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  • #393878
    Seren
    Participant
    Registered On: March 2, 2020
    Topics: 37
    Replies: 415
    Has thanked: 3598 times
    Been thanked: 1901 times

    Hello and good morning from the Rhine valley! I hope you’re all ok in spite of the imminent collapse of civilisation 🙄

    I’ve had a few conversations recently with my trans friends and acquaintances on IG talking about how we (trans/NB) tend to distance ourselves (consciously or unconsciously) and either don’t make or actively avoid close friendships as a defence mechanism to keep people from ‘finding out’ or getting too close. As I’ve been exploring this side of me, patterns are becoming clearer; long before I knew what I was, my feelings of ‘difference’ and not fitting in were clearly manifested in my loner persona.

    I have found myself doing this more and more; my wife and I live in Germany, my family and friends (such as they are) are in the U.K. still, I couldn’t access  the workshop for 3 months during the spring and now with COVID cases spiralling I’m trying to avoid going. I also can’t help but feel the need to distance myself from any of my male friends who exhibit any toxic masculinity traits, although I have been working on this for a while (looking back I realise my main source of gender dysphoria was social) Added to which I (and my wife) are coming to terms with my ‘new’ identity. On the positive side, this is day 2 week 3 of dressing in girl clothes every day (not fully femme, need to practice my makeup skills) and before that I would dress most evenings.
    Do any of you find yourselves shutting people out as your desire to dress grows? Or has your secret affected how you make/made friends?
    I’d be interested to hear your thoughts

    Stay safe, stay sane, be cute

    Seren xx

Viewing 8 reply threads
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    • #394685
      Amanda Burton
      Participant
      Registered On: January 15, 2020
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 354
      Has thanked: 3823 times
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      Hi Seraphina, nice to meet you. Like most on here I in male mode for work, and spent almost all my home time as Amanda.

      Our isolation is born out of fear of being seen as repulsive, weird, and often the complete ignorance of those around us about who we are and represent. Some of us have families that know, or friends that know too. I call them my CD bubble, they love me as me, respect me as me, and accept me as me. We are still a long way of the freedom of being recognised as  genuine people. The human race will always have the ability to be cruel. For many of us CD’s our isolation is the darkness we hide in, the camouflage of secrecy as protection. For those that have fought their way  to light, and bared their soul, have drawn from renewed strength to mature their femininity and infuse it into their daily life and demand and demonstrated the right to the recognition of being treated as equals regardless.

      Love me for the person you know I am, for what’s in my heart is not affected by how I choose to dress, but only by the way you choose to treat me by the way I dress.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #394151
      Mary Jane
      Participant
      Registered On: September 30, 2020
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 57
      Has thanked: 118 times
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      We live 30 miles from the nearest town. Although I am happy with my masculinity, and don’t want to be a woman (full time) – there are times I don’t want to go into town, which involves me changing into my masculine clothes, removing nail polish from my fingers etc.

      CD for me is a private affair. It’s a part of me, both doesn’t define me. Living in a rural environment, means we need to depend on our community, and develop friendships and relationships.

      When I’m helping a neighbour, or friend repair fences, work on a shed. Or go into town to pick up hay and building supplies, attend our local bushfire fighters meeting etc, frilly dresses, hair do’s isn’t really practical.

      I have friends who are vegans, and not into hunting. I don’t bring up my hunting hobbies in our conversations, nor invite them along.

      My wife likes to shoot targets. But doesn’t want to hunt, and avoids it. When we butcher an animal, she doesn’t get involved in killing, skinning, and gutting. But she will help pack the meat into the fridge and freezer, as I cut it up.

      I guess what I’m saying is relationships is a two way street. We can’t force people to get involved and accept all we do. And we shouldn’t have friends who try and manipulate us into accepting, condoning, and getting involved in all they do

      Wisdom dictates that we keep something’s private.

      Obviously if your more than a CD, and are trans, wanting to transition, you need to develop those friendships, and networks in a confident and public manner.

      I have taught my sons, to make friends, become a friend.

