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  • #584097
    Anonymous
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    🎅Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house 🎅..

    🐭 Something was stirring, but it wasn’t a mouse!!! 🐭

    Everything is virtually ready for tomorrow’s big day, so the whole family have gone to midnight mass, but this does not involve the church……it’s a mass anti lockdown march!!!!

    So in the quiet of the beautifully decorated house, things begin to stir!!…above the roaring fire, the stockings hang. Their ” do not expose to naked flame” labels glint in the glow of the fire. Rows of Christmas cards hang either side of the fireplace, mostly from people you had forgotten or thought were dead. You certainly haven’t sent cards to them.. oops!!

    In the hearth, a seaweed, cucumber and omega3 smoothie and a plate of glutten free, sugar free, taste free cookies await the great man’s arrival. From the ceiling the smoke alarm battery flaps sway in the heathaze, all the batteries needed for the kids toys…

    From the stereo, Bing Crosby gently croons 🎶 I’m dreaming of a multi racial, LGBTQ+ Christmas 🎵…..

    a table in the corner groans under the sheer weight of 18,347 units of every type of alcohol, “should see us through until the new year”….( mostly bought…just in case…)

    Due to the toy shortage, all the cheap rubbish you bought, has had batteries inserted, is beautifully wrapped and is under the tree. Some parcels begin to heat up and glow….or hum!!!

    And so to the kitchen…..

    The massive ” Welcome Family” Christmas morning buffet is already laid out. ( It’s only a few hours now, and it will save time in the morning !!!).

    Little Johnny is ” saving the oceans” this year, so there’s no plastic food wrap or cling film.

    Already the egg mayo sandwiches are begining to curl up at the edges. The industrial sized punch bowl of eggnog is forming a yellow crust, on which a dozen flies are enjoying some festive ice skating….and the prawn ring is coming up to room temperature nicely…no danger there then!!

    An large empty plate that had been piled high with ” mama’s secret recipe ” chicken wings is a mystery???…..but all is soon revealed as underneath the table and table cloth, Sissy, sparky, sandy and 2poos gently crunch on their midnight snack…..woof, woof, yapΒ  ( Pass the dip )….sorry I’m late woofed Kyndall…save me some…I love chicky!!!

    To one side sits the Christmas pudding…made in August and stuffed with traditional sixpences and three penny bits….and a zillion bacteria, it silently glows. Next to it stands a litre of brandy for tomorrows ” lighting up ” ceremony….and a fire extinguisher for tomorrow’s ” putting grandad out afterwards” ceremony….it’s all very traditional here!!

    There’s a pile of carefully collected receipts, so that all theΒ  rubbish thoughtfulΒ gifts you have bought everyone, can be returned on boxing Day for stuff they really want

    Half of the 89 kilo Turkey gently cooks in the oven, the other ” still frozen “half stands next to the oven….with the chainsaw..” I told you it was too bloody big ” !!!!

    And so to the garden….

    The car sits silently on the lawn, as the garage is still packed full of pre covid toilet rolls, dry pasta and powdered milk. A two ton skip for tomorrow’s Amazon boxes, wasted food and broken toys stands in the drive, gently filling with snow.

    In the drying area at the bottom of the garden, a sinister figure dressed in black including a balaclava…( is that you Py ??? ) steals your bra and panties….. some people are still apparently happy to shop ” off-line “….

    and above all of this mayhem, bells ring out, as Rudolph, Dasher and “Olive “, ( the other reindeer) drag Santa to his next smoke free chimney…..and if you are very lucky you can hear him shout…..

    ☃️☃️ ” Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night “☃️☃️

    Smiles, grace 💓💓

Viewing 12 reply threads
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    • #584841
      Carolyne Sherman
      Duchess
      Registered On: February 20, 2018
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      Grace I feel that in the β€œspirits” of the season I should volunteer my services doing a quality check on your spirits. When purchasing in bulk like that one never knows the quality of the products so I am here to help. I believe I should start with the wines….

      MERRY β€œhiccup” CHRISTMAS!

      🍷🍷🍷🍷C

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #584857
        Anonymous
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        Carolyne…

        great minds think alike!!!!!

        even as the fork lift delivered the alcohol…..your name was being pencilled in as a chief taster!!!!

        Cherry Mistmas, grace xx

        4 users thanked author for this post.
        • #584932
          Carolyne Sherman
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          Registered On: February 20, 2018
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          Dearest Grace your benevolence is beyond reproach!

