- This topic has 45 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by .
🎅Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house 🎅..
🐭 Something was stirring, but it wasn’t a mouse!!! 🐭
Everything is virtually ready for tomorrow’s big day, so the whole family have gone to midnight mass, but this does not involve the church……it’s a mass anti lockdown march!!!!
So in the quiet of the beautifully decorated house, things begin to stir!!…above the roaring fire, the stockings hang. Their ” do not expose to naked flame” labels glint in the glow of the fire. Rows of Christmas cards hang either side of the fireplace, mostly from people you had forgotten or thought were dead. You certainly haven’t sent cards to them.. oops!!
In the hearth, a seaweed, cucumber and omega3 smoothie and a plate of glutten free, sugar free, taste free cookies await the great man’s arrival. From the ceiling the smoke alarm battery flaps sway in the heathaze, all the batteries needed for the kids toys…
From the stereo, Bing Crosby gently croons 🎶 I’m dreaming of a multi racial, LGBTQ+ Christmas 🎵…..
a table in the corner groans under the sheer weight of 18,347 units of every type of alcohol, “should see us through until the new year”….( mostly bought…just in case…)
Due to the toy shortage, all the cheap rubbish you bought, has had batteries inserted, is beautifully wrapped and is under the tree. Some parcels begin to heat up and glow….or hum!!!
And so to the kitchen…..
The massive ” Welcome Family” Christmas morning buffet is already laid out. ( It’s only a few hours now, and it will save time in the morning !!!).
Little Johnny is ” saving the oceans” this year, so there’s no plastic food wrap or cling film.
Already the egg mayo sandwiches are begining to curl up at the edges. The industrial sized punch bowl of eggnog is forming a yellow crust, on which a dozen flies are enjoying some festive ice skating….and the prawn ring is coming up to room temperature nicely…no danger there then!!
An large empty plate that had been piled high with ” mama’s secret recipe ” chicken wings is a mystery???…..but all is soon revealed as underneath the table and table cloth, Sissy, sparky, sandy and 2poos gently crunch on their midnight snack…..woof, woof, yap ( Pass the dip )….sorry I’m late woofed Kyndall…save me some…I love chicky!!!
To one side sits the Christmas pudding…made in August and stuffed with traditional sixpences and three penny bits….and a zillion bacteria, it silently glows. Next to it stands a litre of brandy for tomorrows ” lighting up ” ceremony….and a fire extinguisher for tomorrow’s ” putting grandad out afterwards” ceremony….it’s all very traditional here!!
There’s a pile of carefully collected receipts, so that all the
rubbishthoughtful gifts you have bought everyone, can be returned on boxing Day for stuff they really want
Half of the 89 kilo Turkey gently cooks in the oven, the other ” still frozen “half stands next to the oven….with the chainsaw..” I told you it was too bloody big ” !!!!
And so to the garden….
The car sits silently on the lawn, as the garage is still packed full of pre covid toilet rolls, dry pasta and powdered milk. A two ton skip for tomorrow’s Amazon boxes, wasted food and broken toys stands in the drive, gently filling with snow.
In the drying area at the bottom of the garden, a sinister figure dressed in black including a balaclava…( is that you Py ??? ) steals your bra and panties….. some people are still apparently happy to shop ” off-line “….
and above all of this mayhem, bells ring out, as Rudolph, Dasher and “Olive “, ( the other reindeer) drag Santa to his next smoke free chimney…..and if you are very lucky you can hear him shout…..
☃️☃️ ” Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night “☃️☃️
Smiles, grace 💓💓
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.