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Most of the time I am reasonably at ease with the fact that I am a crossdresser/transgender/dual gender… whatever the appropriate label is, but there are days when I wish I was just normal, gender-typical. Today is one of those days.
I have been at work (working at a remote exploration camp) for the past 4 weeks. In this situation I am not able to express myself as much as I would like. I do little things like sleeping in my night dress every night, I occasional braid my hair for the day and sometimes wear my pastel pink socks. I also under dress some of the time. All those little things help, but as time goes by I feel less and less balanced. At home this balance is restored by dressing for a day, but I can’t do that at work. I start to resent the fact that I ever allowed this to be a part of my life. I also know that it is and there is nothing I can do about it, this leaves me feeling trapped by this peculiar aspect of my being. I have learned to deal with as I know it will pass, but the feeling is not pleasant at the time I am experiencing it.
I am sharing this as I am sure I am not the only one who has encountered this. I found it particularly distressing after I first accepted this part of me, but over the past year, as I have become more familiar with this feeling and the fact that it will pass, I am better able to deal with it.
Heading off to bed now and I will be putting on that night dress and trying to connect with my femme side.
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