          🍷C

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    • #584789
      Lara Tucker
      Lady
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
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      Grace, thanks so much for the Christmas laughter!

      I need to get some rum, and some Christmas pudding ingredients now.🤣🤣🤣🤣

      ⛄️Lara ❄️

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      • #584817
        Anonymous
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        sissy holly dog dranked all the rum punch here need more rum lol

        Donna

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      • #584790
        Anonymous
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        you’re welcome…don’t forget to get some sixpences!!Β  Β 🤣🤣

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    • #584759
      Anonymous
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      Well my beauty I think they should up Grade you to Dutchess, brilliant writing. The Christmas tree is up, fingers crossed it will not be bold by Christmas morning. The Electric fire will represent the traditional log fire, if you stretch the imagination, a few drinks will sort that out. Fire extinguisher ready to nuke the inferno of a fire ball thats erupted from lighting the Christmas pudding, and the expensive Christmas crackers that never go bang.

      Merry Christmas.

      Lol Amanda xx

       

       

       

       

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      • #584776
        Anonymous
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        Thank you honey….

        Didn’t we do a post on Christmas cracker Jokes last year???….or was it Christmas crossdresser jokes???…

        Merry Christmas…Huggs, grace x

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        • #584816
          Anonymous
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          Christmas cracker jokes, i”m sure. xx

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    • #584508
      Bridgette VonSmirff
      Lady
      Registered On: October 18, 2020
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      Now that’s a great story, seems like a recipe for great success… at the Emergency Room, lol!

      Bridgette

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #584402
      Alison Anderson
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 15, 2018
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      I’m less likely to have Bing Crosby playing and more likely to have Bob Rivers (“Walking ’round in Women’s Underwear”*, sung to “Winter Wonderland”). Or possibly Peter Schickele’s “Throw the Yule Log On, Uncle John” (which quickly becomes “Throw the Yule Log On Uncle John” – notice the missing comma). Or even “The 12 Days After Christmas.”

      And I’d rather keep the flu(e) in the fireplace.Β  No need for another virus in the house.

      In years gone by, Dec 25 for me was a day to go to the movies and get food from the only places open on that day – Chinese Restaurants.

      * For those unfamiliar, Bob Rivers’ song makes reference to Murphy Brown, a character played for many years by Candice Bergman.

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    • #584368
      Angela Booth
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      Registered On: August 1, 2020
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      Christmas is a time to Eat Drink and be Mary………

      (Someone had to say it)……….

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    • #584336
      Leonara
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      Registered On: October 13, 2015
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      So clever…your are such a poet and I am sure you know it lol !! Thank you Grace for putting this lady in the Christmas spirit 🎄🎄🙏
      Merry Christmas to you and a very healthy 2022🎊
      Warmest regards, Leonara

      9 users thanked author for this post.
      • #584352
        Anonymous
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        Thanks Leonara…..I hope your recent family reunion was wonderful….

        Merry Christmas, warm huggs, xx

        8 users thanked author for this post.
        • #584451
          Leonara
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          Registered On: October 13, 2015
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          Grace, yes the family reunion was wonderful.
          Thanks so much for asking.. have a wonderful weekend hon… Leonara

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    • #584253
      Trisha Smith
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      Registered On: August 24, 2020
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      That was quite an picture you painted there. 🎨Β  Β I’m pretty sure Kyndall(my 🐶) would love to join the puppy crew on wing duty. Otherwise a perfect image of xmas

       

      🎁

      Trisha

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    • #584241
      Dee Nash
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      Registered On: November 7, 2021
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      Ha Ha Ha xxxxx

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    • #584235
      Sylvia
      Lady
      Registered On: October 10, 2021
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      Dear Grace,

      Sounds like “National Lampoons Christmas Vacation part 2 : You ain’t seen nothing yet ! ”
      Thank you for keeping us laughing !
      😂😂😂

      Love Sylvia.

      • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Sylvia.
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      • #584239
        Anonymous
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        Thanks Sylvia….I am trying my best….

        ( Whisper – don’t touch the Christmas pudding 🤣) xx

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        • #584328
          Anonymous
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          how that goes will not go till get some lol. Oh where the shepards pie.

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        • #584243
          Paula F
          Duchess
          Registered On: August 7, 2019
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          Standing quietly beside your big wing back chair, empty bowl and spoon in hand, “Please mum, may I have another?”

