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  • #681933
    Chrissy Tallflower
    Participant
    Registered On: September 23, 2022
    Topics: 5
    Replies: 12
    Has thanked: 13 times
    Been thanked: 56 times

    You often hear from CDs, trans individuals of the difficult choices they face in pursuing this lifestyle to any degree, the costs and sacrifices they have to weigh. You hear the troubled stories of those that did show the strength to carry on and faced losses for it.  You hear stories of the spouses they came out to and aren’t fully accepted by or that break away from them after, losing family and pre-coming-out friends, struggles with employers, facing abuse…  Stories of whole lives turned over.  The strength required is as painful as it is wondrous, inspiring.

    Is it any wonder we go through purges as we struggle with accepting the difficulties inherent in pursuing our heart’s desires, with sacrificing the acceptance of easy, mainstream, vapid society?  You’re virtually promised a much rockier road in life that leads to the greater isolation inherent in belonging to a small minority.  Not that all losses are truly losses, not that you can’t find something more meaningful on the other side that honors yourself.  But there is a cost and great strength is required and many come up short, don’t self-actualize for all the damage along the way.  And if you aren’t lucky enough to live where this minority concentrates, where you can find support, it can be a staggering cost.  Even where you find some acceptance, the acceptance can be illusory, terribly misguided, abusive.  It is rife with dangers.  You have to learn what to look out for and the ready pitfalls.

    Why am I dwelling on this?  In part I find myself struggling day in and day out with those costs and lack of support.  I too wonder if it wouldn’t be better to purge and latch on to some relationship that would at least give me companionship if not greater self-expression.  It would be much easier if not self-actualizing.  And, after all, common society people, conformists, regularly make sacrifices themselves just to fit in.   The choice to not conform gets even harder when you realize just how common shallower users are, those into using you purely as a kink without any heart and often with more than a little harm.  It is a dangerous and lonely sea out there for this lifestyle.

    I share this hard take as much out of caution as I do out of hope that some of us might extend ourselves a little more to make for more local group activities, to support each other more locally and not just in far flung cities and long distance relationships.  Even if it means not dressing in public at all but still having “coffees” and platonic meets… that’s a HUGE boon!  Don’t discount it I beg you.  Not being supportive offline contributes to all our suffering in the long run.  Online can’t, shouldn’t fully replace in person.  It should support it by pointing out the pitfalls and uplifting the community.  As small as our population is, there is much of it that remains so hidden as to be non-existent, that doesn’t express itself publicly in any fashion (even just as an ally in male mode) or that doesn’t uplift the community and support it in expressing itself in healthy, wholesome ways.  I ask you to reach higher, not just for others, but for your own quality of life.  Sisterhood can bring such joy.  I’ve experienced it in small ways at times and it was magical, no matter how brief.

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    • #682071
      Peggy Sue Williams
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: June 26, 2019
      Topics: 23
      Replies: 426
      Has thanked: 1600 times
      Been thanked: 2079 times

      Yes, totally agree, and here in Atlanta we have an Atlanta Girls Group on CDH where I have been posting all the events in our area where CDs are more than welcome to attend and mingle with the general public, normally for free.  My own experience is the general public in our city has no issues whatsoever with CDs.

      Our group has also unofficially partnered with a professional practice that sponsors free weekly cross dresser support meetings at their professional offices.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #682098
        Chrissy Tallflower
        Lady
        Registered On: September 23, 2022
        Topics: 5
        Replies: 12
        Has thanked: 13 times
        Been thanked: 56 times

        Wow, that’s amazing.  I can’t even imagine that’s so far outside my experience here.  What’s your attendance like?

        1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #682147
          Peggy Sue Williams
          Duchess - Annual
          Registered On: June 26, 2019
          Topics: 23
          Replies: 426
          Has thanked: 1600 times
          Been thanked: 2079 times

          Support meeting attendance has been running pretty steady at approximately six girls every week.

          • #682158
            Chrissy Tallflower
            Lady
            Registered On: September 23, 2022
            Topics: 5
            Replies: 12
            Has thanked: 13 times
            Been thanked: 56 times

            Magnificent.  I’m so jelly.

            1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #682055
      Lauren Mugnaia
      Duchess
      Registered On: November 1, 2021
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 483
      Has thanked: 6794 times
      Been thanked: 2672 times

      Hi Chrissy, I hear what you’re saying, and as Camahta, or Sam, says, we need to be ‘out’, we can’t remain sequestered in closets any longer! I am fortunate in that I live in a relatively large city that has a healthy LGBQT community, and I am ‘out’ as full time trans woman. But even then, I have a hard time trying to get together with other sisters.
      We need to get out of being in stealth mode and instead be proud of who we are and out to this silly world we’re stuck living in.

      Lots of hugs, wish you well,

      Ms. Lauren M

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #681994
      Roberta Broussard
      Baroness
      Registered On: July 20, 2020
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 396
      Has thanked: 5289 times
      Been thanked: 1934 times

      I was remembering a scene from ” Dances With Wolves ” Kevin Kostner returns to his military post and is captured by the new group of soldiers. Hes dressed like an Indian. The soldiers, thinking he is an Indian, they start beating him to the ground. Then when they realize he was really one of them, one of them Hollars ” he’s turned, he’s turned Indian.

      I don’t know why but some people just resent you if they think you changed teams. They just don’t want to accept that you went to play for the other team. This happens with Males and Females.

    • #681987
      Саманта
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 21, 2018
      Topics: 763
      Replies: 1665
      Has thanked: 9793 times
      Been thanked: 6113 times

      Chrissy, it sounds like we live in similar environments.

      The choice to not conform gets even harder when you realize just how common shallower users are, those into using you purely as a kink without any heart and often with more than a little harm.

      Unfortunately, we don’t have the market cornered on that. The whole world is full of people who are out to glorify themselves and gender status or presentation makes no difference to them. This is part of why I’m happy to be an introvert.

      That said, I do understand what you’re saying here Chrissy. This is why I’m out… not just because I need to be, but it’s my form of advocacy also, in a place where there is no real “community” for us to speak of and I’m surrounded by friendly yokels (they’re usually friendly anyway). I hope that anyone takes some courage or inspiration from that. I get that oftentimes, our individual realities are more complicated, but I wish that we all were as far out as we could get…the world would be a different place. Get out there if you can ladies!!

      • #682035
        Chrissy Tallflower
        Lady
        Registered On: September 23, 2022
        Topics: 5
        Replies: 12
        Has thanked: 13 times
        Been thanked: 56 times

        I agree wholeheartedly.  But I also strongly suggest taking small steps, no matter how small.  Otherwise there is no community to be had.  You don’t even need to dress.  Keep it platonic, dress in male mode, focus on being an ally first, feel and support others in feeling accepted for everyone’s benefit.  Progress is progress, no matter how small.  A quote I heard recently that I liked went something like: “We only get more out of life by exerting ourselves, pushing ourselves to grow beyond what we have now.  Progress doesn’t happen by itself and you won’t find passion without it.”

    • #681937
      Chrissy Tallflower
      Lady
      Registered On: September 23, 2022
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 12
      Has thanked: 13 times
      Been thanked: 56 times

      And, if you are local to me (east-central or even just eastern Kansas) and want to pursue something in the spirit of that last paragraph above.  Reach out!

      2 users thanked author for this post.
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