• This topic has 18 replies, 17 voices, and was last updated 4 months ago by Anonymous.
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  • #603601
    Michelle McQueen
    Registered On: June 14, 2021
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    If you live with an SO who didn’t immediately call a lawyer when she first knew of your desires, I wanted to tell you to not give up but keep slowly pushing the envelop and have patience with her acceptance of your lifestyle.

    If your SO truly loves and cares for you they will eventually, on their own terms, come to accept the femininity in you. When they see its not earth shattering and you’re not some monster but the same man they married but with another unique side that most males don’t have they will realize its actually to their benefit. Our female side is more compassionate, gentle and understanding of womens issues which can bring a closer relationship bond than normal.

    In my case I outed myself to my SO about 5 years ago and had the usual rocky reaction and questions but we stayed together. I agreed to not dress in front of her but keep it private and she agreed to a DADT relationship because it was just my “thing”. It gradually got to the point of me being able to dress around her as “casual feminine” as I call it with flats, leggings, panties, bra with no forms and womens tees. I also underdressed in public with her approval. But no dresses, skirts, heels, wigs or makeup. I would have to steal time for fully dressing whenever I could away from her and DADT.

    I could dress “casual feminine” around the house all the time but she didn’t want to see me with large forms so I wore them until she announced she was coming into the room when I would cover up or take the forms out. Today that changed.

    Last night we were talking and she told me she liked the feminine me. This was the first time she has told me that and I wasn’t dressed at all at the time. I thanked her for her understanding and felt like some progress had been made. Its good to be accepted in any small way.

    Today I was wearing pantyhose under female jogging pants, a red full coverage bra with my D silicone forms under a pink womens long sleeve tee while sitting at our dining table eating. She walked into the room unannounced so I didn’t have time to cover or remove the forms so all I could do was just sit there eating, waiting on some comment about obvious big boobs.

    She sat down and said nothing about the way I was dressed. I kept waiting on a negative comment but still nothing so I said I had to go outside to check on something (I really did) and would take my forms out before going outside. She said.. Why take them out? I was surprised, then she said… Just put on a coat. Progress! Obviously shes come to a point where she accepts me with forms in front of her with no problem… woo hoo! I’m going to wear them all day and hope it opens up more conversation. Progress! I hope to be able to do more and eventually dress fully around her… goals.

    So have patience and give your SO all the time they need to adjust. Things just may work out better than you think. Has your SO become more accepting of you over time?

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    • #603901
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      I am lucky as well,I have a boyfriend of a year that loves me for who I am.He knows I am transgender,a tgirl.Previous exes wanted me just for a sex object.Two ex boyfriends even raped me,they are in prison doing their time for what they did to me.Did not learn no means no

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    • #603836
      Jamie Taal
      Registered On: June 14, 2019
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      Lovely story and I am happy for you. Thank you for sharing. It gives me a sense of hope as my wife knows of my dressing and also prefers DADT. She did not run screaming when i told her and with time may come around to being more lax. Time will tell.

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      • #603842
        Michelle McQueen
        Registered On: June 14, 2021
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        Hi Jamie.

        Hoping for the best outcome for you and your SO.

        The key is open conversation and patience which is hard to maintain when we get excited and want to plow head long into our dressing. Its not easy for us or our SO’s who need time to see what they can deal with or not but as I said if two people really care and love one another they will find common ground to make the relationship work. It takes adjustments on both sides as things progress.

        I’m not saying it will work for everyone in every situation. It took five years for us to get where we are now and it was up and down over the years but we are both comfortable with our current situation. Given time and information, I believe all humans have the ability to adapt to most any situation… if they want. At first I adapted to her limits and now she has adapted to what I need too… it works for us.

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    • #603784
      Registered On: February 11, 2016
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      My so is accepting fully i am now dressing in woman clothes 24 7 . Have wore a bra for 2 years now and she even Skes me about makeup. Im getting less and less of male clothes now yah and she even calles me by my girl name.my kids even know

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    • #603776
      Katie Plowright
      Registered On: October 15, 2021
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      Michelle, that sounds absolutely fantastic. Just gone / going through a similar experience myself. I did a post on it. Having a SO that takes time to consider your needs as well as her own for that matter is priceless. The key is time, as rightly say, also conversation and more time. I found my wife intially set rules for instance, only dressing upstairs, no dressing for meals and no dressing when we are having the evening together. This has been modified by her to dress wherever you like, please dress for meals if you would like to and feel free to dress for the evenings. I was flabbergasted as sounds you were. Having accepting SO’s / wives is wonderful and we are very lucky. I am mindful though of taking my dressing slowly as I never want to take it for granted, marriage is a two way street. Hug’s Katie.

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    • #603761
      Fredrika Jones
      Registered On: February 24, 2021
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      I’m glad you guys have made progress – good on you!

