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I lived in London for a few years in my 20’s, then in a much smaller city for a long time with a few breaks. In both cases, city life offers lots to entertain and distract you, and if you’re lucky a few nice open spaces, maybe a picturesque river or seaside nearby.
For the last twenty years I’ve preferred to be in much quieter places, first by a Cornish beach, and now in a Welsh village / town – inland but next to a National Park. It’s much more laid back, a lot less crowded, you’re in the middle of nature, but there’s just not a lot of choice for local entertainment
I don’t mind visiting cities, they’re good fun , but no way would I live there anymore,
But.I also see a downside to living in a small place if you’re stealth cd’ing.
If you’re not careful, everyone will know your ‘business’, The very thing I like about small places, is that most every one is friendly, even though it’ll take forever not to be known as an ‘incomer’. When they say hello, they mean it, and will know of you, even if they don’t actually know you, It can be a double edged sword. I’m pretty sure my imprint on the village consciousness is ‘oh that old hippie, a bit unconventional, but he seems to be harmless”, followed by “what’s the crack about him?”. Curiousity and gossip are close neighbours
It seems to me the better place for ease of cross dressing is the big city, where people can be a lot more impersonal and curious about your life, but where there’s a chance of finding at least a small support community of like minded people. (That community might even include people from outlying towns visiting as and when they can – oh, that might describe me!).
So there are pros and cons to both city and small town lives. But it’s definitely the quieter life for me. Just my take on it, I’m sure there are others!
What’s your take on where you live, or where you would prefer to live?
Thanks
Marti xxx
Hi Marti…
I have lived up and down England during my life…from Cornwall to Cumbria….mostly smaller towns, but usually within walking distance of some kind of countryside…or the sea.
I can’t say I would not like to live in a big city, because I never have….but whenever I have visited, it’s always been nice to get back home to peace and quiet….I hate the hustle and bustle…
Grace xx
In London, at one point, I lived a short walk from Hyde Park. Lovely place, but not exactly countryside.
Love that phrase “back to my roots”
I do live in a big city suburb but I have a cottage that is on a lake and somewhat secluded. My wife is tolerant of my dressing but has lots of rules, especially when we are in the city. However, when we are at the cottage she is much more relaxed and give me lots of freedom to dress. I know it is because her fear of me getting caught are diminished. I love being up there, we are planning on moving up there soon and leaving the city behind.
I personally like living in a large town, I live in one on the outside of a Manchester, with a population of around 300,000. It’ll take me 30 mins to cycle into the city or upto the quiet hills. Also has good shopping and entertainment.
Out of big city or small town though I’d go small. I hate the hustle and bustle of city’s and everything cost a fortune.
Most would laugh when I say I was born, raised, and worked in a big city all of my life. Until 2019. My big city (actually the suburbs) is Memphis. 600+k. 1.5m metro area. Same population as a couple of blocks in NYC or London. Here I would be considered a citybilly. Liked living there enough for most of my life. The last 10 years, not so much.
Now I live in a small community right across the street from the Great Smoky Mtn NP. Literally. Maybe 400 on a good weekend, 100 most of the time. 20 or so through the winter. Now the area brought in 12,000,000 tourists last year (yes the COVID year). Most of them come in June, July, and October. The rest of the year is decent.
How does this work for CDing? Back home it was much easier. My work schedule gave me loads of time at home alone. But I didn’t take advantage of that. Another story for another thread. Here its much harder. And like most small town situations, everybody wants to know everybody’s business. And this super-conservative area is primed for a tar and feathering sinners.
All things considered, I love my new living situation. Never want to go back.
Gwyn
Hi Gwyn,
Thanks. Just did an image search of the Great Smokeys – beautiful.
Marti xxx
Although I haven’t lived there for over 35 years, those mountains will always be home. I grew up in Knoxville, Tennessee, population then maybe 150000, then joined the navy. Lived in San Francisco for a while in the 80s. These days I wish I had been a CD then! What an opportunity I missed. Anyways, that was big city life. I sorrento most of my navy career on aircraft carriers, each with a population of about 5000 in a seriously small area, where I learned about the anonymity of a crowd. Now I live in Hampton Roads, Virginia, which is not a city on a map, but an area. There are seven medium sized cities surrounding the largest natural harbor in North America, and housing the largest naval base in the world. The traffic is a nightmare (even compared to the California Bay Area), but there’s that anonymity wiring for me as a CD. Plus the arts, shopping, restaurants… something to do anytime… when there isn’t a pandemic going on…I would kind of like a smaller town, but only if there’s a big city opportunity within about an hour. But if not…I think I’ll need at least fifty to a hundred thousand to stay lost in. Bridgette had learned that anonymity in crowds is the safest place to be a CD.
