• This topic has 26 replies, 18 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Anonymous.
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    • #651502
      Anonymous
      Lady

      As many of you know, I am going through a separation/divorce. I don’t want to sit at home having a pity party. I have been getting out in various meet-up groups one of them being the Calgary Christian singles group. I have only attended one event and was my male self when I went.

      I have messaged one of the group hosts telling her about Tina. I wanted to get a feel for how the group would react. Although she seemed okay with Tina attending, she was not confident the group would be accepting.

      In this group there is an opportunity to meet new friends but also a female companion. It will be extremely difficult to find a CIS-woman that is christian and interested in crossdresser.

      The group host was concerned that I could be rejected. She did however say I could come to the annual picnic.

      My question to myself is, am I trying to force my way into a situation where crossdressing is not accepted, trying to meet friends as my true self, and/or trying to change peoples thoughts regarding crossdresssers?

      Since coming out, I have put myself in many scenarios where rejection is really possible but to this point, I have only been rejected by my parents.

      It wouldn’t be catastrophic if I was rejected at this event as I already have so much support from a lot of other people.

      Risk or opportunity?

    • #651504
      Anonymous

      It’s my belief that, even if you are accepted by the group, you are not likely to find female companionship in that setting.

       

      • #652048
        Anonymous

        Tina,

        I’d like to modify my response.  Based on some of your replies above and some of the other girls’ comments, 1) you sound like you’ve given this serious consideration and have weighed the pros and cons, 2) people can surprise you in more than one way, you might see true compassion and/or rejection, but maybe at least one person might benefit from meeting you.

        Much love,

        Raquel

    • #651523
      Angela Booth
      Hostess

      It’s a double edged sword in that it can go wither way and there could be many reactions as it is a christian community. If you go you may find acceptance with some, an okay, but I am not sure and outright rejection from others. The key is that you are part of this group and, no matter how you dress, this is you who wishes to be part of that. I would say go and be of an open mind as to the reactions and see where it goes.

      It has to be said this is an issue for trans in whatever setting. I wish you well.

    • #651553
      Fiona Black
      Baroness - Annual

      I think ultimately your stress level would wind up increasing a lot by mixing in with that group.

    • #651558
      Anonymous
      Lady

      I think you might have more success and find it more spiritually rewarding to find a woman who accepts Tina and then lead her to accepting Jesus Christ, rather than going to a Christian singles group hoping for someone very open minded where a mutual attraction exists.  Think about how wonderful it would be to find someone accepting who changed your life, while you change hers by helping her know Jesus.

      💋Jackie💋

    • #651568
      Cassie Jayson
      Duchess

      Tina, use caution. I have a friend who came out to her pastor as trans. Her pastor accepted her and a couple of the elders in her church. After a little bit of time someone found her activity on line ( trying to win people to Christ while presenting as a trans girl). then all hell broke out in her church. She was either ordered to quit her ministry and or quit being trans. She ended up leaving her church.
      Just saying if you come out to these fine people it is possible to be at first accepted then later being rejected.

      . Cassie

      • #651579
        Anonymous
        Lady

        I actually go to a church that openly welcomes Tina. This is a group separate from my church that is a singles group. I am not sure of my own intentions. Is it to cause trouble, bring awareness or hopefully find friends or a companion. If it is to cause trouble, I will definitely stay away.

        • #651722

          Tina, I think this is key.  If you’re going there to cause trouble, the answer is probably just a bad risk.  If you’re going there to bring awareness or to teach, it may be an opportunity.  If you’re going there for companionship, going as Tina the first time may not be the ideal way.

          I think a lot also depends on how much time you plan to spend as Tina as opposed to your male self.  If Tina is only making occasional appearances, then you probably don’t want Tina to show up to a possible nonsupporting group.  If you’re planning to spend most of your time as Tina, and don’t care if you’re rejected (you just move on to another group), then definitely let Tina go to the group.

          • #651723
            Anonymous
            Lady

            I am Tina about 98% of the time.

    • #651574
      Anonymous
      Lady

      I think your chances of finding an accepting female at church is like finding a snowball in hell…. it ain’t going to happen and you will be rejected by the close minded group.

      • #651578

        I’m with Michelle: it would be a rare and quite liberal church, I hate to say it (don’t get me wrong, I do lean liberal, I’m just commenting on the limitations to be aware of).

    • #651585

      Hi Tina,

      I am, along with several other girls here, a christian. I can tell you that, when I ‘came out’ and announced on social media that I would be transitioning and would now be living as a woman, the responses I received from many people were so accepting, encouraging and supportive that I was quite surprised.  As for the Christian people, some who I’ve known for years, well, let me put it this way, after my announcement I was ‘ghosted’ by almost all of them.  Many, including some family members, texted and said they would not accept, see, or even talk to me as a woman.  Those people have now completely disappeared from my life and I now realize that they were never really part of my life anyway, they were only acquaintances, not friends.

