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While i have been up late at night, alone with my thoughts, i have had several questions that I cannot, as of yet, truly answer.
My wife of 31 years (as of 8/17/2020) doesn’t share, or for that matter, even remotely accept my crossdressing. Yes, i only found my love for feminine clothing about 4 years ago, but I find that i am so much happier wearing a nice dress, especially mini-skirt, thigh high stockings, 6 inch stiletto heels, blouse, wig, 42-DD breast forms (yes, i like a very large breast look). I just wish that I had the ability to do makeup.
I understand to some degree why my wife finds cross-dressing to be an abomination, since she is very religious. Although I myself do believe in God, I feel that it is between me and God what I do. I do realize that when my wife and I got married, she believed that she was getting a man’s man. While I had no proclivity towards cross-dressing, I did not feel exactly as my wife. Now, I find that my preferred way of expressing myself is counter to what society believes is ‘right’, it is still my right to express myself the way I want. I do not believe that I am hurting anyone, I am not forcing my choices on anyone. I am also not saying that I am better than anyone else, I am just ME!
I tried at one point to see a therapist, since the company I work for offers 8 free sessions, I did not feel the therapist was really interested in helping me explore my feelings, or provide any assistance in any way.
Since COVID-19 started, it has been almost impossible for me to express myself. The only time is when I am on an errand, I sometimes put on my wig and earrings.
Last october, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told her I wanted to get my ears pierced (she did not know about my cross-dressing at that time), and we had a fairly big fight about it. I finally told her, to forget it and that I would never bring it up again. To this date, I haven’t, but I still really would like to be able to wear earrings for pierced ears (there are so many wonderful earrings available).
Well, I don’t want to make this to long, so I wish everyone a wonderful enjoyable evening!
Dear Lexie,
Welcome to CDH! You are among supportive friends here. This maybe a tough journey for you. Be honest with her, but we can’t change other people. I wish you the best.
Hugs,
Kay
I dont have any experience with this at all. I hope for the best for you. Sometimes to keep those we love and cherish we must make sacrifices. They are afterall, just clothes.
Lexie welcome.. This is certainly the place you’ll find much of what you are seeking. Look into our forums written by others who talk about their experiences, their questions they may ask with many offering help and advice so everyone can understand better on so many confusing topics. Sorry about hearing about your wife and her attitude towards the feelings for your dressing. I too have experience this early in my dressing as she in her dealings with me. We were married 39 years when I opened up to my wife and its only been 3 years since that moment of telling her. At first she was not very comfortable and certainly not happy. It took time for her to be supportive but with caution. Boundaries were discussed and agreements were met. I have read many spouses who show some or try to accept do this reluctantly so your not alone. Our ladies our partners are under alot of stress more than we could understand.
How I look at it is what if one day she came to you and opened up her feelings of wanting to transition to a male. How would you react. Me I would be in total shock and why would you do this? , I didn’t sign up for this so yes she didn’t either. Understandably it would be devastating to any relationship. My wife’s worried about family, friends would think. The embarrassment to not just her but you too. Losing her man my wife’s worst fear. As I don’t want to lose her either. All I can say is follow her lead, set guidelines and never move on anything until your both ready to do so. And most important talk, talk and more talk.
Many face this troubling ordeal but be asured you have that support and help from everyone here .
Relax, get comfortable and enjoy being part of this wonderful community that really does care for all that passes through our doors. Very happy meeting you and welcome.
Stephanie 🌹[postquote quote=374958]
If i read your reply correctly, you are saying that I should give up cross dressing?I do understand your point of view, and will seriously consider it.
You read it right. Life seams to be the making of sacrifices especially for those we love. What is more important to you?
Hi Lexie,
Thanks for sharing sometimes it helps to just get it off your chest even if its a 42DD chest . LOL
Seriously sweetie my wife just barely tolerates my dressing and I have limited opportunities to do so.
I get really frustrated at times and I have to be careful as I want to turn that frustration on her.
Even though I understand her view point.
The best we can do, I feel is try to stay in what ever boundaries you have with her.
I have had several conversations with my wife and we talk about it she doesn’t like seeing me dressed but will tolerate it occasionally.
Most times I go out to another town close by to dress so I don’t get outed by someone we know.(part of her requests)
I totally understand how you feel so you vent to us anytime, thats what we are here for.
Patty
You need to find a therapist/counsellor who understands gender identity. I’m not suggesting this to get you to stop, but to help you process your thoughts and how to approach this with your spouse. From what I read of your intro, you are on a selfish track. You are going down a certain path no matter what. Tread lightly and pray (I’m serious) for her to have an open ear. Don’t pray for acceptance. Think like a woman. Your wife needs to process information but the only way for her to do that is if she has an open ear. Through process and conversation, she may come to acceptance.
