tank on, but I dare not inhale. The blouse did actually fit. What that says is that the designer intended the pieces to be oversize, but the blouse was even more oversized than the tank. That stands to reason as the material was thin and flowy. Usually that kind of lightweight material is not used on items designed to be close fitting.
      • Shoe sizing is, however, pretty much standardized. Again, web sites will usually have a Size Chart. My longer foot measures 10 1/2”. Charts will reveal that it falls between a men’s size 9 1/2 and 10 which is what I wear depending upon the manufacturer and type of shoe. Carrying the 10 1/2” to a women’s size chart, that corresponds to a size 11, which for me, is dead on. Note some charts may be different by about 1/8”. While I can find many shoes that fit in terms of length, width is a problem. For fully closed shoes I need at least a wide width, but with open sandals, often the regular medium width will work. Leather or elastic uppers are more accommodating. Synthetic uppers often don’t stretch much, but there are various stretching methods that apply to the different materials.
      • So, what to do about dresses? As we know, men’s bodies are proportionally different from women’s. It is often harder for us to find dresses that fit because of this difference. We may get one end to fit, but sometimes not the other. There are outfits known as Separates. What they will do is make tops and skirts or pants out of the same material. Wearing the top and skirt looks fairily close to a dress. A top and pants turns out to be a coordinated set., but both allow you to sidestep the issue of something like needing a size 16 top but a size 14 bottom.
      • Finally, the shopping experience. I can afford to shop in formal retail stores, but my wardrobe would only be 1/4 to 1/3 of what it actually is. I haven’t been to local thrift shops for months, but I continue to frequent my favorite online vendors through Etsy, Ruby Lane, Poshmark and others and sale outlets like 6pm.com and sierra.com. As mentioned above, if a vendor doesn’t include measurements, ask. These days I tend to skip over items without measurements. An item has to be REALLY interesting for me to ask. I figure if they were too lazy to include measurements in their original listing, they do not deserve my patronage. They may not value my time, but I do…
      • #412288
        Bee Dee
        Lady

        You seem to have a lot of knowledge about clothes and are spot on about inconsistencies in women’s items. You helped me a lot with “Bra sizes” a little while ago! Thanks again.

        • #412300

          Not a Problem!

          What I know is the result of reading a lot and a few missteps along the way. Plus, it was long before I discovered sites like this. Hopefully what I’ve found out will shorten the learning curve for others…

          • #453124
            Bee Dee
            Lady

            This site is a gem when it comes to help, advice and acceptance…because of people like yourself who are willing to help out people like me😉.

          • #453463

            Knowledge is to share…

    • #412303
      Anonymous

      Yesterday I went to a couple of thrift stores in drab.

      The first one had their change rooms closed so I tried a few tops on in the middle of the shop.

      The second one had change rooms open so I took a dress and 3 tops to the attendant. She handed me a tag and I went to a change room. One of the tops fit so I grabbed it.

      All in all a nice couple of hours in the shops.

      -Caroline

    • #453170
      Anonymous

      Thrift stores are usually trying to raise funds for a good cause. You will be the millionth plus one crossdresser they’ve happily sold to. If they give you sass lie to them that you are in community or school theatre….and you might get a deal. The best time to buy at a Thrift or Charity ship is Halloween.

    • #453354
      Anonymous
      Lady

      This is how I shop at Thrift Stores…If cold I wear jeans with a blouse or leggings with a tunic top. Warm weather it’s either shorts matched with sandals and tank top. But mostly in warm weather I wear jean skirts with my tops. I always go as Sandy to shop in thrift stores, malls, grocery stores and big box stores. And Torrid has great clothes and they will assist you without batting an eye. Plus I LOVE their sandals! Store clerks really don’t care if you go as your girly self…they just want to make a sale.

      Hugs,

      Sandy

    • #410480

      Up to now I have limited my shopping to online but without a correct size to work with I’m concerned about buying without trying.I realize that most returns are easy and free but when the post office is ten miles away that can be a hassle.

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