return to dance

[Anonymous]

hmmmm, so tonight I return to dance, my first time since covid started and Im so very nervous. Nope its not the covid that worries me, to some extent its not the dance as that is a natural part of who I am…its being in the company of people and being “on show”.
You see I have a personality conflict which is categorised as an illness, my selves are so very different and can t co exist. When covid hit, my life went into survival mode, male mode. I just worked right the way through, 7 days a week, long hours to ensure we had money in the bank for essential living but I missed dancing, missed Ashleigh so much. So male survivalist did what it always does when something threatens to unbalance what is left of my sound mind…it shuts it down and puts a total block on it…Ladies believe me when I say this, once blocked its blocked!! the male is in control. So that was it. I quit thinking about either, destroyed everything to do with both so there were no reminders and spent the next year or two, whatever, slogging my guts out…work work work. I shut down all friends so I didn t miss them, especially since the few I had were dancers.
Anyways, that brings us to the now, today. For me its 7.15 in the morning, 12 hours from now I ll be expected to walk through the doors of a dance studio and be….ok, be who I was. But I m not back to who I was yet. Ashleigh only re emerged in the last few months. My gf is also a dancer but I shut down to the point I could not dance with her or in front of her! I ve not seen anyone other than my gf since 2019, all I now know is work, my gf and nature. So yes, very nervous and my day will be spent holding off those nerves so that my brain doesn t melt down and bring out shut down mode. Do I want to dance? Oh hell yeah, but my mind is now happier dancing alone and secretly, amongst nature, barefoot and fancy free but I need to break my solitude for me, my gf and us…so watch this space. Hard to believe really, from competition dancer close to the top to feeling like a newbie all over again. This ladies will be like my first dressed step out into the open world!!

[Anonymous]

Go for it, Ashleigh,

You have an SO that loves you, you’ve put money in the bank, you live in a beautiful part of the country, you have dancing in your blood.

Who cares if it takes a little while longer to get back to where you were? Just consider – you might well not be the only one recovering from lockdown-itis.

I hope all goes goes well for you.

Marti xxx

[Anonymous]

All very true Marti and thanks. I’m sure the music will take over and I ll be back to the old self..strutting my stuff lol xxx

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