      Fredrika XOX

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    • #603731
      Liara Wolfe
      Registered On: August 14, 2021
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      Happy for you.

      Hugs, Liara

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    • #603657
      Ann Dee
      Registered On: December 18, 2021
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      Thanks for sharing.   My SO found out unexpectedly.  She was angry.  She didn’t say anything after the initial confrontation.   I stopped and purged of my own volition.   She never demanded. As it goes I began to dabble again and she found out (when I was setting up acct on CDH).  She had a few questions the time.  Again no demands.  I asked if she had looked into the subject and she had.  That was a few weeks ago.  I told her I was setting up an appointment with my therapist.   She knows I want to talk about it and I think she is ready.   One question she did ask is what my end game was.   Sorry t has made me think and I will had a lot to talk about in my session.   I feel I am ready to hash it out and she seems so too.   While there has been no acceptance on her part    She didn’t want me to leave and hasn’t berated me.  So your article is encouraging to me as a girl who is coming to terms with herself and is ready to share with my SO or at least lay some grind rules we both can live with while this develops into whatever it will.  Thanks so much again for sharing


    • #603648
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      Sometimes it’s not that clear cut.

      “If your SO truly loves and cares for you then…….” cuts both ways – mine asked me to stop dressing.

      So, “If I truly love and care for her then…..”

      If she is “wrong” to ignore my wishes, surely I’d be just as “wrong” to ignore hers?

      I really envy you, and I’m happy for you, but there is a flipside.


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      • #603825
        Nancy Gamms
        Duchess - Annual
        Registered On: March 1, 2017
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        Correct, it must work both ways.  There should be a compromise/agreement but that requires communication.

        Mine asked me to quit 29 years ago when i first told her about it.  I tried many times and it did not work.  Almost a year ago it came out again that I was dressing and I told her I could not quit and was tired of hiding.  Long story short, she is not ok with me doing it around her but is learning a bit about crossdressing and we are trying to work through a compromise and looking into therapy.

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    • #603647
      Registered On: October 10, 2021
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      Dear Michelle ,

      First I want to say how happy I am for you that your SO
      realises more and more just how beautiful Michelle really is.

      I think She understands now that your Feminine side is not only
      part of yourself , but is making you a better Human Being also.

      I don’t have a SO , and I am still in the closet.

      But if I did , I would like to have one as understanding as yours.
      I don’t know if your SO knows that you are on CDH Michelle , but if
      She does , please tell Her how much we appreciate Her !

      Love Sylvia.

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    • #603643
      Brielle Ross
      Registered On: August 14, 2021
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      Great news, Michelle! Thanks for sharing this. My wife is grudgingly accepting the new me, but I raised the bar by starting HRT after Thanksgiving. So far the only absolute is if I get full bottom surgery, we’re done. I’m not thinking of that at this point, but if I feel like I have to for my mental health, we’ll reassess then.

      I haven’t given her a lot of Brielle-time so far just so I don’t overwhelm her, but we both know things will shift during 2022 until I am pretty much out totally before the end of the year. But you are so right – you just need to let them come along at their pace and don’t push everything on them at once.

    • #603640
      Rei Durden
      Registered On: October 11, 2020
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      Ah that’s great news, I’m really happy for you and (your partner)

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    • #603628
      Katie Time
      Registered On: April 3, 2021
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      Slowly, ever so slowly my SO is coming to terms with my feminine side. I hope that someday I too can get to where you are now. I underdress all the time now, even wearing a bra at work. Although they are more bralette than bra. I now have my own closet with dresses hanging up and all my beautiful high heels on display.
      Six months ago she was unaware of my dressing, it has been very rocky, but she is improving. Hugs Katie

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    • #603621
      Rhonda Lee
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
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      My experience is that acceptance can be achieved by going slowly, but betting on it staying that way is betting against the house. It can come and go in an instant, with no apparent reason. Fortunately, I don’t like forms larger than B, and am happy with enhancers around the house. I also have no time for makeup, hair and other feminine things which seem to be the biggest problem, unless when in public. Lipstick would be nice, but lipstick and wig seem to be the biggest killers that scream “girl” more than anything else, so if I touch up lips it is not too obvious. Under-dressing is no issue, fortunately. All of my male underwear has been tossed, so I am forced to wear panties even when visiting a doctor; I do ditch the bra in such situations, but no longer bother taking off toenail polish. I might remove pierced earrings but sometimes forget… not a big deal to me anymore. I’m not inclined toward large, flamboyant styles and more men wear earrings nowadays, so it is not a big tell.

    • #603608
      Trisha Rave
      Registered On: April 12, 2021
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    • #603605
      Registered On: June 13, 2018
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      that’s AWESOME!! glad to hear she has stepped on board!

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #603889
      Michelle McQueen
      Registered On: June 14, 2021
      Topics: 24
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      DADT….. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell… its a mutual understanding

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