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Hi CG,
Before I actually came out as a dresser, I was wearing ladies’ tees (and later, flats). I was asked “are those women’s shirts / shoes?”. I replied “yes”. No further comments until I told her of my need to dress, which I did by prefacing that I loved her, didn’t want to upset her, and would agree to any absolute no-no’s she put on me. She doesn’t understand why I do this, but the only limit given was no dresses in her presence (skirts are allowed). And because I know she doesn’t like them, I don’t wear a wig, unless going out dressed. We can talk about clothes and makeup, and have grown closer as a result of The Talk.
ADDITION: There was one question, which I somehow managed to forget: Are you turning gay in your old age? The answer is “no”, and the subject was dropped.
Hi CG
some of the questions I know are asked – they may not be asked at all or they may be part of an angry rant… be aware that your partner didn’t sign up for this and will need a lot of time to come to terms with it one way or the other … have some links to professional help and support to hand if needed.
hugs Dawn x
1. Are you gay ..!
2 .Why … ?
3. Do you fancy men?
4 .What do you do when you are dressed ?
5. How long has this been going on ?
6. Does any one else know ?
7. are you going to have any surgery hormones etc ?
8. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?
9. How can I trust you now ?
10. Where do you go when you are dressed up ?
Good for you for considering telling her!
my fiancé is a CD and it was very confusing.
dawn got most of the questions. Just be prepared for a bit of a mental/emotional breakdown or shut down.
I spent a lot of time wondering if he was maybe gay or wanted to transition and I was a “cover” and he ended up stuck with me.
why was the question I asked myself the most, my fiancé couldn’t really answer as to why but I get it now. It’s just a need – no control.
Just be as reassuring you can be and assure her you love her, your feelings are the same. This is just a different part of you and that you hope she can grow to love her as much as she loves you. Take things slow, ask what she’s comfortable with. I found it easier for my fiancé to show me pictures of Sophie first it was better for me to know what to expect when I met her in person. Good luck!
mid you do tell her and she needs support please have her join the wives page here, it’s a huge help. Or PM me if she needs someone to chat privately.Thus book is fabulous & easy to read 🌺
This book is fabulous & easy to read 🌺
Hi the questions below should help you see things from a SO’s point of view. When I came out I didn’t even think of how this would effect her I only knew of this ever scratching need to present as femme. This is a complicated emotional rollercoaster. Some of the questions can’t be answered by you only together will they be answered. Communicate well and remember to include your SO. No secrets allowed. This list by the way only scratches the surface be ready to listen,be understanding and always follow your heart.
• Will I lose him because he is going to want to become a woman?
• Will I lose him because he is really gay and wants to be with a man?
• Does my being in love with him mean that I’m a lesbian?
Hope this helps the list comes from a book called Head Over Heels human sexuality Virginia Erhart
• Will others think I’m a lesbian?
• Is his gender variance because of something lacking in me?
• Will his desire to explore his femininity escalate?
• Will I ever regain trust in him?
• Will I ever get over my jealousy of “the other woman(you)?”
• How can I gain some control in this relationship?
• What else has he deceived me about?
• What about the kids?
• What about our families?
• What about his job?
• What about me? I feel so alone.
• What about the money spent on clothes and beyond?
• Will he ever not experience gender variance as the center of his life?
• Why do I have to do so much of the accommodating in this relationship?
Hope this helps you the list comes from a book by Virginia Erhart called Head Over Heels.
❤️💋Sabrina
I had been dressing a couple of years when I met my wife. I had a very nice and extensive wardrobe. A couple of weeks after we met she surprised me showing up at my place. I wasn’t expecting company so I had a bunch of clothes out. When she came in and saw the clothes, she was not happy.
I decided to tell her they were mine. I wore them for fun at home and out to parties at college. She asked me to show her. I went in the bedroom, put on one of my favorite and sexiest outfits, got all made up and stepped out to show her.
She was stunned. She couldn’t believe how pretty and sexy Patty was. We became girlfriends and did things together that girlfriends do.
For those who have been married a long time and come out to their wife, it seems in most cases it does not go well. Many times it’s a marriage ending event. One should think very closely about that and decide what means more to them.
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