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Hi everyone. I’ve already had had talks with my wife about dressing and she’s very ok with it but what do I do about my kids?? I have a 12 y/o daughter and 4 y/o son. Should I ever tell them? Would it damage them at all? Is it appropriate it or not ? This has been on my mind for a while now
Shelby, talking to young kids about this can be very difficult, what does your wife think? Unless you are going to dress very infrequently it is likely they will find out sooner or later. If your soon to be teenager finds some of your fem clothes and sees that they are not mom’s will she think you are having an affair?? I would suggest at least be ready to tell them if and when it does come out.
Cassie
That is a difficult decision that I think your wife should be comfortable with as well. Children are very forthcoming with information so if your not out to, family, friends and neighbors you might want to take that into consideration. I never came out to my children and haven’t had reason to regret it so far. I’m sure you’ll come up with what works for you and your family.
That is such a difficult question. I think whether it would be positive or not all depends on family dynamics. The only input I have is not to tell them unless you are fully out to everyone in your life and theirs. I just think it would be very difficult for them to know this but be told to keep it a secret. Both of my daughters were grown and on their own before I started dressing, yet I have chosen not ask them to keep my secret. I hope and your wife are able to find what works best for your family.
Hugs,
💖LolaOf course there are a lot of variables, and is unique to your situation. If it is just a quiet thing between you and your wife, like me, then no need to tell them. If you want to be out some around the house , and your wife is good with that, then yes, tell the kids. No it will not scar them. Kids deal with these thing so well if given the chance.
You know your children better than we do. But in general, I would say the 12 year old is mature enough to have heard some of the words (crossdresser or trans for example), and is also old enough to keep it as secret as you feel comfortable. The 4 year old has much less of an internal censor and is likely to blurt out your secret when you’re not trying to come out.
I am with those who would consider what your wife thinks about it and agree that there is a likely hood that one or other of them could inadvertently say something that could cause issues for you and them. If there are no other family or friends who know the risk is probably greater.
There is a scenario where they may see some clothes or something that indicates you dress and if they haven’t been told you and your wife should have an united answer.
Just my two cents… no, this would not damage your kids. If anything, it will teach them understanding and acceptance of people who are different from them. I do think you should make sure that your wife and you are on the same page with this decision. If you fear being outed, yeah, I’ll bet the youngest is likely to blurt it out to friends. Maybe there is a sweet spot with age to tell them? As far as the older child, teens probably already know friends either in person or online, who are all over the LGBTQ+ spectrum. It may be less of a big deal than you think. Granted I don’t know your kids, community, etc. I believe I have shared this story before. But when I told one of my teens, I was so worried and had to build up my courage to do it for a long time. When that talk came, I just tried to explain that I felt like there was a feminine side to me too, and I sometimes like to express that part of me too. Their response was, “Oh, so you’re non-binary. Ok.” No big deal, instant total acceptance. We actually went out and did some shopping yesterday, with me dressed. Kids are pretty open minded and accepting, and in many cases, already far more cultured in these things than we think. 🙂
Nancy
I agree with so much of what has already been shared and expressed with you. It is a decision that you and your wife should make together at the age and time you both agree on. Just a thought hopefully none of your children ever become rebellious for any period of time a day a week or a month or more but if they ever do they can say some mean things in emotional fits of anger. I have had six children in my lifetime and a couple have struggled for different reasons in their life whether it be school pressures, bullying, divorce, bad friends, making bad decisions. The point is they each can and most likely will say things of what they thought or felt about anything in the moment in rages of emotion when stressed or maybe not getting their way. They can say things anywhere that are not kind to anyone. My kids are doing great as adults now but some went through more angst or struggles then others especially in the teenage years. It is different for all of us for some it is best to tell the children for others it is not. You and your wife will decide whats best for your situation if and when for your children. I truly believe that it is great to hear from others the good and bad of each opinion so you can apply what is best for your situation to be able to exercise the best decision for your family based upon your children your environment and how far you may or may not intend to take this in the future whether it is in the privacy of your own home only, or going out to cd/trans events as a couple or by yourself. All depends the need to tell is definitely if one plans or finds that their crossdressing has evolved into more permanent physical appearance changes and wanting to live daily as a woman or transition. I know and believe that with your supportive wife that you two know best and will consider what factors apply to you and your lives will make the decision thats best for you and your family at the right time which maybe means right now don’t obsess over every detail unless you clearly know and understand where this emergence of Shelby is all going. Only you and maybe your wife know based upon how you honestly and truly feel and of what you have shared and talked about Shelby. Some people start as crossdressers and later realize it is something deeper that they maybe did not know before and want to live in some manner of being full time. Discuss fully with your wife take some time think about it see where you are going on the path of how much and how far Shelby is or will grow or how much room she needs to be the best person she can be as a woman and a man a husband and a father and decide later on the timeline of when and what to share with your kids. Whatever you and your wife decide for your family I truly wish your whole family the best wheather that time is now, later, or never.
