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    • #591047

      So I posted a few months back on the heels of hospitalization after an episode and initial diagnosis. Since then I’m medicated and have had the dust settle. I realize so much of my CDing revolved around experiencing transcendent type of ‘highs’ whether it be from dressing in the clothes, telling someone about my CDing feeling accepted etc.

      As I look back I can see it took increasing amounts of highs to keep me satisfied. The clothes themselves wouldn’t do it, I’d find myself putting them on and then changing back to guy mode not long after, like a short cycle. I kept wanting someone to like and admire the CD side of me as though they’d be there alongside me. Only trouble is, it seemed to revolve around this external validation.

      Now I’m not saying everyone who is CD on here in BiPolar or anything, just in my case I was unaware of the BiPolar bit my whole life until it caused serious problems. Looking back though a different lens now, I can see how I innately wanted to talk to the sales girls at clothing stores about my CDing as I shopped. I made me feel that spiritual transcendent sort of rush. It often faded and having the same shopping experiences just felt ho-hum after a while.

      Anyhow, I don’t know if anyone can relate. I’m definitely not turned off by womens clothes now but the whole thing doesn’t have this ‘To the Moon!’ sort of pull that it used to, before I was medicated. In reality this is a good thing as I’m living in actual reality now. Not 100% sure what it means for CDing now, still processing everything from all these past years through a different lens.

      Feel free to comment even if you aren’t in the same boat. Would be interesting to hear your thoughts.

    • #591081

      Funnily enough, I posted only today about my need for validation – although I don’t think I’m bipolar:

      https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/forums/topic/what-is-your-worst-fear-going-out-in-public/#post-464191

      Certainly, I don’t find simply popping on a dress does it any more – I need to be fully shaven, although I can live without makeup for a quick change back to drab.

      I don’t feel any pressing need other than necessity to talk to sales assistants, but I am aware of the hope that they will approach me, treat me nicely, and let me use the changing rooms.

      It is what they are for, but some places you get SA’s who won’t even look at a guy in a dress.

      Love Laura

    • #591103

      Interesting post, Kristy.
      I don’t believe, I am in that boat.
      I do seek validation, but does not every human? there is, certainly, a rush when we receive it, but I do not dress, in order to get it.
      I dress daily, and the only one to see me, is my SO, who does tell me, if I look good or not, but it is the feeling of comfort, and “whole-ness” I have, when dressed that I seek. I am always, underdressed in bra and panties, often with small forms, again no great thrill, just the feeling of complete.
      I am not in any way, denying your assertations, just, that’s not me.
      I wish you, all the luck you could have, in figuring things out, just know, we are here for you.
      Hugs, Regi.

      • #591153

        Thanks for your reply Regine. It gives me more to think about. I’ve lived through a lot of extremes in my life, I think I’m adjusting to whatever this version of normal is … haha.

        Cheers

    • #591178
      Barb Wire
      Lady

      Hi Kristy!

      I thththink I can relate. If anything I can sympathize.

      I can’t physically sit still and my brain is always in overdrive. Can’t even get through anything interesting without moving around within 5 minutes. It’s exhausting. My doctor wants me tested further. I told him I’m NOT taking any additional medication, so what’s the point, especially at my age. I kinda like being jittery. Weird…

      BUT, when I get all feminine, it’s a paradise! I can finally relax! So, it’s become a drug for me. I seek it all.. the.. time… and I can focus on just about anything. Some of my most focused work was while en femme.

      I really should tell my doctor about this…

      Nice to meet someone close to home!

      Hugs, Barb 🙂

       

       

       

       

      • #591179

        Hey Barb, yes that was kind of it for me. Femininity represented this sort of utopia I could never quite get to. Mind you I’ve been wearing a bra nearly all day today. It doesn’t feel as magical as it used to pre diagnosis & medication but it feels right in some subtle way I suppose. Do you think you have have ADHD or something like that? It’s can be counter-intuitive, the right type of stimulation calming you down instead of getting you more hyped up. I know from experience 🙂

        Thanks for the reply

        • #591190
          Barb Wire
          Lady

          Yes. Very good. Even just one smoke does wonders!

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