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I’ve no doubt this post is aimed at a minority of you at CDH. Like most of you I’m very much in the closet [insert Narnia joke here] but from time to time I do wonder what it would be like to meet a fellow crossdresser in a safe and friendly manner, such as at a conference or dressing service. What would it be like to have a CD friend?
Two ground rules: you’re over the awkwardness of first contact and this is friendship, not dating. Is there any future if CD is all you have in common? Sure, there’s a lot to talk about when you’ve kept so much inside but there are only so many stories to tell before you both have to move on to other subjects. What if your new friend is a bit of a bore? (“My wife doesn’t understand me…” ad nauseam). This person might work as an acquaintance but not as a regular contact.
And what happens if you do find you have a lot in common? Say, for instance, you’re both keen boxers or like restoring vintage cars; do you continue the conversation in your best pink dress or ask “D’ya mind if I wear drab for this?”
I’d be interested to hear from any of you who have formed friendships with others, or indeed those who have been put off from ever doing so again.
Love, Amy x
This question deserves more of a thoughtful response than I can muster at the moment, but I, too have had similar questions. I think in all honesty, the 2 “selves” can co-exist. Wendy can discuss riding and working on track-day motorcycles easily, as long as other girls are also keenly interested. After all, there are plenty of GG’s at the track as well.
I’m interested in any and all thoughts on this!
Cheers,
Wendy
Let me tell you a story… other than me being a CD, I’m an immigrant to the US (legal). When we first got here, it wasn’t easy to find others coming from Mexico at the same places we would go to eat, shop, etc.
Every now and then we ran into some others. We would talk and sometimes we would agree to met again with them.
Well, out from 20 or so of such encounters, we finally met another couple with similar cultural and social-economic background, and ended up establishing a lasting friendship with them.Having only the same original nationality was no warranty we would hit it off with them. In other words, we would only become friends with others if we could have become friends back in Mexico.
Just because you met other CD there is no certainty you would end up becoming great friends. It happens, but there has to be more than the dressing.
Hi Amy
As someone who has hung out with countless other girls, I think you are making something simple into something complicated. I would meet other girls online and we would soon be hanging out. I never had a single bad experience meeting another CD or a TS.
I met my best T girlfriend in Baltimore because I joined her Yahoo group and she liked what I had to say on several TG issues, she wrote me an email and I invited her over. It wasn’t a hook up; it was getting together to just hang out and talk.
Meeting another CD is no different than meeting anyone else. Trust me, once you do meet a few other girls there is no awkwardness at all. I think too many CD girls worry so much about being safe that they forget you gain nothing without risk in life.
Thank you, Barbie. That rings true, I’m pretty much a loner, and part of that has to do with fear. I’m not just talking about my CD life either.
If you ever need anyone to talk to about things just PM me. I do understand what it is to have those fears.
Hi Amy as im out of the closet to my wife of 39 years for all of our married life have only been out of the home dressed one time to meet friends at the keystone conferance this march past .. As i had no one to talk to but my wife till i joined here and became friends with a lot of girls here it was a wonderful experiance spent a week there as Stephanie with my wife beside me for most of the week spent some time with CDH girls that were friends that i got to meet for the first time there.. We have talked manytimes and had several things in comon but we were all girl there and talked about everything from drab stuff to girly things what a wonderful meeting it was..
Stephanie Bass
I’ve made many friends though CD oriented social media, though I’ve only met a few in person. Only once was I en femme. My friend was not. The need to keep our CD lives secret severely limits my and my friends’ ability to meet en femme. However, I imagine that, if we could do that, our common interests would be enough to maintain our friendship.
Yes, it is.
Life takes interesting twists & Turns –through Swinging with my wife I was coming out nicely & she was having fun with my fem side– We didn’t have a lot of money but it was OK–Then she took sick & died a couple yrs ago–To my horror I discovered that it was her 98%(or more) of the time maintaining “”Friendships “” I find myself completely Alone–& with a very tight budget & just tiered & unmotivated–I do manage to pay the morgage ect by working a lot of hrs–but have become almost Paranoid that they will find out at work & I’ll lose the house (It’s about the same cost to rent Now)–i did put adds up to meet like minded friends & or for Sex–but was not finding anyone local & was getting stood up over & over-(I’ll come to London they Say)-I’ve enen stopped replying – to go to these conferences ect cost time & money–I can’t do that- the online stuff just seems like a total waste of time & energy when you will never meet- i know–I do sound very negative but this has become my life & it’s not satisfying at all–does anyone have any advice how to get out of this rut/Funk & start living again??
Hi Amy. I have meet one of the girls here at CDH and we have meet up and talked a few times. I don’t know for sure if we have much more after CD and being divorced with the family problems that go with that. I would love to find a nearby group of crossdressers to meet with to share our ‘hobby’with.
. Cassiethanks, Amy, for a very thought provoking question.For those of us who are totally closeted, it becomes hypothetical, but thinking on the what if is interesting.
Sharing secrets in a small town in a rural area seems reckless.if I lived in the UK, where I have some online friends, I gather there is a lot acceptance and more of a CD/TV scene(Wayout, Punters,Sparkle, etc)I’d be a lot more daring.I think this is a very interesting topic. Seems like the older we get the less friends we have from age or people moving for careers etc. To be honest friends are valuable and needed. Not just work friend but someone with whom you relate and have equal goals and common ground. If I had a friend who was also a cross dresser then that is just a bonus but it’s not a requirement. Frankly for my female friends I wish they were supportive of me as a cross dresser but that’s also not a requirement. I have moved a lot for my career and at this later age in life a good friend is valuable. That’s just my humble opinion.
