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  • #373735
    Autumn Valiant
    Participant
    Registered On: July 14, 2019
    Topics: 29
    Replies: 1084
    Has thanked: 15165 times
    Been thanked: 2623 times

    I was messaging my good friend Starfire when this flowed out of me…….

    CDH helps me so much. I might not be able to dress but when I log into CDH, I’m Autumn. I don’t see Autumn as an escape. Maybe I can put this into words…. I have a feminine side that went dormant for just about 50 years. Even when I was a child it was almost never allowed to be expressed. But just like a muscle, exercise makes it stronger. Even if I can’t dress, being on CDH makes Autumn stronger. I don’t see it as being him or being her. If I had strong biceps or pectorals from putting in the time to work out they would be bigger and stronger and as always, a part of me. Autumn is no different. It’s not a multiple personality like Jeckll and Hyde. I have said this to someone here before. It’s a facet of my personality. Maybe a grouping of facets. A diamond can be cut into many different shapes and some look completely different when looking at them from a different angle. The diamond doesn’t change when you turn it to view the other side, but you see it differently.

    Hugs

    Autumn

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    • #378065
      Autumn Valiant
      Participant
      Registered On: July 14, 2019
      Topics: 29
      Replies: 1084
      Has thanked: 15165 times
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      I need to give all you girls all my deepest thanks.  Thanks Laura, thanks Autumn and everyone here on CDH.  I should probably going to counseling, but all of us here sharing our thoughts and feelings and fears have got me ready to go for the next step.

      At the beginning of this round of CD I needed to see Sandy as a completely different person.  Some of the thoughts and feelings going though my head were disgusting and almost frightening.  The more I did this CD the more I started to bring Sandy into my male self.  Things like before the virus In was giving my male coworkers a hug before work some days ( hugging my female coworkers might seem ‘ crossing the line’).  I often cross my legs and tuck them under me in a feminine way.

      In short I am bringing my feminine side into my male self and I am becoming happier with myself.  The only thing I am missing now is someone I can share this side of myself in person, I need more than this sharing online.

      Bless you all here,  I love you all Sandy

      Sandy,

      I can’t tell if you mean you want to share with an SO or other CDs/TGs. Do you belong to any groups locally? Roland is less than 1 hour from Des Moines, perhaps there is a group there? There is some info on oneiowa.org that might lead to local groups. Maybe go under CDH groups and start a local chapter of your own? At least maybe a CDH group for Iowan CDH members?

      Hugs

      Autumn

       

       

       

       

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #378059
      Sandy Jayson
      Participant
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 199
      Has thanked: 496 times
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      I need to give all you girls all my deepest thanks.  Thanks Laura, thanks Autumn and everyone here on CDH.  I should probably going to counseling, but all of us here sharing our thoughts and feelings and fears have got me ready to go for the next step.

      At the beginning of this round of CD I needed to see Sandy as a completely different person.  Some of the thoughts and feelings going though my head were disgusting and almost frightening.  The more I did this CD the more I started to bring Sandy into my male self.  Things like before the virus In was giving my male coworkers a hug before work some days ( hugging my female coworkers might seem ‘ crossing the line’).  I often cross my legs and tuck them under me in a feminine way.

      In short I am bringing my feminine side into my male self and I am becoming happier with myself.  The only thing I am missing now is someone I can share this side of myself in person, I need more than this sharing online.

      Bless you all here,  I love you all Sandy

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #378035
      Autumn Valiant
      Participant
      Registered On: July 14, 2019
      Topics: 29
      Replies: 1084
      Has thanked: 15165 times
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      …….. when it comes to the idea that we are diamonds with different facets……

      ……I have to say Samantha is a jeweler

      With every new post Samantha turns the diamond to be seen from a different side and being places it just so into a different setting

      Thank you Samantha for so many thought provoking posts.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #373986
      Linda Rose Nygaard
      Participant
      Registered On: April 30, 2020
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 100
      Has thanked: 439 times
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      Excellent piece of writing.  I think you hit the nail right on the head when you used a diamond as a metaphor.  As I’ve said many times myself, two people can look at the same reality and see 2 different pictures, indeed 100 can look and see 100 different pictures.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #373954
      Tiff Any
      Participant
      Registered On: June 1, 2019
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 825
      Has thanked: 2382 times
      Been thanked: 2008 times

      Your words , as ever paint a beautiful perspective & picture xx

    • #373951
      Stephanie Kennedy
      Participant
      Registered On: March 15, 2019
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 604
      Has thanked: 3758 times
      Been thanked: 2201 times

      Hi Autumn You described it perfectly Thank you

      Stephanie

    • #373943
      Laura Lovett
      Participant
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 371
      Has thanked: 998 times
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      I hear and agree with you, Autumn.

      As a habitual thespian, I find that the costume makes me live the character, but, of course, it’s a character that I have assumed and built up through rehearsal.

      Laura is a bit different though.

      Essentially it’s the same: Clothes are a form of self expression, and give an outward image of the person you’re trying to be. We’re all becoming who we are, or we stagnate and stop growing.

      So different outfits become the visible part of our own multi faceted personalities.

      I enjoy feeling Laura as separate from male me – even though there’s a core that’s definitely me, I’ve never identified as “boy” or “man”, and have never felt comfortable with the male anatomy.

