What was the reason for your last purge ?

Examining reasons for purges....

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  • Ashamed
  • Gulity
  • Denial, Non-Acceptance
  • Swap Out of some clothes
  • All Clothes 'Not My Look'
  • Worried about being found out
  • Lost Interest, no longer needed
  • Bored & Frustrated
  • Other (please specify)
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    Topic
  • #355144
    Alicen Thairms
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    Registered On: July 15, 2019
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    Recently I have been considering the reasons for my past purges over the years and how I felt at the time. So heres a brief history of my purging ….

    • I was only really able to crossdress regularly from the age of about 25, from then on my purging had various reasons. Initially shame/guilt then as time went on it changed to being bored/frustrated that I had so little and couldn’t achieve what I wanted;  I could barely get clothes in my size (UK 24) – so I only had a very small selection to wear.
    • In my early thirties I’d managed to find more clothes in my size but still not that many. But able to build some decent basic outfits. I had two purges over a five year period, both happened after I looked in the mirror and had the ‘I am a woman feeling’ –Denial & Non-acceptance.
    • When I was 35 – I reached the point of acceptance – no purges followed over the next 6 years.
    • During my 40’s I didn’t dress at all; I disposed of everything when I was 41.I just didn’t seem to be that interested.
    • In my early 50’s I was able to dress about once a month. During this period my reasons for purges were mainly just for a swap out of clothes and also sometimes I was worried that my small stash would be found.
    • In my late 50’s I purged twice, the main reason was that the clothes I had weren’t right. It was like I’d explored an avenue and reached a dead end.
    • My last purge was when I was 60, it was about 18 months ago in the winter – suddenly the whole thing seemed untenable – oddly irrelevant – my clothes were nice, but the look wasn’t me – they were not ‘my clothes’ it was like I was wearing someone else’s clothes – I was changing – some inner shift occurred it was as if my ‘female self’ had dissolved – I disposed of everything. I started again 2 months later, I just felt incomplete with out being able to dress – but weirdly everything I’ve bought since then I’ve absolutely adored, I’ve been very selective (even fussy) – I now feel my wardrobe contains ‘my clothes’ – my look.

    At the moment I don’t anticipate purging again. I want to keep my girl clothes, even when I feel I may not need them I’ll keep them because I know the need will return and besides that I love being ‘girl me’ and feeling complete.

    What was the reason for your last purge ? How did you feel at the time ? Why did you start dressing again ? Was there a specific trigger that started you dressing again ?

Viewing 14 reply threads
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    • #369671
      Stephanie Kennedy
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      Registered On: March 15, 2019
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      Hi Alicen   The only purging i do now is my male clothing. If i do buy any new male clothing it is at my wife’s request or she goes out and buys it for me. It is sad that purging is so much apart of the CD life. Ladies do not throw those clothes away in dumpsters or rubbish as I did in the past. Donate your clothes to Goodwill or other organizations that help those who are in need or just can not afford to go out and buy a new outfit. So many of us make use of second hand stores for our clothes. Not just us but so many of our cis sisters. Purging is ok and very normal for what ever reason. We all know our desire to express our selves in the fem comes and goes as the years go by but will never go away. Keep a few special pieces . Cute pair of panties and bra may be one pair of heels and some thing cute and sheer to throw over undergarments always helps when that time comes back expectantly. Shame and guilt should always be thrown away in any place that it will never be felt again.

      Luv Stephanie

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    • #369658
      Wendy Me
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      Registered On: July 20, 2020
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      I read about purging makeup, my wife while knowing of my dressing made it very clear early in our marriage that makeup was a no go for me, didn’t understand why but I respected it, as she respected my desire to dress. My crossdressing is only at home so I can live with that.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #369430
      Bobbi Scott
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      Registered On: April 25, 2017
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      I’ve found that complete self-acceptance of my true nature completely cured the urge to purge. I’m proud of some of my outfits and my extensive makeup drawer. When I purge it’s only to make room in my closet for fresh new fashions.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #369419
      Katie Darcy
      Participant
      Registered On: July 27, 2020
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      My last purge was probably 6+ years ago with a 2 year gap of suppression before I started collecting clothes and makeup again. At that time I got a secret storage unit where I could “protect” my things from a purge by locking it up and walking away if needed. Like some others I was still worried if something happened to me and someone else had to sort out my stuff. I realized after seeing Storage Wars that person would probably not be anyone I knew, so whatever 😂

      Very recently my wife and I have split and live separately now (I moved out), so I have been able to close the storage unit and pack the closets in my apartment. The biggest change was not the living arrangements; but that I told my wife everything and she was okay with it. The removal of the “elephant in the room” and the acceptance of a very important person has now cleared all the shame or guilt that drove so many purges. I’m still not public and only my wife knows; but that is only pragmatism (and probably temporary) – there is no shame or guilt at all.

       

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    • #369382
      Molly Lace
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      Registered On: June 1, 2019
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      After the lockdown where I live I have been doing a lot of online shopping.  I think I have bought 20 dresses, a few skirts, tops, bras, panties, and lingerie.  Some things just don’t fit but I kept them.  Last weekend I pulled everything out that I didn’t think fit me well and tried it on.  I bagged up everything that didn’t fit or that I didn’t love and donated it.

      It felt good to get rid of the thing I don’t wear or love.

      When I was younger I think I purged about five times.  The amount of clothes I just through away was pretty impressive.  Now I accept that I like dressing like a women and how it makes me feel.

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    • #369356
      Wendy Me
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      Registered On: July 20, 2020
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      Actually I never purged, my wife did it when we shared a closet and I was taking up too much space, and she ran it by me first with stuff I rarely wore. Now that we have separate rooms and closets I am gradually getting rid of my male office clothes that I haven’t worn in years.