Bridgette
I grew up in a small city but moved due to work to Toronto. Can’t get much bigger than that up here. I have been here thirty years and still hate it. I would love to move back to a small town. My wife is a city girl through and through and won’t even think about moving out of the city. There are great advantages to being in a big city but I still would love the quieter life in the country or relaxing by a lake.
Holly😪
Hi,
One of my friends hails from there. He’s taught me to pronounce it “torron’o” and then said I still hadn’t got it!
Marti xxx
Yeah it’s kinda like Taranna
I am in a unique category as well. I grew up in New York City for almost 25 years. I then moved to suburbia in New Jersey for 15 years til we needed a larger home. I moved only about 2 miles away, so I would say I am still in suburbia, but I live in a very rural part of town, but I’m still only 1/4 mile to a more suburban region.
I’m about an hour away from midtown New York and about 90 minutes from Philadelphia. But it’s not a small town where everybody knows everyone else. There is still a lot of the New York impersonal behavior. Much of the northeastern part of New Jersey is more of a megalopolis, with one town jutting right up to the next town, so it has a small town feel with quiet. Although traffic on the highways can get busy at times, it’s nothing like the hustle and bustle of New York, “the city that never sleeps.” Yet there are also a lot of parks close by, but not all have good terrain for walking in a skirt.
Things are impersonal enough that I have been taking regular walks through my neighborhood en femme and although I see many of the same people, and some wave or say hi, none of them know the male me. Since the mask wearing from the pandemic, I have even gone out grocery shopping en femme. Even though I know people in the community, dressed as a girl and wearing a feminine mask I don’t think I would be recognized.
Until I went to a transformation place near my home, I was quite unaware of the number of people who crossdress and live relatively close to me (without having to go into New York City). And I also found out how many places are LGBTQ supporting. For example I went into a woman’s clothing store en femme a couple of times where the sales associate knew the male me, she recognized me and said “Oh, hi” before going back to what she was doing. I’ve been out to restaurants with other crossdressers who don’t even try to change their voice, and the waiter doesn’t even bat an eye.
Sure, there are fewer things to do than in the big cities, but I’m close enough if I want to go (and I have gone a few times en femme to see Broadway shows), But there are enough things closer at hand if I want to go out without visiting the city. Not that I have a lot of opportunity or desire because of other responsibilities, but they are there. And after spending the last 40 years out in suburbia, I wouldn’t want to go back to big city life.
I born and raised in a small town and went to the big city (Houston, Texas) shortly after high school. Even in the 1970’s, I found that it was really not for me. After living in a couple of small towns because of jobs, I eventually bought my first home in a remote area. It was about 20 minutes to “town” for essentials and 45 minutes to any department stores. My taste for the seclusion of country living is still with me today with my current home. It’s very private and I can walk around in my panties and pee anywhere on my two acres when I want since you can’t even see my house from the road or any other direction. The main difference is that there is a super Walmart about 20 minutes away. We go to the “big city” but still would not like to live there. Stephanie
I’m jealous, Stephanie.
Bettylou
I grew up on a farm almost equal distance between 4 small towns( pop between 800 to 5000). Today I live in a small town- pop about 1300 and work in a collage town – pop about 70,000. Being it is a collage town there are a lot of events you might find in a larger city. 45 years ago I went to a Chicago concert, Paul McCartney and Wings preformed at the football stadium and others. I like living in a small town and don’t really like the business and trafic even in at work. Being mostly an introvert I like the small town but am trying to avoid people finding out about my cross dressing. I guess I am not trying that hard though – I often walk between house and garage then drive out of town completely in fem. Also I have walked around the mall near where I work in fem – it is easier to do with a mask on and I hope my courage will continue after masks are no longer required.
Being I live in central Iowa, a conservative area, maybe we all don’t need to be as closeted and as scared as we all have been.
SandyHi Marti, I’ve lived everywhere on your list. Born in Toronto, raised on a farm, then to a small town, mid-size city, back to Toronto for university (that was a fun time but I wouldn’t want to live there now), then to a variety of sized towns and cities in Alberta. I’d say my favourite is a city around 30000 to 50000 people which is small enough to not have big city problems but large enough especially if seen as the regional centre to have big-city amenities (large hospital, the arts, recreation) and you can be incognito if you want to be. Another bonus is living very close to nature with the Rocky Mountains only a short drive away. Stay safe, stay healthy, All the Best, Hugs, Krista.
