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So last night, I came out and told my with that I like to dress. I used Halloween as the excuse to show her some photos I had taken earlier in the day while she was at work. I made a few sarcastic jokes about being a closet cd to get her reaction, I asked her, what if I really was. I then decided to tell her my life story when it came to dressing. Needless to say, she was shocked. She asked the typical questions, which I answered honestly and re-affirmed my love for her and that this had nothing to do with her. We talk for a while. Right now, she is still trying to process the information, but she didn’t freak out. I was super scared that she would have, since I tried to approach this same subject 11 years ago and that didn’t go well. We are in a better stage in our marriage and I felt it was time to tell her.
It was very scary and I still can’t believe I did it. However, I am so glad I did. We still have many. things to work out, but I feel like we will be able to make it through respecting each other along the way.
Thanks to everyone who gave me the encouragement to have the talk with her.
Thanks,
Jessica
Awesome happy that you were able to finally tell her. I really hope she remains understanding and is supportive as she moves through her thoughts and processes it all. Wishing you the best.
Hugs April
Thanks, April. I hope she stays supportive too. 🙂
I told my girlfriend a couple of years ago and she is ok with it. She still does not want to see me dressed up however.
Awesome! I have a feeling my SO will be the same way at least for some time.
We all say honesty is the best policy and you were so brave in letting her know your feelings. Maybe, after telling her eleven years ago, she is still shocked but knows you are true in yourself. Just give her time to digest and not try to push things. Like us all here I hope that it works out for you to express the true self.
Thanks, Angela for your kind words. Yeah, now that we have talked I want to talk more, but I also need to realize that she needs time too. So I need to watch my pace.
Thanks,
Jessica
Congratulations, Jessica.
Much love,
Raquel
Thanks Raquel
Jessica dear
Good start, lots of courage.
Keep your communication open and honest. Be awre of boundaries and feelings. We’re here to help during low ti.es that will happen
Hugs GingerThanks Ginger. It is so great to know I have found a support group that can help me through this scary time. It is worth it thought.
Thanks Bianca
Congratulations. Having done it myself, I know how hard it can be. I know for me it was the best way of dealing with it, and am much happier for having done it. My wife knew to a degree from the start, and as my dressing progressed I tried to keep her aware, but it is hard. It opens us to teal vulnerability, something men are not good at dealing with.
Give it a little time and let her process what you said. Revisit it if and when she wants to talk about it.
Thanks JJ for the inspiration. I do feel better, but I also know I need to let her works things out too.
Thanks again
Congratulations Jessica, I’m glad you’re wife has not freaked out, you have taken the first step on the journey of your life, I hope everything goes well for you and your wife, you have taken the biggest step in opening that closet door, I wish i had the courage to open that closet door to my wife,
Good luck with the future X
Hugs Rozalyn X 💋
Thanks Rozalyn. I know there is still going to be some bumpy roads ahead, but at least I have started on the journey. If you get to the point where you want to open the door, I am here for you too.
Thanks Nikki. Let’s hope for more positive milestones in the future. 🙂
My wife has known since before we were married and set some boundaries. A couple nights ago, she asked what I wanted from Christmas and I finally gave the reply I have wanted to give for years. I said I wanted to wear skirts and heels and other things at home without feeling embarrassed or self conscious. She said she was ok with that. Last night I was quite comfortable in skinny jeans, t-shirt tucked in front fem style a bra and sling back clogs.
Meredith, that is so great to hear. I know I still have some time before I get there, but there is now some hope it will. 🙂
Jessica thank you for posting your story. I told my wife when we were married 10 years, we are married 51 years now. She wants nothing to do with my femme side. She saw a pic of me once and all she said was that she didn’t like it. The keyword in our lives is balance. Recently we admitted to each other that if we had known more about each other we wouldn’t have married. We both agreed that would have been a shame. We have 5 children and 9 grandchildren. All are good people and we are proud of all of them.
Good luck you are not alone.
Yours TerriThanks Terri. It is so great to hear others experiences. He keeps me going sometimes.
Hi Jessica. Congratulations on taking that scary step! I remember how scared I was when I came out to my wife, but we got through it. It sounds like your wife is already fairly accepting of you, even as she’s processing what you told her, so that is wonderful. Hopefully she will continue to support you on your journey, wherever that takes you, and that you can become the woman you want to be! A few of the keys to successfully navigate this time in your lives are constant open communication, always show respect and love for each other, and boundaries and limits that are respected.
Hugs,
Holly
Thank you so much Holly for the encouraging words. Yes, I agree, we need to keep the communication open and set boundaries. Thanks
Jessica,
Congrats on making the very difficult decision to tell your wife. Just take it slow and easy and keep the lines of communication open and you should be alright.
