- This topic has 11 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Brielle.
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- June 13, 2022 at 12:14 pm #652151
Last month my dad died. He was of a grand old age and in poor health so it was hardly a surprise yet still a shock, many of you will know how this feels. I’m in my fifties and this is the first time I’ve lost someone close to me but don’t feel sad for me as I’m not after your sympathy. I’m okay, girls. Really.
What I want to share with you in this post is the effect it had on my secret life as an amateur femme, I’m a newbie to CD so this was the first time something happened to shake my resolve. I wasn’t close to purging but I did consider it as both my parents would be disappointed about my dressing to say the least. So in his memory I pretty much stopped dressing for a while (except for bed) and got on with ‘real life’ stuff. Note: wearing a suit and Oxford shoes to a funeral ain’t drab. I knew it wouldn’t last though…
Over the weekend the Pink Fog descended as it should and I went mad with my credit card again. Half of the goodies arrived today, really girlie things, and I’m in Seventh Heaven. Life goes on, dressed in pink.
Love, Amy x
- June 13, 2022 at 12:21 pm #652152AnonymousLady
Sorry about your loss… my condolences.
Welcome back to the sisterhood. I hope those new beautiful things are very comforting for you dear. A girl can never go wrong with pink.
- June 13, 2022 at 12:51 pm #652158
Thank you, Michelle.
I thought I was moving away from a pink phase to something more ‘inbetween’ but I seem to have a real need to be ultra-femme. I felt a bit awkward about this at first after finding out what ‘sissy’ meant, which is not me at all. Also, I’m not clicking on that website again!
- June 13, 2022 at 12:45 pm #652157
When the time comes, I’ll honor my father’s memory with 2 fingers of Makers Mark and my finest outfit.
- June 13, 2022 at 1:12 pm #652162
Hi Amy, sorry for your loss. My dad passed rather unexpectedly just over 20 years ago (complications from a car accident). My mom predeceased him by about two years, from overall poor health. I also do not want sympathy as so much time has passed and I know where they are. I felt like their dogmatic way of living their faith was the main reason I stayed closeted for so many years. That is not on them, by any means. They always expressed complete love and pride of how my life progressed (I writhed in self-loathing at times, because if they only knew…).
Anyway, ultimately our parents want us to be happy, healthy, and at peace with God and people. I think looking down with more perfect understanding, they would be proud that I am finally brave enough to be living as I need to, and happy that I am finding my best life at last. I believe your dad is proud of you, too!
- June 13, 2022 at 1:29 pm #652164
Thank you so much, Brielle. I totally agree. All I will say about my own situation is that my dad was of a certain generation and went through Hell as a boy; so coming out to him would not have been ‘heroic’ on my part, compared to what he went through. I’m glad he never knew. Sometimes keeping a secret is a good thing.
- June 14, 2022 at 7:28 am #652825
I agree. I suspect my father had his secrets, too (not like us, but he was a man, after all) that were hinted at by his recorded VCR tapes when we were closing up his house. I just threw that all away so nothing would tarnish his Christian legacy, and that was fine. I was able to honor him at the last. There are some things we just don’t have to share with everyone. But it did hit home to me that secrets we guard about ourselves may be revealed at unexpected moments with no way to explain to those left behind.
It’s going to be hard enough coming out to my siblings and my wife’s sibs over the next few months. I can’t imagine having this talk with either of my parents. But since I’m physically transitioning, I can’t wait until a family visit or crisis to “spring” it on them.
I like Emily’s reply – have a “wake” with a toast to a better existence, and freedom from earthly concerns.
Hugs,
Brie
- June 13, 2022 at 3:29 pm #652198Anonymous
Amy,
So sorry for your loss. My sincere condolences
My father died a number of years ago, my mother followed 2 1/2 years later. They were 87 and 90 and had good lives. After each of them passed, Renea retired for a short time of grieving and deep introspection. She did not go away, thank goodness, just took some time off. Your strength is showing and you are still you, I’m glad that you are able to hold on to that.
Renea ❤️
- June 13, 2022 at 3:37 pm #652200
Thank you, Renea. Sometimes it’s worth taking the time off and thinking about other things. x
- June 13, 2022 at 4:17 pm #652210
Hurray for the Pink Fog. 😘😁
Fredrika Jones - June 13, 2022 at 4:43 pm #652216
Hi Amy,
Sorry to hear of your loss.
Sometimes something pink and girly is just very comforting. At least I find it to be. Enjoy the fog, and those goodies!💕Lara
- June 13, 2022 at 4:59 pm #652223
Thank you, Lara. You’re right, the more feminine the better. I was moving away from that but now I want to be a lot more girly. And I feel better for it. x
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