Hugs April
It would seem to me most prudent to error on the side of caution. Any decision made on an issue in which one is not certain of a direction to go should be more carefully examined. Advice like you are seeking here is wise. However please remember that anything we share with you, is for us at no cost. You will reap the results of your decision plus or minus. So again please be careful and be willing to wait until you and your wife are certain. 😊
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I would ask myself why I was telling them, and to think long and hard about that. Sometimes we tell ourselves we are doing something “to be honest” when what we are really doing is transferring the burden of a secret from our own back onto someone else’s.
As you can guess, I wouldn’t do it.
This is such a tricky place to be in, for myself I wish I told my children when they were younger, now that they are much older this is so much more tricky, they now have there own opinion ton t he whole LGBTQI community, one will be good, the middle child we bot talk to me for a while and the youngers will be OK as well, this is really something that you need to decide for yourself and not them, as my therapist said to me, you are not coming out for anyone else you are coming out for you, I have noticed as I am getting older I regret not being more open
I hope that this has been good for you
Hugs Paula
Hi Shelby,
I would tell them as soon as you and your wife think they are old enough to understand. My youngest son came home early one day and caught me in full fem. He was 24 at the time and when I explained every to him he was super cool about it and just said “yeah, it’s no big deal Dad”.
Everyone in my wife’s family know about me as does everyone in my family. After my youngest son found out it just left my oldest son as the only one who didn’t know. So I came out to him this year, he was 33. I phoned him and told him I had something very personal to tell him and could I come over. He agreed so I drove to his house and I was a wreck by the time I got there. Once inside I told him the whole story breaking down crying half way through. At that point he came over, hugged me, and said I love you Dad. I finished the story and he just looked at me and smiled then said I’m glad this is all it was I was worried you had some terminal decease.
The drive home was heaven, I don’t think I stopped smiling the whole way home. The kids nowadays are far more understanding and accepting than when I was a kid. I don’t think you have anything to worry about Shelby. Good luck to you when the time is right 💖.
Trish
That is a tough one and a very individual decision.
Unfortunately I think one has to now consider:
– Where do I live? (Is is a conservative part of a very conservative, religious region?
– Is it an accepting environment?
– How do my kids see the world, people?
– Is there diversity in my community?These I think are questions that have to be answered with the kids in mind. I think anyone’s kids will be accepting of a loving parent, regardless. What (very unfortunately) has to be considered is, if things “got out” how would others treat your kids? Would they be subject to some form of abuse or ridicule?
PLEASE KNOW, YOU NOR THEY SHOULD EVER BE AFRAID OF THIS! But for their sake needs to be considered. I would not have told my kids at a young age, even given we live in a very “liberal” part of the country however, in our immediate area there are a number of people who are not. If you don’t fit the “mold” (and we don’t in just our normal beings), we don’t have the dog, the car, etc, etc, and we don’t care to be seen where people should be seen, and my kids were surrounded by kids who were “privileged”. It’s funny though that many of those “families” have fallen apart! But to the point, I think it’s okay to tell them, but at the right time. (whatever that is!)
Love and hugs!
Becka!
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