- This topic has 7 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 1 week ago by
.
- Topic
We all have scars from our past. Many have formed us into who we are today. If you have read my post about my wall, you know that I like to use it as a therapeutic place to leave my thoughts, memories and musings. Below is a recent post, with a little elaboration and some edits, it was suggested that it may be a good post for the community at large, so here it is.
What are some defining moments in your past, positive and negative, that helped shape you?
“I am a people pleaser, I fear loss if I can’t make someone close to me happy. Growing up in a house with very few emotions shown, where there was not a lot of praise given, made me try harder and harder to earn those words I craved so desperately. I had heard my mother talk about my perfect, older brother with such pride. Seems he never did anything wrong and never disappointed. Yet, I do not remember one instance of hearing “well done, I am proud of you”, so I worked harder. It is so deeply rooted that I still struggle with it at age 62, though I try not to get validation of my worth from others any longer.”
Thank you Sam for the continued encouragement!
Kelly J. English
8 users thanked author for this post.
- Replies
I can relate. My family dynamic was similar except my sister was the anointed one. I think more than anything it made me a bit anti-social and shy around strangers.
2 users thanked author for this post.
Me too Michelle, I have been reminded in past relationships and my current one that I don’t have any friends. I have found it difficult to cultivate friendships my adult life. Once I got into adult responsibilities like work and family, I can’t balance it all. I struggle maintaining balance in everything. I tend to be 100 mph or 0.
2 users thanked author for this post.
Registered On: January 21, 2018Topics: 612Replies: 1581Has thanked: 9256 timesBeen thanked: 5481 timesi feel ya there Michelle. socializing is something i have to be in the mood for. even if its just a day of running errands sometimes i have to psych myself up for interaction lol
2 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: June 14, 2021Topics: 27Replies: 1420Has thanked: 8729 timesBeen thanked: 6910 times
I believe our female traits which are more pronounced in us to varying degrees tend to make us more compassionate and understanding toward others but we should not become submissive doormats… unless thats what you want to be.
3 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: November 10, 2019Topics: 11Replies: 857Has thanked: 9 timesBeen thanked: 2346 times
Kelly:
I wouldn’t be surprised if MANY of us have a “pleaser” component to our personalities. Subconsciously, I think a lot of us know at young age that we are outside of what is generally considered to be OK. It could be that we take this to mean that we need to work harder at pleasing others in order to protect ourselves…
3 users thanked author for this post.
Kelly, thanks for sharing that with all of us. Many of us have had the same experiences. I myself grew up in a military household. Both parents were in WW2, my dad was also involved with Korea and Vietnam. So we weren’t the happiest of households you could say. We, my sister and I, lived by a higher set of standards then most kids our age. Moving ever 18-24 months changing schools and never having steady friends is hard on a child. You either learn to become out going or you draw within to yourself. As it would be my sister went with being outgoing, me I went the other direction. Only now, with Lisa have I become the out going persona I should have been all along. I’m sure our parents loved us, but they didn’t have time they want to have with us. I know now looking back at my parenting that I was so engulfed in work, I should have paid more attention, been more encouraging and spent more time to my own children.
As they say hindsight is 20/20.
Lisa Leigh
4 users thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: January 21, 2018Topics: 612Replies: 1581Has thanked: 9256 timesBeen thanked: 5481 times
I grew up in, maybe kind of a similar household. i’m a very emotional person, my parents… not so much. we weren’t touchy feely or anything. i still feel weird about people touching me, or about touching others. my mom in particular i feel like, was more critical of me than she needed to be, & even now there’s times i have to tell her to back up. Now did that make me wanna please people, or is that just my nature? I dont know, but it took me a long time to learn how to put myself first. That may sound kinda selfish, but if you don’t put yourself first you run the risk of becoming a doormat, which is what happened to me until i got sick of that. But that experience is a whole nother story 😁
At bottom, aside from being the kind of people they were (and shaped by their own set of early familial experiences to be sure) i think my folks didn’t really understand me (and i’ve found that to be true also for a lot of people, from strangers to co-workers to even close friends). i think they thought i was kinda lazy, obstinate, & unwilling to apply myself. The truth is that i have other issues. My dad is gone but my mom is now coming to terms with that.5 users thanked author for this post.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
Recent Comments