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Hi Ladies,
Any good advice or life coaching tips accepted and appreciated. I’ve been slowly trying to introduce my female side and desires to my wife. A few things that I’ve had “success” in doing are as follows:
-Wear a female one piece bathing suit to get in the hot tub with her.
-Paint my toenails (all different colors.)
-Repurposed a purse as my dopp/shaving kit (I travel a lot)
-Routinely wear footwear that is feminine by nature (Dansko, Born flip flops, etc.)
So with all of this, I get mild resistance or feedback in that her main response to all of it is: “that’s weird” accompanied by off-putting body language. I’m open for suggestions on how to carry on the conversation and dialogue to turn it to a positive interaction. I have reason to believe she has found my stash of panties and bras and nightgown etc., although she hasn’t mentioned a thing about it. So I’m certain that she “knows” or has a suspicion that I like to wear girly things. Any help on how to get to the next positive step is greatly appreciated.
Hugs.
Stef
Hi Steffi i can’t give you any advice myself I’m still in the closet to my wife, I’m sure some of the other girls can give you some solid advice about where you go from here x
Hugs Rozalyne x
Just a thought… could you suggest to her replacing the words “that’s weird” with “that’s different”?
And as always, take baby steps, keep the communication open, if she needs to vent just LISTEN and don’t respond in anger.
This sounds like it may have come the time in having that talk. Keeping this hidden will only work for so long. Eventually she may discover your secret, finding your stash, seeing strange attitudes coming from you, basically any feminine traits that you may never know your doing. Anyway if you suspect she may have out you its certainly time to bring up that conversation. Waiting never works..
Stephanie 🌷
Hi Steffy,
This thing we do is certainly “Different” from expected male behavior, but that doesn’t mean we are weird. It means we have acknowledged the existence of our feminine side, and are expressing it. For those of us who have a SO, it means something else, also: You’re a CD; you can’t quit being a CD, even if you suppress the need to express it. And since the subject has come up (sort of), it is time to have The Talk. Every relationship is built on compromise, so talk about it. What can she accept? What can she tolerate? And what is “off the table”? Anything short of an ultimatum cn be worked out, and if your SO knows you can accept her limitations on your Dressing, she is likely more willing to accept you.
Hugs,
BettylouA wife’s imagination will answer all the questions floating around in her head. The longer you wait, the more misinformation she will have already processed that you’ll need to undo. She deserves to know the truth. You deserve to not live in hiding.
The significant others forum is a great place that she can bounce ideas of “ what is weird” around with those of us with experience.Just do it…. talk to her…. love her enough to share yourself
My advice is simply have the talk. I didn’t hide for long, when I began this journey, as I believe in complete honesty. I simply said,” we have to talk,,I don’t want to hide this from you, I have been trying wearing women’s clothing, and this is why, how it makes me feel, etc etc., I love the feeling and I would like to explore it further.”
To my amazement, she accepted, and embraced it, and now I live as a woman at all times, except when at work, and doing the shopping, which I am still trying to work up the nerve for, lol
The longer you leave it, the more it will make her wonder what’s going on, and the more things, none of them good, will go through her mind.
HOWEVER, as others have said, be sensitive to her wants and needs, as well, and find a compromise if necesary, so you can both be happy
We are all here for you, Steffy
Hugs, RegiBrilliant Regi! Yours could be a template for “the talk”. I think one of the keys is saying, “I don’t want to hide this from you”. Puts the focus on honesty, trust and the relationship. Shows that you value her and don’t want to damage your relationship through deception. It still may not produce the reaction you hope for but at least it puts it out there in a very real, very understandable way.
Best, Clara
Agree here, she knows, but what she doesn’t know is how far you want to travel down that path and she is probably worried as hell. You can continue as you are, pushing the edges of the envelope. Or once you have decided what would satisfy your needs, communicate those with her to see if you can find common ground on which to work. But, that might have consequences….good or bad ones and you have to be willing to accept them.
Good luck on your journey.
Sounds like what you have been doing as been “accepted” to a degree, albeit she thinks it is “weird”. That’s because she does not understand it.
Keep going slow and don’t “force” the issue. Things may get easier, or they may not and you have to be prepared for that, and accept that she may not accept it.
I do the same things, smooth body, wear womens jeans and capris exclusively, womans shoes (although they are rather gender agnostic), and my wife hates it!
Good luck and love!
BeckaSound advice. A wife’s journey to tolerance/acceptance/whatever is so unique and personal. I think it boils down to two things: communication and time. There’s no one answer but in my case, I found that I was able to get to my wife embracing who I am with those as the foundation.
Xoxo, Kate
I very recently came out to my wife. Its not easy but overall I think it was the right thing to do. Time is definitely something that needs to be given. My urge once I’d told her was to get over excited and move dresses into the closet etc but she was doing a load of processing that I had years to do. We have reached a compromise for now where she accepts I do it but doesn’t want to do it with me. She wants to know when I have done it and I’m honest about it. Over time things may shift but not having to be so secretive is definitely a plus.
Lots of Love,
H
Hi Steffi You headed for a collusion course There is no way around it. You have to have the talk Make sure you come to the table with answers she may have. If she is using the word weird about what she is noticing then get prepared My wife found my stash it was horrible for her.She took the time to understand but still does not understand fully. How could she? She has never been a man that has a desire to present himself as a woman even if its sometimes. Introduce her to the SO perspective section. But make sure you have the talk. I will never forget the phone call I got from my wife when she found my clothes. She said WE HAVE TO TALK I never heard that tone in her voice before. It was mad ,frightened ,sad every emotion all rolled up in one sentence She deserves to know.
luv Stephanie
I can only affirm all the advice given here to confront the issue, to treat her with love, support and compassion and respect.
You know how you feel but she hasn’t a clue and that’s dangerous territory for a loving relationship.
Hinting and beating around the bush is unfair (in my opinion) so I advise Be kind and patient and honest.
Be well, Rei
Hi Steffi,
I would say each situation and couple are very different, what may work for one SO might not work for yours. Only you can decide what course to take, but be prepared for the outcome which ever way it goes.
My first wife I did come out to after about 10 years of marriage, the urge to me was so strong. She took it well and even bought me a nice dress I had loved during a shopping trip. But with very strict instructions to never wear whilst the kids were in the house. It was after 16years of marriage she finally came out to me that she was a lesbian. Well big shock to me , she has always been a bit of a tomboy in her teens when I met her. After a lot of tears and discussing we decided to divorce as my job took me across country and she didn’t want to go. We are still good friends and I always get to see her and her partner when I’m on the west coast.
My second wife is totally different, she comes from a strict Irish catholic family of 3 girls. Not because of my first wife but I kept my dressing to myself and a few years ago she found my stash. Well of course she was upset, we had a long chat even ended in marriage counseling. It became obvious that her understanding of TG/CD world limited and from her upbringing totally wrong. It was also after this it came out about her childhood and how nasty her farther had been, she had been in counseling for thoughts of suicide during her late teenage years.
As I said in the beginning, everyone is different. I love my wife very much but also know the true me. Weighing up everything it’s my decision to not tell her my true feelings, not to have a stash of clothes at home and keep Lisa in the closet. Only to be myself when away on business and can arrange using a makeover service. The only way I can keep a balance.
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