Susan.
Hi Amy,
You and I are both in the minority. I’ve never met a CD in person, and I often wondered the same thing. I have plenty of CD friends here on CDH, but sometimes I would like a CD friend to talk with, coffee clutch, and model for photos. ☺️
As far as I know, I’m the only CD in the area I live, and that’s why I joined CDH because although I love my privacy, I started feeling lonely. I only dress in private so I may not ever meet a CD in person. Only time will tell.
All the best.
Rev
I have a few CD friends I chat with and am open about things with. It is kind of hit or miss. It does kind of vary. Some of my friends I hang out with have never seen me in drab, one or two have. Sometimes a meeting necessitates meeting in drab. Plus it always feels a bit weird meeting in drab for the first time.
I usually don’t rush to meet people. Usually chit-chat a bit at first and then find out if us meeting is in either of our best interest. Some people are boring and sometimes our interests just don’t align. Some of them are pretty great, some aren’t. I’ve made some good friends through it, some who play board or video games with me, some who our main source of interest is in dressing, one of them has convinced me to cosplay so that’s something to look forward to.
Great topic Amy!! believe friendships are formed on like interests. I see no reason you couldn’t be friends with another CD. In some ways that is why we are here on CDH. It is finally total relief to be able to talk to others that have the same desire to show their feminine side. The support, advice and coming together is amazing. I would welcome a face to face friendship with any one of them. Enfem or in drab and most likely both. I am an avid motorcycle enthusiast and why not talk about motorcycles while sipping wine in a beautiful dress!!!!! Just my opinion!!
Great question ! A few months ago I was able to finally meet up with someone who also wears. We are both in the closet so we had to meet up in drab. And like you said, yes, it was great to find another person. And it was great to be able to tell our story in person to one another. And would I like to meet this person for coffee and chat some more down the road? Yeah, that would be great. But we are more than an hour away from each other and just trying to co-ordinate a coffee meet up is tough.
I am new to the area and my only opportunities to meet are generally when I am passing through a nearby town. We toyed with the idea of figuring out a way to make a meet up a bit more legit, a drab project ect… but then how do you explain how we ever connected?
I enjoyed being able to do a face to face. I would like to do coffee, a burger, maybe even duck into a friendly shop. But the co-ordination of schedules when you both are trying to fly under the radar is tough. I think we could make that happen if we were relatively close….and yeah, it is frustrating. But I think there would have been more common grounds we could have touched on given more time. I don’t think it has to all be about how we present. I think knowing that there is a shared interest (perhaps even a passion) in wearing could be a cool commonality that would lie beneath the surface of it all.
Thanks Melissa, I can see that kind of meet-up being awkward. When both of you are in the closet the secrecy (and deceit) could cause more problems than it solves. Perhaps a friendship with an out and about CD would be better? I can see myself being more at ease at a conference, for instance. Getting there would be a challenge but I think I’d be fine in that environment. x
It was fun and yes, a bit awkward but I am a fan of awkwardness. I want some really good stories to share in my rocking chair at the old folks home when my time comes. The Conferences would be really cool, though in some areas they also meet up for dinner and drinks. I know of one in Green Bay and of one that I have attended in Chicago.
All of my friends know that I am a part-time girl so whatever I am wearing (or not wearing!) has little impact. Some of them like girl things too, our wives love to fix us up for Girls Night Out with them.
I wear clothing appropriate to the activity of the day. I also dress according to my mental age (16) rather than my chronological age (74). So yes, if a buddy comes over to ask my help working on his car, and I happen to be wearing a pink dress, I change.While I would love to have CD friends and meet them, being comfortable (and of course safety) is important. It would really awkward if things don’t work out as expected. Personally, I recommend meeting online (either via Chats or Cam) and establish relationship before meeting in-person. Once everyone is ready, we can then make arrangements to meet up. Just my two cents.
Jenny
I am in New York City. You would think it would be easy to meet another CD, but my few attempts have been unsuccessful. I am a closeted underdresser with zero interest in fully presenting in public, so I have proposed to a handful of CDs that we meet as underdressers for a chat in any lovely park on a Sunday afternoon. While the idea has appealed to a few CDs, we are busy New Yorkers and have not carved out a firm date, time and place yet. Maybe I need to pursue this again with more determination.
I would love to help someone with more commitment and organizational skills launch a monthly meet-up group for CDs, especially if the group welcomed closeted underdressers.I guess it would be like anyone else you would or would not become friends with. You have things in common (especially CD’ing) but there is still other personality traits and such that are still present.
You may not like those or them you, so it stands to reason you may or may not become “friends”.
Would like to meet someone though, and glad to have all you gals!
I’m reading all these responses, to be alone is so sad.
In her early days, Terri was active in http://www.chi-chapter.org for meetings. That’s where I met spouses to help me figure this all out. Then there were nights in gay bars, safe places for CD’s and I didn’t mind admiring the male dancers.
Very few of Terri’s friends have seen each other than in female mode. They enjoy casual girl talk and get along fine. Tactful hint, when meeting a sister CD, avoid talking about rebuilding carbs or such.
It’s like a thousand CD’s in an area, but each one has a wall around themselves, no one is aware of the others.
Eileen
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