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I thought that I should make some introduction, even I don’t know if I am cd, I don’t like labels. I try to act and do what feels best, and its evolving allways. But I have had friendly messages here, and I feel that I don’t fit perfectly in any other forums too.
For me crossdressing started few years ago, I’ve had high heel fetish longer than I know. I got my wife few pumps to wear in bedroom. She don’t use very feminine clothes and can’t walk in heels (health issue) It was fun while it lasted, it’s very rare now.
I just wanted to try what heels feel like, I’ve always been jealous that women get to have so much more clothes and pretty stuff. I got heels from ebay, and hid them from wife. I tried to wear them but it was difficult. They were too small, and I didn’t know how walk with them. I couldn’t practice, so finally I told her. They were basically spice for our sex at start. I have high sex drive, and visual is important to me. Sadly this is not my wife’s deal.
I wanted that I have sex partner that fullfills my dreams, and I don’t want to cheat her, so I try to be the sexy one. That’s why I only dress at home, and my clothes are rather slutty.
Lately dressing has been less sexual, I just enjoy looks and feelings. I’m realistic about my looks, it’s all fake. I would be ugly woman, and look ridiculous. Paddings and layers make it not very practical.
Now I’m feeling blues, I feel that I’m cheating myself. I love my wife, but I feel that big part of life is missing. I don’t want be selfish, but is there something for me too. I’d like to go to kinky ball or similar, so I could dress and enjoy what it feels when not in home. Here public would be trouble, small villages in countryside, and it would affect my work too. I have suggested that I’d like to go to little walk in other faraway town and earlier in covid situation no one would notice when one uses mask. She didn’t approve that.
I have tried to talk about this, but it’s hard.
This song is strongly related https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BF5bV6oWXJg
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