- This topic has 26 replies, 14 voices, and was last updated 2 weeks ago by .
Rach’s Epistle to the Cidiachions (pronounced see-dee-YAY-chee-uns)
No, this isn’t the religious type of epistle. I just needed to express my sadness over recent turmoil.
Ugh, it’s been a rough week around here. For my part, I’ve already apologized. This post is meant simply to provide clarity, as I was unable to express myself properly before and believe I created misconceptions along with disruption.
I don’t hate CDs. I was one, for decades. I wish I still could be. I don’t recommend transition to anyone and I’m not here trying to get anyone to “join my club.” I’m here trying to join your club. My extremely horrible communication skills clearly did not convey that.
I’m transgender and transsexual. I’m also a former crossdresser. It seems some think I am here on a recruitment mission of sorts or to bash the CD lifestyle. I messed up badly if I gave either impression, as both are not accurate.
Let me clarify, if you will. I am not a fan of transition. I never have been. I don’t recommend it to anyone, ever. There’s a reason for that. I see it as a last resort to cope with dysphoria, only if all else fails. It is not who I wanted to be and it still isn’t, despite it being who I am now. It’s simply the best I could do personally, given my dysphoria, my lack of strength, inability to cope, and general brokenness.
For me, it was the only way and I have no regrets, but omg it was hard, and the sacrifices…do NOT do this unless you absolutely cannot be okay without it. That is what I always tell people, every single time they ask me. Family, friends, finance, career, health…you’re jeopardizing them all when you choose this path. The only way it makes sense is if those things are already in jeopardy.
Who did I want to be? Well, you…you crossdressers. I still do. I wrote about my dream and some of you took offense. I must be horrible at communicating, because I was being honest. I’m jealous of you. I wanted a life where I could have my cake and eat it too, express my femme side and not pay the price of transition, keep it all…the whole enchilada.
If I could get there from here, I’d be on my way. Sadly, it’s not possible for me. I was a bit too sick maybe, required more extreme treatment to be able to cope. My thing, whatever we call it, was too severe to allow a life like that. It’s my dream though, for real.
Somehow, my posts come off different, offensive to some CDs. I suspect that’s more due to my horrible communication skills than my actual thoughts, but I guess I can never really know.
I hope maybe this post has cleared up a misconception or two. I’m not your enemy, I don’t hate you, and I didn’t come here to troll. If I could, I would BE most of you. Honest, no bull crap. I just wasn’t strong enough to do it.
I hope no one left on my account or because of anything I said. I will not forgive myself if that’s what I’ve caused. I don’t know all of what has been brewing here or how much if it is my fault, but it’s not okay and I would rather those people come back, all of them. It’s a big site, I can go back to enjoying other aspects of it and stop making waves in your forum. No problem.
I thought I handed out a victory with my public apologies. I guess I don’t have either the authority or the ability to surrender, lol, as those leaving clearly chose not to be here even after my apology.
Don’t leave, you won. I surrendered already. I never wanted to hurt anyone, offend anyone.
I’m not trying to start an argument. I don’t want that at all and hope I haven’t inspired anything negative here, with CDs, transfolk, or anyone. I hadn’t planned on posting for a while, maybe a long while, but as I see people feeling attacked, I want to say I don’t intend to inspire that in anyone moving forward and if I’m the reason you’re leaving, I’d like a chance to solve the problem by changing how I communicate first and being a less disruptive, less vocal presence.
Give me a chance to grow, I’d ask. I’m trying. You can’t do that if you leave now.
That’s all. Carry on. Thanks.
Total of 29 users thanked author for this post. Here are last 20 listed.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.