      Yet I’m not a woman, I don’t feel that, although I love women and find the anatomy breathtakingly beautiful. Yet it’s not for me.

      The look, however, is very much me.

      I can’t stand male clothes of any kind.

      It really affects my personality and behaviour – I can say that with confidence after the past two years of more regular, more fulfilling and public dressing.

      The act of being dressed and made up, doing ordinary everyday things with others brings out Laura like she’s a different person, and I love that, because I know it’s who I am.

      It’s a side of me that feels trapped in male mode, that I am allowing to shine through as subtly as possible.

      By treating it as a secret second persona, I realise that I give off the aura of “I Know something you don’t”, which helps others to see me as an expert in what I do.

      This isn’t how I feel – it’s more like “I am not worthy, I really don’t know enough to do my job, I’m not sure if I can do this”

      With Laura “inside”, I know that I can do things I previously only dreamed of, and if I don’t get it right first time, it’s like water off a duck’s back – I’ll do better next time.

      The transformation is amazing, so I am keeping Laura as my other, secret persona, like Dr Jekyll and Sister Hide – except that I am very willing for her to fully take over. Having experienced her after wishing so much that I could do this for decades, I never want to go back. Only forwards.

      Love Laura

    • #373934
      Olivia Livin
      Participant
      Registered On: October 22, 2018
      Topics: 35
      Replies: 1454
      Has thanked: 6237 times
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      Thank you Autumn

      No matter which way we have the light shine on you, you could be the focal point of any fine tiara.

      Whether on full display or a hidden gem, we all have the ability to have this beautiful faceted light shine brightly back upon and within ourselves.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #373927
      Anonymous
      Inactive
      Registered On:
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 261
      Has thanked: 79 times
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      Well said, Autumn.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #373919
      Amy Myers
      Participant
      Registered On: February 11, 2019
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 1036
      Has thanked: 2637 times
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      Yes, I’m much the same. I went through a time when I thought of “Amy” as something different, but she really isn’t. It’s like to my children I’m “Dad”, and to others something else. Likewise with my guy persona and my femme persona.

      I too like to log in here for a while in the evenings, sometimes I just look at the new pictures, sometimes read the posts, and reply at times. But the point is exactly what you’ve said Autumn, here I’m Amy, no one else!

      Amy

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    • #373910
      Jennifer McCrennaugh
      Participant
      Registered On: July 18, 2019
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 129
      Has thanked: 2264 times
      Been thanked: 330 times

      I love this! Thank you for posting Autumn. You are a wonderful woman.

      -Jen

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #373890
      Alice Underwire
      Participant
      Registered On: September 16, 2019
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 1912
      Has thanked: 579 times
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      Hi Autumn,

      Well said and so very true.  Your glean is like that of a diamond.

      Alice

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #373885
      Alison Anderson
      Participant
      Registered On: October 15, 2018
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 318
      Has thanked: 152 times
      Been thanked: 1126 times

      I also don’t feel like two different personalities.  But there are a fair number of people here who do, judging by other posts and questions.  I don’t think either is right or wrong.  You should just go with what’s right for you.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #373830
      Stevie Steiner
      Participant
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
      Topics: 24
      Replies: 549
      Has thanked: 2392 times
      Been thanked: 2592 times

      Autumn, thank you.

      There is nothing g I love more than coming on site and reading a beautifully written post that makes me think – ” Yes!!  That’s it exactly!!

      I hope you know you are pretty remarkable.  Dont you Ever forget or doubt that.

      Stevie

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #373818
      Jill Marshall
      Participant
      Registered On: June 28, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 24
      Has thanked: 31 times
      Been thanked: 115 times

      Sparkle, brilliance, fire, scintillation!  It is all the same light that shines on everyone, but up to each of us to let it in, to see and believe in what shines back at us.

       

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #373780
      Stephanie Flowers
      Ambassador
      Registered On: June 26, 2017
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 4248
      Has thanked: 6160 times
      Been thanked: 6490 times

      A diamond 💎  with a shine I do see through you. Hard with facts but soft in heart. Your genuine with a true light that shines everywhere with us here. 🌷

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #373778
      Bettylou Cox
      Participant
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 1434
      Has thanked: 2342 times
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      Very well-said, Autumn – and accurate, also.  Being on CDH has done the same for me.

      Hugs,

      Bettylou

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #373770
      patty williams
      Participant
      Registered On: January 19, 2019
      Topics: 62
      Replies: 1135
      Has thanked: 1755 times
      Been thanked: 3685 times

      Hi Autumn,

      Thanks for presenting our different sides that way.

      I like that analogy.

      I for one am glad you like it here because you always make our day brighter and show us how to be kind and caring.

      You definately are a Gem.

      Patty

       

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #373760
      Tabitha Tee
      Participant
      Registered On: July 30, 2020
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 251
      Has thanked: 1028 times
      Been thanked: 788 times

      Very well said. We are not one or the other, we are both. We are whole.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #373741
      Kay Anderson
      Participant
      Registered On: June 1, 2020
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 495
      Has thanked: 4640 times
      Been thanked: 2568 times

      Autumn,

      As a diamond, you a flawless! ⚘

      Kay

    • #373740
      Seren
      Participant
      Registered On: March 2, 2020
      Topics: 36
      Replies: 397
      Has thanked: 3352 times
      Been thanked: 1769 times

      ⭐️💕

      4 users thanked author for this post.
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