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We all have scars from our past. Many have formed us into who we are today. If you have read my post about my wall, you know that I like to use it as a therapeutic place to leave my thoughts, memories and musings. Below is a recent post, with a little elaboration and some edits, it was suggested that it may be a good post for the community at large, so here it is.
What are some defining moments in your past, positive and negative, that helped shape you?
“I am a people pleaser, I fear loss if I can’t make someone close to me happy. Growing up in a house with very few emotions shown, where there was not a lot of praise given, made me try harder and harder to earn those words I craved so desperately. I had heard my mother talk about my perfect, older brother with such pride. Seems he never did anything wrong and never disappointed. Yet, I do not remember one instance of hearing “well done, I am proud of you”, so I worked harder. It is so deeply rooted that I still struggle with it at age 62, though I try not to get validation of my worth from others any longer.”
Thank you Sam for the continued encouragement!
Kelly J. English
Kelly, thanks for sharing that with all of us. Many of us have had the same experiences. I myself grew up in a military household. Both parents were in WW2, my dad was also involved with Korea and Vietnam. So we weren’t the happiest of households you could say. We, my sister and I, lived by a higher set of standards then most kids our age. Moving ever 18-24 months changing schools and never having steady friends is hard on a child. You either learn to become out going or you draw within to yourself. As it would be my sister went with being outgoing, me I went the other direction. Only now, with Lisa have I become the out going persona I should have been all along. I’m sure our parents loved us, but they didn’t have time they want to have with us. I know now looking back at my parenting that I was so engulfed in work, I should have paid more attention, been more encouraging and spent more time to my own children.
As they say hindsight is 20/20.
Lisa Leigh
Kelly:
I wouldn’t be surprised if MANY of us have a “pleaser” component to our personalities. Subconsciously, I think a lot of us know at young age that we are outside of what is generally considered to be OK. It could be that we take this to mean that we need to work harder at pleasing others in order to protect ourselves…
I believe our female traits which are more pronounced in us to varying degrees tend to make us more compassionate and understanding toward others but we should not become submissive doormats… unless thats what you want to be.
I can relate. My family dynamic was similar except my sister was the anointed one. I think more than anything it made me a bit anti-social and shy around strangers.
Me too Michelle, I have been reminded in past relationships and my current one that I don’t have any friends. I have found it difficult to cultivate friendships my adult life. Once I got into adult responsibilities like work and family, I can’t balance it all. I struggle maintaining balance in everything. I tend to be 100 mph or 0.
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