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Hi Everyone,
Before everyone in my family knew about me as Michelle, I had my friend Norma. I’m 38 and she’s 62 and she was like a mother figure for me teaching me how to be a woman. She was the first person to know about me and she helped me with everything from weight loss to picking out clothing, to makeup, even to introducing me to my first (and still only, although we’re not together anymore) boyfriend. She knows pretty much everything there is to know about me and I know a lot about her. She was in a terrible marriage with an abusive and manipulative ex-husband and now her children don’t speak to her because of him.
We’ve been totally platonic friends even though in the course of time together we’ve seen each other undressed. Recently though I have noticed my feelings towards her changing. She is lonely and I’ve seen her trying to date me who totally don’t get her and could just be other versions of her ex-husband. I care for her and I think I’m in love with her. I’m thinking about telling her, but I’m scared for a few reasons.
1. Would she want me as I am? A genetic man living as a woman
2. Our age difference
3. Would I be taking advantage of and possibly ruining our friendship?
4. As I’ve become more feminine, I’m attracted to and want to be involved with men.
At the same time she is so beautiful, graceful, and most importantly caring and selfless. I can’t get enough of her and want her to know.
Help! I don’t think anyone here will have an answer for me, but it’s another part of this strange life that we all live here that I’m sure some of you have dealt with.
I would say you first need to decide if you want to date men or not! You can love this woman as a friend would love another friend, but if you truly (and be honest) with yourself want to date men then she will not be able to truly be what you want. This could damage your friendship by trying to start a romantic relationship with her knowing full well at some point in the future she will never be able to satisfy your true desires to date and be with a man. This is not fair to her at all, not to mention if she has been in a bad relationship for a long time and you and her get together knowing that it can’t last because she is not the gender you truly want to be with it will end badly for both of you. Now if you truly don’t want to date men then I would say you might want to tell her about your feelings but know that these feelings of love and feelings of romantic feelings can be two different things, you truly need to look inward to decide what you want and how she fits into your life. Just my thoughts.
- I love my husband very much and I truly believe we are soul mates, but his cross dressing does affect our relationship from time to time. BUT I couldn’t see a life without him/her in it at all, so I stay and we work on our relationship with both of our qurks. Always talk to each other only way to stay together.
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Wow, thank you for that insightful comment. My attraction to men is new to me as I’ve embraced being Michelle. It scared me how quickly it came on when I was with a man who treated me as Michelle, but I’m not sure if my interest in women is still there.
Michelle, I totally get it. Mine hit me like a ton of bricks.
Honestly, you are dealing with a lot of things as you complete your transition to womanhood. My advice to you is to feel grateful for having this woman as a friend and enjoy that friendship. Don’t complicate it with physical or emotional baggage.
Norma is a mother figure and perhaps the mother you wished you had or needed and you,the daughter she has pined for. Because you still possess male tendencies your feelings may be confused as to your intentions. She is single, had a bad life, children do not speak to her and is looking for love so you feel that you could fill that void. Again she knows so much about you and you her, like a mother knows her daughter. Then your looking for a man in your life which she helped to do, mother helping daughter and unless there have been indications from her, shows she isn’t thinking about a relationship with you? It is understandable but would she reciprocate or recoil? Friendship is precious and friends that become lovers changes the status quo and can end in tears.
Is it a case that there is a need for you to decide how you want to go forward as you and whether you want to say those words to Norma that changes the dynamics. You can love her for the person she is and what she has done but to mean it as you suggest?
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You hit it all on the head, it’s so confusing. I had thought things would get simpler.
Regardless of what may, or may not, happen from a romantic perspective, make sure that she knows how appreciative you are for what she has done for you. She didn’t have to do that and it sounds like Michelle wouldn’t exist save for her interventions, or at least the road to this point would have been MUCH longer. Times being what they are, it is all too rare that we tell others that what they did for us made all the difference in the world.
Anyway, as to your conundrum, considering that you have both seen each other undressed and neither acted on it, that could be an answer by itself…
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Those are great points, but at the time we were focused pretty solely on getting me dressed up.
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For once in my life I don’t think this is starting from physical attraction, but rather from caring.
I think humans bond in a number of ways and not all have a romantic component. It could be shared struggle, a common interest and other things. However, I think it is possible that some human bonding may turn into a romantic connection. But, I would think that a number of circumstances have to come together and align.
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