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    • #369175
      Jenny Thigh High
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      Registered On: August 10, 2019
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      i’ve learned much from being on this site.  one thing i learned was how common the purge is.  i used to think it maybe just applied to me?  now i know better.

      my last purge lasted roughly ten years.  i thought it was all behind me. so many reasons – privacy, boredom, frustration, cost, etc.

      but then….the awakening occurred….;)

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    • #368263
      Morgan Staar
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      Registered On: November 3, 2018
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      I picked all clothes not my style…that was a couple of years ago, right after graduation from high school, I took all my boy clothes and donated them to goodwill…Yay!

    • #368168
      Carla Jones
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      Registered On: May 14, 2017
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      I don’t know if I call what I do purging as much as tired of seeing what I have. Some things I have never gotten rid of are denim skirts, shoes, seersucker dresses, bras, panties, black tops and basic color skirts. I have gotten rid of items when I have either lost or gained weight. But to throw out everything would probably leave me in a state of depression.

      Carla

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    • #368164
      Celeste Starre
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      Registered On: June 26, 2018
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      I put done other as it’s really the only reason for purges.  “Being Stupid”   Fortunately it’s been a long time since I was.

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    • #365480
      Lisa Brown
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      Registered On: October 30, 2019
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      Over the years I have purged many times. I have thrown away at least 5 full wardrobes. The last time was the last time, I hope. You never know what may come over you, life is hard. Although now Lisa is more me than Jeff is.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #358476
      Kay Anderson
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      Registered On: June 1, 2020
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      I have had several mini purges over the years. About a year and half ago, I became very sick. For the most part, I consider myself healthy. But this time was different. I was sick for a month and a half and ended up with a few days in the hospital. Honestly, I had thoughts that I could die. I decided to purge everything in case that happened. I didn’t want anyone finding my things. My wife knows, but my children don’t. I have recovered and I am healthy again. Four months ago I had an awaking of my female spirit. I am slowly replacing things as I try to picture how my future will play out.

      Kay

    • #356977
      Emily Alt
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      Registered On: August 24, 2019
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      I recently commented on another post about purging. So this is largely a repeat of that one.

      I’ve purged more times than I can remember. Every one was because of the usual reasons – guilt, shame, denial, fear of being found out. My last purge was about 12 years ago. I actually thought I was cured. Of course the desire came back. Except this time I took a good look at myself and realized this is who I am. So I went on another buying spree. That was 5 years ago. Now I’m running out of places to put everything! Being a girl is so much fun! It’s a part of who I am and I can’t imagine ever giving that up. But if the urge to purge returns, I won’t. Instead, I’ll pack everything up and put it into storage. Because I know I’ll want it back before too long.

      I believe the vast majority of us are wired this way. We pay a heavy price when we purge, financially and emotionally. Learning to accept ourselves breaks the cycle.

      DON’T PURGE!

      Emily

    • #355225
      Alison Anderson
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      Registered On: October 15, 2018
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      My only purge was only a partial one.  My ex found my clothes and decided to throw them out.  However, since I was the one who always took the garbage out, and I know she has a habit of throwing things out that shouldn’t.  When I saw a lot of garbage bags already in the bin, I looked in to see what was in them.

      Finding all my stuff (much of it stuff discarded by her over the years anyway), I pulled back maybe a third to half of the stuff.  Yes she was angry about my hiding it for many years, but it still didn’t give her the right to throw my things out.  So I purged selectively what I thought I didn’t want, putting them back into the garbage, and kept the rest.  A few of the items (a body briefer and a slip for example) I still have.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #355160
      Wendy Swift
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      Registered On: May 11, 2020
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      I must’ve purged at least twice.

      First time was when I met my g/f (now wife).  She didn’t know about my dressing, and we didn’t buy our own place yet.  Since I still lived with my parents I hide all my clothes in a locked desk drawer.  As the relationship progressed, we decided to buy our own place, and when we finalized the papers for the house, I thought “I have to do something about those clothes.”

      Before packing up all my stuff, I decided it was best to throw it all away, that included vintage clothing that I really miss, and clothing that would be very expensive to replace now.  To preserve my relationship, I thought it would be better to erase that part and not tell her by throwing out all of Wendy’s clothes.

      I was able to suppress my dressing for a while, but when my SO started to take some evening courses at the University, I found the temptation too hard to resist so I raided her panty drawer.  One thing led to another, and I finally went out and bought some clothes for Wendy again, and found some old boxes to hide the clothes in.

      This went on for some time.  But my health took a nose dive and I wound up in/out of hospital alot.  For fear of her finding my stash, I thought I should throw all the stuff out again, because this time I needed her for emotional support while I was in the hospital.   This 2nd purge I also regret as I had a beautiful long slip gown that I turfed.

      When my health stabilized, I found myself buying again.  But this time I bought a cheap wig, some lipstick, shoes, and a complete outside.  It is true when they say a woman has a hunch about something, because at this point my wife had suspicions about me CDing, as I openly wore women’s OPS around the house (and some of her clothing were stretched).   Eventually I did come out, and was pleasantly surprised it went well.

      My feelings towards dressing never diminished over the years, it had to be put aside due to unforseen circumstances like my health.  I cannot remember a time in my dressing history that I thought “I don’t feel like dressing”.  It has always been there.  One big reason why my dressing has surged is because I use it as a stress relief, my health has stabilized, and my wife knows and is supportive.

      I recently did do a mini purge, but this time it was different.  I only got rid of items that no longer fit or no longer wear.

       

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