Thanks Fiona. While is was very scary to tell her. I am glad I have. Now I need to respected her even more and give her time. Thanks
Thanks Erika. It was super scary, but worth it. 😊
Hi Jessica congrats girlfriend you have done the right thing in coming out .. As myself i did when just after we were married she is 100% on board and that was 39 years ago hugs girlfriend and good luck ,,
Stephanie
Thanks Stephanie. It is awesome to hear when others have support from their SO. Hopefully, I will have a similar path. 🙂
Thanks Liara 🙂
That took a lot of courage to do that! Congrats to that! The only thing I can say is take it slow and encourage her to ask questions. Wearing the opposite genders clothes isn’t even a fetish today. I hate the word crossdressing. Explain that to her and why you like to do it and how it makes you feel. Remind her that you are still the same person that she married and nothing is going to change that! Give her time to soak it in and hopefully she will understand and accept it! Best of luck!
Thank you Brenda for the kind word and advice. I am finding that I am able to share more of my feels with her since we talked. I agree it will take some time and I’m not going to push it.
Thanks
Big step, Jessica, but, as Angela noted, you have to be honest and I hope your honesty is duly rewarded.
Hugs & kisses,
W.Thank you. I totally agree and is something that is important to me and to my wife.
Jessica. Congrats on telling her. In the end you are still the same person she married just at times in a dress vs drab clothes.
I told mine and in the end it was the best course of action. We became closer and she is beyond supportive. I pray that all goes well with you and your spouse.
Susan.
Oddly Susan, I feel like we are too getting closer. She is still processing things and I now this is going to be a long bumpy processes. But, at least we have started it. Thanks for you best wishes.
Jessica –
Congratulations on having that conversation with your wife and her response to you telling her.
When I told my wife it was a bit rough at first but over time she came to accept my dressing to a point. When I first told her she asked if I was gay/bi, to which I told her I didn’t think so. She also said that had she known she wouldn’t have married me and that she felt betrayed and lied to. Since then we’ve had many conversations and she has become more accepting. It is a process and there will be ups and downs.
I wish you the best and hope she continues to have increased acceptance.
XOXO
SuzanneSuzanna, that for sharing and your best wishes. My wife asked me the same questions. I told her that I love her more now then I ever had. That is why I felt I could tell her this. That helped.
She hasn’t brought up the subject yet, but today said that she has notice a different side of me this week. For whatever reason I have been able to share more of my emotional side with her. She loves this.
Jessica –
Congratulations on having that conversation with your wife and her response to you telling her.
When I told my wife it was a bit rough at first but over time she came to accept my dressing to a point. When I first told her she asked if I was gay/bi, to which I told her I didn’t think so. She also said that had she known she wouldn’t have married me and that she felt betrayed and lied to. Since then we’ve had many conversations and she has become more accepting. It is a process and there will be ups and downs.
I wish you the best and hope she continues to have increased acceptance.
XOXO
SuzanneCongrats Jessica, you took a huge, courageous step and hopefully you and your wife are on a good path and she’s able to process it and be supportive.
Thanks Jess. It was scary, but so so glad we had the talk. 😊
I too am not wild about the term crossdressed. Unfortunately it is the currently the best term, certainly better then transvestite. I prefer to use en femme when possible, but even then it is not quite right. Clothes are just clothes as my wife says. Society has assigned certain articles of clothing to certain sexes, but that has changed throughout history.
To some of the points brought up here, I would not blame a spouse for feeling betrayed because we kept such a big secret from them. If my wife had a hidden lifestyle she never told me about and I were to discover it accidentally I would be hurt as well. The old adage “honesty is the best policy” applies, but I also understand why this is so difficult, especially for us older individuals. Many of us grew up in a time where dressing en femme was very taboo co pared to these days where the younger generation is much more accepting of alternative genders, lifestyle and dress.
It is very hard to bring this up with our SO for fear of rejection especially early in a relationship. Then it gets harder because now we have been doing in a hidden manner and that adds another layer of deception. Sometimes it is just a fear of “rocking the boat”. All is well, so why stir up trouble?
My position is it is a matter of when, not if they find out, so it is best to control the narrative. That said, my wife has known from the beginning and has been informed as things have progressed so I have avoided many of this issues. I still feel letting them know, even if they feel betrayed, and the reason you have kept it hidden was from a feeling of shame and/or fear of upsetting them, etc. My wife is my life partner, so she needs to be informed in the things I do. It doesn’t mean she has to participate, or even like it, but she should be made aware of it. I loved to race bicycles, but she never did, but I didn’t sneak off to do it. She loves gardening, and while I help her in the garden, it is her thing not mine. If she were sneaking off, buying plants and them throwing them away (purging), I might be upset.
I would rather have a spouse who knows I dress, doesn’t like it, but is aware then spend my life living a lie with my life partner. Fortunately she is accepting though neutral on the subject, pretty much like my bicycle obsession.
Well said JJ. Thanms
I love this..💜 thank you for sharing your experience Jessica. It gives me hope that I will not be far behind. Each week now it seems like this closet gets smaller and smaller, and it’s not because I’m buying more clothes, it’s because I belong on the outside of it too.
I know you can do it. We are here for you on this journey. 😊
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