      Sometimes, people develop what I call a spirit of rejection. They do things on a subconscious, or sometimes even consciously things that will make people reject them. The irony being, they have a deeping longing to be accepted, but don’t think they are accepted or acceptable- and therefore do things to cause rejection. ( In other words, they control the rejection process. )

      We are fickle creatures.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #394150
      Rei Durden
      Participant
      Registered On: October 11, 2020
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 477
      Has thanked: 2984 times
      Been thanked: 1757 times

      Other than my wife and daughters, I’ve shyed away from most of my friends and family. And I really don’t miss any of them, sometimes that’s worrying, but not often.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #394143
      Grace Scarlett
      Participant
      Registered On: July 26, 2020
      Topics: 22
      Replies: 585
      Has thanked: 3318 times
      Been thanked: 3045 times

      Hi Seraphina….nice topic…hope you are well

      My two lives are really chalk and cheese….in drab, I work and enjoy my job where I am the go to guy….any problems and everyone seems to come to me!!!….so I am constantly giving help and advice.

      Out of work I am grace, living alone and living the dream…I adore my own company, doing my own thing and getting on with this wonderful second life I live. The town where I live has been deserted some days due to covid…so grace is in her element wandering around….what I am really saying is the “drab”, busy, hectic side totally contrasts to the quiet feminine contented side, so I have the best of both worlds….and the bonus is….I have all you lovely girls too!!!………stay safe 🌈…grace x

    • #393942
      Seren
      Participant
      Registered On: March 2, 2020
      Topics: 37
      Replies: 415
      Has thanked: 3598 times
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      Just to point out, this definitely isn’t an ‘oh my life is so hard during the pandemic’ story, I’m incredibly lucky to be where I am, esp given the 💩 many people are dealing with atm. It’s more about history, how we came to be where we are xx

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #393905
      Christina Roberts
      Participant
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 74
      Has thanked: 235 times
      Been thanked: 295 times

      Hi Seren,,

       

      Yes this COVID pandemic aweful and affects us all.  For me and my desires, i am a closet dresser and only one person aware and that is a long term friend (a girl) who just recently aware and my wife not aware at all. So for me it isnt more difficult than before this all started and just carry out my dressing up the way as before.  But this site has been marvelous and a great help in my mind and support and not feel isolated in chat.  Thank you to all you girls out there who have engaged with me, chatted, advice etc.  Love to you all and stay safe

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #393903
      Celeste Starre
      Participant
      Registered On: June 26, 2018
      Topics: 26
      Replies: 607
      Has thanked: 152 times
      Been thanked: 1666 times

      Sure.   My only friends are those that are either trans or like trans folks.  Everyone else are just people I know but don’t hang out with and never come to my home.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #393902
      Christina Roberts
      Participant
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 74
      Has thanked: 235 times
      Been thanked: 295 times

      Hi Bianca, a lovely reply and comment you gave.  So touching and strong as further into your comment your femininity got stronger and so your spirit.  My respect and girl hug to you xx

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #393901
      Bianca Everdene
      Participant
      Registered On: April 11, 2017
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 569
      Has thanked: 2010 times
      Been thanked: 1999 times

      Hi Seren

      Thanks for your post.

      Divorced a few years now and I think since then have certainly become a stronger person.

      I am a single parent, no family nearby, and ostracised by the local mummy mafia who know nothing about the circumstances of the break up, but it’s ALWAYS the mans fault right!!!🤣

      I think standing in my own two feet, psychologically, financially, practically, has fostered strength of spirit in myself.

      Yes it is a lonely existence, but I have two wonderful happy healthy smart kids, am in good health, have a roof over my head, and a job I love which pays enough to pay the bills.

      It was only well after the divorce I let the Bianca in me out to play, my dormant better half has fulfilled me in so many ways, and I feel a much better person for it.

      I feel this inner strength which has grown in me has stood me in good stead to cope during this pandemic, and allowed my Bianca to flourish. I know I will never find a woman who accepts the Bianca in me, and don’t think I could ever suppress this part of me now it’s out.

      Love yourself and you will never be alone.

      Yes I would love if some or all of you were my neighbours, but we have this wonderful site as an outlet for our wonderful obsession.

      ❤️B

      6 users thanked author for this post.
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