If she has deep faith, brushing off her convictions will do the opposite of what you want.
If there’s anything you are repulsed by but your wife suddenly takes an interest to it and couldn’t care less about your feelings, how would you feel? I think you would put your foot down and demand that it stop.
Yes. She does have deep faith. So the only option is for me to give up cross dressing. I see your point. I will heed you advise.
thank you for your input.
You are lucky to have her. 31 years is no small feet. My folks are at 58 years and going strong. As hard as it may be, you are lucky beyond words. I think I would give up anything to really experience love from another. If you have to just use your imagination and fantasize. More often than not, fantasies are a let down once really experienced. You are very lucky.
Lexie,
Is your wife into religion or Bible-based Christianity? If she attends a Bible-believing Bible-preaching church, I can recommend a book for the both of you to read.
Your CD status will not just go away. It is part of your personality and needs to be expressed periodically. There is no “cure.”
Your profile indicates you reside in California, which means with some research, you can locate an experienced gender knowledgeable clinical psychologist.
Stay connected here on CDH. The wealth of experience and understanding here is truly amazing. I do not say this lightly, because I am a child of the 50s and 60s, a time when I believed I may be one of the few CDs existing in the world and that I was suffering from some grave mental issue. To the contrary, we CDs are very special and very normal people.
Hugs,
Peggy Sue
I have thought deeply about what you said. So, I’ve come to the decision that I will give up my dream. I will live just for my wife.
I have spent only a few days here, and realize that, although I will miss the wonderful people I have meet here, I no longer feel this is a place for me.
i wish all of you the best. I hope all of you find your true happiness.
Goodbye.
[postquote quote=375108]
My last post was in response to this quoted message.Goodbye one and all.
[postquote quote=375279]
Lisa Brown says that it is that simple. A simple choice.I just wish I had someone to talk to. It is very lonely right now, with my wife’s health so bad. Don’t have any friends, not since high school. I’m almost 60 now.
Hi Lexie, Teralynn here. Welcome to our wonderful online community Luv. Please forgive my tardiness in sending you this welcoming post. I am always behind in my welcoming posts lately. Perhaps because I try to make each one special and meaningful to the new member I send it to. In your case, if I had read your introduction post earlier I would have placed a response to it at the front of the line! My heart goes out to you! Perhaps I can give you some ideas which will help you cope with your situation a little better. First of all I want to congratulate all my CDH sisters who reached out to welcome and help you! This should show you what a welcoming, friendly and supportive group of people we are. You need to stay a member here, especially considering your current situation. You have a wife who is apparently strongly opposed to you crossdressing and I believe you mentioned that she is currently sick or ill! You have also been married to her for quite a while and you still love her! It would appear that some thing must give! I say not necessarily! You should honor your commitment to your wife and not do anything to upset her while she is suffering from whatever illness she has. That means no conversations about how much you want to crossdress. But if you are like the majority of crossdressing people who have discovered a need to express a feminine persona, then the urge to do it will not go away! To be true to your wife and true to yourself are equally important! So how do you do that? Send me a private message and put the word Balancing on the subject line and I will send you some ideas for how to do that! Unfortunately this post is already pretty long and my phone is screaming at me “low battery” so this welcoming post needs to be wrapped up quickly! If I can ever be of further service please feel free to contact me through this site and let me know how I can help. A post on my home profile page wall or a private message will get the fastest response. – Blessings
Lexie,
You are not alone; I can relate very well to your problem. We were married 50 years when Bettylou suddenly blossomed in my life, and we are active in a church which strongly opposes men wearing dresses. Happily, my wife also understood the concept of getting in touch with your feminine side; so when I couldn’t hide Bettylou any longer, and we had The Talk, I approached the issue from that angle, and told her I would accept whatever limits she set if she would accept Bettylou. She gave only two: No dresses in her presence (skirts are OK) and keep Bettylou hidden from our kids and her friends. It has worked for us, and over time, she has become accepting – even to the extent od sharing jewelry and a few items of clothing__but still no dresses.
Hugs,
Bettylou
Teralynn,
I’m happy to help another girl if I can, any way I can. I’ve been in Lexie’s shoes, and I know what she is going through. Can only hope it works out for her as well as it has for me.
Hugs,
Bettylou
Hi Lexie nice to meet you and I cant offer you any more advice than these sweet ladies here have already said and lots of hope for you to resolve this with your wife . The only thing I can offer is a ear to listen and a big shoulder for you to lay your head on and talk any time you need pm if you need big hugs girlfriend its so much like you have already heard but baby steps and lots of conversations good luck girlfriend
Hugs Stephanie
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