           

          PaulaF

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        • #584240
          Sylvia
          Lady
          Registered On: October 10, 2021
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          Oops too late….!

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          • #584247
            Anonymous
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            Doctor…Sylvia, have you managed to ” pass” those sixpences you swallowed ???

            Sylvia…sorry doctor, there’s still no change!!!

            6 users thanked author for this post.
          • #584264
            Sylvia
            Lady
            Registered On: October 10, 2021
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            Doctor : Sorry Sylvia but I still have to charge you , change or not.
            Sylvia : I guess so , here you go !
            Doctor : That’s too much , I have no change for you !

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    • #584192
      Krista
      Duchess
      Registered On: January 24, 2017
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      Good Morning Grace,

      And what a lovely way to start a Saturday morning reading your post. Β The sun hasn’t quite risen yet here in the cold northwest (minus 23 C wind chill – brrr).

      Thank You so much for inviting Sandy to your Christmas party. Β She absolutely loves chicken. And I’m sure she’d enjoy sharing with Sissy, Sparky and 2poos.

      My addition to the Christmas tradition is non-stop eating of Turtles chocolates. Β I just bought two 800 gm boxes (super extra large size) to go under the tree, gifts from Sandy to me. Β Gosh she knows me so well.

      And yes I know I’ve been procrastinating in getting out those old-fashioned Christmas cards in the mail. On the to-do list for this afternoon.

      Ho, Ho, Ho, Have a lovely weekend. Β Big Hugs, Krista.

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    • #584122
      Paula F
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      Registered On: August 7, 2019
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      My extra bedroom closets and storage spaces are already being stocked by everyone else’s ‘secret’ presents for other family members, and my notebook is slowly filling with who’s presents are where and the paper they are wrapped in.

      How I became gift central storage I actually have no frame of reference for.Β  And, it is not just family either, friends and a few neighbors manage to “drop off” something to hide for a few days (actually a week or three).Β  It does make for a hectic Christmas eve keeping them all coming at different times so no one sees the packages.

      I do wonder how many fibs are managed about just running out for a soda or quick trip to the grocers that ends up here for a glass of nog or cup of coffee to go with those secret gifts.

      PaulaF

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    • #584105
      Marcellette Laval
      Lady
      Registered On: February 1, 2021
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      Grace, I’m rolling!! Thank you for kicking off my weekend so wonderfully! Β Have to run, I’m getting a late start on making my Christmas pudding…..

      Marcellette

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      • #584154
        Anonymous
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        Thanks Marcellette….I hope you have lots of sixpences!!!….xx

        5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #584288
      Anonymous
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      well that ok then as long as the mailbu survived

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    • #584278
      Anonymous
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      Hope was not the malibu rum

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    • #584273
      Anonymous
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      can say on the rocks

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    • #584270
      Anonymous
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      Haha….that’s very good Bobbisue xx…

      I think they nearly hit a chimney on the way, luckily they were shaken, but not stirred!!!!

    • #584252
      Michaela Jane
      Lady
      Registered On: December 9, 2016
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      Well, technically yes, but couldn’t you still call it eggless eggnog since you used a recipe to make it but didn’t like the additional stuff?

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #584248
      Anonymous
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      Throw all of them??… wouldn’t that then just be called….rum??😂😂

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #584242
      Michaela Jane
      Lady
      Registered On: December 9, 2016
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      There already is eggless eggnog!

      https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/25854/eggless-eggnog/

      On the bright side, it’s got rum in it so you could just throw all the other ingredients away.Β  πŸ˜€

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #584224
      Anonymous
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      put another nog on the fire.

       

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    • #584219
      Anonymous
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      I can’t keep up with all this progress…

      no gammon gammon….next thing you know…there will be egg free eggnog….but then would we just call it…nog???

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #584217
      Anonymous
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      Oh sissy….there were 2 bottles of white rum in that eggnog…..

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #584193
      Anonymous
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      LOL when the reindeer come to my house always have oatmeal and sugar cookies for them Dasher and Prancer and Donner and blixen love the oatmeal others love oatmeal.Β  Santa has a bowl of jack and coke waiting for the jolly guy.Β  always waiting by the fireplace in my elf teddy.

      Pass me some eggnog

      Donna

    • #584156
      Anonymous
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      Can you still get vegan carrots??

      6 users thanked author for this post.
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