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Hello and good morning from the Rhine valley! I hope you’re all ok in spite of the imminent collapse of civilisation 🙄
I’ve had a few conversations recently with my trans friends and acquaintances on IG talking about how we (trans/NB) tend to distance ourselves (consciously or unconsciously) and either don’t make or actively avoid close friendships as a defence mechanism to keep people from ‘finding out’ or getting too close. As I’ve been exploring this side of me, patterns are becoming clearer; long before I knew what I was, my feelings of ‘difference’ and not fitting in were clearly manifested in my loner persona.
I have found myself doing this more and more; my wife and I live in Germany, my family and friends (such as they are) are in the U.K. still, I couldn’t access the workshop for 3 months during the spring and now with COVID cases spiralling I’m trying to avoid going. I also can’t help but feel the need to distance myself from any of my male friends who exhibit any toxic masculinity traits, although I have been working on this for a while (looking back I realise my main source of gender dysphoria was social) Added to which I (and my wife) are coming to terms with my ‘new’ identity. On the positive side, this is day 2 week 3 of dressing in girl clothes every day (not fully femme, need to practice my makeup skills) and before that I would dress most evenings.
Do any of you find yourselves shutting people out as your desire to dress grows? Or has your secret affected how you make/made friends?
I’d be interested to hear your thoughts
Stay safe, stay sane, be cute
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