The city I live in is a smaller city 55 000 people and I live on the outskirts. I ride my bike up to the end of my street and pick up the trails and I’m in the country. I love it, kind of the best of both worlds.
Hi Heather,
That sounds like a happy in between solution. not too far into the wild, that you couldn’t pop up the way if you ran out of milk.
Marti xxx
We like it Marti, a quick bike ride to my favourite fishing hole but have all the convenience of a city.
It changed! I was born in Houston, grew up in Los Angeles, eventually retired back in Houston, and always used to think of myself as a big city girl. But no longer; I now yearn for the life I had the one year I lived with my cousin on his farm. The nearest neighbor was one-half mile away, and the nearest town ten miles away. My wife’s healthcare needs will prevent this from ever becoming reality. Sigh.
Bettylou
Hi Bettylou,
Hopefully as we get older, and our life experiences become fuller, we are better able to reflect on what the real ‘happy times’ were. And take pleasure from that.
Marti xxx
I grew up in a rather quiet and somewhat small suburb of Chicago. For several jobs Id take one of several commuter train lunes into the Loop and absolutely loved walking to my job in the crowd, shopping at the myriad of stores, going over to the lakefront at lunch.
Now if i was still working Id want to live much further out towards the country to appreciate the peace and serenity of open spaces but still have that commute into the big city. Of course todays commute for something like that woukd be well over an hour each way instead of the 25 minute trip it was back then. (and that pleasant little suburb has been overrun now by those horrible mcmansions.
Hi Chloe,
‘Commuting’ was almost like a dirty word for me, but only as traffic grew and grew. One short lived job I had involved driving / setting off up to an hour early ‘just in case’ there was a snarl up of traffic. Ugh …
But then there was one very long lived job where on nice days, I didn’t mind adding 20 minutes to a 40 minute walk in to work, so that I could go via the sea front. What a difference to the start of the day.
Marti xxx
I went to school in Ohio;
The Ohio Sate University ( 65,000students!), undergrad work for entry to Kent State University, medical school, Masters at Pepperdine University…all fairly Large populations. Assigned in ‘ 71 to a M.A.S.H. UNIT in Louisiana, nearest town 4-6,000 folks…3 years.
Then to Monterey Bay, CA, Army Base, 3 yrs…20, 000 folks…then to ORANGE CO. CA. 30 Yrs…MILLIONS of folks, basically a suburbs of LA.
Then to NASHVILLE, VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY…BIG CITY ATTITUDE, small town charm…10 yrs.
Now, live in a sleepy little, 11,000 folks , Viking fishing village , in the Puget Sound…
Ain’t Moving Again…
Dr.T.J.
I voted for the one you missed. I was a big city person, Toronto Ontario for most of my life, then retired to the country about 4 years ago to lead a small town life for the rest of my days. At least I have no intention of moving back to the big city. I have a large rural property and as I age I might have to move to a smaller, easier town place. The nearest town is about 5,000 souls, for a few other larger ones with easy driving.
Amy
Live in rural area, five miles from a town of 400. No public crossdressing; would be town entertainment.
Born and raised small town, lived in a much bigger city for about 12 years, and now back in my original hometown.
Cities are nice to visit, for me anyway. There is a lot to do and find and see for sure. But, after a week or so, I am tired of so many people and so much traffic and am more than happy to be back in a bit slower place with much smaller crowds.
PaulaF
I voted the one you missed. I live on farm. 27km from the closest town. 60km from a larger regional town. 120km from a regional city.
My farm is 1.6km long. 400m wide. My closest neighbor is 600 meters away. The next closest 1km.
I love my privacy.
– sounds nice MJ. Are you still expected to take your wheelie bins to the public highway for rubbish recycling? That might keep you fit!
Marti xxx
I choose Other because I am basically a country girl. Town is for groceries, gasoline, new clothes, and dining out.
Thanks Jin,
How could I have missed the country gal choice in the poll? But welcome to the ‘others’ choice, you have good company.
Marti xxx
I ticked other, I am a small town person but rather than through and through I’m just a victim of circumstance.
We can never know where we will end up. I like it, not too busy, nice people and cheap housing.
The only drawback is that small towns are not too good for CDs, I have lived in the town for 50 years and have never seen another CD let alone got to know one, SOs are still beyond my imagination?
I have been going out and about for years, mostly by travelling to towns, cities, and villages within 50 miles and mingling with the natives till my bladder told me it was time to come home. (thank goodness for motorway services) I have also been on short holidays by myself (naturaly)
So all in all cd has been a lonely but lovely passtime in a small town and I wouldn’t change a thing.