      So Tina, I wouldn’t expect a very favorable response if you show up enfemme, even if you tell them you’re coming, it’s a risk not worth taking.

      Love ya,

      Lauren M

      • #651586
        Anonymous
        Lady

        The question I ask myself and I think many of you ask yourself all the time. Is the potential risk of rejection mean I don’t try at all? These aren’t friendships already formed. The worst thing that could happen is they would be friendships never started. The best thing would be friendships started, minds changed and acceptance.

    • #651588
      Anonymous
      Lady

      [postquote quote=651502]

      My current situation is a Christian singles group but can apply to any new situation.

    • #651651
      Emily Alt
      Managing Ambassador

      To me, there’s nothing to lose.  Why not give it a try?  You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.  An opportunity.

    • #651709

      Tina, it sounds like you’re in control.

      Just go for it and see what happens.

    • #651736
      Anonymous
      Duchess

      Tina seems to me you already know your answer. Always check your motives. Sad to say, organize religion fails as a messenger of God. This opportunity allows Tina, whom God loves, show her strenght and trust in his plan. Jocelyn

    • #651754
      Roberta Broussard
      Duchess - Annual

      Try it, you might enjoy it. If not, then don’t go back. Just like you would anything else. Don’t let your need for friendship compel you to suffer from others. Don’t waste your time putting round pegs in square holes. Stay well, be happy.

    • #652952
      Brielle
      Lady

      Hi Tina, It is both a risk and an opportunity. Perhaps you could announce at the end of a future meeting, your intentions. You could point out that being your true self would help you open up to the group more. Then the membership could respond to the moderator anonymously and let you know what they determine. I would not proceed unless there is 100% affirmation.

      An unhappy member would likely gossip about you and the entire church would soon know something is up. That’s the risk – exposure or alienation from the group. The opportunity is full affirmation and you can all learn new ways of relating as Christians and human beings.

      One thing you said that raised a red flag to me: you mentioned possibly finding a ciswoman for companionship. Other than friendships, any relationship would also be a subject of gossip. If you both can deal with that, then by all means pursue what makes your heart happy. Church groups like these function largely like an office group – romantic entanglements are usually not a great idea, but sometimes are wonderful. Tread carefully!

      Hugs,

      Brie

    • #652967
      Anonymous

      I’m not sure there is a risk involved since you have relatively little connection to any of these people. However, I suspect the person you confided in may know the likely reactions of the group.

      Here is another thought. Get to know the group members individually, particularly the women that you feel you might like to have as friends. IF and when you feel confident enough in your assessements of them, tell those you select individually. That way there is no pressure for either acceptance nor group dynamics to interfere.

    • #652970
      Anonymous

      It is my personal theory that acceptance from a cis woman is a spectrum that I like to call “The Sliding Scale of Acceptance.” On one end there is a deeply conservative God fearing woman that embraces her religion completely…on the other end is an atheist progressive liberal. When I apply the sliding scale to your scenario it leans heavily to the side that is not inclined to accept or embrace you.

      Best wishes & hugs,
      Betty

    • #654082
      Anonymous
      Lady

      Event was cancelled due to weather. Maybe next event.

    • #654085
      Peta Mari
      Lady

      It’s very common that within the framework of divorce and seperation we develop an attitude that (for want of a better term” a Spirit that causes rejection.”

      In other words we do things that we know (conscience of subconscious) that will cause others to reject us.

      Sometimes we can enter marriage and relationships with this attitude which dooms us to destruction.

      Some people for some perverse unknown reasons get a high on this perpetual destructive cycle.

      Others truly want off that merry go round. Having experienced divorce myself, its important to develop safe networks. My wife and I are conservative Christians. She knows about my dressing. And I / we are ok about setting boundaries with her and community regarding it.

      Cding wasnt an issue when i went through my divorce.

      Anyways. The reality is, you need to form networks that you can comfortably work with and not try and force issues.

      • #658116
        Anonymous
        Lady

        I appreciate all of your comments. I am not going to speak for others as we are all on our own journey.

        If I only went to places where I know I will be accepted, I would still be fully closeted. I was really concerned with who would accept me and who would reject me or just ingore me. I would be denying myself and deny others choice to not only accept me but others that may follow. I am not looking for opportunities for rejection but groups of people I would have been drawn to in my male persona.

        I don’t want to live in a bubble or, because I am a crossdresser, I can only fit in with those known to be friendly to it. The whole point of going public is to be public. Yes there will be rejection but I don’t feel I need to limit myself because I may be rejected. I want to give people a chance to get to know me.

        • #658126
          Peta Mari
          Lady

          Know thyself is a great saying.

          Often fear prevents us from having a go at anything in life. One our fav family movies is “We bought a zoo.” We took on board that pithy saying “20 seconds of courage.”

          • #658127
            Anonymous
            Lady

            That is a very good movie on taking a leap of faith

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