I sometimes wish that I had taken up fishing 🙂
Sally x x
Thanks Sally,
There seems to be a common theme among ‘small town’ responders, that although cd’ing is maybe easier in cities, they’ll take the rough with the smooth and stay where they are.
Marti xxx
I chose small town/country,
I have travelled and spent lots of weekends, in cities across North America, and have seen most of the small, medium and big ones.
I live about 35 miles from a fairly large one, and work in the biggest city in Canada, 92 miles from my door, once work is done, I cant wait to get back to the slower, much less congestion of home.
I dont like large crowds, never have, and in a city just walking on the street, you are in the middle of a crowd.
As for the cd’ing, Ill just drive that 35 miles, when I’m able to be out and about, and instant anonominity
Hugs, Regi👩💕I’m an other. I live in a very rural area, with some access to urban amenities within a bit more than an hour, and city life within 2. Problem is, really no way to shop for clothes except online, and sizing is such a problem. I wouldn’t have it any other way though, so I’m going to stick with other – rural but access to urban amenities. Now, back to some web shopping, it would be so nice to shop in a store …. Sigh.
I have lived in both small and large. Born and raised in a small town <2k, college in medium <50k. Started adult life back in small home town. Married and moved to city, lived and worked for 30+ years in city. The advantages of the city are well known, anonymity, shopping, entertainment and cd opportunities. The disadvantages are just as well known, security, cost, crowds and traffic.
Retired to a different small town. Really liked the quiet, slow pace but cd was not a public option if you didn’t want to become the talk of the town. Of course it you are brave you can flaunt it, I wouldn’t then but I’ve moved to a medium city now. If I visit friends in the small town now I always go en femme.
Now living in a medium city. It is a good mix of small and large. Plenty of shopping options, entertainment, anonymity amongst the (small) crowds, quiet neighborhood (houses are a bit close together but ok), medium expenses. The exciting part is the surprisingly large rainbow community that is open, visible and accepting. It has made being out in the open, fully dressed comfortable. I really like it here so far.
❤
Beth
I live in a rural area where the nearby towns populations are measured by triple digits, and I like it. I agree, that is not the most desirable place to venture out, because if you walked into a local business, EVERYBODY would know you, and that probably is not what most of us desire. Most folks really don’t care about your personal business, as long as you don’t force it upon them. If you were to go to a more populous area and venture out dressed, you may garner some looks, but NOBODY knows you, and that, is a huge difference.
Living in a medium size town. I would love to live in a small quiet town.
To say I’m astounded by the small-town or rural orientation would be an understatement. Who knew that our extraordinary propensities would be so grounded? From another perspective, city dwellers are often (generally) thought to be more open minded. That could simply be that they are more permissive. Maybe the ordinary people in this world are more insightful regarding our individual characteristics? Maybe they are better prepared to accept people where-they’re-at? Perhaps the city dwellers relish the controversy of non-traditional gender behavior more than they truly accept the individuals and allow them the level of privacy they desire? Most of us are not making statements; we’re just enjoying femininity. Although I’m the big city type and have enjoyed my anonymity, maybe I’d be better accepted in the heartland?
FAM
It is large town/city life for me. If it doesn’t have sidewalks it isn’t for me. I don’t even feel comfortable walking on grass just feels unnatural to me. I guess like most bigger cities we have our neighborhoods and I live about three blocks from one of the largest parks in the country so if the desire to see nature such ever occurs I can see it safely from my car. We have warnings about hawks attacking small dogs and coyotes attacking pets in peoples yards in the central corridor of the city and deer within the greater city area. So I guess the worst of both worlds.
I have never lived in a small town or city and never want to, as an international truck driver for over 40 years I’ve probably visited every town and city in western europe and a few in eastern Europe, I was born in a very small village in the heart of rural Shropshire with about 30 houses deep in the country side, this is where I was born and lived all my life and this where I’m going to die, , God bless you Shropshire I will never leave you
hi Lisa,
I knew I’d miss something! My apologies. Also to desert or outback lovers 😉
Marti xxx
EDIT
D’oh, and apologies to all of you jungle dwellers. Someone on the forum reminded me they’ld lived 3 years on the edge of a huge jungle, you know, that dozy user that can’t remember past yesterday. Marti I think her name was [blush]
Hi Samantha,
Yes, the ‘Bright Lights, Big City’ effect. It’s still nice when you get home to your own bed
Marti xxx
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